Love is … simple and complex, confusing and enlightening. It can make you feel like you’re on cloud nine, but it can also give you the feeling that you have fallen into an endless black hole. Love comes in different forms, shapes and colours. Love is an important basic need, one that isn’t taken for granted by everyone.

An important basic need

As a psychologist, I regularly hear stories from people who have experienced a lack of love. Very often in their youth, they mention an absent father or mother. And not because they weren’t physically there. No, not at all. An emotionally absent father or mother is seemingly doing just fine. Children who are emotionally neglected seem to be doing okay to the outside world. They are given food, clothing and are closely monitored. But looks are deceiving. Physical safety is very important to develop properly, but psychological safety is just as essential. Attention, a feeling of security, support, and love are all a part of this. When these things are systematically absent, we speak of emotional neglect. And emotional neglect is a form of child abuse. One that is the most common of all forms of child abuse. Research shows that 3% of children experience child abuse, and 36% of them are emotionally neglected.

Consequences of lack of love

Emotional neglect can have serious consequences later on in adulthood. People who were emotionally neglected, have often received many snarky remarks and haven’t received many compliments for example. This causes them to have very low self-esteem. They feel inferior to others. Or they don’t dare to enter into emotional relationships with others simply because they don’t know how to do it. Or because they find it difficult to trust someone else, they don’t dare for fear of being abandoned.

Psychiatric problems

Understandably, anxiety and mood complaints are common among these people, with all the sadness and loneliness that entails. People who have been victims of emotional neglect also appear to be more likely to use addictive substances, often as a way of coping with their problems. Alcohol and drugs, as well as overeating, soothe their mental pain. Cardiovascular diseases are also more common among this group. Because, of course, body and mind cannot be separated from each other.

Compliment someone or yourself

That is why I would like to make a plea for love! Because love is the fuel that keeps our engine running and gives meaning to our lives. So be kind to others and to yourself. To make it more concrete, an assignment that makes everyone happy: give 3 compliments to different people, or to yourself every day! Because:

a compliment a day, keeps the doctor away

NiceDay

Do you feel like you could use some help dealing with your mental complaints, whether it is concerning this subject or something else? Take good care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Visit your doctor for a referral to a psychologist. If you would like to know more about treatment via NiceDay, click here.

Summer vacation is just around the corner. Whether you go on holiday to a far exotic place, go to your country of origin or go camping in France, for many people, traveling often brings a lot of tension and stress. And that is not what we want! We are happy to explain how you can go on holiday completely relaxed!

Stress before the holiday starts

Often people want to finish all tasks at work and at home before they go on holiday so that they can start fresh after coming home or simply because they think their duties should be finished before they can go on holiday. This in combination with the preparations for the holiday can lead to you feeling quite stressed and exhausted when the first day of your holiday finally arrives. For some people, the stress is so big that they suffer from panic attacks, heart palpitations, headaches and muscle aches. In this situation, the holiday seems more stressful than relaxing, and that is of course not the purpose of vacation!

Tips to relax before, during and after your holiday

How can you prevent getting pre-holiday stress and ensure that holidays are relaxing? And how do you ensure that you come home more relaxed after a holiday than when you left? Here are a few tips:

To do before the holidays

  • Start making lists of what needs to be done well in advance so that you don’t have to go to the drugstore or pack your suitcase a day in advance. If possible, take a day off before you go on holiday. The time you have to prepare will give you a lot of relaxation later.
  • Avoid being extremely tired at the start of the holiday. If you are extremely tired at the start of your vacation it can result in you being more irritable than normal and have less tolerance if something doesn’t go as planned.

To do during the holidays

  • Holidays don’t have to be perfect! All kinds of things can be disappointing during your time off. Don’t let your mood influence that, but try to be open to new experiences and enjoy the things that are going well.
  • Give your body time to get used to the holiday rhythm and don’t start doing everything immediately after arrival. Don’t over do it, your body has to work hard to adapt to the new holiday rhythm and environment.
  • Make agreements with the ones you’re traveling with! With good agreements you can prevent unnecessary stress.
  • Are you going on holiday to your country of origin? Then make sure you have a good balance between family visits and relaxing activities.

To do after the holidays

  • Don’t go back to work immediately! You’ll come back more relaxed knowing that you still have some days off to adjust and switch back to your regular everyday life after you holiday.

