Magnesium is one of the most important minerals in our body and plays an important role in the brain. Your body needs it to function properly because every cell in your body contains magnesium. The recommended daily amount for an adult man is 350 milligrams, for a woman it’s 300 milligrams. However, research shows that people in Europe and the United States often consume less magnesium than the recommended amount (Gröber, Schmidt, & Kisters, 2015). Unhealthy diet, alcoholism and stress can contribute to a magnesium deficiency. 

How do you know that you may have a magnesium deficiency?

Possible symptoms of magnesium deficiency are general lethargy or fatigue, headache, muscle cramps, depressive symptoms, and agitation. In addition, it may happen that you can tolerate less stress, you suffer from nervousness, and that you experience sleeping problems.

So what is magnesium good for?

• The relaxation of your muscles, nerves, and blood vessels
• Releasing energy from food
• Increased resistance to tension stress
• Strengthening memory and concentration
• Promoting the health of your heart and blood vessels
• Skeletal strength
• The transmission of nerve impulses and the proper functioning of your muscles

In addition, various studies have shown that taking magnesium supplements can be a valuable addition in reducing depressive symptoms, in addition to standard depression treatments. Plus, supplementing a magnesium deficiency can contribute to a deeper, more restful sleep. It is also known that magnesium can help against headaches and migraines.

Which foods contain magnesium?

The biggest source of magnesium is nuts and seeds. Particularly Brazil nuts, but also almonds, cashew nuts, and walnuts. Add it to your breakfast in the morning, with some chia seeds or linseed for extra magnesium. Whole grains are also a good source of magnesium, such as whole-wheat bread, quinoa, or bulgur. In addition, green leafy vegetables and legumes are rich in magnesium. Also think of avocado, tofu, bananas, and oily fish. If you like chocolate, I have good news! Dark chocolate is also a good source of magnesium, the darker the better. I would say, take advantage of it!

Magnesium supplements

In addition to a healthy diet, it may be necessary, for example, to take magnesium as a supplement during times when you experience a lot of stress. If you suspect that you also have a magnesium deficiency, you can consider having your blood drawn in the hospital or visiting an orthomolecular therapist.

The feeling that you mean something and that you’re worthy determines your daily functioning and how you feel. Self-esteem is the image you have of yourself on an emotional level, without logical reasoning. It is entirely yours and has nothing to do with how you come across towards others, or what others think of you. For example, someone may appear very confident but actually has little self-esteem. What about your self-esteem? What grade do you give yourself?

Developing your self-esteem

You can derive your self-worth from many things outside of yourself. Think about your appearance, possessions, achievements, and relationships. What you derive your value from therefore also partly determines on which you base your choices. Often we are very busy maintaining these things, but that withholds us from living free. In the long run, this is a recipe for mental distress and ultimately an unhappy existence.

Is it possible to improve your self-esteem?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have more self-esteem? That you dare to make decisions that change your life for the better. This gives you the opportunity to find the job that suits you better. Spend your time with friends who give you energy, instead of drain it. To experience comfort in people who are there for you when you are sad. The steps below will help you on your way to improved self-esteem!

• Find the source

The image you have of yourself has developed during the course of your life. Is your lack of self-esteem related to the lack of recognition you received from your parents? Perhaps you have been bullied in the past and therefore feel that you are less worthy? List your thoughts and feelings about it. Use the diary in the NiceDay app, or do this together with a healthcare professional.

• Observe your own (judgmental) thoughts

Often it is your own thoughts from which you derive your self-esteem. Stop being so hard on yourself! Get started with Thought Records in the NiceDay app to organize your thoughts.

• Self-acceptance

Sometimes putting things into perspective isn’t enough to make you feel better. When you accept yourself as a whole, you give yourself the space to find the power that resides within you. Take a friendly look at where you are in life right now. Let everything be there, even those parts and emotions that you would rather not see or experience. Once we start excluding parts, they can’t let go of us. Be open and willing to behold everything, without denial, without avoidance, without judgment or criticism.

