A relationship can be something enjoyable and exciting, but it’s not always all rosy. If there are repeating conflicts, if someone doesn’t put enough energy in the relationship or if someone has been unfaithful, there can be intense negative emotions. Ultimately, if you’re unable to resolve these feelings, new problems in your relationship may arise. A possible solution? Mapping your relationship.

Examine your needs

If you’re experiencing problems in your relationship, it can help to map your relationship. You can do this by writing down both your and your partner’s needs and expectations into two circles. These circles are central to who you are as a person and who your partner is. The workability of the relationship can be examined by the amount of overlap between these two circles. This can look like the following:

When making these circles, you can ask yourself whether the amount of overlap is sufficient enough for you to be happy with your relationship. Are you looking for your soulmate and are you expecting a 100% overlap? Or are you fine with less than 100%, because to you the perfect match doesn’t exist? Also, ask yourself what things you find important. Which aspects do you require  overlap? Is it loyalty? Having a good conversation partner? Or maybe you find having a good sex life very important. Ask yourself what you expect of a relationship!

Potential

If you have the feeling the there isn’t enough overlap in you and your partner’s needs, don’t start panicking right away. This offers possibilities to examine if your relationship has the potential to grow. That can be done in two ways: you both have to search for the middle way or one of you needs to change something in order to meet the others expectations.

Meet each other halfway

For example, if you have a lower sex drive than your partner, it doesn’t mean you can solve this by having sex more frequently. You will have to discover how you will meet each other halfway. A solution that you both feel good about. When something is too far away from your circle, you can ask yourself how much you’re willing to change to increase the overlap. Another example is If your partner wants to have an open relationship and have sex with multiple people. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to give up your own need for a monogamous relationship. There will always be limits. When  you reach these limits, your relationship might have reached its maximum potential, unless the other is willing to meet your expectations. So, you should also ask yourself if the potential of your relationship is enough for you to be happy.

Would like to read more about relationships? Take a look at this blog.