You may have already read in this article what the influence of your thoughts is on your hormones. Positive thoughts and emotions stimulate the production of neurotransmitters (substances that the brain uses for communication) such as dopamine and serotonin. There are four happiness hormones: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. These hormones ensure that you experience a feeling of happiness. Not only do thoughts affect the production of these hormones, but a number of other things also influence this, we will tell you more!

Dopamine

Dopamine produces feelings of pleasure when it is released by the brain’s reward system. The release of dopamine usually provides a short-lived peak and it plays a role when we are very happy or excited. It also occurs after gambling (often negative) or after an extreme sport such as paragliding or bungee jumping (usually positive). One of the healthiest ways to boost dopamine production is by listening to music that you completely enjoy. Drinking a cup of coffee or specific nutrients that are rich in the substance “tyrosine” (such as avocados, legumes and nuts), antioxidants or certain vitamins also influence your dopamine level. In addition, exercise influences your dopamine levels and ensures adequate sleep to maintain your dopamine supply. Relaxation ensures balance in your hormone levels and ensures that you can recharge sufficiently. In my next article, I will elaborate on influencing your dopamine level!

Serotonin

Serotonin plays an important role in, among other things, our mood, our self-confidence, sleep, sexual activity, emotions and appetite. For example, people with gloominess have a shortage of this substance. Serotonin deficiency can also result in increased appetite. The production of serotonin is, among other things, promoted by sunlight. It is not a surprise that we often feel better or more energetic in the summer! Carbohydrate-rich foods and foods rich in the substance “tryptophan” (such as chickpeas, milk, chocolate and banana) can also influence serotonin. Opt for healthy carbohydrates and dark chocolate.

Oxytocin

This hormone is also called the “hug hormone”. Oxytocin makes us feel safe, relaxed and connected to others. It can also give you confidence, make you happy and reduce stress. Physical contact, from stroking to holding each other’s hands and from massage and sex to kissing, activates the production of oxytocin. Receiving a genuine compliment, eating dark chocolate or listening to great music can also boost your oxytocin. So hug, kiss and compliment as much as you can! Is there nobody around for a moment? Then meditation can also be a great way to make more oxytocin and therefore to feel better and happier.

Endorphine

Endorphine has analgesic properties. Endorphins are released during exercise and other physical exertions to relieve the pain of exertion. With an endorphin deficiency, you can feel a little down and feel like eating fat and sweet. But luckily there are also ways to boost your endorphin levels! It is in fact fully produced during exercise (longer than 12 minutes). In addition, sunlight has a positive effect on this, just like eating red peppers and having sex and physical contact. Meditation can also give you a boost!

Do you want to boost your happiness hormones? Eat, move, laugh, hug, meditate, listen to music, have sex, relax, sleep and dance and have a nice day! 🙂

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Schedule the above activities regularly to give yourself the chance to increase your happiness hormones!

“Money must flow, and preferably in my direction,” said Salar Azimi in the Dutch tv-show “Waar doen ze het van?” (translated “How do they do it?”). Multi-millionaire Azimi wants to break the taboo on making money. People who earn a lot of money are quickly seen as show-offs. Those who don’t feel ashamed. Therefore, in this blog, I’d like to address the question: what do studies say about money and happiness?

Does money buy happiness?

“Who thinks money makes you happy?”, is what the teacher asked us in our final year of primary school. Me and my classmate were the only ones to raise our hands. We got a stern look from our teacher, followed by a plea about how there are many other things that are more important than money. This situation shows that it is not socially desirable to say that money makes you happy. Just like the saying goes: “Money doesn’t buy happiness”. But to be honest, that teacher didn’t convince me. We can keep saying that money does not make you happy, but at the same time we all want money to flow our way: we participate in the (hopeless) state lottery, read magazines such as the Quote about the lives of the super-rich and we always want an increase in our salaries.

Feeling happy in and about your life

Well-renowned research about the relationship between money and happiness was published in 2010 by Nobel Prize winners Angus Deaton and Daniel Kahneman. In their research, they made a distinction between being happy in your life and being happy with your life.

• Being happy in your life is about your feeling of happiness. It’s about the emotions you experience such as happiness, sorrow, anger and warmth.
• Being happy with your life is about how you evaluate your life, how happy are you about your life?

When income rises, both forms of happiness appear to rise as well. Making lots of money makes you happier about your life because you are successful. More money is associated with success and therefore also with your self-esteem. However, it appears that “happiness in your life” can only increase to a certain extent, namely to about a salary of 65,000 euros on an annual basis. This means that with a higher salary you will not necessarily experience more happiness.

