Almost every person has resistance to change. Did you know that this fear of change in serious form even has a name? It is called metathesiophobia. Changes often make us feel unsafe, vulnerable or insecure, research shows that safety is a very important basic human need. So fear of change is not at all that crazy, it makes us human. Why is this and how does fear gets in your way? In this blog I will tell you more.

The jacket that no longer fits

Change is like an old jacket. You’ve had the jacket for years. It is so comfortable and so nice and warm. But you can’t deny that, over the years, the jacket didn’t get better. Also, he is actually no longer of this time or has become a bit tight. Perhaps it is no longer entirely your color. Yet you do not throw it away, because what if you never find such a nice jacket again? The jacket also carries many memories and feels like a part of you  This way we attach ourselves to all sorts of jackets that actually no longer fit us. Jobs, relationships, places of residence, but we also attach ourselves to problems and feelings. Although the jacket does not feel good anymore, at least it feels familiar. As long as there is no clear picture of the new jacket, we prefer to keep our old jacket.

Seeing change as pain makes us anxious?

There are several reasons why we find it difficult to dispose of our “old jackets”. Perhaps you have already heard of the pain/pleasure principle. This theory describes two principles that motivate us to certain behavior; pleasure and pain. Pleasure is what we are looking for, what we want to achieve. Pain is what we try to avoid with everything. When you are afraid of change, you link change to pain and non-change (or safety) to pleasure. We can expect pain through:

  • loss (“what am I going to leave behind?”, “what can I no longer do?)
  • pain from the process (“it will be very hard”, “I can’t do it”, “I am going to fail”, “I am going to disappoint people”)
  • pain from the outcome (“where am I going to end?” “what will this look like?”, “am I going to be happy here?”).

How does fear work in the brain?

Although after a while we may realize that change will do us good, we often remain anxious. The answer is in the brain. The amygdala is a very old brain structure that predates prehistory. This part of the brain gives signals when we feel threatened. It puts our body in the state of alertness. This can feel like anger or fear. We have desperately needed the amygdala in the past, when there was still a lot of threat. In today’s society, however, there are far fewer threats to humans.

To gain control of these fears, we use our consciousness in the prefrontal cortex. A brain structure that was developed much later than the amygdala. However, the amygdala cannot simply be guided by this prefrontal cortex. This means that we cannot always get our “amygdala impulses” under control, which keeps us feeling anxious.

Change in a performance society

Fear of change is therefore a natural phenomenon. The contradiction now is that today’s society is putting great pressure on us to change. Where we used to live in a command society (you listen to the boss, you obey the rules and you clock in in the morning), we now live in a performance society. We try to position ourselves as well as possible. Ambition, efficiency and hard work are sacred. Everything is dedicated to our work and personal development. Society is based on individualization and competitive drive. In addition, digitization and globalization have never had so many options as today. We are constantly looking for change and improvement and the options for this are endless.

Stay yourself

Do you dare to put your old jacket away in this new year? Then remember that some fear is very normal, be kind to yourself, allow yourself the time and don’t let the current society fool you. Stay with yourself!

Discovering new places, meeting new people and accepting new challenges. It might feel exciting for some, but scary for others. We’re usually not very fond of change. When something changes we want to have as much control over the situation as possible. But why do we dislike change this much? Why do new things make us feel anxious?

Routine

People like routine. Our lives revolve around routine, because it causes as little stress as possible. Fixed bed times, fixed lunch times; it helps us to go about our day without having to think about it. Not having to think about it will cost you less energy. Beside, your body gets used to the stimuli you receive during these fixed moments. In short, life is easier when every day is the same!

Change

It costs time and energy to get used to a new situation. New situations bring unexpected challenges like meeting new people or having to do things you haven’t done before. It requires adaptability and responsiveness. Because you don’t know what to expect, the chance that something will go wrong might feel a lot bigger. In addition, new situations can cause a certain amount of fear; being in a new situation means having less control, which can feel be uncomfortable.

