Saskia has been searching for more peace of mind. With NiceDay she began to train her brain. Are you curious how she did this? You can read about her experience in this blog.
Saskia explains: “I started to live a healthier life a year ago. I started to cook with fresh ingredients and began going to the gym. Physically things improved and I noticed a clear difference. But in my head there was still a restlessness and critical voice, which I couldn’t ignore. This experience became part of my daily life. ”
Looking for help
“There was a waiting list to see the psychologist. Via social media I got the tip to take a look at the NiceDay. Online psychological help: I was not familiar with it at all. I also had my doubts. Wasn’t it much nicer to see a psychologist face to face? But because I wanted to be helped quickly, I went to the NiceDay website. It contains clear information about consultations and their method of working.”
“So, I made an account on the app. I received a short questionnaire about my complaints and after a practitioner looked at my questionnaire, I was assigned to a psychologist . In addition, I received tips to start using the app in preparation for my conversations with the NiceDay psychologist.”
The app
“In the app you can keep track of how you feel on a daily basis, you can write down problems in a diary and gain insights through articles to help you feel better. My initial doubts about the process decreased, this was for me! I like to deal with problems myself and receive information from professionals. Then I like to put this advice into practice right away. The app can provide insight into your progress allowing you to quickly adjust your behavior and thoughts. There is also the option of having 5 conversations with a psychologist. In addition to the conversations, the psychologist regularly checks the diary. I noticed that as soon as I was doing a little less, I got a message from the psychologist asking how I was and if she could offer more help online. I received interesting articles from the psychologist that really helped me. ”
Specific questions and good advice
“I had 5 calls via video calling. At first I had my doubts about that. It is very different from someone sitting in front of you. Strangely enough, it didn’t really matter at all. The psychologist asked specific questions and gave good advice. I also received exercises, such as a thought record, which was very practical. In the follow-up conversations, my diary and the exercises that I registered in the app were discussed. I always felt that the psychologist was very motivated and well informed about everything I wrote in the app. ”
I experience more peace
“As well as training my muscles in the gym, I had the opportunity to train my brain through the app. I experience a lot more peace now and of course sometimes I have a bad day. But by the end of the treatment, I had good tips to recognize a relapse and how to manage it. I feel that I have been able to make progress in a short time with a motivated NiceDay team by my side.”
Saskia received online help through the NiceDay app. Would you like to know more about online help via NiceDay? Click here for more information.
Désiré was experiencing some depressive symptoms for a time. On Google she went looking for online help. She ended up on the website of NiceDay website and dared to go for a online treatment. We asked her how she experienced online treatment.
What did you think when you first heard about online treatment?
I found it interesting and thought: ‘’if you don’t try, you don’t know either”.
What did you think about digital help?
I found that very pleasant. I didn’t want to go to a therapist. I find that too confronting and difficult. The threshold is much lower behind the screen of your phone. And because I am not a real talker, it was very nice to be able to communicate via the chat.
I could grab the app any time of the day whenever I needed it. That was nice! In between sessions, I received messages from my coach about how I was doing. The personal contact with my coach was also very nice. I would definitely recommend NiceDay to others.
How do you feel now, after coaching via NiceDay?
I feel a lot better now. I have more confidence. I have learned that I am not alone and I have learned that the lesser days are allowed to be there. These days are part of life.
I want to thank the makers of the app and all the people behind NiceDay. It really helped me a lot and I had a new friend with my coach. I sometimes miss her spontaneous messages!
Are you bumped into something and want advice from a professional or experiential expert? Simply ask your question on our website. We are happy to help you!
We all want to be special, because being ‘normal’ is boring. Yet there is profit to be gained in just being ordinary. In the book ‘The courage to be disliked; How to free yourself, change your life and achieve real happiness (2019), published by Allen & Unwin, Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga offer tools for developing courage to change without focusing on what others think about you. In addition, they discuss how to move past barriers that prevent us from being truly happy.
What is wrong with being “special”?
In principle there is nothing wrong with being ‘special’, but striving for perfection (the very best version of yourself) can cause you to strive for an unattainable goal. If we do not achieve this goal, the desire to be a better version of yourself will turn to the idea that you have failed. This in turn ensures that you feel unhappy.
Being normal and happy: how do you do that?