• Here and now

Many people think too much about the past or the future. The challenge is to be in the here and now. Regularly take the time to sit with yourself in silence. Is meditation a step too far, take a walk in nature! Go to the forest or the beach, breathe in the fresh air and take a conscious look around you.

• Discover your own core values

What is important to you? Self-esteem is also about your own core values. You will improve your self-esteem if you know what your core values are and if you start consciously choosing those core values. If you know who you are and what you stand for, it’s easier to work towards something. This will increase your feeling of self-worth. 

• Exercise!

Sport contributes to a healthy lifestyle; you feel more comfortable in your own skin as a result. You will not only feel this boost in your body but also in your thoughts and feelings. Body and mind are connected!

• Take responsibility

Stop blaming others for the situation you are in right now. Where possible, choose to take action yourself. You can decide to no longer allow unhealthy forms of dependence and victimization. Not the other person, but YOU are ultimately responsible for your own happiness in life!

Help

Is your lack of self-esteem getting in the way of your daily life, and would you like to talk to someone about it? Make an appointment with your doctor, or click here for more information about NiceDay treatment at various mental healthcare institutions.

When you think of autism, you might think of Raymond, the famous character from the movie Rain Man (1988). Of the documentary ‘Het beste voor Kees’ (2014, or the popular Netflix show Aytpical (2017). You probably envision a certain type of person, but autism is a disorder that can manifest itself in many ways! That is why in psychiatry, it is called Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). A spectrum is also known as a gradient. So, what autism looks like can differ from where someone is on the spectrum. Therefore, you cannot tell from the way someone looks, whether they have autism or not, and this entails many prejudices.

When do you have autism?

There are several criteria that you must meet to be diagnosed with autism. These criteria consist of social communication and social interaction problems and limited, repetitive behavior. Think, for example, of specific interests and under-, or hypersensitivity to certain sensory stimuli, such as loud noises. Within these two domains, the severity of symptoms may differ. Below I will discuss common prejudices about autism.

Prejudice

Autism mainly affects men

It used to be thought that autism was four to ten times more common in men than in women. We now suspect that the number of women with autism is much higher! But why don’t we know for sure? Research has shown that autism can manifest itself differently in women than in men, which is why women are often diagnosed later. Autism in women is often only recognized when it has already had a major negative impact on various parts of life. Women may be better at disguising their autism features, making symptoms less likely to be noticed. Girls with ASD are more likely than boys to imitate their environment, as a result of which they learn social behavior. Women also have less obvious interests than men. They often have fascinations that are not strange or stereotypical, such as an interest in animals.

People with autism are not social

Although people with autism can often be alone, this does not mean that they do not want social contact. People with autism often have just as much need for social contact as people without autism. However, social contact often costs them much more effort and energy, because of their under- or hypersensitivity to sensory stimuli. Social contact in people with autism can also look different in terms of content. They often prefer to talk about common interests or enjoy doing a common activity. Sometimes just each other’s presence is enough.

A scientific study from 2009 also shows that people with autism actually have an excess of emotional empathy. However, they often express their feelings and emotions differently, so that it may seem that they are unable or insufficiently able to empathize with others. The prejudice that people with autism have no feeling or empathy has also turned out to be incorrect.

People with autism are mentally impaired

This is not true! Autism affects all levels of intelligence, from people with intellectual disabilities to giftedness. This assumption can also cause a later diagnose of people with a higher IQ. People with autism who have average or above-average intelligence may exhibit compensatory behaviors. This means that they have taught themselves how to behave in certain situations, which allows them to more easily disguise certain symptoms of autism.

You can see if someone has autism

Sometimes you quickly notice that someone may have autism. In contrast, there are plenty of people with autism that you have no idea about. People with autism have often learned to adapt well to their environment, as described above. For years, they often didn’t know they had autism. In addition, every person is unique, including people with autism.