Worst case scenario

It is completely natural that you might experience some anxiety in new situations. However, when you feel anxious your body is preparing itself for danger. This causes you to prepare for the worst and possibly makes you worry about all kinds of things. Since you are the only one you have any control over, you will probably start worrying about yourself: Am I making the right decisions? Have I prepared enough? What if I do something weird? How long am I going to drive myself crazy with these thoughts?

Chill out!

Instead of trying to predict the future, try taking a look at the past! How did you handle new situations in the past? How did that turn out? What was your first day of elementary school or high school like? How was the first day at a new job, your first love or your first car? It probably took some time to get used to, but eventually it turned out fine. We tend to underestimate our adaptability. And don’t forget, others will understand how difficult change can be. Don’t be shy to ask a little help if you’re new and still adapting. Everyone will understand you can’t hit a perfect score on your first day. Take some time!

NiceDay

Do you have a big change coming up? Why don’t you try filling in a “Thought record” in the NiceDay app? Describe your worst scenario and see how challenging your thought in step 2 and 3 make you feel.

Do you feel anxious a lot and want to learn how to let go? Have a look at this blog, where Esther explains how you can easily learn to meditate.

It all started in March 2020, over a year ago. We were urgently advised to stay at home, with the aim of keeping the amount of corona infections in society as low as possible. Many of us started to work from home and could only see friends and family one-on-one or digitally. We had to find new ways to relax, because it was more difficult to do sports (no group sports, gyms closed) and we couldn’t do cultural activities (concerts, museum visits, dancing or going to the movies). It was a year full of change, which we had to get used to and adapt to. It’s easy to get stuck in the negative, focussed on all the things we could no longer do. But corona has also brought positive things, both on a personal and social level; can you see those too?

Adaptation

In the past year, we have been able to see how quickly society can adapt in a practical sense if this is necessary (scaling up and adapting healthcare, working from home as a new norm) and how flexible we are as people. We have also noticed how important social contacts are to us and how difficult it is not to be able to just meet up with and cuddle your family or friends. In addition to the practical and social changes, we have also been able to see how important nature is, and experience how nice it is when there is some nature nearby to relax in.

Setting boundaries

The importance of communicating our personal boundaries has also been a big change for many of us; everyone dealt with the corona measures slightly differently and that required a lot of coordination. Do you hug or not and how do you say goodbye to each other? Are you okay with meeting up with more than one person, or do you prefer to stick to the rules? These were all things we needed to talk about and actively set our boundaries on. Do you recognize that too?

Personal changes

COVID has also taught us things on a personal level. Over the past year, many people have been looking for a new way to shape their lives. You have probably gotten to know yourself in a different way than you did before. Maybe you were surprised that you were so flexible and resilient, or maybe you were shocked by how much effort it took you to adapt to the new circumstances. There were probably times when you could find acceptance in the situation, but there were also times when you were completely done with it. COVID has given us the opportunity to get to know ourselves better, learn how we respond to bigger adversities over which we have little control, and practice trying new things to create a new balance in ourselves and our lives.

What have you learned the past year?

Take a moment to think about what this strange year has brought you. What have you learned about yourself, about the things you find important in life? How does your partner, family or friends feel about this? Think about the following questions, together or alone, and take a look at the things you have learned:

  • How do you react to adversity? What has helped you with this in the past year?
  • How do you deal with uncertainty, in the field of health, work or finance for example? What has helped you with this in the past year?
  • How do you deal with change?
  • How do you deal with the wishes or boundaries of others that do not match yours?
  • What do you find important in your social contacts?
  • What do you find important in your life?

Learn from it, and take these lessons with you. Knowing your own strength and pitfalls makes you stronger in the event of the next setback; you now know how you react and you probably also know better how to deal with this.