Rich vs poor

A similar result came from a Belgian study by health economist Lieven Annemans. As income rises, there is an increase in a person’s life satisfaction. This feeling of satisfaction rises up to an amount of about 4500 euros per month. After that, someone’s life satisfaction can even drop a bit!

So, having more money does correlate with happiness, but to a certain extent. Life satisfaction can decrease once you earn above a certain amount. So to a certain extent, money can make your life better. When you already have everything sorted and you start longing for more money, it can actually make you unhappy. Maybe this is because it then becomes about the urge for having more money, and no longer about money that you really need to comfortably live your life.

Money vs happiness

In addition, the same study showed that Belgians who had less than 1000 euros per month to spend, were more unhappy. This is in line with a Dutch survey by Statistics Netherlands (CBS) between self-employed people and entrepreneurs versus people who receive benefits from the government. 91% of the first group appeared to be happy and only 63% of the second group stated that they were happy.

Finally, the CBS research indicates that money does play a role, but that other factors such as health and relationships have a more important influence on your happiness. So money does buy you happiness, but only to a certain extent.

Openly talking about money

Openly talking about money is often a sensitive subject. But, I think we should talk more openly about this because money plays an important role in everyone’s life. Financial security gives a sense of peace and relaxation. Too little money in your life can cause stress and negativity. This has an effect on being happy in your life, as well as with your life.

Happiness is a subject that probably everyone has thought about once. Can you be happy every single day? I always immediately have to think about a comic that I will share at the end of this blog. I get a lot of clarity out of this comic. It states that happiness isn’t actually a feeling, it’s even a greatly misused term. Happiness is actually about being able to embrace yourself and the things you do.

Life goal

Probably everyone has the life goal to be happy. It seems to be the ultimate destination. Now things will take a little bit of a philosophical turn, but happiness is actually a relative concept. Everyone is happy in different ways. Some might find having a career is very important, while others find happiness in having a big family with a lot of children. That’s why being happy isn’t really about having a good feeling. Working hard for your career also comes with frustration, fatigue and other negative feelings. And everyone that has kids will argue that raising them isn’t always an easy task. So if you would ask me “Can you feel happy every single day?”, my answer is no. There will be plenty of days in which you will feel miserable and unhappy.

Then what?

If you scrape off the unfairly sprayed-on silver lining, you will discover a completely different perspective. Within this perspective, happiness is more about the things that you do, and these differ for everyone. You can find happiness in accepting painful challenges and pouring your heart and soul  in exhausting activities. It can be found in the blood, sweat and tears you give to do something meaningful. Or, in the passion you get out of all the endless things you do. It kind of sounds horrible if you look at it like this, doesn’t it? And yet, these things give everybody the strength to keep on going. So, can you be happy every single day? Yes! As long as you can tolerate the unhappiness that comes with it.

Tips

To prevent you from losing all faith in finding happiness right now, I’ve listed some tips to help you get started to determine your own happiness:

• Define your own happiness. What gives you joy? What hard work do you like to do? Where can you be yourself? Are your needs fulfilled?
• Be realistic. What do you expect to feel when you realise you’re happy? What negative feelings can you tolerate? Does every day have to be a fairy tale or is it okay to have bad days?
• Check your balance. Are you satisfied with your current happy and unhappy days balance? What doesn’t satisfy you yet? Is it realistic to change something about that? Or are your expectations too high?
• Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Does the idea of being happy give you anxiety? Are you working even harder just to feel happy? Why do you have to feel happy right now? What would happen if you don’t?

O, still curious about that comic I was talking about? Read it here to end the blog with a smile!

“Am I truly happy?”. That is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. I mediate, looking for happiness and hoping that I can find the answer somewhere inside of me. Sometimes I feel like meditation creates more air and space in my body. Is this the feeling of happiness, I ask myself? Is there even a definition of happiness? A little while ago, I had a conversation with a good friend. It was his birthday and someone asked him what kind of goals he set for the coming year. I was truly amazed by his answer. He said: “I am actually really content with my life and I’m happy. If I were to die right now, I can honestly say I’ve had a wonderful life.”. I looked at him and got so inspired by his words. I admire him greatly for being able to say this on his 26th birthday. Meanwhile, I keep wondering if I will be able to say the same thing about my life.

What is happiness?

