You might know the feeling of not feeling connected to other people. You might feel like you are on your own. Someone who experiences loneliness has this feeling constantly. When you are lonely you have little or even no contact with others. Loneliness is more common than you might think; more than one million Dutch people feel very lonely. There is a lot of attention for loneliness among the elderly, but the number of young people who feel lonely is greatly underestimated.

What is going on?

The millennials are often described as a social and creative group of young people, but over 70% of these young people feel lonely sometimes. The causes of loneliness can differ. Some young people find it difficult to make contact with others. Many are afraid of being rejected and others simply do not know where to start. In addition, you do not have to be alone in order to feel lonely. Some young people are surrounded by others, but still feel lonely. Also, young people often think that they are the only ones who have to deal with loneliness, and because of this the topic won’t be discussed.

Social or not so social media?

The millennials grew up with technology and through social media such as Facebook and Instagram you can easily make contact and stay in touch with others. You might wonder if we are replacing personal and profound relationships with relationships that are distant and superficial. It is all about finding balance though so for example you can invite a Facebook friend for an event on Facebook and attend this event together (in real life)!

How can you deal with it?

Of course it is easier said than done, but if you want to get in touch with people you will have to go out and surround yourself among other people. This is of course very exciting if you have been on your own for some time. You can decide yourself in which way you want to get in contact with others, make sure it feels comfortable for you. Nowadays, there are apps on the market which make it easy for you to get in contact with others. You can find a buddy online to play sports together or you can find someone to make nice trips together. If you are not a fan of apps, you can for example try volunteering. In this way you are helping others, but you are also helping yourself because you are exposing yourself to other people. In addition, many free courses are offered on the internet. For example, a cooking course seems to be a win-win situation: you prepare a delicious meal and you get to know new people as well!

What can you do about it?

Humans are social creatures: we are not made to be alone all the time. You can not tell by looking at someone’s face if they are experiencing loneliness, but do you know someone who could use a helping hand or have you not spoken to a certain person in a while? Take this person to a cool event, grab a coffee together or have a nice walk in the park. The smallest things can make so much difference!

The longer we’re in this lockdown, the worse the consequences seem to become. Perhaps one of the biggest consequences is loneliness. Now more than ever we are dependent upon ourselves: we hardly see our friends and family, don’t have a lot of pleasant (social) activities and new contacts can (almost) no longer be made. Loneliness in 2020 affects more people than ever. Recent research by the RIVM shows that 27% of the Dutch feel more lonely now, than they did before the corona crisis. Luckily there are a number of things you can do to help decrease the amount of loneliness in quarantine. In this article you will find some ideas!

Talk about it

Sharing your thoughts, feelings and information is an effective way to maintain your relationships. We’re all in this together, so sharing your concerns and feelings about the situation can make you feel less alone. Sidenote: it is also very important to talk about a different subject than corona. For example, reminisce about good memories you have with each other or organize an online drink or pub quiz.

Do something nice for one another

Doing something nice for someone else increases your happiness and the happiness of the other! 

What can you do?

• Make a video with a sweet message and send it to your loved ones
• Make Christmas packages
• Send a (Christmas) card to your loved ones
• Have you finished a good book? Pass it on to someone else! Nice tip: put a note in it with a sweet message.
• Do groceries or other chores for someone that is sick or more vulnerable.

Keep moving

The moment you stop moving, you will feel less useful, which in turn has a negative effect on the feelings of loneliness. 

What is it that you can do?

• Take a nice walk and try to bring variety to your walking route. That way you might discover new places!
• Try a different coffee-to go every week.
• Read a book (in the park maybe?).
• Try out a new recipe (double chocolate cheesecake?).
• Transform your home into a December-proof version! Did you put up the Christmas tree yet? Is the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling? Do you already have your extra thick winter socks ready?

In this blog you can find more useful tips on social events that you can have within the current corona guidelines.

We need each other, it is so important to keep looking for each other. Stay in touch with each other. Despite the 1.5 meters, there are possibilities! Do you feel like these tips and ideas are not working for you? Click here for more information about online help via NiceDay.

