In my previous blog I spoke about breaking up a relationship: how do you do that and what to expect? There are a number of things you can do to limit the damage (to the other person). Briefly:

  • By empathizing with the other person’s situation.  Ask yourself: what if someone would break up with me? What would I want to know and what would I need?
  • By taking the time to explain what someone has meant to you. This shows that your (ex-) partner was of value.
  • By providing clarity about the reason for the termination of the relationship. This gives the other closure and gives both the feeling of: more wisdom, more experience and starting over with a clean slate.

But… if the relationship has ended, what can you expect? This can also be a scary and stressful situation for the person who ended the relationship. How to move on after a relationship?

Pause for a moment

It can be very tempting to plunge into new loves and adventures. But try to pause and ask yourself: what did I miss in my relationship? How come I didn’t feel comfortable in the relationship? What were my needs? How did I communicate it? By asking yourself these kinds of questions you will find out what you are looking for in a next relationship and how to search for it.

What now?

But what should you do now? What is the next step? Sometimes you want to feel better as soon as possible, but this does not always work. Below are five tips that may help you with this:

1. Give yourself time

After a relationship ends, you are likely to feel a mixture of emotions. From anger, to relief and sadness. Because you are experiencing a certain emotion does not mean that the emotion will last forever. Sometimes it takes time to process something emotionally. Don’t forget to give yourself that time, be patient with yourself.

2. Acknowledge your feelings

Do nt try to suppress the fact that you find it difficult to accept something. Consider the emotion and give yourself space.

3. Seek support from your friends or family

When you share your feelings with your social network, it becomes easier to accept the situation. Our social environment has a major influence on our mood. For that reason it is important to share what you encounter with your support network.

4. Engage in activities, find distractions and structure your life

During the stressful period, the best remedy is to distract yourself with (fun) activities. For example, when you participate in sports, listen to nice music or meet up with friends or family, it can boost positive neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin and endorphins. By applying a clear structure to your day or week, you are engaged in other activities that are important. This creates some calm and reduces worrying thoughts.

3. Think about your thoughts

Which thoughts are giving you the most stress? Try challenging your thoughts using a thought record. Become aware of your own thoughts and investigate whether they are correct. In this way you can structure your own thought process and you can see if you can think in a different way.

Would you like further help with this? Contact our NiceDay Team, they will gladly guide you to a suitable professional!

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Sarah Goslinga

My name is Sarah Goslinga, psychologist and coach at NiceDay. It's important to me that you have a real connection with your coach and that you feel you can discuss anything. In my spare time I'm busy with producing music.

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