We all know it’s important, but we don’t always do it when we actually should: talking about your feelings. In this blog I will explain why talking about your feelings is important and how you improve your skills of talking about feelings. 

Emotions are a form of communication

Expressing emotions is important for your wellbeing, but emotions are also an essential part of communication. Emotions are not just for yourself, but they are also signals to others. How can someone deal with you in the best possible way? For example, if others notice a tear, they probably will react a bit more caring, while a smile maybe provoke a more amicable reaction. 

But what if you can’t properly identify someone’s emotional state? There is a big chance you will cross someone’s boundaries! How frustrating can it be if you’re feeling the need to be heard, but you receive an exciting story? Some emotions can’t be identified so easy. These emotions are more internal. It can be pretty difficult for someone to notice what’s going on when you’re not talking about it.

Why don’t we talk?

We often find ourselves having difficulties opening up and being vulnerable, because we are afraid of the reaction. We are afraid the other will find us negative, weak or perhaps a nag. The fear of a negative judgment makes us decide to keep things to ourselves. In that way you increase the chance that others will cross your borders or that you will keep walking around for too long with negative feelings. You don’t want that!

Tips

But how do you do it? Share your emotions is not always easy. Ask yourself these questions. It will give you more insight.

• Consider this: how much emotions are there with someone who complains about the rain and how much emotions are there when someone wants to express his heart? The emotions are different. Do not be afraid that you will be seen as a nag. People see the emotions when you tell a story that really touches you.
• Which emotions do you see by the other person? Often you see in someone’s eyes, the attitude and the tone and the way you talk that something is happening. Body language betrays a lot.
• But there’s more. We humans are social animals and we are emotionally smarter than you think. You often feel if something is wrong. So think about it: someone sees this as well as you do.
• Then ask yourself how you would find it if you see someone else that something is there, but the person does not tell. You would find that annoying, wouldn’t you? Therefore tell what is on your heart.
• Ask yourself: if someone else trusts you and wants to express her or his heart to you. Would you find that weak? Or do you like that someone appreciates you for coming to you for support? Probably the latter. So realize that you appreciate it for other people if you air your heart with them.

Start a conversation

Give it a try and see how your environment reacts. Of course you don’t have to tell your life story right away. You can start with something small! Plan an event outside of your comfort zone in the NiceDay app and afterwards describe what happened. See if what actually happened matches your expectations.

No time to drink water, a little exercise in the office and unhealthy treats at work can affect your health. We share tips for healthier habits at work.

Healthy habits lead to a healthy lifestyle

A healthy lifestyle is important for your sleep, your mood and it influences your physical and mental health. Many healthy habits together create a healthy life. You spend a large part of your day at your workplace, which is why it is important to have healthy habits at work too. Below 10 practical tips for habits at your work that will keep you fit.

1: Drink enough water

Start your workday with a 1.5 liter bottle of water on your desk. Try to finish the bottle every day. 

2: Keep moving 

Put a message “get up and move” in your calendar for every 30 or every 60 minutes. Does the message appear? Get a drink, get up or walk around the office.

3: Call standing or walking

Put your earplugs in, walk out of the office and make a phone call for your work. It has several advantages: you are physically active, you get fresh air and you are doing something useful.

4: Meetings can also be held while standing

Do you have a meeting? Have it standing or exchange the meeting room for the outdoors. Good for the leg muscles!

5: Park your car further away or get off the bus one stop earlier

Do not park the car directly in front of the office, but for example one street away. This way you take some extra steps in a day. And if you come by public transport, you can get off the bus, tram or metro earlier. You can walk the rest of the route, in a healthy way, on foot.

6: Walk during lunch

Link a walk with the lunch break. Get a breath of fresh air on your own or with colleagues. After the walk you will go back to work more focused.

7: Do not eat while working or behind your computer

Give yourself time for a healthy lunch. Otherwise, you are more likely to eat quickly between tasks or behind your computer. When doing so, you do not really eat consciously and you are less likely to feel full.

8: You can skip treats

Sometimes there is something to celebrate every week. It’s okay to turn down the unhealthy treat once. Celebrate with a cup of coffee and take a piece of fruit, for example.