Don’t forget

Enjoy every moment of your holiday to the fullest. Don’t worry too much about your holiday schedule and don’t stress about everything you still want to do or see. Why would you go to that beautiful white beach when you’re not fully present? Be present in the here and now and find balance. Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

“1 more episode…?”. Sounds familiar? Many people don’t get enough sleep, either because there are so many fun things to do (such as Netflix) or because they are so over-stimulated or stressed that they can’t seem to fall asleep at night. Getting enough sleep is very important for your physical and mental recovery. Too little sleep can cause problems; you do not regain enough energy, you feel tired and you can develop other physical or mental complaints. Are you having trouble sleeping? In this article, I’ll give you a practical plan on how to prioritize your sleep and sleep like a baby again.

What affects your sleep?

Sleep is influenced by many factors. A number of important factors are: the amount of activity and movement during the day, the amount of daylight you are exposed to (affects melatonin production), what you eat, your evening routine, your day-night rhythm, alcohol and caffeine, blue light (from screens) and relaxation.

Below you’ll find a practical explanation of how you can use this knowledge to make a plan to improve your sleep quality and quantity. If you want more detailed information about sleep or know how the hormone melatonin affects your sleep, try to search for “sleep” in the search bar of www.niceday.app.

Your plan to a good night sleep

This plan focuses on sufficient daylight using a daylight lamp* (white light with a strong intensity of 10,000 lux, for example this one), taking melatonin* temporarily, rhythm, healthy habits and assistive nutrition, with the option of supplements.

In the morning

  • The moment you get up determines when your biological clock starts. That is why sleeping in during weekends is not recommended. Staying in bed for an hour longer than usual is fine, but if you have sleep problems, it is best to get up at the same time every day.
  • Maintain a steady rhythm in the morning:
    • Set the alarm clock to 7.30 a.m. (no later than 9 a.m. on your day off)
    • Don’t snooze; immediately open the curtains and switch on the daylight lamp for 15 minutes.
    • After that, get out of bed and go through your morning routine (shower, food, coffee). If possible, make sure you keep the daylight lamp close by.
    • Then use the lamp for at least 30 more minutes, for example while working.

During the day

  • Make sure you have at least 30 minutes outside exercising or walking during the day (in daylight). Walking has a relaxing effect on the brain, preferably in a quiet and green environment. 
  • Follow as little social media or news as possible (this produces stress hormones)
  • Try to avoid sugar and processed foods as possible (no packets / sachets)
  • Do not sleep during the day
  • Keep an eye on your stress levels and ensure sufficient relaxation. Stress and poor sleep is a vicious cycle. The more stress you experience, the longer it will take you to fall asleep. And the shorter you sleep, the more susceptible you are to new stress. You can break this circle with relaxation.

In the evening

  • Make sure you have light dinners, not too heavy or greasy. A handful of unroasted and unsalted almonds with or after dinner; this contains tryptophan and magnesium which can positively influence your sleep.
  • Really cut back on the alcohol. Actually, it is best not to drink alcohol at all. Alcohol causes a greatly reduced quality of your sleep.
  • No sugary foods and caffeinated drinks such as black tea, coffee, energy drinks and cola (also no diet / zero).
  • Make sure your bedroom is optimized for your sleep; make sure there is a fres air flow, it’s cool, dark and has a relaxing interior. 
  • Really take the time to relax. After a busy working day, eating a bar of chocolate and scrolling through social media on your phone won’t let your stress level go down. Only when you make room for real relaxation can you effectively reduce stress.
  • Maintain a steady rhythm in the evening. If you want to sleep at 11 p.m., you can do it like this:
    • 9 p.m .: turn off the screens, dim the lights, take an optional magnesium taurate supplement* and relax, for example, a good night’s sleep, tea, walking, chatting, washing up, doing puzzles, taking a bath, reading.
    • 9.30 pm: Optionally use low dose Melatonin (0.5 – 1 mg)* at a fixed time for up to a few weeks. If you forget to take it, don’t take it later! This actually disrupts your rhythm.
    • 10:15 pm: Going to bed routine
      • Write down positive things about the day
      • Brushing teeth, washing your face, taking a shower
    • 10.30 pm: relax in bed (10-30 min)
      • Relaxation exercises increase certain brain activity (Theta waves) which have a calming effect.
        • Unaccompanied breathing exercise or meditation: Breathe deeply and slowly through your abdomen, making your exhalation twice as long as your inhale.
        • Guided Yoga Nidra (or yoga sleep). For example via the Insight timer app, search for “Yoga Nidra”.
      • Listening to music, for example binaural beats. Via Spotify the Binaural Beats playlist from NiceDay.
      • Reading a quiet book (not a thriller full of cliff hangers) or having sex.
    • 11 pm: light off and go to sleep. Can’t sleep? Get out of bed after 20 minutes, do something relaxing like doing puzzles or reading, and then try going back to sleep.

