Do you ever finish a whole bag of chips without being hungry? Is chocolate your savior when you feel the need to cry? Or do you have any other experience concerning emotional eating? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one. It might help you for a little while, and it might make you feel less sad. But after a few hours, your feelings and emotions return and you feel even worse. You end up in a vicious circle of negative feelings.

A vicious circle

You try to get out of this circle, but you can’t. That’s because this is a lot more complicated than it looks. A decreased appetite is a natural reaction of the body to negative feelings and stress. For some people, the appetite does not decrease or even increases. To prevent emotional eating, it is important that you find out the cause. We have listed a number of possible causes for you:

• Making associations

Do you always eat cake on your birthday? That’s probably because you’ve learned to eat cake when celebrating your birthday. Your brain associates happiness with eating. This theory also works the other way around, when you’re experiencing negative emotions. Think about eating Ben & Jerry tubs after a breakup. Those examples might seem innocent, but these associations can be the reason you are an emotional eater.

• You try to regulate your emotions with food

Eating prevents you from being flooded with your emotions, making you think you can handle the situation better.

Food is fuel, not therapy

• You get the wrong incentives

Your body also responds physically to negative emotions by providing stimuli in your stomach and intestines. Are you regularly hungry after a meal? Then you may be receiving the wrong incentives.

• Do you suffer from binge eating?

During binge eating, your awareness decreases, and your attention to your nearby environment increases. This weakens your emotions, creating a kind of “flight” response.

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution

NiceDay

Do you recognize symptoms of emotional eating? In the NiceDay app, you can keep track of how often you think you’re emotionally eating. Does it happen regularly, or are you concerned about it? Make an appointment with your doctor to talk about it. If you want to know more about treatment via NiceDay, click here.

You probably know someone who has a deep envy for someone? That there is no compassion at all anymore. How come you can hate someone so much? More about feelings of hate in this blog.

Hatred is a stable and intense feeling of dislike towards a person or group of people. It’s more of a long-term feeling than for example anger. Hatred arises in the absence of compassion. Not being able to put yourself into the shoes of someone else can lead to misunderstanding. When we feel we’re being belittled, we’re feeling inferior or jealous, feelings of hatred can arise.

Evolution

There has been said that not everyone is capable of hate, because hatred only arises under certain circumstances. You can see this in part of the evolution. Ages ago, chimpanzees and bonobos lived on opposite sides of a river. On one side there was plenty of food, but on the other side there was a shortage. You can probably guess, but there was a constant battle of territories on the side of shortage. On the side of abundance there was a peaceful harmony. The smaller the chance of survival, the more hate there is.

Tribalism

The us-against-them principle is still visible in politics, religion, but also sports. In our childhood we learn certain norms and values. Our surroundings help us create a certain view of the world. Including prejudices about other groups of people. Negative experiences can wrongfully confirm your view, which can cause a huge contradiction. When you feel others can’t understand you, but at the same time you are not able to understand them, hatred can arise.

If you feel another group of people is trying to harm your own group, this can lead to a kind of primal instinct arising to protect your own people. This protective response can thereafter lead to resistance of the other group. And so a circle of hatred arises. 

Confirmation

When we believe in something, we usually (un)consciously search for confirmation. This is also called the confirmation bias. You want to find similarities in others that hold the same beliefs. You’re looking for stories that match your beliefs. Facts that support your beliefs also stay more present in your memory. Things that collide with your frame of reference seem to appear a bit off. You prefer to avoid them, which causes a distorted image of the world. You won’t explore other beliefs very quickly. It might feel a little as self-denial if you would suddenly have to change your deep-rooted norms and values!

Social media reinforces feelings of hate

Unfortunately, this confirmation bias is also one of the factors that makes hate possible. It can even lead to extremism. Especially since social media has become such an important part of daily life. The algorithms of social media have the main goal to show you things that match your likings. This causes your beliefs to become stronger each time and there’s a decreasing amount of space for the beliefs of others. And if you actually see one of those beliefs, there’s a huge chance it will be seen as criticism on your own belief. Which causes more hate to be stirred up. This extreme form of continuous confirmation is an unfortunate reason why things like racism, nazism and wars still exist.

Emotions play a huge role in our lives, and processing them correctly is very important. When something goes wrong, we can experience difficulties in the long run. But how does emotional processing work? Below you can read more about the process and what can go wrong.

Emotional Processing Theory

Almost 50 years ago Edna Foa and Michael Kozak developed a theory to explain emotional processing: the Emotional Processing Theory. Your brain saves everything you experience as a ‘program’. When you encounter a similar situation later on, the corresponding program will be activated. This program makes sure your brain knows what to do. In order for this program to work adequately, there is some essential information needed. This is an example of the information that is programmed during an encounter with a wild bear:

• Signal: Seeing a wild bear
• Physical reaction: An increased heart rate
• Meaning: A bear is dangerous!
• Response: A fast heart rate means I’m afraid

Because this information is readily available in your brain, you can react fast and flee or hide. In this situation your emotions are helpful, and this is seen as a helpful reaction. 