Life is full of changes and they come in many forms. We can experience changes at our workplace, such as a promotion, in our relationships, such as a breakup or a pregnancy or changes in our mental or physical health. All of which, positive or negative, can be difficult and stressful to process at first. Have you ever noticed how big transitional periods in our life are often associated with anxiety or fear? Think about moving out from your parents for the first time, or starting a new job in a new workplace.

Sometimes we know changes are going to happen and actively work towards them. But, sometimes they may come as a shock or surprise and we may not be able to directly control the consequences. A very real and relevant example of this is the current COVID-19 pandemic. The changes in society we have all had to undertake have come as a shock, with very little time for us to adjust to the new rules. By learning how to better cope and process change, you will reduce your chance of suffering from anxiety or depression. 

Below are 4 tips to reduce the stress associated with big changes and advice on how you can better process and adapt to change.

1. Acknowledge your feelings

Often change comes with some form of loss and leaving behind what we are familiar with can be stressful. For example, the COVID-19 pandemic has meant that a lot of people have lost their jobs! Furthermore, a graduation or a divorce may mean that you lose some of your social circle. Acknowledge these feelings and give them space, it is normal to feel sad even if the change is ‘positive’. Take some time to reflect, and allow yourself time to adjust to the changes. It can be helpful to write down your feelings, or ask your friends and family for support and practise some self-care. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. 

2. Assess the situation

Sometimes we get ‘stuck’ and ruminate on things that we have no control over, wishing that they were different. In the long run this only causes more pain and distress. Instead, try to focus on the things that you can control. Look at what aspects you can change to improve the situation for yourself, and search for the new opportunities that may have arisen. Be proactive in the right areas. Accepting the new situation and its associated stress, and focusing on things we can change, can give us feelings of empowerment. 

3. Change your perspective

When undergoing stress or loss, you may have a lot of negative thoughts running through your mind. In moments of uncertainty, our brain usually defaults to a negative perspective. In the past this was probably evolutionary advantageous! Be aware and actively critical of these thoughts, try to challenge them. Often negative thoughts cause more undue stress than is necessary. With a bit of practice you can learn to change these thoughts into more accurate and helpful thoughts. Try to focus not on what you have lost, but on what you have gained. This may take some time so be patient with yourself, remember that processing change is a gradual process!

4. Find a routine

It can be helpful to keep to a routine. A routine can reduce uncertainty and increase feelings of familiarity, helping you to feel more comfortable and relaxed. For example, going for a run every evening can give you an ‘anchor’. It will give your brain an opportunity to rest and recuperate. Finding something that you are familiar with and made you feel good in the past, can be a good way to deal with negative feelings associated with change. 

NiceDay

Big changes in life often come with stress and anxiety, this is normal. But, they can also be a great opportunity for self-growth, learning and experience. If you need help processing a big change don’t hesitate to contact the NiceDay team, we will gladly support you with this process! 

A healthy diet is important for both your physical and your mental health. But, if you eat like the average person in the Netherlands, chances are that you aren’t getting enough important nutrients, or too many harmful nutrients. In this blog I will explain how you can take 4 steps to a healthy diet.

1. Avoid as much sugar as possible

Sugar is the biggest culprit for your body and is therefore the number one habit to adjust. Sugar causes huge highs and lows in your blood sugar. In the short term, eating sugar gives you a lot of energy. But, then you get a huge dip, which makes you crave for sugar again. You end up in a cycle of sugar cravings. In addition, sugar increases the risk of diabetes, it promotes inflammation and it causes cognitive functions to decline. This mainly concerns sugar in the most processed form, such as cake, candy, soft drinks, white bread, white pasta, etc. The average Dutch person consumes 110 grams of sugar per day; this is far too much! When you buy food, check the packaging for “hidden” sugars, such as dextrose, fructose, invert syrup, honey or maple syrup. Or use this list with hidden sugars. Try to avoid or reduce products containing these substances as much as possible.