The corona measures affect everyone. You notice it at work, at home, while shopping or when you go somewhere. It has a major impact on our social lives, because you have to limit contact as much as possible (social distancing). As a result, birthdays and trips with your family or friends look different, l now that restaurants and bars are temporarily closed. At home you can invite a maximum of 2 people, provided you can keep enough distance. And all of this while social contact is very important. Fortunately, a little creativity can go a long way. So, how can you still have social events within the Covid-19 guidelines? Read on below!

Why is social contact important?

Social contact is important for your well-being. You can talk about what is going on in your life and receive support from your friends, but you can also laugh and act crazy with each other. Therefore, do make sure that you also have sufficient social contact with your loved ones in times of Covid, to prevent loneliness and social isolation. Below we’re giving you some tips and ideas on how you could organize your social activities within the current Covid guidelines:

• Online social contact, think of games, such as an online escape room, a quiz or cards against humanity. You will find much more online inspiration in this blog.
• Set up a vlogging competition with your friends and show it to each other online, with the theme for example showing your day or week, making a tutorial or something else fun!
• A fixed video call date to catch up with your group of friends if they are too large to get together, for example while cooking, having dinner or to watch your favorite series or movie at the same time.
• Invite a maximum of 2 friends at home (remotely) for a dinner, game night, movie night or a drink.
• “Eat out” at home by having a restaurant deliver a meal. Enjoy it alone, with your partner or with 2 friends. You also support the local catering industry!
• Do a real escape room with a maximum of 4 people. These are often still open! Make an appointment on location so that you don’t have to walk the street together in a group.
• Go outside and work out together with a maximum of 2 people, for example running, cycling, boot camp or inline skating.
• Visit a neighbor who you know lives alone and may be lonely, with five feet away of course.
• Going outside remains important. For example, go to the park in pairs, go hiking, fishing, camping, sit on a bench and you name it.

Are you self-isolating at home? Take a look at this article, with ideas on what you can do whilst self-isolated.

NiceDay

Regularly reflect on your social events in your NiceDay diary. Do you feel like you have enough social contact? Or are you feeling lonely? Try and think about what you need and plan some events that fit your needs.

The pandemic has forced many of us to stay at home and socially distance from our friends and family. Although, in some ways, it is a privilege that many of us have the resources and ability to safely self-isolate in the comfort of our own homes, feelings of loneliness may foster and you can feel disconnected from others and the outside world.

A review of research on loneliness found that it has been linked to higher rates of mortality as well as poorer mental health outcomes, such as anxiety and depression. This illustrates just one of the ways the virus may significantly impact us as a society. 

What can we do to cope with feelings of loneliness?

An important first step is to create acceptance, and an understanding that this situation is mostly out of our control. This allows us to adjust our expectations temporarily for the days and weeks to come, and so we can take the first steps into making the best out of it and reducing feelings of loneliness.

Keep yourself busy

A factor that can contribute to feelings of loneliness and anxiety is periods of boredom and rumination. By keeping yourself occupied it can give you some more structure, help you stop thinking about the negative things, as well as increasing your sense of self-accomplishment each day. A loss of sense of meaning and purpose can add to these feelings of loneliness and depression. Therefore it is important to do something each day you regard as meaningful, this will help you look forward to each day and remain content. 

Other examples of activities you can do to keep busy are:

• Take part in some exercise, such as running, yoga or a dance class at home. 
• Read a book.
• Play a computer game. 
• Learn something you never had the time for before.
• Start an art or music project.

Be creative

Expressing yourself creatively, whether you do it through drawing, painting, making music, or decorating, can be therapeutic in itself, and a good way of getting out your negative feelings. Creating and problem solving can help us to be mindful. This can reduce our blood pressure, muscle tension and our heart rate helping us feel more relaxed. 

Not only that but if you share your creative endeavours with others, people may enjoy or even relate to them. This allows you to connect with others in a different way then you might normally. 