Help with your plan

This may sound like a lot, and changing your habits and routines can be quite a challenge! But, if you feel overwhelmed you can start doing this the following ways:

  1. Take small steps and choose the things that you think can best help or suit you. Slowly let this become your new routine.
  2. Or start an “experiment” in which you strictly follow your plan for two weeks. Within this time you will notice from experience what you like and what you don’t. After those two weeks you can continue to do the things you like and adjust the plan to your own liking.

I myself am always fond of rigorous experiments, but that is of course personal;) ​​Both options are fine, choose what suits you and prioritize your sleep!

*Are you currently under treatment? Always talk to your professional about what is suitable for you.

Taking care of yourself is important for both your mental and physical health. Some people haven’t learned how to take good care of themselves. Sometimes they haven’t been taught to self care, so it is not a part of their daily lives. However, self care is super important! It ensures you stay healthy, that you know what you need and that you can be there for other people without forgetting about yourself. 

You can learn how to self care

Do you want to take better care of yourself? Try and pay attention to the following principles:

  • Cherishing yourself

Cherishing yourself is a form of self care. It consists of putting yourself first, for example by saying no to things you don’t feel right doing. Or of asking for help, because that will give you the feeling that you don’t have to do everything by yourself. 

Expressing positive affirmations can also help you, for example saying: “I am good enough”. It is also important to take good care of yourself physically, by eating healthy, paying attention to enough exercise such as sports or yoga, and regularly taking time to rest and relax. In addition, it is useful to know what you love and dislike about yourself. You can do this by making a list of your likes and dislikes. Putting your own pleasure first is healthy, so pay attention to your “likes” a bit more often!

  • Reassuring yourself

We often need other people to tell us everything will be alright. But, how great would it be if you could do this yourself! It helps if you have a few strategies or activities at hand, of which you know they can reassure you or help you calm down. You can make a list of these (in NiceDay or on paper), that you can fall back on when you’re going through a difficult time. Think about taking a walk, reading, taking a bath, calling a friend, cooking or cleaning up your house. Read this blog for more ideas.

  • Improve your self-discipline

Another form of self care is improving your self-discipline. Knowing that you can push yourself to do something even if you don’t necessarily feel like it, is good for you! But also vice versa; not doing something when you should be doing it is good for you. It enhances your perseverance and self-esteem. You can practice this by, for example, doing two things every day, that you don’t really feel like doing. And, not doing two things that you actually should do.

  • Developing self-compassion

The fourth principle is developing self-compassion, being less strict on yourself. You can read more about self-compassion in this blog. But, in conclusion self-compassion means that you’re just as kind towards yourself as you are towards others, you become aware of your own stern voice and try to take on a non-judgmental attitude. You can almost see this as a conversation with yourself, an internal dialogue. In this dialogue you look at a situation in which you were strict on yourself, but without judgement. You determine what your mistake was and what someone else’s or the circumstances were. You define what you have learned and what you could do differently in the future, so that you can leave the situation behind. It’s important that you allow yourself to be human. Everyone makes mistakes. You do too, and that’s okay.

By practicing these four principles, you learn to take care of yourself. Because you are important!

Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.

– Katie Reed

NiceDay actions

Write down when you have taken good care of yourself and when you should’ve done that a little bit better, in your NiceDay diary. This will help you gain insight into your learning process towards self care.

