Today I passed by the Flying Tiger. A Danish store chain which opened their first store here in the Netherlands in 2008. They celebrated their 10th anniversary. Everything for 1 euro.

What does that do to us? I saw people stuffing multiple shopping baskets with mainly plastic stuff they do not need. Stuff that will disappear in dark corners of the house, drawers, the attic or even worse in the garbage, faster than you can blink. Stuff that won’t contribute to our happiness; maybe for a tiny bit in time, and then it will evaporate into thin air. Useless consuming and materialism at its best.

Take it or leave it?

I too, stepped into the waiting cue. I had been to the store a couple of times looking for yoga blocks. But on each occasion I thought they were too expensive. I have to be critical about my money lately and find myself consciously contemplating if I need something or not. And if it will contribute to my happiness.
I think I was the only person that stepped out of the store with only 4 things in her bag. The only one who bought only what she came for. But I have to confess; once inside the store, I too had trouble not putting extra things into my basket. I even put things in and five minutes later got it out again a few times. That must have been a comical sight too.

Materialism and depression

But what does this materialism do to us? What does it do when our houses slowly fill up with useless stuff?

It so happens to be that the past two weeks I have been struggling with my depression a lot. Everything in my life had to pause. I felt no value in anything and my head was clouded and my body felt done. I had a lot of thoughts, but only useless and worthless ones. The only thing what I still wanted to do and did was practicing yoga. All other things stopped or I had to drag myself to it.

The change

All of a sudden the idea came to get rid of stuff. To organize, clean and throw away stuff. The next day action followed and I started. Every day a little. It made me feel lighter. Not only in the amount of stuff, but also in my mind. And for a minute there I realized that I had forgotten that minimalism and a simpler life are also important when it comes to stuff you own or use. What a joy it is to work towards a nice environment for yourself with only a few things that make you happy. This is exactly the same for my mind. Order and space. It helps. How beautiful is it that my mind realized that I could only go on with other things when it felt organized again. And, that organizing was needed. A priority.

My advice

So, my advice is simple: Try to do a cleanup. Make choices about what makes you happy, gives you joy and a smile on your face. What things only take up space? Or what is in the way? What are things you never use? I find this to be the ultimate selfcare. It’s healing. This cleanup is so much more than only the action to do something. It will give you a feeling. Feel that feeling. It’s choosing you.

Keep it simple

If you want to start a cleanup like this, try to also resist temptation to fill up your Flying Tiger basket again and again. It will make you more happy in the long run. I really think that we become unhappy when we are surrounded by a lot of useless stuff. It weighs us down.

I believe that having less and living smaller can give your mental health a boost. Keep it simple. Both stuff- and head wise. And maybe you can try to cleanup other stuff in your life too, non-materialistic stuff, like for example your social life or the way you handle life… Think about it. The metaphor is beautiful.

X Bouwke

I felt it for a while already. An imbalance in my atmosphere. Warm feelings of re-settling in the Netherlands, my friends and the lovely summer weather, collided with the cold insecure feelings of starting over. Nature solves this imbalance with a storm. I do too.

Back in the Netherlands

I knew, it had to happen sooner or later. It had to come out. The tension and insecurity, that were slumbering inside of me. That they are present, is logical. My atmosphere here, after three years of traveling, is everything but stable. On my travels I have taken my time to really think about how I want to live and work, and why, but the road to that goal is insecure and unpredictable. I am looking for a job, a place to live, and just my place in the Netherlands again. Those are huge things and take time. And because these are huge things, this journey is a little scary too. It concerns your life, your foundation. You have to believe in yourself and your goal.

A challenge

A big challenge for me. Insecurity often unleashes negative feelings about myself and life. When I feel good I don’t want to address these feelings, but the less I pay attention to them, the bigger these feelings get. Just like nature, my mind wants to get back to balance. And, slowly but surely, the wind will built up from high to low pressure areas. How strong that wind becomes, and in that respect how big the storm will get, depends on how much I let the pressure difference built.

