You have about 40,000 thoughts every day. Most of your thoughts are unconscious, don’t remember, or quickly dissipate. It is difficult to structure all these thoughts, even when you think about them consciously. One of the ways to slow down this flow of thoughts to create some structure is to write. But why is writing good for you? In this blog I’ll explain it further.

The use of writing

  • Writing works well because it gives you a grip on your thoughts, they become “real” and you add structure to them.
  • Suppose you want to plan something such as a behavioural change, for example: exercising more often. Just thinking about it is not enough. You will notice that such a plan only works effectively if you put your thoughts on paper, and you literally see your goals in front of you (Pilarczyk, 2017).
  • A study by the University of Twente shows that writing about yourself is effective in depression because it reduces the complaints.
  • Writing also helps to process (traumatic) memories, according to research from the University of Texas.
  • Writing provides reflection, self-insight and personal development. You take the time to process information and think about it carefully.
  • By writing you memorize information better, and you can read it again if you have forgotten something.
  • By noting down information, you have a visual reminder for yourself. You can hang this up somewhere or set it up as a reminder on your phone so that you are regularly reminded yourself if necessary.
  • Do you prefer writing on paper over writing digitally? This can contribute to the development of your brain and motor skills because writing with pen and paper is a complex action that involves muscles from all over your body.

How do you start writing?

Find a quiet place to sit down and take the time to write down your thoughts, whether it is on a laptop, smartphone or on a piece of paper. Let your thoughts run free and write down what’s relevant to you. When you write things down, it’s good to realise that there is no right or wrong! These are your own personal notes and thoughts, and there is no judgement attached to them. Find it difficult to write? You can also visualize your thoughts through drawings, diagrams or illustrations.

When can you write things down?

Writing things down is useful in different situations. For example, consider the following

  • Keeping a diary: In a diary you reflect on the day by writing about it. You could choose a specific theme for your diary, for example a gratitude journal or a positivity journal.
  • To-do list: When you write down the things you have to do, there is a lower chance of you forgetting them and more space for other things. You can read more about the advantages of a to-do list here. 
  • Setting goals: Write down your goals as clear, specific and detailed as possible. By writing down all the details, you visualize them and the goals are registered in your brains, or even your subconsciousness (Pilarczyk, 2017).
  • Making plans: This is where the agenda or Daily Planner in the NiceDay app comes in handy. Write down your plans in specific terms and set a reminder that will help you remember your plans. You don’t have to remember everything by yourself!
  • After a session: are you seeing a therapist or receiving coaching? By making notes after finishing a session you consciously reflect on what has been discussed by writing it down in your own words. This allows you to better understand and remember the information. It also improves your own influence, helps to reflect and contributes to your process.
  • After a good conversation with a loved one: When you have had a good conversation with a loved one, such as a friend, family member or colleague, it can help to write down the most valuable information you discussed. You can then read this information again when it is relevant. Especially when it was a long conversation or when a lot of emotions were involved, it can be hard to remember information. You can use a journal or  the NiceDay app to write it down.

Tip! Set a diary reminder in the NiceDay app, that helps remind you to write down something every day. No matter how big or small!

Are you interested in inspiring others with your written stories? Share your story on our blog! Contact us for more information.

Type in the word divorce on Google and you’ll get thousands of hits of websites that will legally support you during your divorce. That there is so much help available isn’t a surprise, because 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. According to Stine Jensen, for kids who are still in school, it’s already the norm to have divorced parents. In addition to the discussions, arguments, and all the legal things you have to take care of, it is especially important in a divorce to reflect on yourself and your feelings.

Feel your feelings

Divorce is a major life event. Perhaps your vision of the future is falling apart, maybe you and your partner are in conflict, or you feel guilty or stressed about possible children involved. Divorce is seen as a form of loss and grief, and it is therefore not surprising that it can take a long time to process. You can experience all kinds of feelings, think of sadness, rejection, relief, anger, or the feeling of failure. We tend to hide those bad emotions. Understandably, because it doesn’t feel good to feel anxious or sad. And in some situations, it can be very inconvenient when your emotions run wild. Yet these negative emotions are also very valuable! By reflecting on what you feel, you gain more insight into and you are closer to yourself.