Go outside

Depending on your government’s advice regarding the pandemic, it can be greatly beneficial  and grounding to go outside. By seeing other faces and people going through the same experience it can be a greatly comforting and connecting experience, reducing feelings of loneliness, despite the social distance. 

Studies have found that going into nature can reduce levels of cortisol which contribute to feelings of stress. 

Help someone else

Someone else out there is probably having a similar experience to you, and may be struggling with the current pandemic. It can be rewarding to extend some of this understanding to someone else and try to provide a helping hand. You may be working on yourself but it can help to take the focus off your own loneliness and be there for someone else. It could be your neighbour or an old friend, try to think of someone you know who could use some extra support or company.

Stay connected online

In this day and age, there are numerous different ways for us to stay connected online. Here are some examples:

• Set up a video call with family and friends.
• Join a social media community about a subject you are interested in.
• Join an online forum about a hobby of yours. 
• Communicate with friends on social media.
• Play games together online with friends.
• Participate in ‘QuarantineChat’, this was set up specifically to help people connect during the pandemic. 

Are you struggling with loneliness during the pandemic? Don’t hesitate to reach out to professional help, we are here to help. 

Did you know that in a country like the Netherlands around 1.6 million people feel seriously lonely. In general, loneliness is seen as one of the most serious social problems. In previous blogs loneliness was also discussed: how to combat loneliness and what happens to your body when you’re feeling lonely. And we know now that loneliness can happen to anyone. But what is loneliness exactly? Did you know there are different types of loneliness? And what are the causes and consequences? 

What is loneliness?

Loneliness can be described as a feeling of emptiness, dissatisfaction with or a lack of connection in relationships and the world. For example: you may have social relationships, but you still miss a close emotional bond with one or more people in your social circle. In this way, a person with a lot of friends and/or a big family can still experience feelings of loneliness if the bond is very superficial and lacks connection. 

There are two types:

• Social loneliness: this is the case when you have little to no friends, because you lost them when you moved away for example.  Also, social loneliness can occur because you have a certain character or if something happened to you in the past such as being bullied or abused. This is purely about the need for social contact and connectedness. With social loneliness you desire (more) social contact and connectedness.
• Emotional loneliness: this is the case when you have a close bond with someone or others, but you are missing an intimate bond with people with whom you can share your feelings. It can sometimes happen when you are in a relationship and you feel emotionally lonely. Emotional loneliness is all about the emotional need or even love.

Causes 

Everybody experience loneliness in a different way. And also the cause differs.  It may be due to the loss of a loved one or moving to another town. You lose the contact. Also personal characteristics or expectations may play a role. For example, one can feel lonely because he/she is being bullied, while the other feels lonely because of a gloomy mood.

Consequences

Loneliness has a similar effect as stress on the immune system and your body. So loneliness has an effect on your health. People who feel lonely are more often unhappy and less often leave the house for social activities, which reinforces loneliness.

Do you recognize this feeling?

Talking about your feelings can help against loneliness. Are you unable to approach a person in your own circle? Do you have no idea what you can do about loneliness and would you like to talk to someone outside of your social circle? Download the NiceDay App and get in touch with one of our NiceDay coaches. They are happy to help you!

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” ― Carl Gustav Jung

We, as human beings, like to be alone every now and then. But at the same time we don’t want to be alone too much. Loneliness feels like a threatening concept. Managing our exposure to each other is a complicated thing though. Everyone needs alone time indeed, but experts agree that we need a considerable amount of human interaction and a few deep, meaningful connections to feel that warm, satisfying feeling known as contentment. What exactly happens in your body when you’re feeling lonely?

Physical manifestations of feeling lonely

The physical manifestations of feeling lonely are real. Luckily, the solutions to loneliness are also real and very simple. Let’s talk about loneliness together. Here are four things that happen in your body when you’re lonely.

1. Your body is making more cortisol

You probably know that your body produces more cortisol when you’re stressed. So it is no surprise that cortisol levels are lower when you’re able to socialize. Studies show that those who complain or share their issues with a friend about their problems feel physical relief after venting. When you are able to talk about your problems with a co-worker or a friend, you’re less physically stressed. Too much cortisol is something your body can’t  handle well. Talk out your issues with a friend before you bottle up the problems and get overwhelmed.