The storm

My pressure difference, unfortunately, was very high last week. For too long (months) tension slumbered in. I didn’t give positive attention to it,  didn’t take care of it. And then, a trigger, followed by the worst storm since long. Hell.
Now, in the calm after de storm, it is more peaceful and thus time to clean and reflect. The wind died down and we can assess the damage. Give yourself that time. You cannot live in a storm scarred house, rebuilt it and make it stronger.

Reccuring themes

Often pressure differences built around certain recurring themes in our lives. They can originate from things we experienced or things we need in life. How we deal with pressure is also important. Do we internalize or externalize things that happen to us?

Focus on you

Ask yourself, what gives you stress? Or, if you went through a storm, big or small, what caused it? What was at the foundation of that storm? Take your time to figure this out. When you know, you can try to adjust your behavior and/or life to prevent storms from growing into larger storms or to form at all.  The bigger the underlying issue, the more time you need to figure things out. For me, one of my biggest underlying themes is security. I often feel insecure and unsafe, because I attack myself. And in this respect, I am overly wary of attacks of others on me. Attacks that state that I am not good enough, nice enough or capable. Afraid I won’t succeed in this life. Now that I am starting over in the Netherlands, this insecurity and unsafety has a lot of breeding ground to grow. And that’s totally valid, because these are big things! You have to believe in yourself, and be forgiving and kind, to start over.

The signals

You do not always have to know where things originate from to help yourself. You can also pay attention to signals; expressions of stress and imbalance. React to those signals, to not let the pressure built any further. For example, when you notice you are rushing everything. You can obligate yourself to 10 minutes (or more 😉 ) of relaxing. Do something you like or do nothing. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you need it. After that the world can turn again.

Nature is built this way

Nature is built in a way that she will always try to establish balance, over and over. We are too. So, keep in mind, that when you are out of balance, there, inevitably, will be a counter reaction to balance. We can often influence this process, more or less. Or not. Anyhow, nobody is without storm. This is our nature.

The house underneath mine has been empty for a long time. That was nice and quiet, with behind it a lovely large, wild garden on which I looked. Now new neighbors, a young couple with a child, have bought it from the social corporation. And they have grand plans.

New neighbours

I come home from shopping and see them standing in the front yard. My heartbeat speeds up, my breath stops, shoes filled up with lead and I change into Pinocchio. I put on a smile and walk on to my house. “Hello”, I said compulsory. They greet me kindly and then the mandatory chit-chat follows. I feel very uncomfortable but do not let it show. As soon as I close the front door behind me, I blow out a sigh. Pfff, it’s safe again.

Suddenly it completely dawns on me: my world is broken, disturbed, in tatters. I am visible to strangers again. I can not ignore them; I have to deal with these people. I have known my current neighbors for more than ten years and are therefore no longer alien, even very familiar. But I do not know these new people, do not know what they think, what they see or what they will think of me. I feel trapped by their presence. The others are the hell, said the French philosopher Sartre so eloquently pessimistic. After all, they are the ones who make you visible and will judge you. I know, in the long run, others can also be your heaven – every now and then.

Living environment

Because these new neighbors are going to renovate and are going to make a huge expansion in their backyard, their presence also materially affects me. A large part of my view on green gardens will disappear and a big black roof will take its place. I experienced that earlier with the neighbors next to me. Suddenly every day I look out on a large lifeless, messy surface of asphalt. My oasis of peace is being replaced, bit by bit.

This has been going on for a while now. I live in a big city and there has been a lot of construction activity. Numerous individuals buy houses from the social housing corporations, make it their private property and do what they want without regard for others. I used to live in a nice working-class neighborhood, now it is becoming a luxury yuppy neighborhood. People become each other’s competitor, each claiming a piece of living environment for themselves. Well, then indeed, the others will become the hell.

