Do you recognize the following situation? Your son is lingering to eat his sandwich, no matter how much you try to rush him. You’re already running late, when suddenly he drops his cup of milk on the floor. You completely lose it; you start yelling, when normally you never would have. Afterwards, you feel incredibly guilty. What exactly happened here? Try to look at it according to the bucket metaphor.

The bucket metaphor

This bucket contains a certain amount of water (the water = tension). Once the bucket is completely full, adding the least amount of water (tension) will already cause it to run over. You notice this because you start reacting very emotionally. You become angry or sad, you feel like you can’t take it anymore or you have a sense of total helplessness. You did not reduce your tension in time (take water out of the bucket). This caused it to keep filling up with water. The bucket then becomes so full, that even the slightest amount of stress or strain is enough to cause the bucket to overflow, with all the consequences that entails.

In the ideal situation you ensure that your bucket contains as little water as possible. You will have a large reserve for when a situation arises that causes you tension, such as the death of a loved one or an upcoming renovation.

Taking water out of your bucket

It is very important that you find a good balance between tension and relaxation. Work, running the household, the kids, obligations; these all count as tension. There must be sufficient relaxing activities in return. Think of social contacts and sports, but also watching television, reading, listening to music, breathing exercises or relaxation exercises. This last category in particular ensures a real reduction in tension.

Too many activities

It might sound strange, but you can also create too much tension by taking on too many activities (even if they are relaxing activities!). Ending your long work day with an hour workout, cooking and doing the dishes, followed by drinks with your friends may sound fun, but it can be too much. Doing this once every few weeks won’t do any harm, but repeating it on a daily basis can cause too much stress or tension.

Listen to your body

Everyone has their own balance between (mental or physical) tension and (mental or physical) relaxation. You are your own best advisor in this! So, regularly try to notice what your body needs; do you need a quiet night in, or do you need a bit of physical activity? Your body will tell you when you take the time to listen to it! Your professional can help you find a good balance, or download the NiceDay app. Here you can register your activities and feelings, which will help you see when you should take some more time for relaxation.