Qualities of autism

The life of someone with autism can have its necessary challenges in today’s Western society. It is therefore important, in addition to learning to deal with these challenges, to also look at the many qualities that people with autism possess. People with autism often have a lot of knowledge about specific topics, and they have an eye for detail because of the different ways of processing information. They often work carefully and make few mistakes. People with autism are also good at analyzing, reasoning, and coming up with creative solutions. They have a strong sense of justice and are often loyal and honest. There are many more qualities that people with autism possess that are of value in our society.

But you don’t look autistic at all

Tip: In the book ‘But you don’t look autistic at all’ by Bianca Toeps (professional photographer) describes how she has to deal with the stereotypical views about autism and work. In addition, she gives non-autistic people tips on how to deal with someone with autism, without relying on prejudices and stereotypes.

If you wonder whether you may have autism or if you want to learn to deal better with the challenges you face in daily life, consider requesting an exploratory conversation with a psychologist. First, go to your doctor for a referral.

It all started in March 2020, over a year ago. We were urgently advised to stay at home, with the aim of keeping the amount of corona infections in society as low as possible. Many of us started to work from home and could only see friends and family one-on-one or digitally. We had to find new ways to relax, because it was more difficult to do sports (no group sports, gyms closed) and we couldn’t do cultural activities (concerts, museum visits, dancing or going to the movies). It was a year full of change, which we had to get used to and adapt to. It’s easy to get stuck in the negative, focussed on all the things we could no longer do. But corona has also brought positive things, both on a personal and social level; can you see those too?

Adaptation

In the past year, we have been able to see how quickly society can adapt in a practical sense if this is necessary (scaling up and adapting healthcare, working from home as a new norm) and how flexible we are as people. We have also noticed how important social contacts are to us and how difficult it is not to be able to just meet up with and cuddle your family or friends. In addition to the practical and social changes, we have also been able to see how important nature is, and experience how nice it is when there is some nature nearby to relax in.

Setting boundaries

The importance of communicating our personal boundaries has also been a big change for many of us; everyone dealt with the corona measures slightly differently and that required a lot of coordination. Do you hug or not and how do you say goodbye to each other? Are you okay with meeting up with more than one person, or do you prefer to stick to the rules? These were all things we needed to talk about and actively set our boundaries on. Do you recognize that too?

Personal changes

COVID has also taught us things on a personal level. Over the past year, many people have been looking for a new way to shape their lives. You have probably gotten to know yourself in a different way than you did before. Maybe you were surprised that you were so flexible and resilient, or maybe you were shocked by how much effort it took you to adapt to the new circumstances. There were probably times when you could find acceptance in the situation, but there were also times when you were completely done with it. COVID has given us the opportunity to get to know ourselves better, learn how we respond to bigger adversities over which we have little control, and practice trying new things to create a new balance in ourselves and our lives.

What have you learned the past year?

Take a moment to think about what this strange year has brought you. What have you learned about yourself, about the things you find important in life? How does your partner, family or friends feel about this? Think about the following questions, together or alone, and take a look at the things you have learned:

• How do you react to adversity? What has helped you with this in the past year?
• How do you deal with uncertainty, in the field of health, work or finance for example? What has helped you with this in the past year?
• How do you deal with change?
• How do you deal with the wishes or boundaries of others that do not match yours?
• What do you find important in your social contacts?
• What do you find important in your life?

Learn from it, and take these lessons with you. Knowing your own strength and pitfalls makes you stronger in the event of the next setback; you now know how you react and you probably also know better how to deal with this.

Life is full of changes and they come in many forms. We can experience changes at our workplace, such as a promotion, in our relationships, such as a breakup or a pregnancy or changes in our mental or physical health. All of which, positive or negative, can be difficult and stressful to process at first. Have you ever noticed how big transitional periods in our life are often associated with anxiety or fear? Think about moving out from your parents for the first time, or starting a new job in a new workplace.

Sometimes we know changes are going to happen and actively work towards them. But, sometimes they may come as a shock or surprise and we may not be able to directly control the consequences. A very real and relevant example of this is the current COVID-19 pandemic. The changes in society we have all had to undertake have come as a shock, with very little time for us to adjust to the new rules. By learning how to better cope and process change, you will reduce your chance of suffering from anxiety or depression. 