The outside world

Little by little, the outside world is closing in on me, touches deeper into me, tighten itself more firmly around my body. To shut out the world it is no longer enough to close the door behind me. Construction noises are constantly penetrating walls, children’s sounds until late at night, and the TV’s murmurs mutter their programs from the left and right. Inevitably the outside world flows in.

Life in this neighborhood has always been well balanced. My home sufficiently shielded me from the outside world. It was my place where I could be myself, unseen or troubled by others. Lately, my house is more like a stay-in, a temporary shelter, waiting for me to relocate.

A home is a way of existence

A home is more than a house made of stones, glass and wood. It is more than a roof over your head. Ask people who have lost their homes due to money problems, natural disaster or war. They are displaced, lost their way and continuously waiting to start living again. Ask people in asylum centers. They do not live there, although they stay there for years. The people in their surrounding are not their neighbors, only foreign asylum seekers who are also waiting. I almost feel like an asylum seeker in my own home.

A home is a way of life

A home is a way of life, it creates a place in the world, your place in the world. A home is like a safe haven from where you can leave, from where you can enter the world with peace of mind, to work, school, the store or to your friends. It is a place where you can return safely, with the certainty that it is still there since you left. My home is an anchor for my existence, a landmark around which my world spans.

A home is a private space

A home is a private space, for you and only you. It makes you feel welcome, and gives the certainty that it protects you from the chaotic world. It is a space that offers you the room to be unseen. My home is an opportunity to relax, to hang out unabashed on the couch, to walk around in my bare ass, to dance like a moron without being judged.

A home is a self-expression

A home is also a self-expression, a business card, a friendly reception area where you can welcome your family, friends and neighbors into your home. My home is a part of myself, of who I am. The way I arranged it, the colors, the smells and the things here and there. Typically Rogiér, people say. This is me, here is where I live, this is my existence.

Everything is changed

For a long time my house really felt like a home. It was my safest place on earth, my anchor point, my being. Now there are new neighbors, a change in environment and suddenly everything is changed. I live in a lively city, I know, between people and new circumstances. The world is always in constant change. I know, and yet I feel disturbed, I have a huge need for peace, stability and order.

And my new neighbors? O well, they must also create their home of course, make their place their own. By renovating, shaping the stone, glass and wood according to their personal preferences. By letting their presence be noticed, by pushing their sounds into the air and displaying their personality to their neighborhood. By making a ridiculously large extension under my window in their garden! Agrrr… Living is and remains a difficult interaction between people, space and matter. That’s what they call life, I guess. Pfff …

As I write this, I look at a beautiful tree with dark green leaves. I look back on the past four years and see myself as the tree; a tree of personal growth.

A young tree

When I started studying on the other side of the Netherlands, I was still a small tree. Just planted, with thin twigs and small leaves. I really liked that I could finally leave high school! I came in as a freshman and didn’t know anyone. Luckily I wasn’t the only one who came alone, so making new friends was easy. Every week the young tree grew a bit. Sometimes barely visible, but a lot of good things happened inside. Months passed and the tree continued to grow, it became visible on the outside too. The leaves multiplied and got larger. The trunk grew thicker and could handle more.

Personal growth with tears

Still, the tree trunk had a few cracks. These cracks consisted mainly of insecurity and the fear of failure. I wanted to perform, but couldn’t always deliver. The cracks of the tree were camouflaged with decorations and paintings so that no one could see them. I disguised my faults by keeping up appearances. Eventually, more cracks appeared in the tree trunk. This time it was due to a storm that had not shown itself so violently for years. In addition to the cracks in the tree trunk, the leaves also got affected. They were blown away and the tree got a gray color.