Self-acceptance is an important first step. If you manage to have the courage not to be special, your view of the world will immediately change. Nothing else needs to be done and a burden falls off your shoulders. You are no longer busy making continuous improvements to yourself, looking for the next mountain to climb, no you can just be. Sometimes something does not work out as you had previously thought or you will find that you are not good at something. And that is fine: You can’t do more than your best and that’s enough!
Your look at life
Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga also state that, to be ordinary and happy, you need a different view on life. We have learned that life is a line, you live from goal to goal until the moment of departure, death. We are constantly on the move in this image.
But, life is not a line, it is a collection of moments in the here and now. Future and past do not exist. If our life were a line then life planning is a good option. You don’t have to keep giving direction to a collection of moments. There will always be unexpected circumstances, planning is not always helpful.
All you have to do is live your life moment by moment. Happiness is then not the result of a goal achieved, but the by product of being allowed to here.
Do you have the courage to just be?
It has been a long time since I told my social circle that I am going to a psychologist. At that time I didn’t know what kind of diagnoses I had, but despite that I wanted to tell someone. I first told my best friends via WhatsApp. At that time I lived in the south of the Netherlands and all of them on the other side of the county, so it was inevitable that it was told via WhatsApp. In addition, I found it hard to tell face-to-face, so WhatsApp was a good alternative, without that I might not even been able to tell at that moment. They responded very nicely and supportively and did not condemn me for the fact that I went looking for help. They are still a great support to this day.
And what about your family?
Gradually it became clear that I was suffering from PTSD and depression. In the meantime I had not yet informed my family circle. I found it difficult because I feel that a lot is expected of me and I didn’t want to let them down. I did not want to come across as a disappointment or as someone who was pathetic. Family parties during this period were not something I was looking forward to. I did go, but I would always put on my mask and answered all questions with “good,” “well,” “fine.” Of course there were a number of family members who also saw that the way I spoke did not match the way I looked. I then confided in a number of these family members and told them what was going on. They also responded very nicely and not judgmentally. So my delusions that I would be seen as a disappointment or pathetic were (luckily) wrong. But my family is big, so a part didn’t know anything. And then Lisa from NiceDay asked me if I wanted to write blogs for the website. I had put the very first blog that I wrote, about one and a half year ago, into the family app and everyone was informed. The responses were all very positive. They thought it was great that I shared this part of me with them.
Open
Since writing for NiceDay, I have been much more open about my mental complaints. I can tell much more easily about my present depression and that I have just recovered from PTSD. For example, I came across a number of old acquaintances who also went to a psychologist for, among other things, depression, PTSD, eating disorder, burnout or anxiety disorder.
It feels good to know that I am not the only one in my environment who is suffering from psychological problems. By not being frenetic about it and sharing it with loved ones, I feel freer. Freer in the sense that I don’t have to pretend that I am super happy, while it is not the case. Because with a mask on life takes so much energy. Of course you have to feel for yourself whether or not you can share it with the people you are currently with, which can mean that you sometimes wear a mask. And that’s okay, as long as it doesn’t become a habit every day. So if I have to give you advice: share it with your friends and family. They won’t judge you. And if a few people do, you know who you can and cannot count on in this case!
Love,
Ghyta
In my previous blog I explained how I got to the point of seeking help. I wanted to be able to deal better with certain thoughts and needed some support. In this article I want to tell you what I did to change my behavior, thoughts and attitude after my conversations with my coach Sarah were completed. Of course these are all things that work for me and maybe not for you but I hope I can give you some inspiration with my four tips!
#tip1: mindfulness
I try to meditate every day to calm myself, observe my thoughts, let go of unnecessary feelings or simply reflect on the day. By doing this regularly I am aware of the factors that cause me stress, but I also think of everything I am grateful for. Simple breathing exercises also ensure that I can overcome moments of panic or intense tension. I often use applications on my phone such as RelaxMelodies, Breathe and Youper to meditate or do other mindfulness exercises. There are of course many other options to explore when you start researching! Coach Sarah also pointed me to this article about progressive relaxation: very nice exercise if you have difficulty relaxing!
#tip2: the essential triangle of movement, sleep and nutrition
Enough exercise, enough sleep and good food: it sounds incredibly logical, but often not enough value is attached to these three things! The three factors are also very closely linked; good nutrition ensures that you sleep better; sleeping well ensures that you have more energy to move and movement in turn ensures a good night’s sleep. For me this triangle is the basis to feel good. If I don’t feel good physically, I will soon notice that in my mental well-being. Since a year I have been consistently exercising for the first time in my life by bootcamping twice a week and I find that it works wonders for my mental well-being. Sport helps me clear my mind. I find it incredibly difficult to not cling to my thoughts and my thoughts never stand still. An hour of exercise is the only moment for me to succeed. Never thought that I would ever enjoy killing myself in the open air: but I came to love it and wouldn’t want anything else!
