Clearing your heart, why and how do you do this?
Clearing your heart, why and how do you do this?

We all know it’s important, but we don’t always do it when we actually should: talking about your feelings. In this blog I will explain why talking about your feelings is important and how you improve your skills of talking about feelings. 

Emotions are a form of communication

Expressing emotions is important for your wellbeing, but emotions are also an essential part of communication. Emotions are not just for yourself, but they are also signals to others. How can someone deal with you in the best possible way? For example, if others notice a tear, they probably will react a bit more caring, while a smile maybe provoke a more amicable reaction. 

But what if you can’t properly identify someone’s emotional state? There is a big chance you will cross someone’s boundaries! How frustrating can it be if you’re feeling the need to be heard, but you receive an exciting story? Some emotions can’t be identified so easy. These emotions are more internal. It can be pretty difficult for someone to notice what’s going on when you’re not talking about it.

Why don’t we talk?

We often find ourselves having difficulties opening up and being vulnerable, because we are afraid of the reaction. We are afraid the other will find us negative, weak or perhaps a nag. The fear of a negative judgment makes us decide to keep things to ourselves. In that way you increase the chance that others will cross your borders or that you will keep walking around for too long with negative feelings. You don’t want that!

Tips

But how do you do it? Share your emotions is not always easy. Ask yourself these questions. It will give you more insight.

  • Consider this: how much emotions are there with someone who complains about the rain and how much emotions are there when someone wants to express his heart? The emotions are different. Do not be afraid that you will be seen as a nag. People see the emotions when you tell a story that really touches you.
  • Which emotions do you see by the other person? Often you see in someone’s eyes, the attitude and the tone and the way you talk that something is happening. Body language betrays a lot.
  • But there’s more. We humans are social animals and we are emotionally smarter than you think. You often feel if something is wrong. So think about it: someone sees this as well as you do.
  • Then ask yourself how you would find it if you see someone else that something is there, but the person does not tell. You would find that annoying, wouldn’t you? Therefore tell what is on your heart.
  • Ask yourself: if someone else trusts you and wants to express her or his heart to you. Would you find that weak? Or do you like that someone appreciates you for coming to you for support? Probably the latter. So realize that you appreciate it for other people if you air your heart with them.

Start a conversation

Give it a try and see how your environment reacts. Of course you don’t have to tell your life story right away. You can start with something small! Plan an event outside of your comfort zone in the NiceDay app and afterwards describe what happened. See if what actually happened matches your expectations.

Share this post! If this post was insightful for you, share it with your loved ones so that they can better understand what you are going through.
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Wouter Schippers

Hey, I am Wouter. I'm a NiceDay coach and psychologist. I like to play football and to make electronic music.

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