Gray

The tree got grayer and grayer, while the other trees didn’t suffer from the consequences of the storm. While the other trees continued to grow and the leaves got buds from which beautiful flowers bloomed, the small tree was left behind. I felt less than anything and everyone. This was due to bad experiences and negative thoughts. My concentration was gone, I didn’t sleep well and I didn’t want to study because it cost me too much energy. And there you are, with your heavy luggage on your back. The feeling that you want to crash into a ravine so that you don’t have to think about that luggage anymore. Meanwhile, the little tree looked worse and worse. The tree bark began to break down and there was no leaf left. But then something miraculous happened.

And she lived happily ever after?

A little girl with two braids came to the tree and embraced it. She whispered, “Don’t worry, tree, I’m going to help you recover.” She grabbed a stone from her coat pocket, made a hole in the tree trunk and put the stone in it. After two weeks she came back and you know what? The tree started to get some color again and there were leaves growing. Every week she sat by the tree and whispered positive things. After two years the tree looked better. The leaves grew, the trunk got thicker again and it had also grown in height. The little girl is not done yet. She will continue to help the tree until it no longer needs her.

The little girl inside me tries to help me every day. Some days accept her help, the other days I don’t feel like it and I push her away. Yet she insists. Because she also feels the pain. Together you are stronger than alone.

Quote with this story: Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop – RUMI

Love,

Ghyta

I want to be me. My whole self. I fought for it, and worked even harder. But, when you are finally at a place where you can be yourself on a regular basis, the opinions and images others have of you are still alive and kicking. Should you care? Yes and no.

If there is one process where you are dependent on the opinions of others, then it is definitely the job application process. I’m in the midst of it right now. My friends know that I am searching and want to help me. Recently, one of them tipped me about a great opportunity. For a company specialized in helping youngsters with problems, they were looking for a life coach. A perfect match for me! She knew the owner and said she would call him to put in a good word for me. Unfortunately that did not work out the way she thought and it ended up to be a tough confrontation with stigma and images others have of the world. She told him, in all of her enthusiasm and belief in me, that I have Borderline. Because she thought it to be an asset for this job, which is true, in my case. But the man on the other side of the line does not know me, and called me a risk. End of conversation, end of job opportunity. That obviously sucks. Where did this go south?

The image of Borderline

Well, it went south with an image of, and opinions about Borderline. This man works in mental healthcare. He is probably familiar with this diagnosis and knows certain characteristics of it. He also knows that some of those characteristics could prove to be a risk for him, as a business owner. But, he does not know me. My friend does. She knows that I am way more than that diagnosis and its presumed characteristics. That I turned something that is seen as a weakness into a strength by working hard and getting to know myself. That I am functioning very well and that I have a lot to offer. But, by mentioning Borderline, she created a link to an image of it, and with that all other things became void. It may be a limited image, a stigma, but it does, in the end, determine the outcome.

Programmed beings

We are very preprogrammed beings. When you think about the fact that we consciously process only 10 percent of what our senses observe, you can ask yourself what happens to the other 90 percent. The lot of what we observe gets processed by our brains, outside of our conscious mind. Those brains are masters in processing information at light speed, giving us the chance to consciously react to what we observe, or not. This is, amongst other things, done by categorizing all this information. That’s a very necessary process, because there is so much of it, and reactions are to be expected in hundreds of a second, we could not function otherwise. Our brains are our computer, there is a lot of processing going on in the background so you can play your game, write your book or do your work.

How we view the world

Unfortunately this helpful tool has it counter effects. Our brains organize the world only in categories they know; that means we see the world as we are. We are looking at the world with only the things we’ve learned, seen and experienced. As we get older, no new categories will be made, everything will be processed and matched to categories we know. It can result you being shoved into a limited category, a wrong category, or, even worse, no category matches you. Because, how does your brain react to something they do not know? That feels like a risk. Anyway, you will never, in the beginning, be seen as a complete person. You will be categorized on the basis of some of your characteristics or appearance. And that is something to keep in mind. Its strategic to take that into account.

How to be strategic?

