We humans are creatures of habit. Over time we gather more and more people, things and places, as well as thoughts, behavior and emotions, to which we attach ourselves. But how often do you actually ask yourself the following question; “do I hold onto something that is not helping me?”

It may sound like a crazy question, because why would you bed attached to something that is of no use to you? It’s because it does give us something, especially in the short term.

Everything we do, we do for a reason

We do what we do because it gives us something positive, or because we can avoid something negative with it. So also holding on to negative ideas and beliefs or emotions such as anger or sadness. This does not seem logical when we think of the bigger picture or when we consider what we want to achieve. But in the short term, it certainly means something to us.

For example, grief can immediately call for compassion and support from others. Or anger justifies the belief that “you are right.” Always saying yes gives you appreciation of others. And by staying at your boring job, you don’t have to think about your future.

The pitfall

In those short-term rewards it is precisely where the pitfall lies. The short-term rewards feel comfortable and  safe. It takes courage to let go, because it opens the door to the unknown. And that is almost always scary. However, holding on to the things that we do not need, can stagnate our development and sometimes our well-being.

“When I let go of who I am, I become who I could be. When I let go of what I have, I get what I need. “~ Tao Te Ching

Three questions

How do you let go of the things that are not helpful for you? Like with almost everything, this starts with awareness. After all, you can only change something when you have the insight. The following three questions can help you:

• To which thoughts / habits / feelings do I feel attached even though they are not helpful?
• Which short-term rewards do these things give me? (what do I get out of it / what do I avoid with it?)
• What would my life look like if you let go of these things?

NiceDay app

Are you connected to a NiceDay professional? Write the answers to this questions in your diary in the NiceDay app so that you can find ways to let go of the unuseful things.

Do you take care of yourself? Put yourself first and ensure that you take all necessary steps to take care of your body and mind. Sounds simple, right? Maybe for some. Because, there are many people who actually do not take care of themselves (so well).

If you do not do self-care, this can affect your entire life. The balance between work and private life is lost, your eating habits are not healthy, you may be stressed or overwhelmed, you arrive and doubt any decision you make. That way you will never be in balance and you will most likely feel unhappy!

To take care of yourself you don’t have to turn your whole life upside down. Far from! Learning a few simple new habits is the key to success. Small changes, big results.

Self-care tips to add to your daily routine:

1. Sleep: ensure sufficient sleep and try to create regularity in your sleep rhythm. Go to bed at the same time every day and get up at the same time every day.
2. Exercise: daily exercise, moderately intensive, for about 30-60 minutes provides more energy and a healthier body. Cleaning, stretching or climbing stairs: everything counts!
3. Outside: try to go outside every day. Only a few minutes makes a difference already.
4. Breathing: do you feel stressed or anxious? Then consciously breathe in and out a few times. This way your entire body relaxes.
5. Take breaks: a break from your computer, telephone, social media, anything you can “turn off” for a moment.
6. Music: turn on your favorite song. Make a playlist for when you feel happy, sad, angry or hurt.
7. Dance: “Dance like nobody’s watching”, it is fun, gives you energy and contributes to positive emotions. Turn up your volume and dance!
8. Pay attention to your body: which dishes / snacks make you feel good? What makes you feel slow? What gives you energy and what makes you tired? Study your habits, and note what works and what doesn’t.
9. Hydrate sufficiently: 2 liters of water are recommended per day. Add some lemon or cucumber for an extra flavor!
10. Take a rest from visual stimuli: you record so much visual stimulation and information throughout the day, give your eyes a rest. Resting your eyes for 5 minutes feels great, give it a try.
11. Freshen up: shower or simply wash your face or hands. It refreshes you and gives you energy.
12. Give yourself the best: don’t feel guilty when you take time to look after yourself. You are important and you can treat yourself that way!

Try to include these quick tips in your daily routine. Making it part of your daily life ensures the best results. This way you become your best self!

In my previous blog I stated that I also intend to write about my less good days. Several adjustments in my life have ensured that these good days are no longer overshadowed by the bad ones. However, I still have days when things are not going well: I cry, have enormous frustration, deep uncertainties or a bad mood.

It’s not a competition

Since I am very busy with my personal development and I am very proud of the progress I have made in recent months, I am really disappointed by the bad days. I am very strict with myself. It therefore feels as if I receive one point for all my good days and a full score because a day which has “failed”. This mindset naturally makes me feel anything but better.

Fall back …

In the past two weeks I had a huge “relapse” feeling. I hadn’t had a fight with my boyfriend for weeks and now we had three fights in a row. Had not been crying for six weeks: now I have had four huge crying sessions in two weeks. In addition I feel super helpless about problems in my family, problem I cannot change. Also the summer period at work is really over and I have experienced enormous stress. Long story short: I felt really bad. However, if you feel bad, it doesn’t help you to feel bad because you feel bad. That feeling that you “fail” makes you feel even worse. I find it super difficult, but my wise lesson in situations like this: be kind to yourself! I found this article on the NiceDay site very useful. Be kind to yourself and do good self-care is the message.