9: Candy jars gone, fruit basket on the desk

Put a fruit basket on your desk. Are you hungry? If fruit is in sight, you are more likely to grab a piece of fruit. Therefore, eliminate the candy jars from your desk.

10: Take the stairs 

Make a habit of avoiding the elevator and grabbing the stairs. That way you get extra steps in one day and you grow tight legs.

Take it step by step

Give your health a small upgrade by teaching yourself new healthy habits. Also at work! Take small steps. If you do the new activity daily, it will become a routine. Then you no longer need willpower and it becomes easier. Just like brushing your teeth. That has also become a habit because you do it every day.

Now it’s your turn!

Do you know another healthy habit for work? Which habit do you want to work on first? Share it in the NiceDay app!

In the Netherlands about 384,000 people are unemployed. Losing your job can have many reasons and unfortunately many people have lost their jobs due to the corona crisis. Being unemployed means that you belong to the labor force, but you are not currently working. Losing your job and becoming unemployed has major consequences, both practically in your daily life and emotionally.

Practical consequences

When you lose your job, you also lose your income. You are usually entitled to benefits, but that depends on your situation. As soon as you apply for benefits, in the Netherlands you will have to deal with the UWV. UWV stands for Employee Insurance Agency. They take care of the implementation of employee insurance such as the WW, WIA, WAO, WAZ, Wazo and the Sickness Benefits Act. It is also possible that you end up in a reintegration process via the UWV or that you are entitled to training. If you are not entitled to a benefit through the UWV (any longer), you will have to go to the municipality for social assistance benefits.

Emotional Consequences

Working is so much more than making money! It provides structure and purpose to your life. In addition, working can make you feel appreciated and this in turn affects your self-confidence. If you do not work, you may feel that you no longer participate in or contribute to society. You can also miss the structure of having something to do every day and experience stress over a loss of income.

Mourning your job

Losing your job evokes so many different emotions; disappointment, frustration, sadness and anger for example. The following five stages of loss can help you better understand your feelings:

• Denial

When you know you’re going to be fired, but you may not want to face it in the first phase.

“This can’t be true, can it?”

• Anger

You may be angry with your boss, your colleagues or the situation in general. When you lose your job due to things out of your control (such as corona), you may experience feelings of anger because of the situation and because you are the victim.

“Why is this happening to me ?!”

• Negotiate

You want to look for ways to stop the loss of your job; for example by going to the trade union or court.

“I’m going to do everything I can to keep my job!”

• Depression

At some point you become aware of the fact that you have really lost your job. In this phase feelings of depression and stress can develop.

“How will I ever get a new job?”

• Acceptance

In this phase you have accepted that you have lost your job and you regain the space to focus on new possibilities. Those new possibilities will give you new energy, go for it!

Tips for coping with job loss

• Realize you’re grieving. A job is not just about making money, there is much more to it. You make social contacts through your work and it brings structure to your life. The emotions that come with losing a job are totally normal: you lose quite a big part of your life. It is good to realize this and to not push these feelings away.
• Share your feelings with people close to you, such as family or close friends. It is wonderful if your environment understands you and takes your feelings into account. If some people don’t offer you the support you expected from them, don’t get stuck in that, but seek support from others.
• You are not the only one who is experiencing this. You may know others who are or have had the same experience. Talk about it with each other, sharing experiencees can help you.
• Are you going to apply for other jobs? Try and prepare yourself for those and read up on tips that could help you.

Therapy

If you experience a lot of negative feelings due to the loss of your job, you can seek professional help. A psychologist can help you reflect on the negative emotions that can arise because you have become unemployed. You can also work with your psychologist on your self-image and gain new insight into your strengths. Click here for more information about online help via NiceDay.

Family: the friends you didn’t choose. How close you are with your family, can differ per person and could also depend on your culture. You might know people who are very close to their family and have family events all the time. You probably also know people who aren’t that close to their family, and might even have broken off from them completely. But how important is the relationship with your family? And how does it affect your (mental) health? We’ll explain it in this blog!