Below are 4 tips to reduce the stress associated with big changes and advice on how you can better process and adapt to change.

1. Acknowledge your feelings

Often change comes with some form of loss and leaving behind what we are familiar with can be stressful. For example, the COVID-19 pandemic has meant that a lot of people have lost their jobs! Furthermore, a graduation or a divorce may mean that you lose some of your social circle. Acknowledge these feelings and give them space, it is normal to feel sad even if the change is ‘positive’. Take some time to reflect, and allow yourself time to adjust to the changes. It can be helpful to write down your feelings, or ask your friends and family for support and practise some self-care. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. 

2. Assess the situation

Sometimes we get ‘stuck’ and ruminate on things that we have no control over, wishing that they were different. In the long run this only causes more pain and distress. Instead, try to focus on the things that you can control. Look at what aspects you can change to improve the situation for yourself, and search for the new opportunities that may have arisen. Be proactive in the right areas. Accepting the new situation and its associated stress, and focusing on things we can change, can give us feelings of empowerment. 

3. Change your perspective

When undergoing stress or loss, you may have a lot of negative thoughts running through your mind. In moments of uncertainty, our brain usually defaults to a negative perspective. In the past this was probably evolutionary advantageous! Be aware and actively critical of these thoughts, try to challenge them. Often negative thoughts cause more undue stress than is necessary. With a bit of practice you can learn to change these thoughts into more accurate and helpful thoughts. Try to focus not on what you have lost, but on what you have gained. This may take some time so be patient with yourself, remember that processing change is a gradual process!

4. Find a routine

It can be helpful to keep to a routine. A routine can reduce uncertainty and increase feelings of familiarity, helping you to feel more comfortable and relaxed. For example, going for a run every evening can give you an ‘anchor’. It will give your brain an opportunity to rest and recuperate. Finding something that you are familiar with and made you feel good in the past, can be a good way to deal with negative feelings associated with change. 

NiceDay

Big changes in life often come with stress and anxiety, this is normal. But, they can also be a great opportunity for self-growth, learning and experience. If you need help processing a big change don’t hesitate to contact the NiceDay team, we will gladly support you with this process! 

Do you know the saying: “You are the sum total of your experiences?. You could say that someone with an abundance of negative experiences will have a lot of scars, and they will probably agree if you ask them. However, research has shown that people with, for example, paraplegia aren’t substantially less happy than people that can walk. Just like lottery winners aren’t always happier than people that didn’t win, and that’s interesting.

Baseline

The question of what makes one happy is something I’ve answered in some previous blogs (here & here). What’s special in this blog, is that researchers found it difficult to link specific factors to happiness. Income is only slightly related, physical attractiveness doesn’t contribute much to well-being and even good health has little relation to happiness. What they did find, is that people generally have some sort of happiness baseline. And this even seems to be slightly positive! Of course this is dependent on objective circumstances: for example someone who’s human rights are being suppressed will experience happiness in different ways than someone with more freedom in the same country.

Recovery

Research on impactful life events supports the idea of a happiness baseline. It seems that changes in well-being recover over time. So, life events like a loss of a loved one, a divorce or loss of a job cause a dip in your affective or cognitive well-being, but in the long term they actually have a slightly positive effect. Within a year, the dip has already returned to a neutral point. Positive life events such as marriage and childbirth also have an influence. Inconsistently, they have a negative effect on your baseline. The explanation for the first is also called the honeymoon effect; before the wedding, the level of happiness is so high that it can only go down from there. The influence of children can be explained on the basis of multiple domains. Even though the satisfaction about the relationship decreases because you’re spending more time on your child, your global happiness increases because you have a child.

What can we learn from this?

Whatever we will experience, we will always be able to recover to our happiness baseline. All the bad things you experience, can eventually have a positive effect on your life. The negative emotions you experience, the problems and challenges you face, the losses you suffer; eventually they will benefit you! You learn and develop yourself after each experience. Emotions can hurt, but there’s also something valuable in it; by feeling, you discover what you find important in life. If something hits you hard, it holds a certain value to you!