Time for yourself

Take a moment for yourself and allow your feelings to be there, no matter how difficult that may be. You can focus on yourself by asking yourself questions such as: how am I feeling? What does this life changing event do to me? What do I need? Do you feel like your feelings are getting too real and tend to put your feelings away again? Go against this urge and accept and respect any feelings that arise. Don’t try to explain your feelings. It is normal to feel sad and angry, your negative emotions are also allowed to be there. By allowing your feelings to exist, you give them space. That space ultimately provides relief.

Tip: Mindfulness and meditation are effective ways to focus your attention on yourself. The Headspace app guides you through various meditation and mindfulness exercises to help you relax and unwind. 

Separate together

What else can you do to make your divorce go as smoothly as possible? Below you will find some tips:

  • Keep talking to each other

Chances are, both of you are high in emotion. Don’t blame each other, that won’t do you any good. In a divorce, at least two people with feelings are involved and the feelings of both “parties” are important.

  • Find support in your friends and family

There is a lot going on with you, with your partner, and with any children involved. The people around you can also have a big influence on this. This influence can turn out to be positive or negative. It can be annoying when family or friends express their disappointment or anger or express their opinion in other ways. It can also have a positive effect if they do support you or your partner. Who are the people who can help you now? What kind of help do you need? Discuss it with the people you need. You don’t have to do this alone!

  • Take good care of yourself

When so much is going on in your life, you may feel like you don’t have the energy to exercise. But right now it is important that you continue to take good care of yourself! Maintain a routine that involves going to bed on time, eating well, and getting enough exercise. Be kind to yourself; don’t drive yourself crazy and don’t keep worrying about guilt. Take the time and space to get used to the divorce, it’s a big change.

Hulp

You can always turn to professional help. Visit your GP for a referral to a psychologist, or click here for more information about online treatment via NiceDay.

Life is full of changes and they come in many forms. We can experience changes at our workplace, such as a promotion, in our relationships, such as a breakup or a pregnancy or changes in our mental or physical health. All of which, positive or negative, can be difficult and stressful to process at first. Have you ever noticed how big transitional periods in our life are often associated with anxiety or fear? Think about moving out from your parents for the first time, or starting a new job in a new workplace.

Sometimes we know changes are going to happen and actively work towards them. But, sometimes they may come as a shock or surprise and we may not be able to directly control the consequences. A very real and relevant example of this is the current COVID-19 pandemic. The changes in society we have all had to undertake have come as a shock, with very little time for us to adjust to the new rules. By learning how to better cope and process change, you will reduce your chance of suffering from anxiety or depression. 

Below are 4 tips to reduce the stress associated with big changes and advice on how you can better process and adapt to change.

1. Acknowledge your feelings

Often change comes with some form of loss and leaving behind what we are familiar with can be stressful. For example, the COVID-19 pandemic has meant that a lot of people have lost their jobs! Furthermore, a graduation or a divorce may mean that you lose some of your social circle. Acknowledge these feelings and give them space, it is normal to feel sad even if the change is ‘positive’. Take some time to reflect, and allow yourself time to adjust to the changes. It can be helpful to write down your feelings, or ask your friends and family for support and practise some self-care. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. 

2. Assess the situation

Sometimes we get ‘stuck’ and ruminate on things that we have no control over, wishing that they were different. In the long run this only causes more pain and distress. Instead, try to focus on the things that you can control. Look at what aspects you can change to improve the situation for yourself, and search for the new opportunities that may have arisen. Be proactive in the right areas. Accepting the new situation and its associated stress, and focusing on things we can change, can give us feelings of empowerment. 

3. Change your perspective

When undergoing stress or loss, you may have a lot of negative thoughts running through your mind. In moments of uncertainty, our brain usually defaults to a negative perspective. In the past this was probably evolutionary advantageous! Be aware and actively critical of these thoughts, try to challenge them. Often negative thoughts cause more undue stress than is necessary. With a bit of practice you can learn to change these thoughts into more accurate and helpful thoughts. Try to focus not on what you have lost, but on what you have gained. This may take some time so be patient with yourself, remember that processing change is a gradual process!