Only a few more days and then it’s 2022! My Christmas holiday has begun and despite the fact that there’s not a lot to do due to the lockdown, I notice that I don’t get enough rest. It’s like I’m glued to my phone and Netflix, preferably both at the same time. We work from home and I spend most of my day behind my computer screen. I am constantly online, but I notice that it actually causes me a lot of stress. Sometimes I need some me time. But what can you do? Below you will find 5 accessible tips.

1. Meditation

You may have heard this one a thousand times, but it really works! When you meditate, you really give your head a break and yourself the time to catch your breath. Without incentives and the constant need to absorb information. I personally like to use the Headspace app for guided meditation and their sleep casts. To come back to Netflix for a moment; Headspace has a short series on Netflix “Guide to Meditation”. Here you can learn the basics and they explain the science behind meditation! In this blog you can find more information about types of meditation and what suits you.

2. Read a book

Sometimes I have trouble reading books, because my brain is used to much more intense stimuli from my telephone or television. Still, it is good to read a book now and then. With a good book you forget the world around you and you become completely absorbed in the story. You can also give an audiobook a try! Lie back in bed or take a walk in a quiet area.

3. Listen to a podcast

Speaking of talking a walk while listening to something; one of my favourite selfcare moments are those walking and listening to a podcast. When the gyms were still open, I used to listen to them while working out. But, now a brisk walk will have to do! I personally like listening to investigative podcasts, these are some of my favourites (please not that they’re all in Dutch except for The Other Latif):

4. Cook a nice meal

Some people might think “Cooking?! You were talking about relaxation, right?”. But, for me, cooking really is taking a moment for myself. Getting away from that telephone, the television and all the stimuli, but focussing on a recipe and making a fresh meal. I love it! Put on some music or a podcast and make yourself some nice food. You’ve earned it!

5. Take a walk

Pre-corona I never was much of a walker. Yes, of course I loved doing it while on vacation. Everything was new and exciting there, but here in the Netherlands? It wasn’t necessarily my favourite thing to do. However, I’ve kind of discovered enjoying walks since corona. Because of the few things you are allowed to do, this feels kind of like an outing. At those moments I notice that it is an outing that really gives you a break. In addition, it is also much better to chill on the couch for an afternoon, after you have gotten some fresh air by taking a good walk! You feel a lot more productive.

As a parent, family life is one of the most intense periods of your life. Where you used to be annoyed by the alarm that goes off at 7, with a family you’re happy when you can sleep in until 7. In fact, if you’ve been able to sleep continuously for a few hours, you’re eternally grateful. During the day you work, but you are also busy with spreading bread, vacuuming crumbs, tidying up toys and –a never-ending story– doing laundry. A walk to the supermarket can feel like a wonderful moment for yourself. Nevertheless, it is important that you make time for yourself, even when you’re running a busy household. But how do you find balance between you and your family?

Exercise, food and sleep

An important basis for everyone in life is: exercise, food and sleep. Especially when you’re living a busy life, it is extra important to feel fit!

  • Exercise. You can feel fit by exercising and working out on a regular basis. Find a sport that you enjoy and plan a number of fixed moments per week. Feel like you don’t have time to work out? There is always time. If you have a partner, you can alternate between putting the kids to bed and playing sports, setting the alarm an hour earlier or arranging a babysitter. It’s definitely worth it, because exercise is important! Read more about exercise.
  • Food. To ensure that you eat healthy and varied, you can plan a few things and, for example, do weekly shopping. To be prepared is half the victory! Take a moment during the weekend to look up some fun recipes. Read more about healthy food. 
  • Sleep. Getting enough sleep can be challenging with small children. Yet, you do have control over a number of things. For example, go to bed on time as much as possible (watch less Netflix). Sufficient exercise also ensures a better night’s sleep. Read more tips about sleeping.

Stay focussed on yourself

In addition to having a strong basis, it’s important to stay focussed on yourself. A family requires a great deal of your attention. Therefore, consciously plan moments for yourself. When I flew around the world as a flight attendant, these moments were integrated into my work. Flying colleagues with children always agreed: the moments for yourself “at destination” are wonderful! A moment to focus on yourself, in whatever form, breaks the grind and gives you energy. It gives you the peace and space to keep thinking about yourself. It is important that when you take care of the children together with your partner, both of you take time for yourself and encourage each other to do so.