NiceDay

Think about the obstacles you’ve conquered in your life and what they have taught you. In what ways did they eventually benefit you? Did the loss of a loved one strengthen the bond with your other loved ones? Has a divorce triggered your personal growth? In what areas did you become happier? You can use the NiceDay app to write it down!

Everyone crosses their boundaries from time to time. You allow others to take more from you emotionally or you give more energy than you intended, and that’s fine! You have a buffer that allows you to do that every now and then. If you ensure that you can recharge it sufficiently, you will be able to go beyond your boundaries responsibly. But when this starts to become an unhealthy pattern, something else may be going on.

What are the benefits?

If you overstep your boundaries often, it’s too easy to just say you shouldn’t do that anymore. There’s a reason this behaviour is repeating itself; it has its advantages. You could think of receiving more appreciation at work or maybe it fits your flexible attitude. Maybe it feels good to be helpful or you have a strong urge to prove and improve yourself. Or maybe it’s just a lot more practical and it leaves you with more time on the weekends if you walk the extra mile during the week. In short, overstepping your boundaries can have all sorts of benefits.

What does it cost you?

Because people instinctively tend to be more focused on the short term benefits, we often lose sight of the bigger. Besides that occasionally overstepping your boundaries has its benefits, it also costs you something. That is something we usually don’t realise, until it starts to affect us. Overstepping your boundaries can often lead to feeling like you’re selling yourself short if you don’t do as much. You can experience more pressure, because you’ve created the expectation that you’re always the one that will take that extra step. People can eagerly take advantage of that. But eventually it will cost you your resources and the ongoing effort will lead to both physical and mental fatigue.

Setting boundaries

Setting boundaries is not something you do for the short term; it’s not just taking a step back because you’re tired today. You’re also doing it for the long term. By setting boundaries you give clarity about what you can expect from yourself, but also what others can expect from you. You make realistic and dynamic demands. This means you can expect yourself to do your best every day, while always taking the circumstances into account. For example, if you didn’t sleep well or you’re experiencing some personal difficulties, it’s realistic that you will get less done during the day. But if you’re suddenly highly energetic and you feel great, then of course it’s good to use your energy to walk the extra mile every once in a while! You’re optimizing your achievements, because you balance your efforts and divide them realistically. In the short term it may seem less productive when you sometimes say no to certain tasks or requests, but in the long term the sum of all your activities will be higher. You’re not making anyone feel shortchanged, you’re doing them a favour!

NiceDay

Try examining what it gives you to overstep your bounds. And what does it cost you? What do you need to sufficiently recharge yourself so you can overstep your bounds responsibly? You can track this in the NiceDay app, download it here!

I regularly hear people say: ‘I have a realistic self-image, not a negative one. I am just not that good at a lot of things’. The word self-image already says it; it is the image you have of yourself. It is shaped by the many experiences and memories you have, that give you an idea of who you are.

Positive vs negative

A negative self-image is often so programmed in your thoughts that you normalise it; you don’t consciously think about it. When something goes wrong for example, you don’t think about the circumstances in which it happened, but you think of yourself. ‘Sure, I can never succeed at anything’. Do you have a positive self-image? Then you’re lucky! For you it is the other way around; if something doesn’t work out, you are more likely to blame this on the circumstances instead of yourself. But why does that happen?

Selective perception

Research shows that us humans are naturally inclined to pay more attention to information that confirms our existing beliefs, and to ignore the evidence that goes against it. This is called selective perception. In addition, there is also such a thing as selective memory. This ensures that memories that confirm our beliefs are always easier to bring up than memories that go against our beliefs. This makes it more difficult to think differently about ourselves. Does this mean that our self-image is unchangeable? No, definitely not! You can always improve your self-image, independently or with your NiceDay coach.

Sometimes people are scared to become arrogant when they let go of their negative self-image. Remember that there is a space between insecurity and arrogance! Maybe you know someone that you think has a positive self-image, but isn’t arrogant at all. Working on your self-image is an investment in yourself that costs you time and energy. Why would you take the effort?