4. Find a routine

It can be helpful to keep to a routine. A routine can reduce uncertainty and increase feelings of familiarity, helping you to feel more comfortable and relaxed. For example, going for a run every evening can give you an ‘anchor’. It will give your brain an opportunity to rest and recuperate. Finding something that you are familiar with and made you feel good in the past, can be a good way to deal with negative feelings associated with change. 

NiceDay

Big changes in life often come with stress and anxiety, this is normal. But, they can also be a great opportunity for self-growth, learning and experience. If you need help processing a big change don’t hesitate to contact the NiceDay team, we will gladly support you with this process! 

Every month the NiceDay blog focuses on a certain theme. In August this was the theme “Processing life changing events”.

During our lives there will always be events, large or small, that we have to deal with. Usually, we can easily process these events on our own; it may take some time, but we are capable of doing it. Other events can be so traumatic that we need a little help. Would you like to read more about this subject? We have listed all recently published blogs for you:

Losing a job evokes different emotions; disappointment, frustration, sadness and anger. In her blog, NiceDay psychologist Maaike talks about her experience with losing her job. She explains how she dealt with it and provides you tips for coping with job loss.

In her monthly blog, experience expert Ghyta discusses her fear of life choices. Why is she so anxious and what does this do to her? How do you process this fear?

Feeling down or sad doesn’t always have to do with one specific event. There are many different factors that can affect how you feel. NiceDay psychologist Sarah discusses processing in a holistic way.

Emotions play a major role in our lives and processing emotions is an important process. When this goes wrong, we can suffer from it in the long run. But how does emotional processing work?

You have about 40,000 thoughts every day. Most of your thoughts are unconscious and it is difficult to process all these thoughts. One of the ways to slow down this flow of thought, is to write. But why is writing good for you?

Are you a perfectionist, but does it bother you because it gets in the way of your daily life? Then check out this article, it might be able to help you!

Mark was very depressed, and after his fear of falling short was confirmed by his wife, he lost all confidence and faith in himself. He shares his experience with help through NiceDay and explains how he processed his feelings.

Change, we often aren’t too fond of it. However, sooner or later we all go through big changes in our lives. How do you deal with this and how do you process these changes? Martijn explains it in his blog.

Sometimes finding your own way in life and your career just goes without saying. Sometimes, the next step needs a little more attention, for example when you unexpectedly lose your job. Ard takes you through the processing of such an event and the process of finding your own way.

When you experience one or more shocking events and / or if you have witnessed such a shocking event, trauma can arise. If a trauma is not processed, it can cause problems in dealing with yourself and others. But how do you deal with a trauma?

Many people, sooner or later, have to deal with major life events and everyone processes these events differently. Often you will be able to cope with major events independently, but sometimes you can experience something that is so shocking that it is difficult to give it a place. For example, witnessing or experiencing a robbery, an accident, abuse, a nasty divorce, harassment, dismissal or the death of a loved one

When you experience one or more shocking events and / or if you have witnessed such an event, trauma can arise. If a trauma is not processed properly, it can cause issues dealing with yourself and others. But how do you process a trauma?

Physical and psychological complaints

There are a number of physical and psychological complaints that can arise as a result of a trauma. You may notice that you are having trouble sleeping, that you are suffering from nightmares or that you are ‘reliving’ your trauma. You may become scared and withdrawn, or aggressive and angry. In addition, you can feel guilty, be constantly tense and no longer enjoy the things you previously liked. The trauma imposes itself on you, and you begin to notice that it affects your functioning in daily life. If you identify with any of the above characteristics, it is important to read more about trauma processing.

Trauma processing

Everyone copes with trauma in their own way. How the trauma is processed also depends on the severity of your trauma and your individual characteristics. Below I will discuss a number of ways of processing a trauma.

1. Psychoeducation

In short, psychoeducation is information about the complaints that you experience. Reading trauma-related psychoeducation will give you a better idea of ​​what is going on. For example, you will learn about how a trauma can be expressed. Further reading may help you understand your behaviors and thoughts better. Reading experience stories can also be valuable. You can feel understood and follow the advice given by others.