2. Drink more water

Your body exists largely of water (55 percent). That is why it is very important to drink enough water; at least 1,5 – 2 liters a day. Not drinking enough water can cause all sorts of physical symptoms, such as a low attention span, poorer concentration and a worsened mood. You can find more information about this in the blog “The importance of drinking enough water”.

3. Eat more vegetables

Vegetables are packed with fibers, vitamins, minerals and antioxidants; they’re a true pleasure for your body and your brain. The “Eat well plate” advises to eat at least 250 grams of vegetables, but the average Dutch person only eats 131 grams of vegetables. That’s not a lot, right? Really try to eat 250 grams of vegetables every day! Are you already eating 250 grams? Challenge yourself to eat the double; 500 grams. Start with breakfast, for example with a vegetable smoothie (75 percent vegetables and 25 percent fruit) and have a big salad for lunch. Try to vary in types and colour vegetables, because each (colour) vegetable has its own healthy properties and take into account the season in which they’re available.

4. Eat more healthy fats

The intake of fats is very important. Healthy fats such as omega 3 are particularly good for your health. they lower the risk of cardiovascular disease, can lower blood pressure and cholesterol and contribute to brain development. Omega 3 is naturally present in a variety of foods, such as fatty wild fish, nuts, kernels, and unprocessed vegetable oil such as extra virgin olive oil or coconut oil.

Which of these four steps are you already taking and where can you improve? Take small steps towards sustainable change. Plan healthy eating moments in NiceDay and take better care of yourself.

It always seemed so easy: I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want in life, up until two weeks ago. My body was shivering, I was breathing heavily and I wanted to hide for the “big grown up world”. From one day to the next, I was extremely afraid of making the wrong life choices.

Mapped out

Ever since I was a little girl I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. A lot of kids want to be a princess or a superhero when they’re little. I didn’t. I have always wanted to be a lawyer or a judge. Later in life this was specified to a children’s judge. The latter is still what I aspire to be in the long term. Having finished a Bachelor and Master study, my goal of becoming a children’s judge still hasn’t changed. The question that now arises is: what am I going to do in the meantime? With this question, a thousand worrying thoughts overcome me, and make my body and brains feel incredibly anxious.

Hiding

While I’m experiencing these uncomfortable feelings, I want to hide in my bed. I want to turn off my phone and calm myself down. When I start hiding and shutting off from the world, it’s a sign that I need to give myself some space. Otherwise, I could end up in a negative spiral again. Another sign is when I start worrying a lot, and with ‘a lot’ I mean every free moment I have. These worries are mostly about the recent choices I’ve made concerning my first “real” job, moving out of my student home and the future. These are all themes I have no control over. I notice that I’m struggling with this lack of control, which causes my anxiety to worsen. What helps in these moments are breathing exercises and comforting myself with the idea that there are no wrong choices. If I listen to my own intuition, everything will be okay.

Boundaries

During these moments I’m also confronted with my own boundaries. Do I choose to move on without listening to my own body? Or do I stick up for myself and give in to the rest that I need? Making these decisions is difficult, and sometimes it takes me a little bit longer to realise that I can’t just move on. Eventually, there will be a time that all anxiety’s emotions and physical discomfort will come out. Because of these emotional outbursts, I am reminded that I’m not a superhero. Sometimes I have to take time to rest, to remain mentally sane. 

Love,

Ghyta

 

Ghyta regularly shares parts of her life in moving stories. Want to read more? You can find all her blogs here.

Each month we focus on a new theme on the NiceDay blog. In the month of July, this theme was “a new phase”. We all go through big changes during our lives, whether it’s the end of a relationship, taking on a new job or having a child. Some people love taking on new challenges, whilst others might dread it. Would you like to read more on this subject? We have listed all of our recent blogs for you:

Big changes can cause stress and anxiety. We all know that this can have a major effect on our mental wellbeing, but did you know that it can also have an effect on your skin? In this blog we discuss how that works and what you can do about it.