Being strategic can have a negative taste, because you are consciously choosing what you show others, or not, choosing to play a certain part, not being totally you. I find this difficult at times, and sometimes also feel resistance, to be strategic. We all preach a lot that we should be able to be ourselves, and I am sorry that I cannot just express some things. That there is prejudice. But without boxes we are lost. The Borderline diagnosis is also a box, and, by no means, complete. There are at least 380 ways to experience Borderline, and these are certainly not covered by a list of 10 characteristics. But, I use the Borderline box too. In the beginning to help myself recover and now to support my mission to create more awareness for mental wellbeing. I know, for a fact, that I do sometimes cut corners there too.

Have a plan

Strategic thinking is having a plan, to take your environment and the situation into account. When you understand how we, as humans, ‘work’, how our world view comes about, it becomes easier to create opportunities in which you can be yourself. And as with a lot of things in this world; It’s about who is behind the controls and what motives they have.

This means you should not bluff your way through life or only think about what others expect. You are not yourself when you do. Your job is to know who you are, what your qualities are, what you need and what you can bring to the world. It’s important to know yourself. And, that you take responsibility. In searching for a job that means that you try to really honestly estimate if you can do the job, if you are qualified. Subsequently you can focus on the best way to ‘get into the door’, that’s having a plan.

This failed ‘job application’ was an important reminder that there is still a lot of stigma about mental health issues. And, again it reminded me of how we need to focus on more information, and not on fighting already existing images. More information broadens people’s views. Just like my friend saw me as way more than a diagnosis. Familiarity with, makes things less scary, feels less of a risk, and increases chance of different reactions.

Nowadays everything has to be nice. Your job should be nice, your friends should be nice, your clothes, your home and furnishings should be nice. Your boyfriend or girlfriend must also be very nice. Besides your work, your study has to be nice, why else would you do it? You have to have a nice day, a nice time, with nice people and in a nice environment, for example on a nice terrace or in a nice cafe. After all, you want to have a nice life. Or not?

Nice

The word ‘nice’ seems to be the only word we use to indicate what we feel and experience. We find something nice when we like it, or when it’s cozy or warm. We also use it when we find someone attractive, whether they are beautiful, charming or handsome – they are nice! Even if we really like something, we do not use words like amusing, amazing, funny, cool or entertaining, no we just like it: nice!

It’s pretty clear: it’s nice or it’s not nice. That’s how we understand each other. And we do what we like. If it’s not nice, you shouldn’t do it. This way we support each other. But should it always be nice? Is a place, person, activity or situation only acceptable if it is nice?

My experience

I catch myself on saying ‘nice’ very often. It has crept in unnoticed and has taken possession of me. I use almost no other word than ‘nice’ to describe my feelings, mood and perception. Gradually my life has been reduced to a state of being nice or not being nice. And when I look at my life in this way, it’s mostly ‘not nice’ and that depresses me a lot.

More than nice

Is there more than nice? Can something also be interesting, fascinating, poignant or stimulating? Can people not be special? Fun, striking, curious or wondrous? Can we also describe them as inspiring, stimulating, or even laughable instead of nice? An activity does not only have to be nice but can also be stimulating, moving, energising or inspiring. A place can be beautiful, gorgeous or amazing. In a negative sense, you can also say that you find something annoying, unpleasant, scary or frightening instead of ‘not nice’. Maybe something is bad, stressful, painful or exhausting.

It’s not just nice or not nice. The world and your experience is much richer than that flat dichotomy. There are thousands of ways in which we can experience a place, person, situation or activity and express it with so many words.

Anxiety

It’s nice to have lunch together! For example, I visited the Sense Health company a few days ago – yes, the company of which this blog is part of. A number of bloggers were invited for a lunch. I don’t like that! I find social activities with strangers in a strange setting terrifying. I feel insecure, not to know where I should be, what is expected of me or how I should behave. It triggers my traumas and makes me very restless. That is not nice. Already a few days in advance I start to feel nervous, sleep poor and I don’t feel good on the day itself. In the train the tension rises, I start to sweat and want to go back, safely home. I know that I don’t have to be afraid, but my body does not think, it only feels. It makes it clear to me that I don’t like it.