Problematic reactions

When such an automatic reaction occurs when it’s not needed, they become problematic. A reaction becomes problematic in the following situations:

• The information is not an accurate representation of reality.
• Physical symptoms and fear reactions are caused by something harmless.
• The fear reactions interfere with daily functioning.
• Harmless signals and responses are seen as dangerous.

These kind of situations are common for people with anxiety or traumatic symptoms. For example, a phobia of spiders, where something relatively harmless can cause an extreme reaction of fear. Or, if shortness of breath becomes a signal to panic. But also thoughts about a traumatic event can lead to an unnecessary fearful reaction, because it feels like the event is happening again.

When you want to change a problematic reaction, there are two requirements: the emotion needs to be activated, so that the old and incorrect information can to be replaced with new realistic information. That means you need to face your fears in order to be able to decrease them. And that’s actually counterintuitive!

NiceDay

Try describing what kind of typical situations you react to with an emotion that’s (too) extreme. Describe all the information to get a clear overview of your program, so you can examine whether it contains inaccurate information. Maybe you see the signal of making a mistake, as a confirmation that you’re a failure. Or, maybe you see a negative feeling as a signal that something dangerous is about to happen. If you gain more insight in your program, you will get a better understanding of what you can change!

To do this, you can use the Thought Records in the NiceDay app. They give you a clear insight in your thoughts and the (possible) consequences. They can also help you bend your negative thoughts to more positive. You can use the NiceDay app without having treatment, download it here.

You put a patch on a cut and you take antibiotics to treat an infection, right? Yes, that’s how we do it. If you don’t, there will always be someone who encourages you to go see your doctor. But how do we do when it comes to emotional pain, aka our mental health?

First aid for emotional pain

First aid for emotional damage is something we do not learn and often do not do. “Just continue with life and the pain will leave” is what we tend to say when it comes to emotional damage such as rejection, failure, loneliness, loss or feelings of guilt. After all emotional pain is something we cannot see. It’s intangible. But someone with “emotional injuries” knows too well how much it can hurt, how paralyzing it can work. Isn’t it time we learn how to practise emotional first aid?

This is how you do it!

Psychologist Guy Winch shares in his book “Emotional First Aid” how you can practise first aid when experiencing emotional pain. Some of his tips:

• Recognize emotional pain. From now on pay attention to any emotional pain. Try to recognize it and take the time to practise first aid. Before it completely takes over. Just like you would put a patch on a cut, it is important to be kind to yourself when experiencing emotional pain! Treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend after a failed test, a broken relationship, or gloomy feelings.
• Consider your first reaction to the pain. Emotional wounds are easy to “go into” which only makes them worse. Take the example of rejection: that nice date suddenly says that they are not up for a next dinner. You are thinking: “Of course not, who wants to date someone as shy as me.”, or “I knew he / she was way out of my league”. You focus on your “shortcomings”. But we are already hurt by the rejection. Why would we want to further damage ourselves? Try to intercept this initial reaction and turn it around into caring for yourself: “I will find someone who accepts me as I am!”
• Guard and protect your self-esteem. If you feel like knocking yourself down, take a moment to show compassion for yourself too! Your self-esteem is like an emotional immune system that keeps you away from emotional pain and strengthens your emotional resilience. For one critical thought about yourself, try to think three positive thoughts about yourself or give yourself the pep talk your best friend would give you.

Never too late to learn

Learning to practice emotional first aid won’t be an easy task. However, if you notice that, for example, you are always very hard on yourself or you know that you have a low self-esteem, please take action! A first step after this article can be to watch Guy Winch’s TedTalk. From now on take the time to practice emotional first aid, make it a priority.

NiceDay app

In need of some extra help? Please don’t hesitate to contact someone from the NiceDay Team. You can contact us here or download the app and send us a chat message!

One of the biggest misconceptions in our current society is the thought that we should always pursue happiness. This idea is reinforced by social media. We see our friends in perfect photos, in idyllic locations, surrounded by love and sunshine #imsohappy #imhavingthebesttimeever.

The degree of happiness says something about our social status nowadays. By presenting ourselves as positive and energetic, we place ourselves a little higher on that social ladder. But happiness is overrated. In fact, allowing yourself to feel deeply miserable sometimes can even help you to feel happier. My advice: let those negative emotions be!

The numbers

You can find The Netherlands on fifth place in the world ranking list of the happiest countries according to the World Happiness Report from 2019. We live in a liberal, democratic and prosperous country, where education and healthcare are well organized. In short, we have every reason to be happy. Also, studies have shown that happy people are generally more successful in their careers, have more social contacts, sleep better, earn more money and live longer than those who are not happy. These are the benefits of being happy.

Are there any disadvantages to feeling happy?

There is nothing wrong with being happy and feeling happy. But the danger lies in the idea that we must always be happy. If we have that expectation, there is little to no room for having negative emotions. After all, these negative emotions do not fit in that picture of a ‘perfect’ life.