Emotional support

You probably know your family really well, which might make it easier for you to talk about your emotions and feelings with them. Research shows that 60% of us need family for emotional support. 68% of us think their family members need us for emotional support. The connection between siblings seems to be the closest; 30% of the siblings call their brother or sister first in case of an emergency. Research on 83-year old siblings showed that the relationship with their brothers and sisters are more important for their mental health, than the relationship with their friends or even their children!

But not having a great relationship with your family, doesn’t mean that’ll ruin the rest of your life. You can make up for the negative relationship you had with your family, by developing your own identity through work, love or parenthood for example (Happify, n.b).

Tension

A close relationship does not automatically mean a good relationship. Families can cause a lot of tension. Your family raised you and taught you their morals and perspectives, however along the way you develop your own identity by having your own experiences, which might make you start to think in a different way. As you get older, this can cause tension between you and some family members.

Below you can find some tips on to reduce or prevent tension with your family:

1. Set boundaries

Of course, that does not mean you have to hand over a book of ‘rules’ to your family. However, it might be useful to have clear boundaries for yourself, so that you know how to react when a situation occurs that doesn’t feel right to you.

2. Listen 

It is very tempting to interrupt someone in an argument, when you hear them say something you don’t agree with. However, that doesn’t contribute to a good and adult relationship. A healthy conversation will reduce tension, regardless of its content. Do not give unsolicited advice and accept each others choices.

3. Let go of expectations

A close family can cause social pressure, as family members expect certain things from each other. Try not to set expectations for each other! You want to make your own choices in life, so let your family members do the same! Support each others choices, even though you might not agree with them.

Family – like branches on the tree. They will grow in different directions, but their roots remain the same.

Apologize

Apologizing tor forgiving someone can be very hard, and doesn’t always happen when it should. Try to deal with not getting the apology you want and keep in mind that they love you. Take responsibility for your own mistakes and try not to hold on to the situation.

Do you have a bad relationship with your parents and would you like to do something about it? Psychologist Wouter discusses what you can do to improve or accept the situation, in this blog. 

2020 has been a year full of change. A year in which we constantly have had to adapt to new measures and find our way around the (temporary) new normal. This is not easy for many people; missing the hugs from your family or the lack of nights out with friends still remains. But when you are quarantined with depression, this time can be even more difficult. In this blog I will discuss how you can prevent your depression from worsening.

How do you feel when you are depressed?

When you are depressed, you feel low and lethargic for a long period of time. You may also notice that you get less enjoyment from life. When you previously enjoyed a cup of coffee in the sun, it no longer feels very pleasant anymore. With the help of a psychologist you can find out if you are suffering from depression.

The vicious circle

When you suffer from depression you can experience many negative thoughts. Thinking negatively may have become a habit; you may not even realize that you are thinking negatively. This negative mindset can also make you feel more depressed. Because you feel low, you are less motivated to do things (for example daily exercise, household chores or maintaining social contacts). Because you feel less motivated to do things, you actually end up doing less. You then feel less satisfied at the end of the day and think negatively about yourself. This negative thinking then causes a low mood and this is how the circle continues. 

Breaking the circle

To break this circle, it is important to get active step by step (literally and figuratively), under the guidance of a psychologist. When you slowly start to move more and become active, it ultimately ensures that you also feel more active and that you are more active. If successful, you will feel satisfied at the end of the day and your self-esteem will increase. This is a gradual process; it is not fair to expect yourself to recover from depression in a few weeks.

Breaking the circle during Corona

Depression in itself is difficult enough. But what if you have to be quarantined during a depression? Then it suddenly becomes even more difficult to stay active. What can you do and what can you pay attention to (whether you are in treatment or not)?

• Create as much structure as possible, that means:

• • getting up and going to bed at the same time every day: make sure you don’t sleep too little or too much.
  • Structure in your diet: breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Preferably as healthy as possible.
  • Add daily exercise to your agenda. For example: a walk for 30 minutes every day at 10:00 am.
  • Make a plan for your other activities: fun relaxing activities and “musts”. For example: every day at 2:00 PM I clean up for a maximum of 20 minutes. At 3 p.m. I sit down with a cup of tea and a treat and I call a good friend. It sounds simple, but we often get energy from simple things.
• Avoid using alcohol or drugs to deal with your emotions: it may seem nice in the short term, but in the long term it often makes you feel more miserable.
• Limit the amount of news you receive: you can reduce your concerns or anxiety by watching or listening to reports in the (social) media less often. If you follow the news, rely on reliable information sources (the national government, the World Health Organization (WHO) or the RIVM).
• Talk about your feelings and don’t bottle them up. Stay in touch with people you trust: friends, family and colleagues via email and phone. Don’t forget: people like to hear that someone else is doing well and are happy to offer support.
• If help from the environment isn’t enough, contact a professional counselor. If you do not yet have a professional care provider, your doctor can help you find one. The general practitioner can also quickly provide the right kind of help and refer you to other care providers such as a psychologist.