I wonder what happiness is and whether it depends on the expectations and demands that people place on it. When I think of happiness in its truest form, I think about children. A child is happy when they’re allowed to play at the playground or when they get an ice cream after dinner. Most children don’t have all these worries adults have, which allows them to happily live and enjoy being ‘little’. I believe that the older you get, the harder it gets to be happy. The way I see it, is that people are constantly looking for that moment of ultimate happiness. Once they’ve found that happiness and have experienced how it feels, they want to feel it again. The same feeling of happiness doesn’t feel as the ultimate happiness anymore, and as a result, people are looking for a new ultimate moment of happiness. The bar is constantly being set, as it were. Another belief I have is, other people can’t make you happy. They can affect your happiness, but you are the only one who can make yourself happy.

So: am I truly happy?

That being said I’m still trying to come up with an answer to the question: am I truly happy? Now that I have almost reached the end of this blog, while listening to acoustic music and the cute lights hanging around my bed, I feel relaxed and satisfied. Is this happiness, the feeling of satisfaction and being able to express yourself? Are these small moments that contribute to my happiness? What I also notice is that meditating daily also contributes to my happiness. It helps me to be less hard on myself and to reinforce feelings of self-esteem and self-compassion. I believe that if I can look at myself in a gentle way and embrace all the “imperfections” that come with it, I will soon be able to answer the question “am I truly happy?”, with a resounding YES!

Love,

Ghyta

Did you like reading this blog? You can find all Ghyta’s experience stories here.

Humans are social animals: we are dependent of others and like to do things together. How we behave and what we say can also be influenced by the people in our direct environment. Sometimes, it even looks like others even determine who you are, how much you are worth as a person and which qualities you possess. Nowadays, we are so caught up with what others think of us, or actually what we think others think of us, that we sometimes forget who we actually are!

Three times yourself

Edward Tory Higgins is the inventor of the self discrepancy theory. This theory states that individuals compare themselves to self created standards as well as to how others might see us. Higgins states that an individual has three ‘selves’:

• The actual self: this is how you look at yourself.
• The ideal self: this is who we would like to be.
• The ought self: this is how you want to be seen by others.

Ideally, it would be nice when the actual self is exactly the same as the ideal & the ought self. Then the image of ourselves matches with who we would like to be and how we want to be perceived by others. If the actual & the ideal self differ a lot, this can lead to feelings of disappointment and sadness. Research states that clinical depressed patients have the biggest difference between the two selves. When the actual & the ought self differ a lot, this can lead to feelings of agitation, guilt, stress and even anxiety. Research states that people with social anxiety have the biggest difference between these two.

Tips for a better self image

Our dependency on others can lead to the underestimation of our actual self or to having too high expectations of our ideal & ought self. So it’s good to become aware of who we actually are and what we (can) expect of ourselves. And you can do it like this:

• Describe yourself in 3 sentences and write down your strengths, qualities and characteristics. Also write down how your mother or your best friend would describe you. Is there a difference between the two descriptions? If so, why is that?
• Keep a positive diary daily. Often, we forget all the positive things we do during the day and we tend to remember the negative. The way we look at ourselves should be determined by both!
• Do you notice you experience anxiety in situations in which you value the opinion of others a lot? You can examine if the image you hold about yourself or the way you think others look at you is actually in line with reality. Is it true you’re not nice, not good enough, not a good parent or not a good friend? Or is it the anxiety that makes you think like this? Try looking at the situation from a different perspective! What would you say to a friend when he/she has similar beliefs about himself/herself? 
• Think about your own standards and expectations. Are they realistic and achievable? Would you want others to be like this? Aren’t you using words like ‘always’ or ‘never’? Aren’t you describing everything using “I have to…”? Or are you actually pretty tough on yourself? Write everything down and think for yourself if you might have to adjust your expectations a little bit.

NiceDay

Do you notice you’re not feeling well and you can be a bit negative about yourself? Or do you want to improve your awareness of who you really are? Write down these exercises in the NiceDay app in a diary registration!

If you feel less comfortable in your skin or if you feel tired, it is difficult to stay active. The annoying thing is that staying active is the best recipe to make you feel more energetic and cheerful. If you stay on the couch at home, or maybe in your bed, you won’t have any positive experiences. You also have a lot of time to worry. The result: you feel worse and worse. If you succeed in staying active, you will have positive experiences and you will have less time to worry. In turn you will get new energy! This is  how you can motivate yourself to go and stay active.

Negative spiral

Okay, staying active is the solution. This is a typical case of “easier said than done”. After all, you feel tired. Maybe you worry that you are a burden to others. You may think others will find you boring, because you participate less in conversations. The result: you cancel appointments and have more time to worry. You end up in a negative spiral, where you do less and less and you feel less and less futile.