Sometimes I just get lost for a while, sometimes it takes a little longer. But in the end I always get home again.

… and then get up again

So if you feel bad: just let that feeling come over you. Take the time you need to feel bad and only start to get “back up” when you are ready. Sadness, anger, gloom: it’s okay. And the moment you start to feel better again: take your life step by step. I talked it out with my boyfriend and we agreed on how to be nicer for each other; A visit to my family is planned and I will go on vacation for a week so that I can let go of the stress of my job. I’m not going to do too much on vacation, besides being very sweet to myself.

Competition or a walk

So, a lesson for myself: personal development is not a competition. I can’t win or lose. You can compare it to a walk: sometimes I take a beautiful route and sometimes I accidentally take the wrong turn. This turn can sometimes lead me to places I would rather not have been. Sometimes I just get lost for a while, sometimes it takes a little longer. But in the end I always get home again.

Love,

Mara

When depressed you experience mental and physical complaints. A depressed mood is often described as feeling down, sad, hopeless. You will experience less pleasure in the things you do. The things you normally do will be experienced as less fun. There’ll also be changes in appetite, sleep, concentration and self-image. When sad feelings stay, we can often speak of depression. When you’re depressed it feels hard to do daily things like grocery shopping, take care of the household or doing paperwork.

What do you feel when you are depressed?

People with depression are mostly passive, he or she will take less action. Because of this, feelings of guilt will come at play. As a depressed person you can feel like a burden to the social environment.

What can you do when your partner is depressed?

It can be hard to deal with a depressed partner. However, it is possible to support your loved one with a depression (this also applies family members of friends) and also take care of yourself. What do you?

• Try to investigate: what is it your partner is dealing with?
• Go with your partner to the doctor or psychologist appointments.
• Try to support without judgement. Listen, understand, be patient and encourage treatment. Let your partner know that he or she will get through this with help. Show your faith.
• Let your partner be in charge but don’t be too agreeable. Putting pressure on your partner is counterproductive. Being too decisive yourself can also cause your partner to be more passive.
• Talk with your partner: what do you need?
• Think twice before you make appointments with your partner. It is important to stick to agreements you and your partner made.
• Be aware of small steps in the process. It is not all about the end goal: is today better than yesterday? Compliment your partner about it.
• Be aware of the feelings of guilt experienced by your partner.
• Confront your partner (carefully) when he or she doesn’t stick to appointments. 
• Keep your feet on the ground and try not to go along with despair. Don’t feel responsible for resolving the depression. Listening is already a lot.
• Try not to criticize, to lecture and don’t try to tell your partner what and what not do to.
• Focus on healthy eating, exercising together. Create a positive low stress environment.

Take care of yourself!

Take care of yourself while taking care of your partner. Dealing with someone with depression can be difficult. Keep doing fun and relaxing things, keep in touch with good friends and family members: talk with others about your situation.

In need of support?

For example via PsyQ and Synaeda you can be treated with NiceDay for depression. Register with a referral letter from the doctor. Click here for more information

In an earlier blog you could read more about the happiness hormones dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. In this article I would like to tell you more specifically about the hormone dopamine. A number of things have an influence on the production of this happiness hormone and I would like to tell you how that works! You can read about dopamine here.

Dopamine & nutrition

The substances “phenylalanine” and “tyrosine” are needed to produce dopamine. In any case, food already produces a dopamine production, but you can also choose certain foods that are naturally rich in these substances to boost your dopamine production. These are almonds, avocados, bananas, chocolate, dairy, legumes, seeds, nuts, lean red meat, chicken, turkey, seafood and tofu.

In addition, it is useful to eat antioxidants. These can prevent certain substances from damaging the dopamine-producing cells. It is about these three antioxidants:

• Beta-carotene and carotenoids: leafy vegetables, orange fruit and vegetables, asparagus, broccoli, beetroot
• Vitamin C: peppers, oranges, strawberries, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts
• Vitamin E: nuts, sunflower seeds, leafy vegetables, broccoli, carrots

Furthermore, vitamins and minerals such as folic acid, iron, magnesium, vitamins B3 and B6 are involved in the production of dopamine. Make sure you get enough of these vitamins and minerals by eating vegetables, fruit and red meat, possibly supplemented with nutritional supplements.

Finally, it is good to avoid foods that can reduce brain function. This includes processed foods, white flour, cholesterol, caffeine, saturated fats and sugars.

Dopamine & exercise

Activate your NiceDay step count and make sure you have enough exercise! You can do this by walking, cycling or practicing a different sport every day for 30 to 60 minutes (or at least 8,000 steps). Exercise increases the calcium in your blood, which stimulates dopamine production and uptake of dopamine in your brain. In addition to sporting, sexual activity also stimulates dopamine production in your body. By having sex, your dopamine supply is quickly replenished and the threshold is lower to do it again!

Dopamine & sleep

Your brain uses little dopamine when you sleep, so with enough sleep you have more dopamine for the next day. Sleep at least eight hours a night. Here you can find tips for a good night’s sleep.

