Sex and sexual functioning are an essential part of the quality of our life, in all stages of life. Sexual health is often associated with happiness, longevity and well-being. Depression or sadness can have a major impact on your sex life; if you are not feeling well, you may have little sex drive. In this blog I will discuss the effect of depression on your sex life.
Sexual problems
You can experience various sexual problems. One of these is feeling less desire; you don’t think about sex a lot, have less or no sexual fantasies and generally have little desire to have sex (low libido).
You can also have physical sexual problems. In a situation where you would normally be aroused, all of a sudden your body does not respond the way you are used to, or your body may never have. Think of getting and maintaining an erection or getting a wet vagina. This can make sexual contact difficult and very frustrating.
In addition, you can also experience problems with reaching a climax: an orgasm. For example, it can occur too soon, too late or no longer occur at all. Finally, there are sexual problems that are linked to pain, such as pain on penetration or it may even be impossible to insert anything.
Depression
What many people don’t know is that sadness often has an effect on our sex life. Research shows that 50% of people with depression experience sexual problems or have a sexual dysfunction. Only 25% of women and 50% of men with depression are sexually active. In 40% of men and 50% of women, sexual desire is reduced and about the same percentage has difficulties with getting physically aroused. Problems with having an orgasm affect 15 to 20% of women that suffer from depression. 12% of men last suffer from premature ejaculation and 22% of depressed men deal with delayed ejaculation.
Sex and Medication
The above figures refer to people who do not use medication for their depression. However, the use of antidepressants can also cause sexual problems. If you are on medication and experience this, discuss this with your practitioner. It is possible to choose another type of medication that does not have this side effect or in which the side effect is less invasive for example, but other solutions are also possible. Discuss it with your practitioner so that they can help you. Talking about it is often a relief in itself. So if you experience problems, know that you are not alone!
Depression and sexual functioning
The relationship between depression and sexual functioning is complex. The sexual problems can be a direct result of the depression. This is a form of anhedonia: no longer experiencing joy or pleasure. In addition, there are symptoms of depression such as negative self-esteem, increased guilt, tiredness and discomfort, which indirectly diminish the sense of sex drive. Depression is also associated with physical disturbances, especially in the nervous system, which affect the sexual functioning of the body.
Cause and effect
Sexual dysfunction can be the result of depression, but also its cause! Sexual dysfunction also means that the sexual image that someone has of himself or that the partner has of the other is not met. This can seriously disrupt self-esteem and contribute to depression. In that case, it may be wise to treat the sexual problem first before treating the depression.
Sexual problems can also result from other illnesses associated with depression. Just think of diabetes or hormonal abnormalities such as testosterone deficiency. That is why it is important to first rule out physical causes.
Other causes of problems with sexuality are grief, divorce or relationship problems. These can lead to depression as well as sexual dysfunctions. In that case, partner relationship therapy is a sensible addition to the treatment.
Tip
Make sex fun again! You can start by discovering what it is that you like or enjoy sexually. In the beginning it might be uncomfortable or you may have to make time for it, but it’s well worth it! It’s basically like picking up other things you enjoy doing. Gaining positive experiences ensures that you have them fresh in your memory and that you feel like doing something like this again sooner. By actively working on a positive experience yourself, you can gradually rebuild your sex drive. Do you have a partner? Start alone first, this may make you feel less pressured. By doing this you can slowly build up to do something fun together, and you will know exactly what you like!
Each month we focus on a new theme on the NiceDay blog. In the month of July, this theme was “a new phase”. We all go through big changes during our lives, whether it’s the end of a relationship, taking on a new job or having a child. Some people love taking on new challenges, whilst others might dread it. Would you like to read more on this subject? We have listed all of our recent blogs for you:
Big changes can cause stress and anxiety. We all know that this can have a major effect on our mental wellbeing, but did you know that it can also have an effect on your skin? In this blog we discuss how that works and what you can do about it.
The corona pandemic constantly causes change, and every once in a while we find ourselves in a new phase. At first, we weren’t allowed to leave our homes, but now we’re slowly starting to find our way in our new lives. But what does this mean for physical connections? Sharlene discusses a new way of hugging: the corona hug.
In the first of two blogs, nurse specialist GGZ Daniëlle Coenjaerts, discusses the use of antidepressants. What is it exactly, how does it work and what does it mean for you if you’re planning on using them?