Setting priorities

Think about what is important to you. You have little time, so what are your priorities? Think of work, education, sports, friends and holidays for example. This is how you set your priorities:

  • Make a list of activities you would like to do.
  • When you’re together with a partner, you can both make a list of things you think are important to do. Support, motivate and encourage each other in this!
  • Also keep doing fun things together such as a night out, dinner or meeting friends.
  • Good planning is everything, this will prevent it from “falling short”.

Babysitter

Call in help, you can use it! Both when you want to do things with your partner (if you have one) or with friends, and when you want to do something for yourself. A family is busy, so getting some help from a babysitter is more than welcome.

Feelings of guilt

Sometimes parents experience feelings of guilt when they do something for themselves. If you are experiencing these feelings, it is important to first ask yourself why this happens. Feelings of guilt are often taught by your environment (eg through education), or imposed by yourself (eg by your own norms and values). You can also:

  • ask yourself why you feel guilty. Am I falling short as a parent? Am I doing something wrong?
  • replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Instead of thinking: “I’m a bad parent because I’m abandoning my family,” you can also think: “I’m a great parent and I show my kids what you can get out of life.”

Finally

In the daily grind of a busy family, it can seem like you have no time for anything. First realize: there is always time. The question is, what are you doing with that time? A busy life forces you to set priorities and this can have a positive effect on your time management. You think about the things you think are truly important, and work on it accordingly.

Tip: you can use the NiceDay agenda to plan moments for yourself. Take care of yourself, your family, set priorities and remember that relaxed parents make happy children! Download the app here

Every month there is a theme at the center of the NiceDay blog. The month of August this theme was “Vitality”.

Vitality: the energy to live. What ensures that you get more energy in life? And which things can you better leave out? For this theme we focused on all the things you can do to feel more vital; whether this is in the field of nutrition, work, or mental health. Would you like to read more about this? We have listed all recent blogs for you:

Do you sometimes feel that everything is just too much for you? Do you get upset about the smallest things? Too much tension can break you up and can have a major impact on your vitality. Psychologist Sandra Martens explains how you can look at your stress according to the bucket metaphor.

Difficult periods come and go: they are part of life. We don’t feel so good for a while, and that’s okay! In this blog I will give you a tip to stay vital in difficult times.

In the Netherlands, more than 1 in 3 marriages ends in divorce. As humans, are we made to stay together for a longer period of time? Love, relationships and our happiness therein play a big role in our vitality. In her blog, psychologist Maaike discusses the success of a long-term love relationship.

An important part of going through life healthy is exercise! Esther from 100% yoga shares some of her yoga videos and the best tips for beach yoga in the Netherlands.

Taking good care of yourself is important, both physically and mentally. It ensures that you stay healthy and vital, that you know what you need and that you can be there for others without passing yourself by. Do you want this too? Then read on!

The dark winter days are not pleasant for everyone; some people feel lethargic and suffer from winter blues. In this blog I will give you tips on what you can do against winter blues. This way you get through the dark winter months energetically!

While we are in the midst of a pandemic, it can be all too helpful to have a positive outlook on life. Working on a number of health pillars can make an important contribution to your health, vitality and happiness in a bizarre period. Read more about it in this blog by Martijn.

The new season has also brought new corona rules, and we will be working from home more and more. But how do you ensure that you stay vital, even though you stay at home a lot? Psychologist Alison gives some useful tips in her blog!

Do you have periods when you feel lethargic, get irritated easily and can cry about everything? It may have to do with the menstrual cycle, you can read more about this in this blog!

Difficult periods come and go; they are part of life. Such a period can take minutes, hours, weeks, months or years and can be about a personal situation, an event, a pandemic or an uncomfortable feeling. Whatever it is, we’re not doing well. That’s okay, we’re allowed to have these feelings. In this blog I will provide you with a tip for retaining vitality in difficult periods. 

Make a list

When going through a difficult period it can be very helpful to have a list of things that could help you when you’re feeling down. A list like this can provide guidance and be comforting. It can consist of different kind of things, such as:

Where do I start?

You can create one of these lists in your NiceDay diary, or make it on paper. Are you creative? Try to make a collage with drawings and/or stickers (a mindful exercise) and hang it on a spot where you can easily see it everyday. Here’s an example of one of those collages:

NiceDay list

Do you need some help going through your difficult period? Click here for more information about online help via NiceDay.