The function of emotions

When we deny or hide negative emotions, such as sadness, fear, anger or disappointment, we miss a number of important signals. All our emotions, both positive and negative, have a function. They tell us what we need. That restless feeling that you have in the morning before you go to work, or the disappointment that you always feel within that one friendship for example. They can all be signals that you are missing something or want something particular.

So there are benefits of feeling unhappy?

Exactly! By listening to that unhappy feeling, we will be more in contact with ourselves, with who we are and what we need. But this can be quite a challenge. Certainly when we are no longer used to doing this.

How do I become unhappy again?

Like so many things, everything starts with awareness. We do not strive to become unhappy, but we must learn to recognize when we are unhappy. Below are some tips that can help you with this.

• If someone asks you how you are, tell them how you are feeling! Recognize when you feel bad and try to share this with others.
• Don’t be afraid of having unpleasant feelings. Realize that negative emotions are not forever and shall pass too.
• Remember that negative emotions are not meaningless, but can give you a lot of insight.

NiceDay app

In the NiceDay app you can register your mood with the help of a smiley. Set a reminder for yourself to keep track of you mood a couple of times a day. This can help you think more about how you really feel.

In 2005 Daniel Powter released the song Bad Day and it was an instant hit. It’s not weird that the song got immense popular because everyone experiences a bad day every now and then. Our current society seems to be obsessed with finding happiness. If you think that social media reflects the real world you would think that only a few people experience a bad day though. In addition, you often hear from others “that you have to keep smiling” and that feeling down can even be a waste of your time. Nonsense!

‘Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around

Let it be a bad day

There is a reason why we have certain emotions. They are telling you something. By feeling your emotions when they are there, you make room for the particular emotions. Try not to resist it because you will achieve the opposite. If you resist, you will probably be stuck with it the next day. In addition, you set the bar very high if you always need to think and feel positive. Try to accept that there is a whole spectrum of emotions. Don’t fool yourself and let these bad days be.

Good self care

It remains important to take good care of yourself on these days. What do you need to get through a bad day? Do you like to talk about your day with a friend/ partner or family member? Maybe it helps to cook a nice meal for yourself? For some people it helps to exercise for an hour in the evening.

Try not to get stuck in negative thoughts about yourself or about your functioning. A bad day is part of life and that does not mean that you as a person have failed. Sometimes it can also help to dwell briefly at the end of such a day on what you are grateful for in your life.

The advantage of bad days

If you can embrace bad days then you will probably enjoy the better days more! If you can embrace the bad days then you will begin to see what you value in life. Who knows, you may find out that you are very dissatisfied with a certain aspect of your life. Think about it and the changes you can make in order for you to become satisfied again.

NiceDay app

Are you having a bad day? Register what happened in the diary registration in the NiceDay app. You can write it off and look at it again the next day. What did you learn from this day?

It’s raining. It’s spring. I’m still wearing my winter coat and I’m stuck in traffic again. These are the well-known complaints of the average Dutch person. We are good in complaining and seeing things from a negative point of view. But does this really make us happier? Or would you prefer to come home feeling cheerful and happy instead of being so negative because of the weather and the traffic?

Negativity bias

It is not surprising that a person complains a lot. A person is programmed in such a way that he notices negativity faster than positivity. This is also called the negativity bias. A person is more sensitive to negative or threatening cues, because it still builds on the instinct of our prehistoric ancestors. Back then people had an evolutionary advantage to be aware of every danger, because who knows maybe a tiger was lurking somewhere around the corner! These days the function of this advantage has disappeared, but the bias has remained.

Automatic focus

A person is therefore driven by negativity. We automatically focus on negative cues. Negatively charged cues narrow the attention and intensify the focus. And by paying attention to something, the emotional value increases again. Research has shown, for example, that pain is experienced as more intense when you focus on it. So you have a tendency to focus on negative cues and because you focus on this, you also experience it more intensely … Now stop all negativity for a moment!

Awareness

Now that you have become aware of this bias, you can do something about it!

• Evaluate the day. Why was today terrible? Why was today horrible for you compared to someone else? Or can you convince yourself that you are all in the same boat and that you just have to get through this.
• Name something positive instead of something negative. Giving attention to negativity makes the feeling worse. Don’t talk about the weather when the weather is bad and name something positive about the day for a change!
• Let go of what you have no influence on. You can worry about this endlessly, but you will not be able to solve it. If you can’t solve it, it’s not your problem!
• Be mindful. If you allow yourself to be dragged by negative cues all day long, you will for sure come home feeling grumpy. Research shows that fifteen minutes of mindfulness already helps to correctly identify positive and negative cues and creates more optimism. After the rain comes the sun!

NiceDay app

Schedule fifteen minutes in the NiceDay app to evaluate the day. Was it loaded with negativity? Was it really that bad? Or were there enough positive things that you actually missed because you were in a negative spiral? Register how you feel when your mindfulness is over for 15 minutes!