Anne is a psychologist and started to feel gloomy and insecure. She had been treated in the past, but started an online treatment via NiceDay during the start of the corona crisis. In this blog she explains how she’s experienced her treatment.
Change, new opportunities or challenges, new places: we often find it quite scary. But why do we dislike change this much? Why do new things make us feel anxious? NiceDay psychologist Wouter discusses it in his blog.
Evy was in the prime of her life, but suddenly had to deal with something she’d never felt before: she had a panic attack. She started her treatment at NiceDay and talks about her experience in this blog.
Each day is filled with new chances and opportunities. There is always a place for a new beginning! But how do you cease those opportunities, how do you get more out of your life? We have listed six tips that might be able to help you.
What will happen when you end your relationship? It can be a very stressful and anxious situation, also for the one who chose to break up. How do you move on after a relationship? NiceDay psychologist Sarah offers you some advice in her blog.
In the 2nd blog of Nurse Specialist GGZ Daniëlle Coenjaerts, she discusses what it means to quit antidepressants. How do you do this, what can you expect and what does it mean for you?
Corona has a huge effect on all of us and many feel like we are being forced to stand still for a while. Time standing still has caused a change in a lot of people’s lives: they have started to live more consciously. NiceDay psychologist Britt discusses it in her blog.
Change, loss, or large societal issues can sometimes be hard to process. In such a new phase, acceptance can help you handle the situation better. Read more about it in this article.
For a lot of people, new year is the start of a healthier life. But, you can choose that it is time for a new phase at any moment in your life. For example, when it comes to a more healthy and conscious life. Important is to make a habit out of healthy living. Here are a few tips that might help you with that!
The big “normal” no longer exists. There are many different ways to give substance to your life and there is no standard that you have to meet. It’s more about finding a “good match” than doing “something good.”
In my previous blog I explained what antidepressants are, and in this blog I will talk more about quitting antidepressants. Where do you start and what should you pay attention to? The following ten tips might be helpful:
1. List the advantages and disadvantages
If you want to stop taking antidepressants, ask yourself the following questions:
– Why am I thinking about quitting antidepressants?
– How well did the antidepressants help?
– Do I suffer (much) from side effects?
– What are other advantages and disadvantages for me?
2. Talk about it with your loved ones
It is not always easy to talk to the people around you about your use of antidepressants, but that does not make it any less important. People who are close to you often have a very good idea of how you’re really doing. Even though they may have an opinion about antidepressants, they often just want you to be happy. So try to understand how your partner, children and close friends think about your use of antidepressants. For example, have they seen that quitting has been unsuccessful in the past, or have they seen up close that antidepressants did or did not help? This information can help you make your decision.
3. Know your facts about antidepressants
To make a good decision about quitting antidepressant, you need to know the facts. If you know the difference between facts and myths of antidepressants, you can make a better decision. Look for reliable sources and independent websites, and discuss them with your healthcare professional or doctor.
4. Quit for the right reasons
Almost everyone who used or uses antidepressants knows the voice that occasionally pops up: “Why can’t you do it yourself? Am I weak for using antidepressants?”. It is a huge misunderstanding that the use of antidepressants is the easy way out. Don’t let yourself be influenced by these negative thoughts when you consider quitting.
5. Pick the right time
Pick the right time to stop your antidepressants. It wouldn’t be wise to stop using them during a stressful period in your life, with little stability. Think about a divorce, relationship problems, stress at work or major financial concerns. It is also not wise to stop if you still suffer from gloomy feelings or anxiety. Wait for a time when you feel stable and have peace of mind.
6. Know what to expect
Always talk to your healthcare professional or doctor when you’re thinking about quitting antidepressants. It is also very important that you know what to expect when you do stop taking antidepressants, because you may experience withdrawal symptoms. Not everyone will, around 20 – 40% of people do.
The most common withdrawal symptoms are flu-like symptoms, such as muscle pain, nausea, headache, sweating, tiredness and dizziness. You can also experience irritability, sleeping problems, anxiety and mood swings. The complaints usually occur a few days after the dose reduction, and usually last about 1 to 4 weeks. Withdrawal symptoms are of course very unpleasant, but that does not mean that quitting antidepressants is always difficult or that it is impossible. This is different for everyone. Beside, it is important to realize that withdrawal symptoms are something other than a relapse.