2. Visual therapy

Talking about trauma is incredibly difficult. Some succeed, but some don’t. If talking about trauma is too big a step for you, you could give visual therapy a chance. Through visual therapy you can give form to and visualize your experiences. With different materials such as paint, clay, textiles or pencils, work can be created. Through visual therapy you can gain insight, process the trauma and, moreover, it can improve cognitive and / or physical functioning.

3. Psychotherapy

You can follow psychotherapy in group form or one-on-one. In a safe environment you will talk about the trauma with your professional. It is important to know that you decide on how much you want to share about your experience. You can indicate your limits at any time.

4. EMDR

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a therapy that has been proven to be effective in the processing of traumatic experiences. This type of therapy ensures that the intensity and emotional charge of a bad experience and memory decreases.

Seek support

We as humans are social animals, and we need each other. This is especially true after experiencing trauma. You may not feel like it, but try to reach out to your loved ones anyway. Indicate what you expect from them. Is it a listening ear? Is it a hug? You deserve to be supported and heard. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Are you or someone close to you dealing with an (unresolved) trauma and do you need personal help or advice? Don’t hesitate to get in touch with a NiceDay professional.

Sometimes finding your own way in your life or career comes naturally. One thing leads to another, and when you look back you know why you’ve made certain choices. Sometimes, the next step needs a little bit more attention. For example when you unexpectedly lose your job. Or you get stuck because you have learned to do what others thought was good for you, but you don’t know what you actually want. You can also lose your way because you’re no longer passionate about what you do.

Where does your path start?

In the beginning of your life, what you do or don’t do, is mostly determined by your parents or your caretakers. You’re dependent on where you grow up and what resources are available there. As you get older, you gradually gain more control over your own life. You decide what you like, who you like or what you would like to do. Step by step you will find your own way.

When do you choose a different direction?

Sometimes it turns out that the path you chose, or that was chosen for you, no longer matches what you want or who you are. This doesn’t have to happen overnight, but can happen gradually. If what you do no longer suits you, it is time to go your own way and to reinvent yourself. Investing in yourself and your talent can help you with this.

How do you find your own way?

But how do you do that, finding your own way? The next seven tips will help you:

1. Understand how your brain works

Your brain is a thought machine. Thoughts pop up all the time, they come and go. If you pay attention to your thoughts they grow. When you let go of them, they disappear into the background. Your freedom is in the space between what you think and feel, and how you choose to act on that.

2. Pick the right mindset

The way you look at the world is very important: your mindset determines whether you see possibilities and which ones you see. There are different types of mindsets.

People with a fixed mindset believe that capacities are fixed: you can either do something or you can’t. Believing in such a mindset gives you the feeling that you do not have control over your own development.

Other people have a growth mindset. They are convinced that you can develop capacities. Believing in a growth mindset makes you trust in the positive influence you have on your own development.

Where a fixed mindset stands in the way of growth, a growth mindset offers a good basis for continuous learning and development. So it’s a much more flexible and positive mindset!

3. Think about what you’re already doing

Quite often there is a gap between what you think you do and what you actually do. It is good to think about what you are actually doing. What agreements do you make and with whom? What are the activities you plan? How much time do you spend on this and what does it do to you? In order to change, it is important to first become aware of what you are already doing. Are these the things you would like to keep on doing? What do you want to do more of?

4. Find and keep your course

Where do you want to be, what are your talents and what are you going to work on? How do you know you’re going in the right direction? Is it necessary to make adjustments? These are the questions that will help you find and maintain your course. You know you’re on the right track when the things you do energize you, and when time seems to fly by.

5. Ensure a good match with your environment

Finding your way is about who you are, what you want, what you can do and the environment in which you find yourself. Do you have a good match with your environment? For example, if you need a lot of variety and like to be on the move, it is not good to be locked up in an office every day. What really suits you? And can you actually do the things that suit you?

6. Research what is needed for your development

Do you know what you need for your further development? What brings you closer to what you want? What knowledge and skills do you need for that? How can you acquire this knowledge and these skills?

7. Keep on going!

Finding your own way is a process of trial and error. It won’t always be easy, but try to remember that this is part of the journey. It is a process and eventually you will be closer to where you want to be.

Find this article interesting? Here you can find more blogs written by Ard van Oosten.