Think different

To look at things differently: afterwards, as always, it was okay. Once I realized that it does not have to be ‘nice’, there was room to experience it differently (and ultimately richer). I became aware that although I don’t like it, I have experienced it as very meaningful, important and valuable. I have been able to contribute to developments of activities and products that can improve the quality of life of people with a vulnerability. Despite the nerves and fear, I felt valued because what I said was taken seriously. I did not like it but it was good to be there.

By regularly saying to myself that it doesn’t always have to be nice, I am more open to other experiences without having to deny the nasty and painful aspects. Life is not either nice, or not nice, but has a much richer range of experiences, moods and appreciations.

It was a long day. When I get home I think to myself, “I am completely done with it.” But what is ‘it’? This day? Or is there more causing this feeling?

My dreams

When I was about six years old, I sat at the back of my mother’s car on a Wednesday afternoon. We drove past a high school. Every time we passed by, I told my mother, “I’ll go to this school later.” I do not know why I wanted to go to that school. However, six years later I ended up in that high school. I was in a mixed havo / vwo class for the first two years of high school, after which we received advice about which level suited best. I wanted to go to VWO, which eventually worked out. In the field of career I also knew exactly what I wanted to do: working in the legal world. This too came true. After high school I started my Bachelor’s degree in European and Dutch Law and in a few weeks I will have my bachelor’s degree. But … is this it? Is this how I want to continue the rest of my life? Always thinking what I’m going to do something and let this come true? Do I want that? Because sometimes it feels like a boring routine!

The final exams

When I was eighteen, I had the final exams. I was so happy when I finished them. After this, two nerve-racking weeks followed. I had a dream the night before I got the results. I dreamed that I was talking to my grandmother who passed away. She told me that I did not succeed. I remember that I asked her if I could change anything about it, but she did not answer to this. Then my dream turned into a different dream. I ran across the street and a bullet hit my shoulder. I passed out and I fell on the floor. Then I woke up. Somehow I knew I did not pass my exams. Around 14:42 my mentor called with the news that I had to do a retake. I had to get at least 8 out of 10 to still succeed. Long story short: I had to do the last year of VWO again. This too had an influence on my mapped life plan. I could not start my law studies yet.

My depression

When I was twenty, my life colored grey. I got depressed. I could not accept it and so  continued to study. However, ‘studying’ consisted of being physically present in the lectures and working groups, however mentally I wasn’t there. Studying was more difficult due to lack of sleep and concentration problems. There was a day that I visited the study advisor to make a plan for the upcoming last year. I would do it in two years to reduce pressure. Again, my whole plan got ruined and I had no control over it.

And now?

Now I am twenty-three, and I want to change myself. Making career is not the only thing that life is about. I will not find the ultimate happiness in my work. It is very nice that I will have my diploma and a nice job, but if I am not happy myself, what kind of value ​​do that diploma and that job have? Exactly. Nothing at all. Never again do I want to catch myself on the question: is this it? Instead, I want to say with a smile: this is it.

Nothing will work unless you do – Maya Angelou

Love, Ghyta

It’s the little things …

The nerves are running through my body. The music starts and I run to the dance floor. I breathe in and the moment I exhale, I start dancing. The violinists are making long strokes on their violins. The melody lines are graceful and stylish. I follow the music with my body and feel one with the music. The nerves seem to have disappeared like snow before the sun. With my arms I make graceful lines and my attitude exudes self-assurance. I do not have to force the smile on my face. When I dance I forget all my worries. I would prefer to dance the whole day so that the mill in my head has no chance to get started. In the end I make a bow and I see proud faces laughing at me. I am getting warm inside. Warm from this little happiness.

