When you are in a relationship, you live in a safe bubble. You determine everything together. Do you want a monogame or an open relationship? Do you want to live together or not? Do you want to go on a world trip on your own or together? It is all up to you and your partner.
When my boyfriend broke up our relationship, the rules suddenly changed. This surprised me enormously. Suddenly everyone had an opinion: I should not meet him anymore, I should not get in touch with him, I should block his number on my phone. No one listened to how I really felt.
Everyone deals with changes differently
I often thought of the change styles of Caluwé and Vermaak. This is a theory about how people in organizations deal with change. In principle, a break-up is also a change in your life. My change style is green. That means I have to learn to accept the change. I have to understand it, explore it and get insights. Otherwise it is hard to find peace. My friends are more blue. A clear goal, making rational steps and worrying is not something they often do. Everyone has their own preference. I think it is very important to realize that everyone is different.
For my friends there was only one change style. They often tried to convince me of their own vision. Of course they did that out of love for me. Because they saw me broken. They wanted to protect me. I am still grateful for their support, but it was also extremely exhausting at the time. Certainly because I went through a difficult time. The result? At one point I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I couldn’t take it anymore. This made the break up a taboo in our group for months.
Help from NiceDay
NiceDay was my first contact with a psychologist. I was very curious what the conversations could bring me and how it would work. I really liked that there was no judgment. No intrusive advices. I was only asked the right questions. It has given me a lot of overview. I found out what I wanted and didn’t want. What my fears are and where I based them. I also learned why I had trouble with letting things go.
Result: a good relationship with my ex and better friendships
With all that self-knowledge I was able to make a good decision about how to deal with my ex. Something that really worked for me, because it was based on me. On my experience, on my personality and on my dreams. And not on someone else’s. I was able to translate this into good and open conversations with my friends. The taboo disappeared and the friendship even became stronger.
Help with shining light in the right places
A psychologist helps you find the way in your head. As a a flashlight on a dark path. You choose which path that is. And you walk that path yourself. Nobody else can do that for you. With the help of NiceDay I found my own way and chose what made me happy. In fact, the answer has always been in me. Someone just needed to help me shine the light on the right places. The coaching with NiceDay helped me a lot!