After nearly 9 years of marriage with his wife, he fell into a relational slump. He felt that he was failing their relationship and this was confirmed by his partner. He felt crushed. Mark* (40 years old) had lost his self-confidence. He became his own worst enemy, becoming extremely insecure and continued to spiral downwards. He eventually decided to seek help from NiceDay. We interviewed him about his experience with NiceDay.

Reliable and trustworthy

“I realized that I couldn’t solve this myself; I was depressed, I stopped eating, I didn’t go to work and I had no control over my thoughts. I started googling my problems and ended up on the NiceDay website. It immediately felt reliable and trustworthy. Partly thanks to the testimonials on the website, the different options of the treatment (chatting / calling / video calling) and all the information available, I felt confident enough to take the step to contact the NiceDay Team. ”

“They helped me quickly. The little bit of doubt remaining disappeared during the intake interview. They listened to me carefully: they asked what I was looking for and what I needed help with. They really take their time to find the right professional for you, and don’t just place you with the most available practitioner. Thanks to this they had made a good match; I had a very good ‘click’ with my therapist Sarah. ”

Online treatment

“Of course you have some initial doubts about online treatment, we all know Catfish (the well-known MTV show in which people pretend to be someone else online). But these doubts were quickly dispelled by the information on the website and the pleasant intake interview. Contact with NiceDay also felt very accessible. Taking the step to seek help outdoors still felt a bit big, I was still very confused and there was also a bit of shame involved. Using NiceDay I could simply take the first step to help from my own home. ”

“When something happened after/outside of our appointments, I could quickly open the app and send a chat message.”

Making contact from my own home was also a pleasant experience. I could calmly join the sessions from my own familiar environment, at the times that suited me. I have had psychological help for a burnout in the past. I had to travel half an hour there and a half hour back, then wait in the waiting room. Therefore, two hours was lost for just an hour of treatment. I also really enjoyed being able to contact my practitioner in between sessions. When something happened after/outside of our appointments, I could quickly open the app and send a chat message. My therapist Sarah did not work 24/7, but always responded! I’m not saying that the other form of help isn’t good, but I really liked this concept. ”

Relationship with my professional

“After the first conversation with Sarah, my professional, I already felt better. Sarah is an extremely nice person. She is professional, understanding and friendly. She listens carefully to what you say, absorbs everything, thinks carefully and then comes up with personal advice, which helped me alot. She had a good sense of what was going on and was brave enough to disagree with me; that was something I really needed. It was like talking to a good friend and her tips & tricks really got me through it. I have learned that I am responsible for my own happiness and that it shouldn’t depend on others. Other people may certainly share and contribute to my happiness, but the basis lies within yourself. Sarah opened my eyes!”

Insight into your own thoughts

“In addition to the pleasant contact with Sarah, the NiceDay app and website helped me a lot. If I woke up with a knot in my stomach or with heavy thoughts, I could write it down in the app right away. Thanks to the chat function, I could always contact my professional, and using the notes Sarah had made, I could fall back on the tips & tricks that we had discussed in our previous conversations. I also used the ‘’Thought Record’’  a lot. When I felt bad, the questions that were asked allowed me to gradually put my thoughts into perspective. Completing this exercise showed me that it is not always all doom and gloom. ”

“I would highly recommend the NiceDay app to anyone who could use help. It is accessible, safe and it helped me! Even now I still regularly read the articles on www.niceday.app and I am very happy that I am back on the right track. ”

NiceDay

Mark received online help through the NiceDay app. Would you like to know more about online help via NiceDay? Click here for more information.

*Mark’s real name is known to the editors

Does everything have to be done to your best? Do you feel like you’ve never done anything to a good enough standard? Do you avoid things, just because you think you will not be able to do them according to your own high demands? Does this make you unhappy? Does perfectionism bother you, and could you take it down a notch? Then this article might be interesting for you!

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is wanting to deliver a quality, solid piece of work. In itself, there is nothing wrong with that. But, just like with  many other qualities you can push perfectionism too far. If you feel that your best is never enough, and that you should try even harder making you unhappy, then your perfectionism will cause you more disadvantages than advantages. This often happens to people with low self-esteem. Those who have learned to use their perfectionism to avoid failure, mistakes and feelings of “not being good enough”. Unfortunately, this usually backfires. They feel constantly inadequate, unhappy and start to make more mistakes, because they can no longer live up to their own high standard.