7. Make a good reduction plan
If you want to stop your antidepressants, a good reduction plan is very important. You should not leave anything to chance. Make sure you are well prepared and discuss this plan with your healthcare professional or doctor. He or she will take into account the type of medicine you use, the duration of the treatment, the amount of the dose and of course your own preference and any previous experiences with quitting.
8. Take your time
I cannot emphasize this enough: take your time when reducing antidepressants. Don’t pressure yourself to stop in a certain amount of time, but allow yourself the space to do it at your own pace.
9. Drops or tapering strips can help
Sometimes it is not possible to stop antidepressants with a good reduction plan and clear agreements alone, for example when you suffer a lot from withdrawal symptoms. In that case, quitting antidepressants “normally” with pills can be difficult. Fortunately, some antidepressants are also available in drop form or tapering strips, which makes it easier to reduce the dose gradually.
10. Don’t try to stop at all costs
If you’re having difficulty quitting, or when the antidepressant you’re taking is actually making your life a whole lot better, than one of the options is to keep on using it. Don’t rule out this possibility because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do. But most of all, if you are considering quitting antidepressants, always discuss this with your doctor or practitioner.
Maybe you’ve heard of them: antidepressants. The name might give you an idea, but what are they exactly, what are they used for and how long can you use them? Read more about it in this blog.
What are antidepressants?
Antidepressants are medicines that are used to reduce signs of depression, and are administered in tablets, capsules or liquid form. Antidepressants restore the balance of certain chemicals (neurotransmitters) in your brain. They have an effect on the neurotransmitters serotonin and noradrenaline, which are involved with the regulation of the mood and emotions. Research has shown that a shortage of these two neurotransmitters can lead to depression, among other things. What exactly causes such a shortage is a lot more complex. Several factors including genetic, social and environmental factors play a role in this.
A helping hand
Antidepressants aren’t miracle drugs that can cure depression or depressive symptoms. Depression rarely has only one cause, let alone a biological one that is easily remedied with a medicine. It is better to consider antidepressants as a helping hand. They are used to reduce your complaints, so that you have more energy to deal with other aspects of your life. Therefore, antidepressants are often prescribed in combination with therapy, in which you can work on the underlying causes of your complaints.
How quickly does it take effect?
Keep in mind that it can take several weeks before you can notice of the antidepressants. Research has shown that the biggest effect occurs between the third and sixth week of treatment. If not even the slightest improvement has occurred in the first four weeks, it makes little sense to continue treatment with the same antidepressant. Then it may be wise to try a different type of antidepressant.
How long can you use antidepressants?
After you have recovered from a depression through therapy and medication, you often receive the advice to continue using your antidepressants up to one year. This is very important and needed to prevent a relapse of your depression.
How to take medication correctly for a longer period of time?
It’s a lot harder than you might think to take medication correctly for a longer period of time. This is especially the case when complaints have disappeared for some time, but the advice is to keep on using the medicines. It helps to integrate the medication into your daily routine, for example by always taking them with dinner or before brushing your teeth.
When and how can you stop taking antidepressants?
If it’s the first time you’ve had a depression the dose can be gradually reduced six months after your recovery. Have you had a depression before, then the usual term is 12 months after your recovery. However, phasing out antidepressants isn’t a “one size fits all”. There are no fixed rules, except that it should be done gradually.
Would you like to know more about quitting antidepressants? In my next blog I will give ten tips that may be helpful.
There are a lot of misconceptions about depression. Read more about it in this blog.
What is racism?
The belief, assumption or idea that there are differences between human races and that people can be categorized according to this. This can lead to discriminatory systems in which one “race” is treated differently by another “race”.
Racism can manifest itself in several ways: this can be with overt forms of racism where someone is verbally abused, physically attacked or even killed because of their ethnicity. It can also be in the form of subtle belittling (consciously or subconsciously), which causes a certain group to be disadvantaged. For example, by assuming that a certain group of people are inferior, or by being surprised when someone with a different skin color other than yourself speaks good Dutch. Other examples can be when someone makes animal noises at someone from another race, individuals not being accepted on the basis of their ethnicity, a bystander holding his bag close to him due to fear for someone from another race or being followed by security while shopping because they don’t trust certain ethnicities: there are many different forms of racism. From very clear to subtle, and from conscious to subconscious.
