What does jealousy say about you?
What does jealousy say about you?

Do you ever feel jealous? What exactly do you feel? What kind of thoughts go through your mind? Jealousy can be expressed in many different ways. You can get physical symptoms, such as a headache or abdominal pain. You can also get feelings of panic and delusions, thoughts can arise that you accept for truth (“My girlfriend does not answer, she is with someone else”). When you can no longer control your jealousy it can be overwhelming. 

Is jealousy normal?

Jealous feelings occur to a certain extent in healthy relationships and it is not something to worry about immediately. To properly understand the core of your jealous feelings, it is important to reflect on what you feel and to what extent the jealousy is rational or irrational.

Do you feel that the jealousy is caused by your own thoughts? Do you feel that your jealousy is irrational? In other words: there is no apparent reason for  your jealousy. You can often see jealousy in this case as a symptom of something bigger. We can look at the symptoms and use techniques to prevent your jealousy from being expressed and to be able to cope with it. But this actually still leaves us with the cause of your jealousy.

What is the cause of your jealousy?

For example, do you have feelings of neglect or uncertainty or some other deep-set fear? And is this being expressed through jealousy? You may have missed something as a child. Think of basic emotional needs such as: warmth, safety, clarity, affection, spontaneity and autonomy. Or have you experienced something traumatic that makes jealousy pop up? Do you generally feel insecure, not just with regard to your relationship? Then it may be that jealousy is a symptom of insecurity.

What can you do about jealousy?

With the help of a therapist you can discover the underlying core behind your jealousy. However, there are also some things you can try yourself: 

  1. Try to focus on your positive qualities. Take a look at yourself from a distance and think about what you like about yourself. 
  2. Talk to the people around you about your feelings: it can feel good to express your feelings when you feel down. How do your friends and family react? 
  3. Look for distraction: try to go for activities that make you feel good and valued. If you do something that you are enthusiastic about and enjoy this will increase your confidence.

Are you suffering from symptoms of jealousy? Are you having trouble sleeping, for example, or is it impeding you from contacting others? Then it is important to get help. Together with a therapist it is possible to investigate and work on the cause of your jealousy. The NiceDay professionals can also help you take practical steps and teach you how to cope with jealousy effectively.

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My name is Sarah Goslinga, psychologist and coach at NiceDay. It's important to me that you have a real connection with your coach and that you feel you can discuss anything. In my spare time I'm busy with producing music.

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