The burdens of a negative self-image

Working on your self-image is valuable, because a negative self-image has its disadvantages. When you suffer from a negative self-image, you often have difficulties with doing the following:

• Trying new things. When you have a negative self-image you are often afraid of failure.  You probably don’t believe in yourself before you’ve even started. By not trying any new things, you don’t get the confirmation that shows you projects do succeed or that you are good in certain things.
• Receiving criticism. People with a negative self-image are often afraid of criticism because they immediately accept it as true. They behave flawlessly to prevent them from possibly being confronted with any criticism. Acting perfectly all the time is extremely tiring and can result in exhaustion, but also takes the fun out of the activity!
• Receiving a compliment without immediately ‘putting it down’ by, for example, making up excuses, such as: ‘Well everyone would do this, that’s normal’, ‘It really doesn’t mean anything’, ‘Others would have done better’, and so on. The person who gave the compliment won’t feel taken seriously as a result and is therefore less likely to give a compliment again.
• Struggling with social situations because you don’t find yourself worth talking to or because you think you don’t have anything interesting to say. By avoiding these situations, you deprive yourself of the chance to get better at them and learn that social “clumsiness” is not so bad! And you might even find out that you are not as boring as you think …
• Maintaining a positive mood is more difficult if you have a negative self-image. You are more pessimistic and often feel gloomy, unhappy or tired.
• Achieve fewer results. By avoiding certain situations you will achieve less and will therefore be less satisfied. This applies to bigger things, such as speaking up during a meeting at work, but also to small things, such as nice contact with your neighbors or meeting new people.

Improving your negative self-image

There is no need to live with a negative self-image; you can do something about it. If you have a negative self-image and therefore mainly focus on what is not going well, you can train yourself to focus more on the positive. Even though this may feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable at first, it will automatically become your new normal. As a psychologist I have seen several people recover after a self-image training. Afterwards they thought themselves more worthwhile and dared more. They were also more satisfied with their relationships and their lives. I would therefore like to invite everyone to take action if you have a negative self-image, even if you are afraid that it will fail! Your NiceDay coach can help you with this.

What can I do today to improve my self-image?

• Make a list of positive traits and keep it.
• Collect compliments, in a notebook for example.
• Stop denouncing compliments you receive and practice saying “thank you” instead of ‘Yes but…’.
• Find a song that gives you strength and listen to it.
• Keep a positive diary for yourself.
• Use mindfulness and relaxation exercises to distract yourself from negative feelings and connect with an empathetic side of yourself.
• Would you like to read more about how you prefer to be for yourself? Then read this article on misconceptions about self-compassion.

NiceDay

Are you struggling with a negative self-image and notice that this has an impact on your daily life? Then it can be nice to talk to someone about this. You can find more information about online help via NiceDay here.

Have you ever thought you found ‘the one’? When you experienced an amazing ‘click’ with someone where everything seems rosy? But despite your best intentions, the relationship fizzles out or descends into constant conflict? Despite the way love and relationships are sometimes portrayed in movies, tv shows and books, having a long term relationship is not always plain sailing. Building a long term, secure, and happy relationship needs strong foundations and work from both sides. So, how can you build a healthy relationship?

A Sound Relationship House

What separates long lasting happy relationships from those that end prematurely, or end in divorce? After 40 years of research on couples, Dr. John Gottman introduced the concept that a secure foundation of a long-term relationship resembles the secure foundation of a house. The house is rather tall and only has two walls, but a house nonetheless!

Source: https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-is-the-sound-relationship-house/

Climbing the stairs 

Each floor represents something a couple can work on to create a strong relationship bond. By working your way up to the top floor, you can create a strong foundation for a long-term relationship. So what do these floors represent? Below you will find a brief explanation of each floor. 

• Build love maps

This is all about how well you know your significant other. What do they enjoy, what are they most scared of and what do they dream of? Who are their friends? You can build love maps by asking your partner the right questions and getting to know them better than anyone else does. 