#tip3: customized relaxation
This is a valuable tip for me which I received during my coaching trajectory from Sarah: relaxation is not synonymous to doing nothing. For some people doing nothing works great and that is of course super nice but if – like me – you really love planning and structure, doing nothing can feel incredibly useless and therefore sad. So: make lists and make a schedule if that suits you. I was always convinced that in my free time I had to relax by “doing nothing” while I am someone who has a to-do list for everything. I sometimes felt really useless after a night alone at home and this could even result in crying or provoking quarrels with boyfriend. Sarah reassured me by telling me that many people secretly love structure and things to do and it makes sense that you also look for this in your spare time. When I am home alone on days off I make sure I have a schedule with moments of relaxation such as watching series, reading a book, exercising and meditating.
#tip4: selfcare Sunday
It sounds like a cliché instagram hashtag but “Selfcare Sunday” has become sacred to me in recent months. Every Sunday I take a moment for myself to reflect on the week, write in my diary, do yoga exercises, meditate, read and put on a face mask so that I can fully relax. Sometimes this session lasts an hour, sometimes three. Of course it doesn’t always work to do it on Sundays but then I make sure that I plan my moment a day earlier or later. My boyfriend knows this too and makes sure he doesn’t bother me while I go to our bedroom. Everyday I try to write down my feelings in the NiceDay app and I always look back on the week on Sunday: how I felt and what was the cause of it. I write all of these findings in my diary, as well as my goals for the coming week, things I am grateful for and the pitfalls that lie ahead. I notice that by writing things down, I can literally “write off” emotions and thoughts. I hereby give recognition to what I think and feel and believe that it is an important step in self-acceptance and feeling better about yourself!
Love and see you next time,
Mara
People like to think in boxes, we can’t do anything about that. We stereotype and have (unconsciously) many prejudices. Because as a gay person you are a hairdresser, steward or nurse, right? How do you deal with these prejudices?
Hold your ground in a man’s world
I myself am a service engineer on diesel locomotives and wagons, in heart and soul, but as you may know from my previous blogs, I am also gay. I have to admit, in the beginning I was nervous to work in a real man’s world in the port of Antwerp.
Vulgar remarks accompanied by vulgar jokes, daily business in the port. I quickly learned that “proving yourself”, by responding and standing up for yourself, keeps it fun at work. Yet I can also imagine that not everyone dares to seek confrontation and sometimes it is better not to respond.
Boundaries at work
I believe it helps to set clear boundaries for yourself and to be clear to your colleagues. Certainly when they make remarks that may come across as hurtful to you. It is important that you continue to feel good at work. I myself indicate in a direct but polite way which comments I cannot appreciate, often I also share why I cannot appreciate a comment because people often do not consider the fact that your sexual preference is who you are, not what you choose to be.
Sometimes I wonder if it is necessary to prove yourself as a gay person in a man’s world. In fact, the answer is no. Among younger colleagues I also have the feeling that I do not have to prove myself, I have this feeling especially with the somewhat older colleagues.
But what is it like for me personally to work in such a world?
The answer is: super fun! I get along well with my colleagues and I have a very nice job where I do things that are different from other people’s work!
All my colleagues know that I am gay. I am very open about this, because then I can be myself. Some colleagues never ask anything about it and others show a lot of interest about what it’s like to be gay. For example, they ask questions about relationships, sex, etc. I personally like to tell about this openly.
How would you handle a similar situation? Would you take the trouble to prove yourself extra because you have a passion for your job? And would you openly answer questions from your colleagues who show genuine interest?
Hug,
Bert
In my last blog I talked about how setting goals and attaching conditions to our state of happiness is only temporary and often unsuccessful. I promised to give you an answer on how I found happiness within me so here we go.
Focus on possibilities instead of limitations
We have all done this, I won’t go out and try to make new friends because I already have friends or I do not fit in with other people. If you cling on the notion that something is not possible you are arguing in favour for your limitations. By doing this you are keeping the limitations in your life. If you would argue in favour of your possibilities, you can turn those possibilities into a reality. I think it’s better to prove that we CAN do something instead of reinforce that we can’t do something. It does not matter if we feed our possibilities or our limitations. The one we feed is the one that wins.