The corona pandemic constantly causes change, and every once in a while we find ourselves in a new phase. At first, we weren’t allowed to leave our homes, but now we’re slowly starting to find our way in our new lives. But what does this mean for physical connections? Sharlene discusses a new way of hugging: the corona hug.

In the first of two blogs, nurse specialist GGZ Daniëlle Coenjaerts, discusses the use of antidepressants. What is it exactly, how does it work and what does it mean for you if you’re planning on using them?

Anne is a psychologist and started to feel gloomy and insecure. She had been treated in the past, but started an online treatment via NiceDay during the start of the corona crisis. In this blog she explains how she’s experienced her treatment.

Change, new opportunities or challenges, new places: we often find it quite scary. But why do we dislike change this much? Why do new things make us feel anxious? NiceDay psychologist Wouter discusses it in his blog.

Evy was in the prime of her life, but suddenly had to deal with something she’d never felt before: she had a panic attack. She started her treatment at NiceDay and talks about her experience in this blog.

Each day is filled with new chances and opportunities. There is always a place for a new beginning! But how do you cease those opportunities, how do you get more out of your life? We have listed six tips that might be able to help you. 

What will happen when you end your relationship? It can be a very stressful and anxious situation, also for the one who chose to break up. How do you move on after a relationship? NiceDay psychologist Sarah offers you some advice in her blog.

In the 2nd blog of Nurse Specialist GGZ Daniëlle Coenjaerts, she discusses what it means to quit antidepressants. How do you do this, what can you expect and what does it mean for you?

Corona has a huge effect on all of us and many feel like we are being forced to stand still for a while. Time standing still has caused a change in a lot of people’s lives: they have started to live more consciously. NiceDay psychologist Britt discusses it in her blog.

Change, loss, or large societal issues can sometimes be hard to process. In such a new phase, acceptance can help you handle the situation better. Read more about it in this article.

For a lot of people, new year is the start of a healthier life. But, you can choose that it is time for a new phase at any moment in your life. For example, when it comes to a more healthy and conscious life. Important is to make a habit out of healthy living. Here are a few tips that might help you with that!

The big “normal” no longer exists. There are many different ways to give substance to your life and there is no standard that you have to meet. It’s more about finding a “good match” than doing “something good.”

 

The start of a new year is often seen as a new beginning. In January, the gyms are flooded with people and magazine hand out tips about the newest and best way to lose weight. The start of a new year feels like the start of a new phase, in which you can start with a blank sheet. But, any moment is a good time to decide it’s time for a new phase, like when it comes to healthy living. The key is to make a habit out of healthy living. The following tips can help you with this!

Conscious eating

Maybe you spend every evening on the couch with a cup of coffee and a cookie, watching Netflix. You don’t consciously think about this, but you automatically grab the cookie jar when you turn on Netflix and smell the scent of coffee. This is called a habit; without really thinking about it, you grab the cookie jar. Just because you always do, you are used to it.

When you want to change your behaviour, you need to learn new habits that you can easily maintain in the long run. Take the Netflix example; you want to eat less cookies, so you start consciously thinking about this. When the show starts, all you take is a cup of coffee and no cookie. When you keep on consciously repeating this behaviour, you’ll eventually notice it has become a new habit. You don’t even think about the cookie anymore!

You can start by consciously thinking about your eating habits. What does your eating pattern look like and what can you improve? You can use the following tips as inspiration:

  • Replace soft drinks with water, tea or black coffee.
  • Eat smaller portions.
  • Consciously do your grocery shopping: write down the things you need before entering the store, and don’t deviate from your list. This prevents you from bringing home unnecessary snacks.
  • Try to snack less. The idea that you keep your metabolism going with snacks is a myth. Especially at night, your body needs rest and there’s no point in snacking. Unless you just had a work out. 
  • Enjoy your food. Try to make a mindful moment out of eating, by making homemade meals, getting inspired by new recipes or enjoying going out to dinner and drinking a glass of wine. If you have a healthy base, it doesn’t hurt to go out to dinner every once in a while. In fact: it will give you a boost!