Discrimination and Depression
A number of studies show that racism has a long-term negative impact on mental health. A study by Umar Ikram showed that ethnic minorities in the Netherlands experience a lot of discrimination based on their ethnicity and also have a higher risk of experiencing psychological complaints. The most common statements they identified with for example were: “People behave as if they are better than me,” or “People act as if they are smarter than me.” This perceived discrimination also promoted the feeling that “Society does not want me”. Therefore, these feelings not only arise with clear and obvious discrimination, but also with more subtle and subconscious racism. Ikram’s research showed that there was a clear relationship between perceived discrimination and feelings of depression.
It is important to further investigate the exact link between discrimination and depression; American studies have also shown that discrimination based on ethnicity often preceded depression. Racism can have a profound effect causing people to withdraw from society and become isolated.
Self Fulfilling Prophecy
A Self Fulfilling Prophecy is when a behavior is predicted or expected, which in turn, ultimately leads to the predicted / expected behavior happening. Psychologist Rosenthal, for example, gave children intelligence tests and falsified the results. The children who were given a good grade (chosen at random) in turn also achieved better school results. This was because teachers (subconsciously) paid more attention to the smart students, judging them as more positive and, as a result, the children also performed better.
The Self Fulfilling Prophecy and Racism
Racism can therefore be expressed very clearly, but also very subtly in everyday life. Dylan Glover conducted research using data from a large supermarket chain in France. It compared the productivity of two groups of supermarket employees: minorities versus non-minorities.
Less productive in this case could mean being slower at scanning products, taking more time between customers, being late to work, or finishing early. It also looked at the manager’s bias score. By bias score we mean to what extent a manager associates minorities with less productivity, and vice versa. A higher score meant that they were more inclined to associate less productivity with minorities. A bias in this case is a prejudice.
With the help of a psychological task (Implicit Association Task) these scores were decreased. For example, do you associate the word “lazy” with certain ethnicities? Thus, with this task these associations were investigated. This study found that minorities were less productive when led by a manager with a high bias score. This is where the Self Fulfilling Prophecy comes into play: because of their bias, they were expected to be less productive. As a result, these managers spent less time on this group of supermarket employees: they were given different tasks, less attention, and less trust, and consequently they were ultimately less productive.
How you are treated determines your behavior
What happened was that “biased” managers had less interaction with minorities, less attention to the efforts of these employees, and assigned less customer-oriented tasks to them. This is also called aversive racism: racism without conscious intention. Ethnic minorities were more productive with managers with a low bias score, who treated ethnic minorities and non-minorities equally.
All in all, discrimination or racism affects how you feel and how you behave: when you are discriminated against, you behave differently, whether discrimination takes place consciously or subconsciously.
Would you like to learn more about this subject? With the help of this blog you will get more tools and ideas on how to familiarize yourself with the complex subject of racism.
Discrimination and racism therefore have an effect on people’s (mental) health. It is also important to remember that talking about your experiences can help. Would you like to do this with a professional? Go to your doctor for a referral or get in touch with the NiceDay Team, we are happy to help you.
In my previous blog I promised to write about the menopause and the worry of feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by what is happening in your body and the influence of imbalanced hormones on your mental wellbeing. But, also about the influence of people in your surroundings, who are probably not aware of the things that are happening inside your body.
Outdated perspectives
The idea that you live your life from one hot flash to another is outdated. In the 1950s, women often had a day job taking care of the house and their large families, and didn’t have the luxury of take out dinner or childcare. They would quietly deal with the menopause by taking a sneaky glass of liquor and some aspirin, and women in the menopause were seen as a caricature of a slightly overweight, sweaty and bitchy woman. How times have changed! We’re sliding through our menopause, if not easier than we did before.
The effects of an estrogen decrease
The decrease of estrogen does something to your brain: it becomes a bit foggy and you feel less energized. It also does something to your sense of pain, every cell in your body thrives under the anti-inflammatory effect of estrogen. When this gradually disappears, you experience more pain than you did before. The erratic nature of the decrease in estrogen can make you feel better one day than the other.