Always ask why!
You know how children are always so curious and always keep asking “why” to understand the world around them. I think when we mature, asking the why question remains just as important but more in the sense of understanding the world inside of us. What is your why power? Why is it that you want to study this degree? Move to that city? Buy that new thing? I believe that when you do not have a strong why for what you do we tend to be more sensitive for influences of someone else’s why. When you start to question the reason why you are doing the things you are doing in your life, you might notice that some of them are only because of what others might expect from you or what the media and society perpetuates as something that you must be doing. Asking yourself the why more regularly, makes us understand and set our values. This will make us happy and reassured when making life decisions.
Prioritize play
We were all kids once who were giving pens and paint and we expressed ourselves completely freely. But as we grow older we try to conform and fit in. So I took this whole play part a chance by just letting go sometimes of the idea of being good or great at something. We sometimes just need to do something creative and just do it. Creativity goes well beyond play, it helps us think differently, problem solve differently and helps us build confidence. It can come in so many different forms, singing, dancing, cooking, playing sports. Anything that feels like a unique form of self-expression. Anything that helps us reconnect with our inner child!
Small steps lead to big changes
We live in a society that focuses on crash diets and getting rich quick, so we tend to want big results and we want them fast. But we also know that those quick and fast strategies bring us back to where we started or even worse of then where we were. We can never change our life until we start to change something we do daily. When we put expectations on ourselves such as “I will start working out every day” we tend to not be able to keep it up and quit completely. It is the go big or go home mindset we need to stop having. It are the small things that we do often that makes the changes. Instead of working out every day, start with working out once every week and build it up.
Thank you again for taking the time to read this month’s blog.
Love,
Sabrina
Rafiki is my new hero. He is the wise baboon from the Lion King. He teaches Simba to believe in himself again and shows him who he is and where he comes from. I recently saw the Lion King remake. What did I cry with the first part. Normally I never have that with movies. I think it’s because I recognized myself in Simba. He has experienced something traumatic as a child that continues to haunt him on his way to adulthood. He no longer believes in himself and blames himself for everything that has happened. Somewhere at the end of the film Rafiki finds him in the jungle and asks him: The question is, who are you? Well, damn Disney what a wisdom you bring us in an originally children’s film.
That specific quote from Rafiki haunted me when I walked out of the cinema. It followed me all the way to my house. It then nestled in my head and I can’t stop thinking. Because: who am I? Who am I…? I think many people have asked themselves this question. Subconsciously maybe. What would you answer if someone asked you who you are? Would you answer it in terms of your work, parenting or just with your name? The question: “Who are you?”, can be filled in very broadly. I think there is no wrong answer either. If you see yourself as Jan of 35 years old and father of two children, that’s fine. I cannot answer the question who I am yet. Because I don’t know (yet). Who knows that one day I will wake up, look in the mirror and think: THIS is me!
Another quote from Rafiki that I find very beautiful and supportive is the following: “The past can hurt, but the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it”. You always have two choices when it comes to painful memories of the past: you can pretend it has never been there and you will live your life with pain in your heart for the rest of your life. Or you confront and try to discover what the painful past has brought you. This will initially be painful, but it can also give you something positive. In the Lion King, Simba learns that it is not his fault that his father died. But before he realized this, he fled because it was too painful to face the event. Eventually he sees how it really went and he regains confidence in himself.
So be like Simba:
Face your past and learn from it!
Hakuna Matata
Love,
Ghyta
It all started well: relatively few complaints, enjoying the pregnant feeling, shopping for the baby and of course relaxing! But there, the thunderbolt in a clear sky: the feeling after the birth. My little girl came into the world through caesarean section, I was very upset about this beforehand. And when she was finally placed on my chest I felt … nothing. No joy, no emotions, while my dear husband stood beside us in tears. Later, in the room, I suddenly realized: I am responsible for this little person. And after the compulsory rest days in the hospital, we could finally go home. Wonderful: finally my own bed and nice maternity help. I wanted to enjoy it, but I didn’t enjoy it at home either.
I shouldn’t feel this way
There was day 7 of the maternity week, I was talking to my husband and suddenly I could hardly say a word anymore. Apart from yes and no, nothing came out. Before I knew it there was an ambulance at the door. After having done all kinds of tests we had to go to the hospital. Just got home and now I had to go back to hospital … After all sorts of examinations and conversations, the redeeming word: it was a neurological short circuit, as they described it so beautifully.
