Hi,

My past blogs were all about quite intense topics related to homosexuality. Issues and events that have caused me a lot of pain. But as a gay, I can also say that my life has good and positive sides! I will talk about it in this blog.

Taking good care of yourself

I like to take good care of myself. One of the things I enjoy doing is pampering myself by putting on a face mask, taking good care of my hair and getting rid of the blemishes in my face. Self-care is the best care right? Sometimes I hear from my heterosexual friends that they are jealous of my embarrassed Snapchats and the fact that I can put on make-up without getting annoying comments from other friends.

Friends

I am very happy with the friends I have and I get a lot of strength and energy from my friendships. I feel blessed that I can be good friends with my female friends and that their boyfriends aren’t jealous of our friendship. Of course I am not a threat to their relationship and often the boyfriends of my female friends have also become good friends of mine! Friendships are very important and I value them.

Friends also regularly come to me to ask for advice on everything from clothing to advice for home interior. I can really enjoy that too. Sometimes my friends come to me and they literally say: “Bert, I need the advice from a gay, because that’s useful”.

Going out and have a drink

I also like to do fun things with my friends such as having a drink on a terrace or going out. While going out and after a few drinks, I like to go crazy and dance. Sometimes people look at me strange. But once people realize that I am gay, they think it’s fine and funny.

One of the nicest experiences was at Tomorrowland 2018: while dancing somebody (accidentally) slapped me in the face. I was shocked. The boy who hit me in the face was embarrassed and thought I had an issue with him dancing intimately with his boyfriend. When I made it clear to him that I too had come to the festival with my then boyfriend, we had a lot of fun and let ourselves go completely the entire evening. I don’t care if people looked at us. What matters is that we felt connected and that felt very good. Do what feels good to you!

Conclusion

In this blog I mainly shared my personal positive experiences with you. I want you to know that life as a gay is not only intense and depressing, but that there are also a lot of nice things that heterosexuals don’t experience. It is extremely important to enjoy life. Unfortunately you will also have to deal with discrimination and other nasty things. And even if it hurts, try to go through life with a positive vibe. Focus on the positive, not the negative, spend time with people you love and do what feels best for you!

Hug,

Bert

I am endlessly scrolling through my Instagram feed. Occasionally I like a post and scroll further. Until I see this text:

I loved you
In all the ways
I hoped to
Love myself
Someday
– Kate Awen

I am thinking about the words I just read. She’s right.

Looking for the one

I sometimes hear stories about women who are not feeling well, who have low self-esteem or who are depressed, and who desperately look for the “one” to make themselves feel better. They think that a man or woman can solve their problems. They think that if they are in a relationship, happiness will come naturally. But we all know it doesn’t work that way. You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself. You usually attract the wrong types if you are looking for a relationship. And that relationship can cause even more trouble. But if your mind is clouded, you are going to settle for that. You are going to settle as long as you are not alone.

Do you love yourself?

I am not an expert in the field of relationships. I actually have fear of commitment to be honest. But what I am an expert in is giving attention to yourself in difficult times. If you are depressed, you already have enough on your mind. How do you want to make someone else happy if you are not? That costs so much energy. It is better to first learn to live and be alone with yourself so that you can experience what you need. Of course that is super difficult in the beginning and perhaps uncomfortable. But if you have mastered this, you will take better care of yourself. And by taking better care of yourself and feeling what you need, you can also do this in a healthy way in a relationship.

Breaking patterns

It is difficult to break patterns. If you are used to being in a relationship all the time because you feel bad, this is not something you can change overnight. It is a way of coping and you will have to change your coping system. A healthy coping system. Examples of healthy coping can be: writing, calling someone and talking about it, walking, exercising (not too extreme) or drawing. It is a matter of trying out and feeling what suits you. It will sometimes happen that you choose a relationship instead of another coping system. This is normal because learning is done by trial and error. As long as you keep in mind that you are doing this for a good cause. You are doing it for you.

Love,

Ghyta