Always take small steps in a depression. As I said, it’s not realistic to expect yourself to get rid of your depressive symptoms overnight. Give yourself time and ask for help.

Are you looking for help to deal with your depression or other problems with your mental health? Click here for more information about treatment via NiceDay.

Corona has (temporarily) changed our lives.  Because the situation is so new and unfamiliar to everyone, these changes can cause unrest.You may find yourself eager to keep up to date with the news. However the news may be giving you more anxiety and uncertainty.

How does our body react to (negative) news?

Our body is pre-programmed to respond to negative situations. Peter van Drunen says in his blog that as humans we tend to focus on the negative. In the past, a negative event could have led to death, while a positive event was probably not a matter of life or death. Van Drunen says that this can begin to cause issues for us in our daily life: we respond more quickly to negative information.

This is also what happens when we read a (negative) news story about corona. A small stress response arises in our brain. You can imagine that when you scroll through a news medium your brain has to process dozens of news messages about corona. This therefore creates several small stress reactions.

Negative information catches our attention more. So that we are more alert when it comes to the number of deaths from corona than when it comes to the number of survivors. We would prefer to avoid feeling bad than focusing on something that makes us feel good.

The psychology behind the news

There are two other psychological processes that play a role when we listen to the news:

• We tend to pay more attention to information that fits our own perspective or outlook. In fact, we more readily remember information that is in line with our own perspective. For example, if you read about young people dying of coronavirus, you will most likely look for more articles that confirm this type of fact.
• We also tend to pay more attention to information that is easy to remember, such as recent information. Because certain information is accessible to us, we also attach more value to this. Think, for example, of the moment when there was a massive toilet paper shortage. It seemed important to stock up because of the news articles.

We mainly look at news that grabs our attention. Think of catchy headlines and breaking news. You are less likely to search for news that is useful in the long-term.

What can you do?

Are you noticing that the news about Corona is affecting your mood? Try following a news diet. With a news diet you don’t read newspapers, you don’t watch the news on TV, you don’t follow news media apps. See what effect this has on you. Are you really missing important information? Or do you get this information in another way?

Do you find it important to understand the world and what is going on? Then try the following tips:

• Stick to the facts. Look up information from reliable sources only, such as the RIVM website. There is a lot of fake news and there are many websites that mainly focus on uncertainties and things that are still unknown about the virus.
• Limit your (social) media use. If you wanted to it is possible to follow the news about Corona 24/7. Limit this to once or twice a day. This way you are not continuously being triggered by corona.
• Get information from your environment. You will soon find out that you know what is going on without having to follow the news. For example, I only found out in the supermarket that you now need a shopping trolley to enter. 

Because of the corona crisis, life can seem a bit hopeless nowadays. You may find it difficult to stay positive. Or you are concerned about what is happening. Other people notice that they feel more sad than usual. Staying at home and closing public places and social gatherings doesn’t help either. How do you stay positive in times of uncertainty?

Connection through music

Although there is currently a lot of trouble in the world, there is also beautiful things. Togetherness and militancy give people hope and courage. You may have seen images of the singers on the balconies in Italy. Making music and singing is not only an emotional outlet, but it has a direct effect on your mood. It may also give you strength.

Together we are facing the same crisis

Commitment doesn’t just come from making music. A disaster or threat can also connect people by suffering together and to fight back. Together we are facing the same crisis. Prime Minister Rutte also called stated; “Only with all Dutch people together can we fight this crisis.” And that is true; we have a “common enemy” that connects us.

You don’t immediately have to start singing the Wilhelmus in the garden with your neighbor. There are also other ways to distract yourself from the suffering of quarantine.