2. Your nervous system goes into fight-or-flight mode

When you’re lonely, research shows that your brain can produce an excess of norepinephrine. That is hormone that’s a crucial “signal during the fight or flight response.” When your body responds to stress by activating fight-or-flight responses, it becomes harder to shut down at the end of the day and rest. Unless you have plans to be productive in your solitude, try leaving your apartment to meet a friend to take a break from your brain.

3. Your white blood cells elevate causing inflammation

While the hormone cortisol fights inflammation, the fight-or-flight response that loneliness causes drives your body to produce norepinephrine. This actually elevates your white blood cell production and shuts down your bodies natural viral defences. It’s a sort of vicious cycle: you’re stressed and your cortisol levels are elevated, but you’re a little panicky, so your body is less sensitive to the beneficial, inflammation-lowering aspect of cortisol.

4. Your body becomes colder

In 2012, researchers found that just the idea of being ignored socially was enough to make a person’s body temperature drop. Loneliness can be remedied by both the figurative, psychological warmth of social interaction and actual physical warmth that mimics it, like a cup of hot coffee held between your hands. The mind-body connection between physical warmth and the feeling of being loved is real!

Are you feeling lonely?

Humans are social beings: we are not made to be alone all the time. If you are feeling lonely, text a friend to ask if they would like to hang out. Grab a coffee, go for a walk or make a nice meal together.

Afraid of being alone? Whether people want to admit it or not, being afraid of being alone is more common than you think. We have probably all been there at some point. We are afraid of ending up alone, without friends or even without family. Afraid of going out for dinner alone, sitting alone on a terrace or traveling alone. We are afraid of failure and having no one who can comfort us when we are miserable. We have probably felt this feeling at some point in our lives. If this feeling, the fear of being alone, sounds familiar, it may be a sign of autophobia.

What is autophobia?

Autophobia, or monophobia, is the fear of being alone or lonely. Being alone, even in a protected place like your own home, can lead to serious anxiety. People with autophobia feel that they need another people to feel safe. This phobia is often confused with the fear of staying alone (anuptaphobia), but the two phobias differ from each other. Someone who suffers from autophobia can often only relax when they are in the company of other people.

People who suffer from autophobia can experience their fear in a different way. For some people, the fear even hinders their daily lives. Symptoms are:

• Fear of fainting
• A disability to concentrate on anything other than the disease
• Failure to think clearly
• Stress over up-coming times and places where you may be alone
• Fear of being secluded
• Lightheadedness, dizziness, sweating, shaking
• Nausea
• Cold and hot flashes
• Numbness or tingling feelings
• Increased heart rate

Where does it come from?

Autophobia is an irrational fear that arises when you fear that you will be alone. Although there may not be a real threat of being alone, you will still not be able to control your symptoms. You may only be able to function normally if you no longer feel alone. If you are alone, you may feel a desperate need to end your loneliness as quickly as possible. In addition, it may be a result of a trauma in which you suffered because you were alone and vulnerable, or because you had no one at the time to help you deal with a terrible event.

What can you do about it?

• Face your fear. Facing your fear sounds scary, but it is a good start. Ignoring your fear can be quite dangerous, because the longer you ignore the fear, the more misery you create for yourself. When you ignore your fear, you are the most vulnerable to hurting yourself and displaying unhealthy behaviour, such as becoming very affectionate to someone you have just started dating for example.
• Challenge yourself. Change your mindset. This is easier said than done, but through exposure exercises you treat avoidance behaviour that has developed over time. The goal is to improve your quality of life so that your phobias no longer limit your daily life.

NiceDay app

Are there things in daily life that you would like to change but you don’t know how? Do you feel lonely? Are there issues you can’t solve yourself? Download the NiceDay app! We offer 1 on 1 coaching. You do not have to do it alone: professionals are there for that extra support.