In my previous blog I promised to write about the menopause and the worry of feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by what is happening in your body and the influence of imbalanced hormones on your mental wellbeing. But, also about the influence of people in your surroundings, who are probably not aware of the things that are happening inside your body. 

Outdated perspectives 

The idea that you live your life from one hot flash to another is outdated. In the 1950s, women often had a day job taking care of the house and their large families, and didn’t have the luxury of take out dinner or childcare. They would quietly deal with the menopause by taking a sneaky glass of liquor and some aspirin, and women in the menopause were seen as a caricature of a slightly overweight, sweaty and bitchy woman. How times have changed! We’re sliding through our menopause, if not easier than we did before.

The effects of an estrogen decrease

The decrease of estrogen does something to your brain: it becomes a bit foggy and you feel less energized. It also does something to your sense of pain, every cell in your body thrives under the anti-inflammatory effect of estrogen. When this gradually disappears, you experience more pain than you did before. The erratic nature of the decrease in estrogen can make you feel better one day than the other.

The people that surround you won’t really notice any changes, maybe you’re a bit moody more often but life goes on. Where it does go wrong is that some women feel responsible to adjust themselves for the full 100%. Sometimes they try to adjust in such a way that they burn out and end up on sick leave. Quite often they show signs of depression or a burn out, but this is not always the problem.

Adjust to the things you can do

But how do you do it right? The way women dealt with the menopause before isn’t all that bad: acceptance. Instead of forcing or blaming yourself for how you’re no longer able to do the same things as before, try to adjust to the things you can do. 

Sometimes it helps not having to be the positive and hilarious person at work, at a party or in the family. Just sit and enjoy the stories and entertainment of others. You don’t always have to be front row in order to be helpful. Going to bed early every now and then will work wonders, and taking a painkiller when you’re in pain is totally okay!

Try to tell the people in your immediate surroundings that you’re not feeling well because of fluctuations in your hormones. You’re just asking other people to take it into account, in order for you to do your job as good as possible. This will help to prevent you from feeling overwhelmed.

Take time to reflect

Try to be a bit less hard on yourself, don’t set such high standards and let the people around you know how you’re feeling. This will already give you some ease of mind.

During this time with less social interaction you can try to think about what it means to head into a new fase. On one side you gain new energy and freedom of movement, but on the other hand you will close the chapter of being a young woman.

Maybe you’ll live in a time of unsteadiness for quite a while, sometimes with feelings of anxiety or panic and depression about what has been, but also for the single reason that your hormones make you feel this way. How to deal with that, I will happily share in my next blog.

Some people call your student days the beginning of the rest of your life. The whole world is at your feet, you’re supposed to start being independent and suddenly you have tons of new responsibilities. This can all be quite challenging!

Balance

This independence gives you freedom. You can make your own decisions about what to eat, when to clean and what time to go to bed . It makes life seem like a party and a lot of people will love this type of freedom, but there is a downside to it All this freedom could be at the expense of your health. The continuous load of vegetables your parents made you eat, going to bed on time and keeping your room clean had a purpose, one you only discover when you’re on your own: having a routine. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is just as important as enjoying life. Eating pizza every day sounds nice, but it’s not that healthy (besides, you’ll get bored of it!).

To find your own way, it’s essential to find the right balance. The fun part isn’t that difficult, but maintaining structure and taking responsibility can take some time to get used to. Here are some tips that can help you get started:

• Hang up a weekly calendar and plan your daily meals. This makes it easier to stick to your planning.
• Try eating healthy, but also give yourself some space to eat less healthy every once in a while. For example, having pizza every last Saturday of the month is totally fine!
• Cook large meals for multiple days. Cooking for 2 is easier than cooking for one and you can easily use the products you buy for multiple meals. You will spend less time in the kitchen and prevent unnecessary waste if you prepare your meals for a few days ahead.
• Write down all your appointments on your weekly calendar too. This way you won’t be surprised by your grandma visiting when you’re hungover on a Sunday.
• Routine makes boring chores easier. If you do your laundry and groceries on the same day every week, you will notice that at some point you don’t even have to think about it anymore.
• Set reminders on your phone for important events like buying a gift, a dentist appointment or filing your tax return. It’s impossible to remember everything in your head.
• Responsibility requires self-discipline and self-discipline is something you need to learn throughout time. Make agreements with yourself when it comes to the time you spent on studying, the time you go to bed or the things you do during the weekend, for example. You don’t have to punish yourself each time you fail to stick to it, but you will discover you can achieve a lot with some simple pre-set agreements.
• Ask for help. Nobody expects you to be able to do everything on your own right away, so don’t expect this from yourself either. For example, you can ask for easy recipes, financial advise or a helping hand figuring out your complicated microwave.

Let’s make it clear that new year resolutions are not bad. It’s a good idea to try to change  things in the new year. But there are many reasons why it’s not such a good idea to use the 1st of January as magical starting point. I will explain to you why.

Change isn’t time-bound

Change can happen any moment. It’s not about the moment itself, it’s about the motivation you have. When you’re aiming for the 1st of January as a starting point, it means that during the course of the year there are no good moments for change. The idea to change things, has probably arisen way earlier. To use this idea as a resolution for the new year, it’s actually just procrastination. And everyone knows procrastination is the thief of time! 

Do you  get a idea to change something? Start  as quickly as possible when your intrinsic motivation is  still fresh.

Compensate

Another reason why it is not so good idea to start your resolutions on the 1st of January is because it will become cut and dried. It’s an easy way to give in to your old bad habits for a little longer until the new year has arrived. But actually this will cause the situation where you have to compensate even more when starting your resolution.

(Not)better next year!

When you fail to maintain your resolutions and you slip once, obviously that’s fine. It can happen. But when you use January as starting point, it’s really easy to completely give up and call it a day. Next year when it’s January again, you will just try again. It means that January is an external motivator, while the actual motivation should come from within.

Don’t dream, make goals 

Think about what you want to actually change. Starting a diet, quit smoking or saving money are all things that you can measure. But a lot of people also want to completely change their behaviour under the guise of “A new year, a new me!”. It’s a beautiful dream, but to be able to actually achieve your goals it is important to make them measurable  and realistic . 

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