Tips

What to do to stay positive and avoid boredom?

1. Restricts the reading of push messages from the NOS and (social) media. Especially if the misery in the world makes you sad. It may give a sense of control to stay aware of the news about corona, but it can backfire. It feels good at the time. In the long run it gives stress and fatigue.
2. Start a new hobby you’ve always wanted to do. Now you have the time! Read that book, tidy up your wardrobe, practice meditation, take a language course or follow an online tutorial. Do you miss the challenge or are you struggling with discipline? Then set goals for yourself. This way you keep it interesting and you can follow your own progress.
3. If sadness persists, discuss this with a practitioner. 
4. Make a daily schedule. Keep a balance between challenging yourself and relaxation. This way you keep yourself active but you avoid a feeling of listlessness. Maybe you recognize this feeling if you watched Netflix all day. Netflix seems like a relaxing activity, but it isn’t. This type of passive activity can also be bad for your sleep rhythm, which can then lead to more worrying.
5. Try to focus on what’s going well. Sadness often leads to selective attention and you overlook the positive messages. A way to focus on what’s good is to write three positive points each day. I can help already by giving you one positive point: today you have taken time for yourself to read this blog. And whether you found it interesting or not, you have done something for yourself. That counts!

In the hectic pace of everyday life it is not always easy to set the right priorities. How often does a week go by without contacting that old friend or without an evening for yourself? The busier we are, the greater the need to set priorities and make choices. But how do you do that?

Urgent/important principle 

The quadrant is an important tool when determining priorities. This quadrant is derived from the statement by D. Eisenhower: “urgent matters are seldom important and important matters are seldom urgent. The model is widely used within time management.

How does this quadrant work?

The quadrant indicates what is important and what is urgent. Important tasks are those that are valuable or necessary to do. Non-important tasks may be fun to do (like playing a game on your phone), but do not cause problems when they are not done. Urgent means that something is urgent and needs to be done in the short term. Non-urgent matters can still wait a while.

Based on this you can classify tasks in the following categories:

• Important – urgent: these tasks have priority because they are both important and urgent. They are deadlines or crisis situations, for which you have to take action now. For example, pick up your sick son at school or call a handyman for your broken boiler.
• Important – not urgent: the tasks that are important in the longer term and for which you want to spend sufficient time. Think of meeting that friend or preparing a job interview properly. So it’s handy to schedule this!
• Not important – urgent: these are tasks that can be done now, but are not important to you. For example, attending an unimportant meeting or completing a marketing survey. Tip: skip this or ask someone else to do it.
• Not important – not urgent: this is a “waste of time”. The tasks that don’t have a deadline and are not important, like watching YouTube videos or keep chatting with a colleague. Is this how you want to spend your time?

More tips

Below I give you more tips for setting priorities:

1. Schedule some time every day to set priorities. This does not have to be long; 10 minutes may be enough. Make a task list and determine what has priority. The start of your day can be a pleasant moment, but it can also be good to create an overview of what is left at the end of your day.
2. Use a fixed location to keep track of your priorities. Do not use loose papers, but use a to-do booklet, a whiteboard or an excel file. It gives you peace of mind when you know that your tasks are written down somewhere.
3. Keep it simple and well-arranged. The more extensive and detailed your task list, the more unclear and therefore the harder to stick to. Use colors to indicate which tasks have priority and which ones can wait.
4. Don’t forget to put fun and relaxing activities on your list! These are also important.

Do you want help with prioritizing? A PsyQ psychologist can help you online.

Concentration is the capacity to control your attention in such a way you can focus on 1 task, object or thought. Controlling your attention is important to prevent distraction. In the busy world of today we’re used to do all kinds of things at the same time and we process a lot of data during the day. This causes our brain to adapt and gets used to rapidly shifting your attention to different things. 

Maybe you recognize it that you want to study, but you also to respond to a message or you promised your grandma to call her. Because you’re spending time and attention to everything at the same time, you’re in fact way less efficient. 

If you have trouble concentrating, there’s a big chance you will quit doing your tasks faster. Because what’s the point if you just can’t concentrate? Luckily, concentration is a skill, which means you can improve it. 