When you know what you want to change, you can start changing things step by step. Give yourself time to get used to your new habits. Each change is one in the good direction! New and healthy habits will give you a healthier mindset in the long run.

Exercising

The same trick applies to exercising: you can teach yourself to exercise more. Working behind the computer all day; take a walk during your break. Taking the bus to work; get out a few stops early to walk the remainder of your trip. Brought your kids to school; take a walk around the block before you head home. Haven’t moved all day; take an evening stroll. 

When you start walking more regularly, you’ll notice your body gets used to it and you start feeling better! It can also be motivating to monitor your steps and to set a goal for yourself. Most phones have step counters, or can be downloaded as an app. You can also monitor your steps with the NiceDay app!

Besides your daily exercise, it’s also good to work out. By working out your body produces endorphins, which make you feel happy. In addition, working out is also taking a moment for yourself.

Share your plans

Finally, it’s important that the people around you support your choices. Try to imagine staying away from snacks, with chocolate and chips laying around all over the house. If you seriously want to change your life, it’s important to discuss this with your loved ones. This way they can support you in the choices you make. 

Already half of bizar and drastic year has passed. It’s strange to realise that 7 months have passed, while I still feel like we’re living in February of 2020. However, it is quite normal that we have lost our sense of time. For almost 8 billion people time stood still, and we still haven’t fully gotten our normal lives back. Being forced to stand still has had a huge influence on many of us: we shifted to conscious living.

2020 is cancelled

In the beginning of Corona I often came across quotes like “2020 is cancelled”. At first I could definitely relate to this: all our holidays and festivals were cancelled. Planned a wedding? You’ll have to wait another few months to tie the knot. Moreover, it was almost impossible to say goodbye to loved ones and we weren’t even allowed to visit the sick and elderly. Knowing this, it isn’t strange that a lot of people felt like 2020 was cancelled.

A new way of living

As the weeks passed by and I got used to the new situation, I noticed I started to look differently to our “new way of life”. More people felt this, because I came across the following text: 

“What if 2020 isn’t cancelled? What if 2020 is the year we’ve been waiting for? A year so uncomfortable, so painful, so scary, so raw – that it forces us to grow. A year that screams so loud, finally awakening us from our ignorant slumber. A year we finally accept the need for change. Declare change. Work for change. Become the change. A year we finally band together, instead of pushing each other further apart. 2020 isn’t cancelled, but rather the most important year of them all.”

The above text made me think. At first the world seemed to stand still, but now I see that it’s a time in which we learn a lot about ourselves. Of course it can be hard, and feelings powerlessness, despair and uncertainty are well represented. But, 2020 has also brought us something good: it made us see what and who really matters.

Conscious living

There is a chance that this pandemic has made you conscious of your unconscious automatic behaviours and thoughts. We are more conscious to ourselves, our environment and our time. Maybe now you see that you can totally reschedule your agenda. Or maybe you realise that you could’ve spent more time with your family and friends. Now that everything seems to become a bit more normal, maybe you ask yourself: do I want to go back to ‘normal’, or would I rather live by a different standard? Maybe you want to live more conscious: focus on the here and now. Maybe these tips will help you with that: 

1. Make a plan

Consciously blok time in your agenda to do something you enjoy with the people who are important to you. In addition, it’s also important to plan time for yourself and to relax. What gives you energy? What have you always wanted to do, but have been putting off because of your busy schedule?

2. Take a moment

Moments of reflection are incredibly important when it comes to conscious living. Try to take a moment each day (10 minutes is enough!) to think about your thoughts, how you feel and what’s happening around you. Really try to force yourself to focus on the here and now. Because that’s truly all that we have!

3. Set boundaries

Set your boundaries and try to stick to them. It’s totally okay to let people know you need a little bit more time, and it’s also totally okay to say no! Saying no is being respectful to your own boundaries. You can also say no and come up with an alternative, like: “No, I can’t do that today, but I will be able to help you tomorrow!”. 