But, how do you recognize a perfectionist, what goes wrong and what can you do to change this? I will discuss this further below.

3 aspects of perfectionism

  1. A perfectionist has extremely high standards for themselves and / or others. This can be limited to one or more areas.
  2. They base their self-esteem on the pursuit and achievement of these requirements.
  3. A perfectionist experiences negative consequences from constantly having to pursue these extremely high standards, but nevertheless fails to stop pursuing perfection.

Possible causes of perfectionism

  • Parents that set high standards (in terms of school or sport performance)
  • Parents severely punishing mistakes: name calling, ridiculing, ignoring the child or even physically punishing the child
  • Receiving a lot of appreciation/recognition for achievements
  • Having a negative self-image or never considering yourself good enough
  • Believing that success determines your worth as a person
  • Black and white thinking
  • Wanting to be in control of everything
  • Education and culture (possible having perfectionist parents)

Am I a perfectionist?

Do you identify with any of the following characteristics?

  • You always want to be perfect
  • You always want to prove yourself and are constantly looking for confirmation
  • You have a negative self-image and often criticize yourself
  • You find it difficult to talk about your emotions and show your true self
  • You find uncertainty unpleasant
  • You suffer from performance anxiety
  • You always want to be the best and you expect the same from others
  • To-do lists are sacred and you always want to be in control
  • You have an exaggerated sense of responsibility
  • You are a real thinker and worrier
  • You procrastinate
  • Making decisions is difficult to you

Where does it go wrong?

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting everything to be perfect, but also about avoiding mistakes or failure. This causes a perfectionist to constantly feel inadequate and thus, unhappy. When a perfectionist does succeed to do something according to his / her own high standards, he / she doesn’t feel satisfaction or pride. Perfectionists always feel things could and should be better.

In conclusion,  constant high demands in combination with never being able to feel satisfied or proud, creates an unhappy feeling.

What can you do?

What can you do to work on your perfectionism? Below you will find 5 tips that could help you:

  1. Focus on the process instead of the goal: Do you want to lose weight? Don’t just focus on the scale, but be proud of yourself every time you make the right choice at meal time.. Progress will gradually follow!
  2. Become aware of your critical thoughts, the underlying reason why you’re such a perfectionist. You can do this by keeping a diary of your critical thoughts. This will help you create more distance between yourself and your thoughts. You can use the NiceDay app for this.
  3. Replace MUST with WANT. Then see  how much you really have to do …
  4. Work on self-acceptance. You are amazing just as you are. You matter!
  5. Focus on the things that are going well: don’t think about what you still have to do, but think about what you have already done. Because even the smallest step in the right direction is a step forward.

Emotions play a huge role in our lives, and processing them correctly is very important. When something goes wrong, we can experience difficulties in the long run. But how does emotional processing work? Below you can read more about the process and what can go wrong.

Emotional Processing Theory

Almost 50 years ago Edna Foa and Michael Kozak developed a theory to explain emotional processing: the Emotional Processing Theory. Your brain saves everything you experience as a ‘program’. When you encounter a similar situation later on, the corresponding program will be activated. This program makes sure your brain knows what to do. In order for this program to work adequately, there is some essential information needed. This is an example of the information that is programmed during an encounter with a wild bear:

  • Signal: Seeing a wild bear
  • Physical reaction: An increased heart rate
  • Meaning: A bear is dangerous!
  • Response: A fast heart rate means I’m afraid

Because this information is readily available in your brain, you can react fast and flee or hide. In this situation your emotions are helpful, and this is seen as a helpful reaction. 

Problematic reactions

When such an automatic reaction occurs when it’s not needed, they become problematic. A reaction becomes problematic in the following situations:

  • The information is not an accurate representation of reality.
  • Physical symptoms and fear reactions are caused by something harmless.
  • The fear reactions interfere with daily functioning.
  • Harmless signals and responses are seen as dangerous.

These kind of situations are common for people with anxiety or traumatic symptoms. For example, a phobia of spiders, where something relatively harmless can cause an extreme reaction of fear. Or, if shortness of breath becomes a signal to panic. But also thoughts about a traumatic event can lead to an unnecessary fearful reaction, because it feels like the event is happening again.