The day my daughter was allowed to go outside for the first time was the day she had to pick up her care depended mother from the hospital. This made me very sad. I felt that I wasn’t taking care of her well enough. Unfortunately, the days that followed did not go better either. I didn’t feel like doing anything, had a lot of negative thoughts, became more and more anxious, suffered from dizziness, didn’t want to be alone and certainly not go outside. Slowly but surely, I lost myself. I no longer recognized myself. That enthusiastic woman, who loved being with people and doing many things, was now crying at home. Again it felt like I couldn’t take care of my baby, I didn’t do anything good for my feeling. After a few weeks the conclusion came: “this is not good. I shouldn’t feel this way. “
To the doctor for a referral
After consulting my husband, I decided to call the doctor for an appointment. It was a difficult conversation, I had to say out loud that I felt something was wrong, that I didn’t feel like a good mother. After some very confronting questions and a lot of tears I got my referral to the psychologist.
I was very happy that they were going to call me for an appointment. Because I don’t know if I had dared it at that time, I had such a hard time calling the doctor, calling the psychologist was an other step. Shortly thereafter I received a call and my first appointment was quickly planned. I step inside the building and take a seat in the waiting room. After some waiting, I am picked up from the waiting room and uncomfortably I walk behind the lady to her office, I take a seat and we start: can you tell me what your complaints are? Tears jump in my eyes directly. I found it hard to say that I feel a pathetic heap and worse: a bad mother. Before this I was a strong woman. She reassures me and it soon became clear that I had a postnatal depression. I immediately thought: “this can’t be true, what have I done wrong?” Fortunately, it soon became clear to me that this is something that happens to you and is definitely not something that you cause yourself.
How do I continue from here?
“You can treated here, but the waiting list is currently at 8 months.” What do I have to do in the meantime, I think. And before I can finish my thoughts, I get a proposal. She asks if I am interested in a digital treatment. Everything was already so scary, I only wanted to agree if I could remain on the regular waiting list if I decided to join the digital treatment. Fortunately that was possible! I would receive an email with additional information so that I could read a bit about how it works. The mail arrived the next day and I thought it was okay. After a week I scheduled my first digital appointment: I’m going to work via NiceDay.
Dear friend,
I never thought about it until last week. But I am so grateful that you wanted to take part of my fight, by supporting me. I am grateful for all the messages, phone calls, postcards and emails you send me. They seem to come exactly at the right time. When I read your messages, I get a boost. A boost that I sometimes need to continue fighting. You let me relativize and self-reflect when I can’t do that by myself. When I take your cards out of the mailbox and see your handwriting, I automatically get a smile on my face. Sometimes it moves me, I think it’s great that someone like you exists! I keep the postcards in my sight. When I go through them I read the texts, so that same smile appears on my face again.
Dear person I don’t talk with anymore,
I also want to thank you, even though you are no longer present in my immediate environment. You showed me a point of improvement: to stop giving too much to others by putting myself second, third or even to a lower place. It cost me a lot of energy and I did not get anything in return. After a long time I found out that it was time for a change. I decided to place myself a bit higher in the rank and noticed that I felt much better. It did not seem to matter to you. At first that was hard, but I now accepted it as it is. I can’t change others, but I can change myself. Thank you for reminding me.
Dear psychotherapist,
And then you, who helped me to open up. You had a lot of patience and helped me to get to the place where I am now. You’ve seen me struggling. You gave me room to be myself. I did not have to talk if I did not want to. In the end it came naturally because you won my trust. You taught me that certain events in your life make you stronger. If they weren’t there, then life was not life. It was a long journey, but I feel that of all the people I have seen, you have helped me the best. I am eternally grateful!
Dear Ghyta,
Finally, I want to thank you. You, who had a hard day every day. Not living but surviving. You wanted to disappear but decided to fight. Because that voice deep in your heart somehow knew how to keep on fighting even though it seemed impossible. You showed me how strong I am. That I can beat this phase of my life. That I possess willpower and perseverance. If it weren’t for my depression, I might have become a very different person than I am now. I have learned to let go of things, to divide my energy and above all: not to give up.
It’s almost time to close this chapter of my life – Ghyta
A lot of love, Ghyta