Conscious living isn’t easy, but you can make it easier for yourself with the NiceDay app! For example, schedule some reminders (in the am and pm) that remind you of focussing on the here and now. It will motivate you to take some time to reflect. Easily download the app for free in the App store or Google Play store.

A few years ago I was sitting in the back of a cab, and the (white) driver was making racist comments about Moroccan people. It made my skin crawl, but I said nothing. She who remains silent agrees.

Until this day I still feel guilty about this. I should have stood up for our Moroccan Dutchies. But I froze, and after getting out I immediately regretted it: you should’ve said something! This is how racism is kept alive!

Growing up in a multicultural society

When I went to primary school my white and left-oriented  parents consciously put me on a so-called “black” school. My classmates were Dutch-Moroccan, Dutch-Turkish, Syrian and Indian.

My best friend had Dutch parents and my other best friend lived with her Hindu-Surinamese mother. I enjoyed staying at my friend’s places. The food at my Surinamese, Turkish and Moroccan friends was delicious and I’d love being there because it was so different from my own home. We’d celebrate Eid and during our yearly school yard party we ate treats from all over the world. As a young girl I thought living with different cultures was very normal and I am very thankful of my parents for giving me this experience.

The high school I went to was also carefully selected by my white parents. My best friend was a refugee from Iraq. We shared a passion for singing, music and boys, and had countless sleepovers. Here parents were sweet, hospitable and I loved the lovely Iraqi pizzas her mother made. We didn’t talk much about their refugee past, but I could tell that what had happened to them was horrible.

After high school I went to university, and I cannot recall seeing diversity amongst students or teachers, at all.

White privilege

My parents meant well, but they didn’t teach me anything about the privilege I grew up with. They taught us that “everyone is equal”, not realising that saying this is the pinnacle of white privilege. Yes, in my heart all people are equal, but in society not all people are treated equally. I now know that black American parents teach their children that they have to prepare themselves for a world in which they are treated differently. They teach them about how to act when they are (unjustly) stopped by the police, to protect them against police violence. They tell their children they have to work harder than their white classmates, to get a chance in society.

For years my family celebrated ‘Sinterklaas’ with ‘Black Pete’, without ever realising that this is hurtful to others. One time in primary school me and some classmates even went to school with our faces painted black, to hand out presents to the younger kids. It’s something that embarasses me greatly. When I was 25 I met my (non Dutch) partner and he made me face reality. He told me: “Yeah right, Black Pete is black because he goes through the chimney. How come he has an afro, golden earrings and red lipstick then?”. Naive as I was, I couldn’t answer his question.

In the years following I kept thinking about racism. As a white woman I am part of a system in which people are not treated equally, purely based on the colour of their skin. My white ancestors were responsible for this and my fellow white people maintain the system, consciously or subconsciously. I have the luxury to choose: either I face this uncomfortable subject, or I ignore it. People who are a victim of racism do not have this choice. They are confronted with it on a daily basis. They have to be alert, whether they like it or not.

Show solidarity

What would be easier than thinking about this uncomfortable subject, is burying my head back into the sand and returning to “she who remains silent agrees”. But we cannot let minorities keep standing up for themselves without getting involved. Straight people go to Gay Pride, men voted for women’s rights and if you haven’t experienced sexual assault you can still support #MeToo. White people have to support the Black Lives Matter movement.

When you are born with white privilege, use it well. Feel responsible, take a critical look at your own privilege and the way you act. Do something, help or protest. Use your privilege to help and support minorities. Read about the subject, watch documentaries. Raise your children with ‘Roetveegpiet’, they won’t like the celebration any less, and talk about racism. Support anti-racist organisations and talk about it with your friends and family.

Show solidarity, because things have to change.

If you want to dive deeper into the topic:

Find more tips on this blog.