It’s the little things …

From the piano, four chords sound before I start singing. The only thing I hear is the guidance and the only thing I see is the text. The song is about a relationship that has failed and which  frustrates both parties. I feel the emotions. While I am singing I feel completely sucked into the text. I feel the pain they have. They would have preferred it if the relationship had worked. It just did not work through the completely different worlds in which they live. After the final chord has sounded, I become aware of the environment again. I look at my teacher: he has a smile on his face. He says that the emotions came in and that I have sung on point. I take that compliment with me I am proud. Proud of this little happiness.

It’s the little things …

I sit in my room and think about the summer. In August I will move to another city. It is time for something new, but I find it hard to leave this place and especially the people in it. I think of the beautiful moments. From dinners to parties till deep in the night. And from special personal conversations to watching a horror movie with five in one bed at five o’clock in the morning. When I think of these moments, I can only smile. Although I write this down with a lump in my throat, I can say that I am grateful. I am grateful that I have met all these special people. Each and every one of them has a place in my heart: the one maybe a bit more than the other. I’m going to miss them, but when I think of these little things, missing is probably a little less painful.

It’s the little things …

 The Little things? The little moments? They aren’t little. – Jon Kabat-Zinn

Love, Ghyta

I love to dance. Dancing is scientifically proven very good for you: it lowers the stress level. The hormone cortisol rises when you experience stress. That is annoying because cortisol gives complaints such as fatigue, craving sugar, negative mood or gastrointestinal complaints. By dancing you literally move the stress out of your body and with it the negative effects of stress. Yoga also helps to lower your stress level, for example in this dancer’s pose. But how do you do this pose with more ease when balancing on one leg? These 5 tips will help!

What is a dancer’s pose?

It is a standing balance pose with a backward bend. In yogi jargon this asana is called Natarajasana; king of the dancers. Nata means dancer and raja means king. This pose demands a lot of your arm, back and leg muscles, especially your hamstrings. And also the joints in your shoulder blades, spine and hips are challenged. Officially you hold one foot with two hands and stretch your leg as far as possible, so that you can bring your foot towards your head. As you can see in the photo, I can’t do that.

Where is the difficulty?

The biggest challenge in this asana is not so much the flexibility of your joints and muscles or finding (and holding) your balance. No, the biggest challenge is breathing. The freedom of movement in the diaphragm is reduced in this asana by the combination of a hollow back and the strength of your buttocks and leg muscles. These work against each other which makes it difficult to breathe deeply and with ease. The necessary muscle power to do this asana is greater than the ability of the body to supply muscle with oxygen. The longer you are in this pose, the deeper the body has to breathe and the more the abdominal muscles and the diaphragm have to give up their stabilizing. In short, there is a good chance that you will fall over. When I first did this asana, I regularly fell over. That was very frustrating, so I went looking for alternatives to keep doing this asana with more ease and fun.

Alternatives

I can’t grab my one foot with both hands. What I can do is hold it with one hand and this became my new starting point. These alternatives have helped me to not fall over in the dancer pose. I hope they help you too. Do not forget: do what feels right for you. Experience where your boundaries are and do not go over them (too much). When you listen to your body, it will be able to work with you.

• A good warm up is half the work. Make sure the body is well warmed and keep that heat with you by wearing extra clothing. I like to wear an extra fleece sweater and leg warmers over my leggings. The warmer you are, the smoother the muscles and joints are.
• Start with two feet on the floor, close the eyes and then breathe in and out gently. Hold with the right hand, the right foot by the ankle or the foot itself. If it feels better, you can grab the shin.
• Bring the knees together and find your balance by breathing gently.
• At the next inhalation, extend the left arm, and at the exhale, bend forward. If you can, bend forward so that the left arm is a straight line above the ground. If not, just hold wherever it is comfortable for you.
• Breathe in and out a few times to stay in balance. When you feel able to stand stable, you can push the right leg up a little further. Stay in this asana for four breaths.