Tips to learn to concentrate

Below you will find exercises that help you improve your concentration.

1. Try focusing on a simple task. For example making a puzzle or color a picture. Try to do it for 10 minutes straight. Do you notice any distraction? Try to force you to finish those 10 minutes first. If you are able to complete simple tasks fully concentrated, you will notice you will get better at doing more complex tasks too.
2. Play some music and practice shifting your attention by listening to the different elements in a song. Listen for example 10 seconds to the vocals first, then move to the drums and then listen to the melodies. If you think 10 seconds are easy, try adding 5 seconds each time.
3. Count back from 100 to 0 in your head. If this is very easy for you, try skipping 3 numbers each time. So 100, 97, 94 and so on.
4. You can practice your concentration while walking outside on the streets too! Try paying attention to your surroundings and count all the red cars you’re seeing for a few minutes. Done? Then switch to counting all the blue cars. If you feel this is becoming easier, you can try to count both the red and blue cars at the same time. Challenge yourself!
5. Take 5 minutes to relax and sit down and focus on everything you sense. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you taste? What do you smell? If you notice your thoughts are wandering off, try to focus on your breathing. Or focus on a central point, for example a wall.

Do you notice that you are getting better with these exercises? Challenge yourself and make the exercise more difficult! Maybe you’ll discover you are able to visually concentrate very well, but sounds are still very distracting. Then you can aim your exercises to practice with sound. 

The exercises are mostly meant to be examples. Try applying them on your own creative way! If you notice you’re having a hard time, you can try to do a relaxation exercise first. That will always help!

One of the most important factors within treatment is the therapeutic relationship. Connecting to each other creates a safe and trusted environment. You accept more from each other and there is more effort being put into the collaboration. But it’s not always that easy! In this blog more information about the therapeutic relationship.

 There are a few important elements to build a good relationship:

• Mutual trust, respect and care. Communication should be used in a way that feels nice for both and you have to keep account of each other. The content should also be accepted without any judgement to create a safe environment.
• General agreement on goals/tasks of the treatment. We’re talking about a collaboration so it’s important to have clarity about what you want to achieve and how you want to reach it. This way you’ll always know what you’re up to.
• Shared decision-making. As a client you ask for advice, not for guidance. But the therapist is also free to give advice about things that might need a different approach. Be aware that you’re always standing next to someone in this collaboration!
• Mutual engagement in the tasks. Since you’re working together towards a goal, this also means you can expect input from both ends. The balance can differ a little for each collaboration, but always evaluate if it’s a reasonable balance!
• Communication about the relationship. Because we’re unable to read each other’s mind, it can be difficult to know how someone is feeling about you. It’s okay to mention the qualities you value of the other or tell that you like the collaboration. There should also be room to correct problems and difficulties in a decent manner. 
• Freedom to discuss negative emotional responses. In a setting in which you discuss difficult things, it might happen someone will respond negatively and emotionally to you. To prevent these emotions from affecting the relationship negatively, it’s important to mention what’s happening and to clear personal tension.

 What can you do to improve the relationship?

• A purely formal bond won’t lead to a deep relationship very quickly. Try to keep room for personal things. Ask about fun things, hobbies, keep room for a joke or tell something about your own personal situation. Try looking for things you have in common!
• Do you notice you become agitated by the other? Try to discover if that person might be in your allergy. It happens quite often that someone that’s really proactive and responsible, gets agitated by someone that’s a bit more passive and lazy. But it’s also the other way around! Try having a conversation about these differences!
• Communicate your expectations and ask about someone’s working method. While some are very independent, others would like some additional explanation. Ask about this or mention this before you get into action!
• When someone feels misunderstood, this will influence the relationship in a bad way. Unfortunately, it won’t happen very often that someone will mention this of their own accord and we tend to think we know someone’s intentions. Try to create room to discuss negative aspects of the collaboration, but also ask about the opinion of the other. If the misunderstanding becomes clear, you will see things will become a lot less difficult!
• The last thing you need to take into account, is that people can find it difficult to express their appreciation of the relationship. Your sense that the bond might be not that good, can thus be a misconception. Maybe you actually mean a lot to the other and it’s okay to check this once in a while!