NiceDay blog: insecure in a friendship

Friendships can be beautiful and add a lot of joy to your life. But what if you feel insecure in a friendship? Is it still as beautiful to you? And what can you do about this? I haven’t found the answers to these questions yet, but I will tell you about my own experience.

Best friends

I met my best friend 10 years ago. She was a friend of my boyfriend at the time and we clicked right away. We could talk about everything and supported each other through thick and thin. It also didn’t matter if we didn’t talk to each other for a few weeks; it always felt natural when we did have contact again. This worked great for both of us. We did live quite far away from each other, so unfortunately it was not possible to meet up a lot. However, our bond was so strong that this wasn’t any issue to us.

Grown apart

Through the years we have seen each other going through new relationships and breakups. Once in a while we met up, but we did talk to each other daily via whatsapp. Still, even the contact via whatsapp started to disappear. I felt like she didn’t want to talk to me anymore and was too afraid to reach out. It made me insecure, so I decided to let it go. After all, I did have other friends around me that made it easier for me to deal with this.

Back in touch

After not speaking to each other for two whole years, my friend decided to get back in touch with me. I was so happy that she did that! We found out that we were both too insecure to reach out, afraid that the other might be angry or didn’t want to be friends anymore. But, eventually we were fine! Crazy that we had our thoughts ruin a wonderful friendship. I wouldn’t let this happen again!


Despite our good intentions, I notice that I am falling back into my insecurities. I love this girl to bits; she knows everything about me and I can talk to her about anything. But I am always the one that reaches out. I know she has a busy life, so that should explain a lot. But still I keep on thinking that she considers me as less of a friend, than I consider her. If not, she would be reaching out to me too right?

I also find it hard to see that she has made a new best friend the past year. I am happy for her, but what does that mean for me? That I am degraded to a regular friend, instead of her best friend? Does she still want me as a friend or does it only annoy her when I ask her how she’s doing? I keep having these thoughts more often lately. And to be totally honest, it saddens and hurts me. It even makes me a bit jealous.

The solution

I still don’t know what to do about this. I am aware that it’s probably best to try and talk to my friend and that I should tell her how I feel and ask her how she feels. But the fear of receiving a negative response makes me avoid the conversation. And even if she would comfort me, that doesn’t mean my insecurities will disappear. Because let’s be honest, me being insecure in our friendship isn’t her fault. It’s about me and my own insecurities, right?

Can you help me?

Do you ever feel insecure in a friendship? How did you or are you handling this? As you see I can still use a few tips here and there when it comes to this subject. So please don’t hesitate to contact me via Instagram (@anouk_van_ham) if you have any good tips for me! And when you’re there, follow NiceDay ( for your weekly dosis of positivity and mental health tips.

Thanks for reading and until next time!


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Insecurities and fears, we all know them. And so do I. Dealing with this can be difficult somtimes, but I'm trying my best to grow, to learn and to share my experiences.

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