Time to do things differently

Try not to see activities in black and white: to do or not to do. Look for the gray area in between. Do you feel like cancelling an appointment? Try to look at what would be possible and feel good for you. Remember that doing something or not doing it at all will not always help you. Beware of your boundaries. The challenge is to search what lies in between; undertake an activity in which you do not take up all the energy you have but actually also get energy from. 

Three tips to get started

• Is it too much for you to go to a friend  for the whole evening? Adjust the appointment to what you can handle now. Only eat something together or only go for a drink may ask  less of you. You can also take a short walk together. What would it be like if this friend came to you for a cup of tea or a short walk? That is of course also possible! If this is too much for you, call each other and schedule an appointment in the short term that suits your energy level better.
• Is exercising too much at the moment? Do not only think to exercise or not, but look at the gray area. What can you do instead of doing sports? You can also go running for ten minutes instead of following your entire sports lesson. Walking or running outdoors also has a positive effect on your mood
• Not in the mood for a crowded birthday? A short visit is also an option. Of course you can also see if you can celebrate the birthday in a different way. For example, go and visit at a different time.

Last, it is good to know that you do not always feel better immediately after an activity. Give it a moment! After a while you will notice that you will feel better and better, but it is important to keep doing activities.

Practice

Take a look at your agenda for next week. for which activities are you not in the mood? How can you make this activity more “gray”? Can you adjust the activity to what is currently going on? Do you need some help with this? Get started immediately with a professional.

It is January 2020. I only realized last week that we have entered a new decade. Normally I never make a big deal about changing the year, but this time it made me think. Will it be a time of success, health, forgiveness, love and happiness? I cannot foresee the future, but I can decide on which parts of my life I will focus my effort in 2020 and in the new decade.

Succes

As it looks now, 2020 will be a success in the field of education. I still have half a year to go and if I do my best in the last six months of my study, I will get my master’s degree. I am looking forward that after 5.5 years of studying I will finally be able to burn my books (muhaha)! 

But let’s not get ahead of things ;-). I hope that I can enjoy my study a little more in the coming six months instead of only studying for a good grade and deadlines. After all, it is the field that I have a lot of passion for. What I will do after my studies? I don’t know yet. By that time I will see what comes my way.

Health

How will my mental health state be? I don’t want to say anything about that, because this has fluctuated a lot in the past year. I feel a bit more stable now, partly due to the dose of medication I am taking, but it is also because the PTSD has been treated well. 

Somewhere in this decade I hope for closure, but this requires exposure first. How am I going to tackle it? I don’t know yet. In addition, there are some inner battles that I have to face, but I have agreed with myself that I want to stay close to myself and not make hasty decisions. It is my process and I am in charge of it. I do feel that this decade I will succeed in going through life as well as PTSD free, as well as depression free.

What about love?

Yes, what about love? Let’s just say that I don’t shut myself off, like I did all my life. I don’t go looking for love, I don’t believe in that. If it comes, then it comes. If it doesn’t come, than that’s also no problem.

Happiness

I often wonder what happiness actually is. Recently I have discovered that happiness starts with appreciating the small things in life. If you only seek happiness in the big things, then you can search for a long time and you will never be satisfied, because you want to surpass the big things. So with this in mind, I am entering the new decade with the hope that I can gradually find happiness in myself.

I wish all readers a very happy and healthy 2020!

Love,

Ghyta

Everyone has a unique set of core values: those things that you find important in life. By reflecting on your core values, you can give direction to your life. In this blog we explain how you discover your core values.

Core values ​​are your compass

Core values ​​indicate what you strive for in the deepest. They make your priorities clearer and provide direction in your life. If something is inconsistent with your core values, for example your job, if may feels not right.

Your core values ​​are also a checklist. For example, do your need to make a choice? Look if the choice matches with your core values. Does it match? Go for it! If it does not match, the choice is probably not in line with what you find important. It may be more logical to choose something else.

Which core values exist? Many! Some examples of core values ​​are: trust, growth, respect, creativity, freedom, love, status, integrity, success, playfulness, beauty and justice.

How do you determine your core values?

To determine your core values, it is important to discover what you find important in life. These tips can help:

Tip 1: Who do you admire? Write down who you admire. This can be a famous person, but also a colleague or a friend. Consider what you find special or inspiring about this person. There is often a core value behind this admiration.

Tip 2: What frustrates you? Consider what a day full of frustration looks like for you. What can really upset you? Write it all down. The opposite of your frustration is often an important value for you. Imagine that you always feel annoyed when friends look at their phones during a dinner. Maybe sincere attention is important to you. Or maybe you hate it if someone arrives late without informing you? Then integrity might be a core value for you.

