There is no big book of rules on how to organize your sex life. What is normal to some, is abnormal to others and vice versa. What one person speaks very openly about, is taboo to someone else. But why do sex-related taboos exist? Isn’t it better to just get rid of them? By writing about all kinds of different questions, problems and views around sex, I hope to break sex-related taboos. Will you join me on this mission?

Have you done “it” yet?

The older we get, the more we assume that we already have or should have done “it”. There are all kinds of prejudices about people who are virgins at a “later” age. There does not have to be a specific reason (such as religion) for someone’s virginity. Maybe it just hasn’t happened (yet) or the need for sex isn’t there (yet). There is nothing wrong with waiting long(er) to have sex for the first time. There is nothing you should and must have done before a certain age: as long as you do what makes you feel good.

Are my fantasies crazy?

Having sexual fantasies increases sexual tension and arousal. In addition, we cannot choose our fantasies, so you really don’t have to be ashamed of them. When it comes to fantasies, anything is possible! Think about having threesomes, BDSM, orgies or having sex with the neighbour. There are studies that state that women can achieve orgasms just by having a fantasy. Moreover, having fantasies often goes hand in hand with an improved sex life. You can choose to share your fantasies with your (bed) partner, but you can certainly choose to keep them to yourself as well. If you want to read more about sexual fantasies, click here!

I can’t come

If you do not or do not always manage to come, I want to reassure you with the following: many people have problems achieving an orgasm. Despite this fact, it can still be hugely frustrating. “Is there something wrong with me? When will it come?”, are thoughts that can arise during sex, with the result that you cannot enjoy yourself optimally. Try to let go of the thoughts of coming and try to shift your attention to the now. Focus on your partner and on the intimacy you are experiencing and have fun! 

I like watching porn

Anyone who has access to the internet can access pornography, it’s that simple. Porn aims to make you sexually aroused, so it is not surprising if you experience watching porn as pleasant. Moreover, porn can also inspire you and/or can learn you new things that you can apply in your own sex life. Sidenote: It is important to realize that the way sex is portrayed does not match reality. This means that it is important to look at porn with a critical eye.

I have a low sex drive

Everyone differs in the degree to which he / she needs sex. You may also have noticed that your libido is not the same all the time. Sometimes you feel like having sex and sometimes you don’t. A lower sex drive is normal and there are often several reasons for this. Stress and sadness, for example, are factors that contribute to a reduced libido. I think it is important to investigate what your need is and once investigated, responding to this need. You never have to go beyond your own limits. If you don’t feel like having sex, it is important to communicate with your (bed)partner. This way you know what you can expect from one another. 

Do I have a sex addiction?

How often someone engages in sex differs per person. In addition, the stage of life you are in also influences how often you might want to have sex.  You probably do not have a sex addiction as long as it does not bother you (for example, whether your genitals hurt from excessive masturbation or excessive sex) and as long as you are not hindered by it in your daily life. If you notice that your behavior has negative consequences (such as becoming socially isolated, lacking sleep and / or financial problems) for you and / or your environment, and you do not seem to have control over your behavior and thoughts, it is advisable to seek professional help. Sex addiction can often be treated well, you don’t have to go though this alone.

There are of course many more sexual topics that are taboo, what else can you think of? Talk to each other! To break sexually related taboos it is necessary to speak openly about sexually related topics. It may be uncomfortable at first, but the more often you discuss these certain topics, the more the embarrassment will disappear.

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Britt Stoker

Hi! My name is Britt, psychologist coach at NiceDay. Through online coaching I can guide and help you with what’s on your mind. Loves animals, traveling, photography and delicious food.

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