Are you going to try this? Let us know how it went. Good luck!

Do you recognize this? On the freeway somebody is driving bloody slow on the fast lane. Always a nuisance. But now you are freaking out behind the wheel. Or maybe somebody suddenly says something sweet and offers you help, and you burst out in tears. Just some examples of emotions that seems to appear out of nowhere and with high intensity. Why? Because you are tired. I think we can all relate and all have experienced situations like these. Your physical and mental health are undeniably connected. Very useful to know and to use as a signal and compass.

To me, and to a lot of others, this connection between physical and mental health, is very strong. Because our heads already have the tendency to blame ourselves and not the situation. To see black rather than white. To glorify perfectionism and doing the best we can, always. When I’m tired, the self-destructive voices in my head get room to maneuver. They create anxiety and stress. And when I’m not able to rationalize these voices and feelings,  I block (giving up, fleeing, being passive) and I start to misuse food and sports (too much, too little).

I just returned to the Netherlands, after three years of  traveling, and started work again. It’s very physical work. Needless to say, I’m very tired. But, in the evenings I want my social life and sports, which again, needless to say, does not work out. On top of this I do all kinds of volunteering work, to which I committed when I did not have a job yet. Way too much. And a magical mix for stress, disappointment and feeling down.

So, time to turn these signals into a compass for direction and action. What can I do to create rest and balance again?

Ever been on a plane and listened to the emergency instruction? You get instructed to, when an emergency occurs, put your own oxygen mask on first. Help others comes second. So, I should focus on myself first, thinking small, before helping and living big again.

When you are going through some big changes in your life, you spent more energy. And it takes time to internalize the change and make it work. But time and energy are valuable and limited. So, when you need a lot on a certain level, you need to save resources on another level. That sounds very logical, but still a lot of us aren’t very good in practicing this theory. We want to keep all our balls in the air. But, actually, this is a very short term strategy. It will work for a while, but in the long run, you will get exhausted and the chance of all balls ending up upon the floor will grow. And probably is inevitable.

Back in the plane. Emergency. The only thing that counts right now is the oxygen mask. Perfect. Seems doable. So, right now, in my world: What is my oxygen mask? What is my priority? Work. Work has priority right now. Work will get me an income, will make sure I regain structure and will help me settle in the Netherlands again. Perfect again. I already have put on that mask. Now I need to see this as a step in the right direction and take the time for the oxygen to revitalize me. I have to give myself time and allow myself to be tired. I have a goal. When I regain strength again, I can expand my world again. I cannot punish myself for talking to my friends a little less, that I struggle with other balls, that my world is a little small right now. It has a reason, a goal. And actually, when I think about it, I am doing a great job with that! Something I do not give myself credit for. I have been focusing on the things that I need to let go for now. But I’m just focusing.

Now that I know that, temporarily, my world will be a little smaller, there are a few practical tips which I can use.

• Communication. I prioritized certain things in my life and they will take time. I can share that with my friends and family, and with everybody with whom I have commitments. Maybe I can relief myself from some obligations or social gatherings.
• I remind myself of my goal every day by sticking a post it not on my mirror which tells me I’m doing great. I see it every morning and evening.
• I keep my life simple and small for a while. Do I still have the feeling that I need to do more than I can handle? Maybe I can get help. I could make a list of things that need to be done and let people help me finish them. Either way, making a to-do list is always useful to empty your head. I often notice that it feels bigger and more in your head than on paper. So, it’s a great way to organize, rationalize, and to create space in your head.
• I try to see going to bed early, taking rest and doing nothing as a reward for working hard and making a change. I try to avoid the thought of wasting time when I take rest.
• I try to be kind to myself. I am doing the best I can, right now. I will give myself time. And I will surround myself with love from my family and friends
• I will keep my oxygen mask on. For a safe landing.