Top 3: What if you are a wizard? Imagine that you are a wizard and can determine how everyone interacts with each other. How would this look like? What else would you like to see in the world? Perhaps you would like to see more exercise classes at schools, so health may be a core value of you.

Tip 4: Ask your environment. The people close to you can often easily identify what you stand for. Ask your friends, family or colleagues what they think is important to you and attach core values ​​to it.

Tip 5: Look at the value list. Download our list of core values ​​and choose your 10 most important core values ​​from the list. Write them down. For a month, start feeling which core values ​​resonate the most with you. Which core values ​​stand out every time? Try to come to 5 core values maximum. 

Keep in mind that your core values ​​will not immediately be clear. Take your time and reflect regularly.

Clear core values: what’s next?

Are your core values more clear? Consider whether your core values ​​receive the same amount of attention in your life. It is possible that some values ​​receive a lot of attention while others receive too little. Make room for all your core values. What would you do differently? What new opportunities do you see? Do your friendships match your core values?

For example, if you have discovered that freedom is a core value for you, it might make more sense not to work as an employee but to become a freelancer. Is creativity an important core value for you? Check if there is enough creativity in your life. Maybe you can make more time for a creative hobby.

What are your core values? What do you find really important in life? Share it with your coach in the NiceDay app.

Why is it that negative experiences get stuck in our memory? How come we are less open to positive experiences? How is it possible that we often think that we can nót do it? Or quickly think that the other person does not like us? Psychologist Peter explains in this blog why loving yourself is so difficult.

Focus is on the negative

Research shows that negative experiences have much more impact on us than positive experiences. In an experiment, researchers gave 50 euros to test subjects who played a gambling game. Some lost 50 euros and others won 50 euros. They investigated which emotions were strongest: the negative emotions (after losing the money) or the positive emotions (after winning). It turns out: people who had lost money had much stronger emotions than people who won just as much money.

In another study, researchers saw that the negative effect of a setback on your mood is much greater than the positive effect of successful experience. It appears that you need about 5 good experiences to compensate for one bad experience.

How did that happen?

We are all strongly pre-programmed to see everything negative in ourselves and in others. Why is that? We think it has to do with evolution. A long time ago, when people lived among wild animals, it was vital to be aware of dangers. A negative event (a dangerous animal in your neighborhood) could immediately mean your death, while a positive experience (a kind word from a family member) did not cause a life or death experience. 

We still suffer from this legacy (automatically paying much more attention to negativity than to the positive) on a daily basis. If you ask people to list good and negative characteristics of themselves, they will often come up with a larger list of negative characteristics. Everyone will also recognize that you remember bad memories better than happy memories. And perhaps most importantly: that eternal critical voice in your head that always says it is not enough. That little voice is so normal that we are often not even aware of it.

Compassion is the cure

Fortunately, we can learn to focus more on the positive, by training kindness for yourself and others. How do you create more compassion? You can primarily do this by thinking regularly ‘’is the critical voice speaking?’’ Is that voice nagging at me again? If you are sad or lonely, for example, and you notice you are telling yourself that you are blaming yourself. That is not helping, right?

What will help is to ask yourself how you would react if a child you love felt that way. You would probably try to comfort it. Then why don’t you pamper yourself a little too? Probably a reaction immediately pops up: “that is stupid” or “I do not deserve that.” That is exactly the negative that is so ingrained in us.

The challenge is to go against your feelings and to be kind to yourself. Try doing something that can comfort yourself if you feel bad. Even in situations where you do not feel bad, you can train yourself by looking for something positive.

Laugh about it

When I read this kind of advice myself, I always get such a sense of “that is simply said, but it will not work for me. I can not keep that up ”. It can help you to realize that it is not your fault that you keep falling back into self-criticism. Our brains tend to do that. It is already nice to be able to smile a little when you notice that you are taking the negative side.

What we experience in life, our positive and negative experiences, influences the way we look at the world. Although we live together in one world, we all have a different reality.

Over the years, all kinds of distortions have crept into your view of the world. You probably no longer see the world sharply. People whose confidence has been damaged quicker have a feeling that it will happen again and may misinterpret signals. For example, someone will see dangers everywhere, while the other one may have too much faith in the world. And where someone discovers opportunities, the other one always sees limitations.

By becoming aware of the way in which you have learned to look at the world, you can observe the world more and more sharply. If you see the world more sharply, you can gradually let go of your distortions in your view of reality. This gives you more freedom to do whatever suits you. 

How do you view the world? Can you manage to see the word sharper?