Meditation has become increasingly popular. Not surprising, considering scientific research shows that meditation has a positive effect on mental health. Briefly described, meditation is an accessible concentration exercise. You can easily learn how to meditate and it is a nice way to filter the constant stream of thoughts, with the result that you feel more comfortable in your own skin. You experience less stress, your immune system works better and the days when your head overflows with thoughts are over.

Advantages of meditation:

  • It will be easier to concentrate and you will be able to work more efficiently: you act from a calm state of mind instead of a state of agitation or frustration.
  • Your stress level will go down, which boosts your immune system.
  • You become less frustrated and can let go of your anger more quickly.
  • You will recognize certain thought patterns,  which allows you to make more conscious choices.

Just do it

Meditating is simply a matter of doing it. The power lies in the repetition and having the discipline to keep on doing it. When you start meditating, set a realistic goal. For example, start by meditating once a week during 5 minutes in the morning or evening. Gradually increase the number of minutes and the amount of times per week . You will notice yourself when the time is right to start increasing the amount of times you meditate.

The initial goal is not to meditate for hours on end, seven days a week.  The goal is to create a  routine, so that meditation becomes as natural as brushing your teeth. By gradually building a routine you can start making meditation a part of your daily schedule.

You can’t go wrong with meditation

The biggest advantage of meditating is that it can’t go wrong! This  also applies to the body position you adopt during meditation. You can sit  cross-legged, with your legs stretched forward if that feels more comfortable, or just upright on a chair. You can even meditate lying down! In short, there are many choices and sometimes this can be confusing. The best advice I can give you: don’t pay too much attention to others, but choose a position that works for YOU! After all, meditation is all about you.

Getting started

To get you started, below are two quick and effective meditations:

Busy Mind | duration 5 minutes

Did you know that on average we have between 40,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day? This converts to 55 thoughts per minute. That is a lot! At times when it feels like your head is flooded with thoughts, this is a nice meditation to find more peace and get the overview back. 

Time To Relax | duration 5 minuten

When we experience stress our breathing changes immediately. We start breathing higher towards the chest. The longer this takes, the longer the feeling of stress remains. The most natural way of breathing is from the stomach , which allows the body to function optimally. This meditation allows you to practice abdominal breathing which ensures a relaxed feeling. 

Are you looking for more background information about meditation? Read all about it in this blog.

More stressed or anxious lately because of COVID-19? You are certainly not alone. You don’t experience a pandemic every day. It is therefore completely normal that you feel more tense in this new and unknown situation.

Uncertainty is difficult

In general, humans have difficulty dealing with uncertainty. How we deal with uncertainty varies from person to person. It depends on your personality, your background and the environment in which your are. You may notice that some people don’t worry so much. Other people around may panic and hoard over in supermarkets. Because the situation is so new and unknown to everyone, you may find that you often don’t even know what to feel or how to respond. This fact alone can create a lot of anxiety and tension.

How do you take good care of yourself during the corona crisis?

The World Health Organization (WHO) explains that in the fight against coronavirus it is important that we continue to take good care of ourselves, including our mental well-being. But how do you do this, especially in this exciting situation?

6 tips to take good care of yourself

  1. Don’t isolate yourself but keep in touch with friends and family. Whether you feel anxious, insecure, confused, as well as sad or angry, it is important that you keep talking about it with others.
  2. Keep an eye on your lifestyle. Especially now that you are at home a lot and your daily structure is different. Keep an eye on your diet, sleep and exercise.
  3. Do not use substances, such as alcohol and drugs to deal with your emotions. If you feel so overwhelmed by everything that comes your way, you can consider talking to a professional, for example via NiceDay.
  4. Stick to the facts. Read information from reliable sources, such as the RIVM website. There is a lot of fake news and websites that only focus on everything that is unknown and uncertain about the virus. Try to avoid this information.
  5. Limit your (social) media use. We can follow unlimited (24/7) news about corona. Limit your consumption to once or twice a day. This way you are not continuously triggered with corona.
  6. Focus on your strength. Think about how you handled challenging situations and setbacks in the past. Look at what helped you and apply this tactic again.

Do you need help to take steps in taking care of yourself? NiceDay professionals are happy to help you.