Vulnerability is something beautiful. But at the same time it is also something scary. We are all born with vulnerability. However babies, toddlers and children are more vulnerable than adults. They depend on adults and cry faster after something bad has happened. They are easy influenced and believe the greatest fantasy stories.

As we age, our vulnerability decreases. We can take care of ourselves and know (often) how to distinguish between reality and fantasy. And cry less and if we don’t get our way, we deal with it and we continue our lives. We hide our vulnerability because it is seen as a weakness. We are afraid that if we are vulnerable, others may hurt us or make fun of us. But is this really true? Or should we just embrace our vulnerability?

Relationships and vulnerability

In any relationship, it is important that both sides know that they can show they are vulnerable. Vulnerability shows something “real”. Something authentic. It makes you even more beautiful than you already are. It is killing to walk around with the demons in your head every day and have to pretend that everything is going well without sharing this with friends, family or significant other. If it is difficult for you to open up and be vulnerable, think about how the people in your surroundings are feeling then the see that you’re hurting.

Opening up to people

Imagine sitting in a room with some friends. There is one friend who sees that you are struggling with yourself. She wants to help you, but you say there’s nothing wrong and you put a smile on your face. That smile does not take away your friend’s concern. Your friend feels powerless, because she wants to help you so badly. But to be able to help you, you must have the courage to be vulnerable. You don’t have to tell your entire story right away, but just saying that you don’t feel so good is already a first step.

Connectedness and vulnerability

I would describe connectedness as a deeper connection that you have with someone. The feeling that your soul connects with another soul. It does not have to be your soulmate right away, but it is about that deeper connection that can only be felt from within. You can feel very lonely when you don’t feel a connection with, for example, a friend. It is of course possible that it is not the right match in terms of friendship. But if you have ever felt that connection, it may be because you do not open yourself to the other person.

Come out of your bubble

Suppose you are not feeling well or are depressed but do not want to share these feelings with the other person. You then remain in your own bubble which means that the deeper connection will never be established. It feels very lonely in that bubble. I can tell from my own experience. It doesn’t matter how many people you have around you, the loneliness doesn’t go away because you don’t feel connected to the people in your surroundings.

Baby steps

I also find it difficult to be vulnerable because I am not used to this. But patterns are there to be broken. By occasionally just giving an honest answer to the question, “how are you?” you let yourself to be vulnerable. It is the small steps that counts.