When you want to change a problematic reaction, there are two requirements: the emotion needs to be activated, so that the old and incorrect information can to be replaced with new realistic information. That means you need to face your fears in order to be able to decrease them. And that’s actually counterintuitive!

NiceDay

Try describing what kind of typical situations you react to with an emotion that’s (too) extreme. Describe all the information to get a clear overview of your program, so you can examine whether it contains inaccurate information. Maybe you see the signal of making a mistake, as a confirmation that you’re a failure. Or, maybe you see a negative feeling as a signal that something dangerous is about to happen. If you gain more insight in your program, you will get a better understanding of what you can change!

To do this, you can use the Thought Records in the NiceDay app. They give you a clear insight in your thoughts and the (possible) consequences. They can also help you bend your negative thoughts to more positive. You can use the NiceDay app without having treatment, download it here.

Imagine, just as Stacy starts her new job, a pandemic breaks out. She had just started living on her own and is therefore in a new situation. Stacy is aware that it always takes her a considerable amount of time to get used to a new situation. As a result, she has been quicker to reach for an alcoholic drink as of late. She also spends more time in bed and struggles to concentrate properly on her new work. She is strict with herself and thinks it is nonsense that she is feeling down. She regularly calls her sister, which helps her. Nonetheless she reports to a psychologist: “I don’t feel so good, I had a nice childhood, but I don’t understand why I suddenly feel so bad.”.

How everything is interconnected

Not feeling well is not always the result of a singular event. There are many different factors that can affect how you feel. You can look at one part of your life, but you can also take into account several factors: this is called taking a holistic perspective. With the help of the holistic theory you look at the ‘whole’ , instead of focusing specifically on one area of ​​life. Using this model, you will get insight into ​​your personality, upbringing, environmental factors, your complaints and the influence these factors have on each other. It can clearly show how everything is interconnected.

The holistic model

To examine these different factors, a psychologist can work with you to create a holistic model. The holistic model consists of the following components:

  1. Factors that can’t be changed and that have been given to you.

The goal is to learn to embrace or accept these factors. Consider the following:

    • Personality factors: factors related to your genetic predisposition, for example, IQ, temperament, extroversion, emotional stability or carefulness. In short: your character.
    • Environmental factors: factors that have to do with your environment such as your upbringing, cultural background, origin, and any trauma. In short, factors that are generally beyond your control.
  1. Relatively firm beliefs about yourself, the other and the world around you.

These are beliefs that you can examine (with the help of a psychologist) and work on:

    • Core beliefs: how do you see yourself, the other and the world around you? For example, “I am worthless and will never achieve anything in my life.” or “Everything should go the way I want it to.”
    • Coping styles: the way you deal with problems and stress. For example, do you become active, avoidant, passive, or seek social support when dealing with a difficult situation?
    • Self-image: this is a combination of ideas, thoughts, and beliefs that you have acquired about yourself over time. How do you feel about yourself?
    • Life-rules: the rules regarding behavior that you have taught yourself (your habits).
  1. What are your complaints and how are they progressing:
    • Stressors: which factors negatively affect my complaints?
    • Protective Factors: what kept my problems from getting worse?
    • Consequences: how do your complaints affect your daily life (social relationships, work, school, household, leisure)?

Applying the holistic model

If we apply the holistic model to Stacy’s situation, we can conclude that it is not surprising that she does not feel well. Briefly:

  1. Stacy has recently moved (environmental factors) and sometimes has difficulty getting used to new situations (fixed factors).
  2. Stacy thinks it is nonsense that she does not feel well (core belief / self-image: I am weak when I do not feel well), lies in bed longer and drinks more alcohol (coping). She is in a new situation and concludes that she always has to get used to new situations (life-rule: you see, I am struggling to manage this new situation).
  3. Her new work brings new stimuli (stressor). She regularly calls her sister to feel better (protective factor). Stacy notices that she spends more time in bed and has difficulty concentrating on her new work (consequences).

With the help of the holistic theory you can provide more structure in regard to your complaints: often it can provide insight and an explanation for your psychological complaints.