• Share fondness and admiration

Instead of looking for flaws in your partner and mistakes they have made, concentrate on the things they do well and that you are thankful for. Try to take a perspective of gratitude. Don’t forget to let them know what you are thankful for! This will create a bond on the basis of appreciation and affection. 

• Turn toward instead of away

Throughout each day your partner will be trying to connect with you. For example when your partner expresses how much they are enjoying their food, or when they ask how your day at work was or ask for your advice or support on a topic. Use these small everyday moments to turn toward your partner and connect with them, support them when they need it. Continually turning away from your partner will damage the relationship.  

• The positive perspective

Our reality is based on our perspective and how we view the world around us. Therefore, by trying to take a positive perspective we can change how the relationship feels. The fourth floor represents not jumping to conclusions and giving your partner the benefit of doubt. Don’t forget that your partner probably has your best interests at heart. 

• Manage conflict

Some conflict is inevitable and not always resolvable. You are two different individuals, with different beliefs and feelings after all! Therefore, learning to manage conflict is essential. Be open to compromise and really listen and try to understand your partner’s perspective. Practise self-soothing and de-escalating a conflict. 

• Make Life Dreams Come True

Support and help your partner reach their life goals and dreams. By doing this you will show your partner that you are a great companion to have. 

• Create Shared Meaning

The top floor is about learning to understand your inner world as a couple. Do you have shared goals? What is your identity as a couple? What small rituals do you enjoy doing together? These are called rituals of connection, for example this could be where you enjoy going on holiday together, or what you like to watch on tv on wednesday night. 

The walls

Don’t forget the walls representing trust and commitment, these are the things that hold all the floors of the house together!

Trust represents having faith in your partner and believing that they have the best intentions for you at heart. The belief that your partner will be there for you when you need it. 

Commitment represents believing that the relationship is a lifelong journey, cherishing the positives and trying to work through the negatives.

Want to learn more about building a Sound Relationship House, nurturing a relationship or couple therapy? There are plenty more resources on the Gottman website or NiceDay blog page. 

For a long time, I didn’t have the peace of mind to write. I suddenly realised that in only two weeks it’ll already be 2021. This year has flown by. I have reached milestones, but unfortunately haven’t been able to celebrate them due to corona. Besides that, so much was going on and my head just kept on spinning. Ever since a few weeks, I have been missing the balance in my physical and mental health. I have come so far, but the home stretch is weighing on me greatly.

Physical discomfort

Does your body strongly react to stress? Mine does. My body knows exactly how to respond when my boundaries are crossed. I get a stomach ache, eat less, have insomnia and start to dissociate. My initial reaction is always to ignore, turn off my feelings and to keep on going. But there comes a time that I will have to listen to my body. This happened to me a few weeks ago, when I was on the train. I didn’t feel any emotions, it is as if I was living in a blur. Suddenly I realised; this is a bad sign. I recognize this from before. For years I have lived without feeling anything. Eventually, this realisation isn’t a punishment but a blessing. My body warns me that I have to start making changes so that I can get back in touch with my feelings.

Mental health

I’m a thinker. Actually, I’m an overthinker. The last few weeks I have been thinking about what to do with my life and whether I am happy. I still don’t know what I really want to do in life, but I have come a bit closer to the answer by knowing what I don’t want to do. Someone recently told me: “You already know the answer, listen to the voice inside you”. But listening to my inner voice is difficult, because I first need to take down a big wall before reaching my inner voice. 

Happiness

I think I can give a better answer to the question: are you really happy? It’s the little things that make me feel warm inside, such as being with my mom, hugging my cheeky rabbits or hanging out with a friend. I associate this feeling of warmth with happiness. It is a feeling of appreciation and content for the things you currently have. I won’t be able to be happy every single day, but that’s okay. Feelings are like waves; they go up and down. I’m already so happy that I can enjoy these small moments of happiness again. In the meantime I will just keep on going, looking for my place in this world.

Love,

Ghyta