The people that surround you won’t really notice any changes, maybe you’re a bit moody more often but life goes on. Where it does go wrong is that some women feel responsible to adjust themselves for the full 100%. Sometimes they try to adjust in such a way that they burn out and end up on sick leave. Quite often they show signs of depression or a burn out, but this is not always the problem.
Adjust to the things you can do
But how do you do it right? The way women dealt with the menopause before isn’t all that bad: acceptance. Instead of forcing or blaming yourself for how you’re no longer able to do the same things as before, try to adjust to the things you can do.
Sometimes it helps not having to be the positive and hilarious person at work, at a party or in the family. Just sit and enjoy the stories and entertainment of others. You don’t always have to be front row in order to be helpful. Going to bed early every now and then will work wonders, and taking a painkiller when you’re in pain is totally okay!
Try to tell the people in your immediate surroundings that you’re not feeling well because of fluctuations in your hormones. You’re just asking other people to take it into account, in order for you to do your job as good as possible. This will help to prevent you from feeling overwhelmed.
Take time to reflect
Try to be a bit less hard on yourself, don’t set such high standards and let the people around you know how you’re feeling. This will already give you some ease of mind.
During this time with less social interaction you can try to think about what it means to head into a new fase. On one side you gain new energy and freedom of movement, but on the other hand you will close the chapter of being a young woman.
Maybe you’ll live in a time of unsteadiness for quite a while, sometimes with feelings of anxiety or panic and depression about what has been, but also for the single reason that your hormones make you feel this way. How to deal with that, I will happily share in my next blog.
There is still a taboo on depression. Shame and fear are factors that often prevent people from talking about it openly.
Depression is not visible from the outside, but in the brain the difference compared to a healthy brain becomes all too obvious. Many changes are visible in a depressed brain. Realize that it is not up to you and you have not chosen this. You should therefore certainly not be ashamed when you are feeling depressed.
In this article, we’ll take you through some of those changes in the brain.
Hippocampus: depression influences your memory
A large percentage of people who are depressed produce too many cortisol, the stress hormones. The hippocampus could possibly shrink if being exposed to cortisol for too long. The hippocampus is the part of our brain that is responsible for memory. Too much exposure to cortisol can cause cells in the hippocampus to die, causing people with depression to forget more.
Amygdala: depressed people focuses more on the negative
Another striking part is that the amygdala, the area that is known as the ‘fear center’ of the brain, becomes overactive and can therefore increase in volume. People with an overactive amygdala remember negative events better than positive events and experiences. There is often more attention for negative stimuli and they are also less able to ignore these negative stimuli than healthy people.
Prefrontal cortex: depressed people have more difficulties with cognitive functions
Changes are also found in the prefrontal cortex, the front part of the brain. This area is involved in emotional and cognitive functions. Among other things, it is involved in making decisions, planning and setting goals. The prefrontal cortex is less active in a depressed brain. People who are depressed often make decisions in a slower and lesser way and are more inhibited. Due to the underactivation of the prefrontal cortex, people are also less interested and they often experience concentration problems.
A hidden illness
Depression is a serious brain disease and it is one of the greatest hidden health problems of our time. It is important to seek help when dealing with mood problems. For example, contact your doctor or get in touch with a NiceDay professional.
Read more about the experience stories of an old NiceDay user here, she talks about how she experienced online coaching for her depression.
Brandon sought help because he felt very gloomy. Thanks to the online coaching, he has started to love himself more. Curious about his experience? Read along!
How did you end up at NiceDay?
I came to NiceDay via Google. In an extremely gloomy mood I took the step to search the internet. I ended up at the website of NiceDay and noticed that the concept appealed to me a lot. I downloaded the app directly and made a start with the process.
Can you share more about your complaints?
I felt very sad for a long time. Primarily, this manifested in listlessness and fatigue. It also had an effect on my relationship, for example in the area of sexual desires. For a long time I thought it would get better by itself. However, I could not figure out what exactly caused the complaints. During the process, my coach and I discovered that there I was having a depression. In addition, I was informed that my parents decided to divorce after a long marriage. This situation considerably enhanced my complaints.
How did you feel after the first session?
Relieved, because I had really taken the first step. My coach asked a lot of questions in the first session. Therefore, she immediately had a complete picture of my complaints. However, I was still skeptical as to whether the process would actually help.
