In this blog I want to talk about the opinions of others that touch me personally. For example, I was talking with some people about having children as a gay couple. Another person joined the conversation, saying: “Do I really have to pay tax and health care benefits for such nonsense? You’d better just act normal and find a wife.” That comment hurt me and it pissed me off, because I have a wish to have children.

By nature I am a person who quickly loses patience, but through the years I learned that losing temper is often a bad reaction. I try to restrain myself.

One of the best things to resolve disagreement, tension or frustration is to have a constructive conversation based on facts and mutual respect. 

Letting it go can also be effective. I think of what my colleague once said:

“Bert, wonderful that you are trying to fight for your rights, only you cannot fight the stupidity of some people.”

This quote gave me peace and made me realize that sometimes I it’s better to just let it go. After a few hours my anger goes away. Actually, it is never useful to stay angry with a person for a long time. This often only makes a situation worse.

Of course it can happen that a discussion or argument arises. In that case I try not to attack a person personally, but base what I say on facts. I have learned that a personal attack often makes the situation worse.

But how do I let things go? First, it is quite normal to linger for awhile. However, after some time it’s good to let go. How I do that? 

I enjoy writing everything down for myself in the evening. I often take pen and paper or open Word and write off my feelings. It’s okay to cry. Crying can be a huge relief! I keep what I write down and read it back later, if I need it. In this way I compare my feelings, which I wrote down then, with the feelings I now experience. This way I can see better how I really feel and possibly I can also act if I keep feeling sad.

It is also important for me to talk to my friends. I imagine it can be a bit scary at times, but my  friends have often a very different view of certain situations. Of course, this can also be your partner or another person you trust.

Do you know of any other ways to resolve conflict or release your feelings?

Hug,

Bert