How did you experience the digital treatment?
Awesome! I believe that the digital treatment helps enormously with the treatment. You are in your own familiar environment, so you have the need to share everything faster. Another advantage is that you do not lose time to travel! It was also nice that the coach occasionally sent a message asking how things went in between sessions.
How did you continue to use the NiceDay app, besides calling and chatting?
My coach asked me to register a diary with feelings in the app. This way, my coach and I gained insight into my complaints.
What did you learn from your coach?
What I learned from coach Sarah is that it’s not surprising that I was experiencing depression complaints, given the circumstances. She also taught me that it is okay to feel pretty bad sometimes. She has also taught me that awareness of behavior and thoughts is an important first step. Once you are aware of this, it is easier to adjust. I started to love myself more. However, this is still my biggest challenge in life.
Would you recommend NiceDay to others?
Absolutely. My coach told me that especially young men, like me, have difficulty seeking help. I hope this will change in the future. Many people experience something at some point in their life. This is nothing to be ashamed of. When someone in my area tells me about sadness or depressive symptoms, I would recommend NiceDay immediately.
Do you need help to feel good about yourself? Take the test and see if NiceDay is for you.
It is January 2020. I only realized last week that we have entered a new decade. Normally I never make a big deal about changing the year, but this time it made me think. Will it be a time of success, health, forgiveness, love and happiness? I cannot foresee the future, but I can decide on which parts of my life I will focus my effort in 2020 and in the new decade.
Succes
As it looks now, 2020 will be a success in the field of education. I still have half a year to go and if I do my best in the last six months of my study, I will get my master’s degree. I am looking forward that after 5.5 years of studying I will finally be able to burn my books (muhaha)!
But let’s not get ahead of things ;-). I hope that I can enjoy my study a little more in the coming six months instead of only studying for a good grade and deadlines. After all, it is the field that I have a lot of passion for. What I will do after my studies? I don’t know yet. By that time I will see what comes my way.
Health
How will my mental health state be? I don’t want to say anything about that, because this has fluctuated a lot in the past year. I feel a bit more stable now, partly due to the dose of medication I am taking, but it is also because the PTSD has been treated well.
Somewhere in this decade I hope for closure, but this requires exposure first. How am I going to tackle it? I don’t know yet. In addition, there are some inner battles that I have to face, but I have agreed with myself that I want to stay close to myself and not make hasty decisions. It is my process and I am in charge of it. I do feel that this decade I will succeed in going through life as well as PTSD free, as well as depression free.
What about love?
Yes, what about love? Let’s just say that I don’t shut myself off, like I did all my life. I don’t go looking for love, I don’t believe in that. If it comes, then it comes. If it doesn’t come, than that’s also no problem.
Happiness
I often wonder what happiness actually is. Recently I have discovered that happiness starts with appreciating the small things in life. If you only seek happiness in the big things, then you can search for a long time and you will never be satisfied, because you want to surpass the big things. So with this in mind, I am entering the new decade with the hope that I can gradually find happiness in myself.
I wish all readers a very happy and healthy 2020!
Love,
Ghyta
Désiré was experiencing some depressive symptoms for a time. On Google she went looking for online help. She ended up on the website of NiceDay website and dared to go for a online treatment. We asked her how she experienced online treatment.
What did you think when you first heard about online treatment?
I found it interesting and thought: ‘’if you don’t try, you don’t know either”.
What did you think about digital help?
I found that very pleasant. I didn’t want to go to a therapist. I find that too confronting and difficult. The threshold is much lower behind the screen of your phone. And because I am not a real talker, it was very nice to be able to communicate via the chat.
I could grab the app any time of the day whenever I needed it. That was nice! In between sessions, I received messages from my coach about how I was doing. The personal contact with my coach was also very nice. I would definitely recommend NiceDay to others.
How do you feel now, after coaching via NiceDay?
I feel a lot better now. I have more confidence. I have learned that I am not alone and I have learned that the lesser days are allowed to be there. These days are part of life.
I want to thank the makers of the app and all the people behind NiceDay. It really helped me a lot and I had a new friend with my coach. I sometimes miss her spontaneous messages!
Are you bumped into something and want advice from a professional or experiential expert? Simply ask your question on our website. We are happy to help you!