Dopamine & relaxation

To get your hormones in balance it is important to relax. By releasing hormones, you experience a rushed feeling during stress. This feeling can be useful if you have a deadline and need to complete tasks, but it is less useful if you feel this continuously. For this reason, try to balance your hormones by consciously dealing with your thoughts. You can read more tips to relax in this article.

When did you last take a day off? Or have a bath for an hour? Read a book in the middle of the day? In your busy life it hardly ever happens. And that is a shame, because you actually charge your battery by concentrating your thoughts on something completely different then work. What you need is a good hobby. The best, to be able to switch off completely on a regular basis. You can switch off optimally by meditating; 5 minutes a day already do wonders (says Harvard).

Here you will find more tips about increasing your happiness!

Do you want to increase your happiness? Then make sure you supplement your dopamine supply! Eat, exercise, sex, sleep, relax, read and have a nice day! 🙂

“Do more or what makes you happy”

NiceDay actions:

Try to write down your thoughts and feelings in your “Feeling Registration” so that you gain insight into what is going on inside of you.

You may have read about the effect of a gratitude diary: a notebook (or app) in which you, for example, write down 5 things every morning and evening for which you are grateful. By focusing on what you do have, what is going well and the nice people you have around you, your sense of happiness grows. But in addition to this tip, we have a few more for you!

1. Life is not as heavy as it seems:

   Our thoughts easily get to us: “Pff, I really don’t feel it today, this will be a bad day.” and tada, at the end of the day it was a bad day. No matter how real these negative thoughts feel, they don’t have to make the truth. You determine what you think and to a large extent also how you feel. Your thoughts are super powerful, so try to evoke as many positive thoughts as possible and let the negative thoughts “pass” without attaching any value to them.

2. Think about what is really important:

   You are pulled in all directions, your work, your relationship, friends, household, social media. It all feels equally important. But is it all really that important? What is important differs per person, but ask yourself: what do I want to spend my time and energy on? If I look back on my life later, what more could I have wanted to do? And on what should I have spend less time?

3. Small steps, big result:

   Our daily life is busy, we want everything and that’s okay. But it can sometimes be overwhelming and this feeling makes you no longer know where to start. Try to ‘cut’ large projects / tasks or things that you don’t like in smaller steps. Ask yourself which small step you can take to make the situation a little better. Once you have taken the first step, you can ask yourself the question again. You go on and on! Problems seem (or are ultimately) less significant and this ensures that you experience less stress while you get more done. Win win!

4. You can learn to accept:

   “Life comes as it comes”, “it is what it is” or “c’est ça”, all statements that indicate that you can’t change life. If you often wish it to be different, you experience stress and negative feelings (such as dissatisfaction). Acceptance of what is ensures peace in your life. This does not mean that you “always have to let everything happen”, it mainly means that you use the current moment as a starting point. It is how it is and that determines your next steps and actions. Less stress, less dissatisfaction, more rest!

A toolset

These tips are actually all “tricks” or “tools” that you can teach yourself. They help to put things into perspective, accept things. you can not change, be in the present and be grateful for what is nice in your life. It reduces stress and the chance of an “off day”  (because you will still have those sometimes!).

NiceDay actions

Keep your gratitude diary in NiceDay, write down what really matters to you and plan “small steps” on your daily planner. Also monitor your mood, hopefully these tips will ensure a positive mood! And don’t forget to share this article with someone who can also benefit from these tips!

Meet my friend Sylvia, almost 80 years old. We’ve known each other for almost 7 years and see each other often to chat and have dinner. Despite an age difference of more than 50 years and a different background we have a very interesting friendship. We are open to each others ideas and perspective of the world. 

Syl, how do we start? Can you tell me something about the time you grew up in? How was your childhood? How was society and how did you feel about that?

I was born in 1939, there were no equal rights between men and women. My mother wanted to divorce in 1950. It was impossible for a woman to divorce in those times: you needed proof of adultery. My father had a girlfriend at that time… but there was no proof. After three years she managed to get a divorce. In 1971 a new law was formed: Law of Separation.

My father was a Spartan: feeling ill was not allowed. He was very authoritative and militaristic when I was growing up. It was very good for me (and I think my four sisters) that my parents got divorced. I think it is very special that my mother made the divorce happen in those days. Also, I think it is very special that my mother was so open minded, both during and after the war. I still enjoy this until this day. Women were not legally allowed  to make decisions: divorce, buying a house etc. As a woman you were dependent of your husband. But my mother, she was a dentist and she had possibilities. She was open to anything. For example: when I wanted to take a boyfriend home, she told me: you can do what you want but you have to make the bed yourself! Everyone was welcome in my mother’s house. What wasn’t allowed at other families was allowed at my place. I experienced a lot of freedom. Freedom a lot of people know or dare to seek nowadays. I think that is a very positive development.

What did you do with the information of your mother in your own personal life?

I was married to the ‘wrong’ person for way too long. Even though I had my mother’s example! My mother showed me you don’t have to be dependent of someone else. That’s why I didn’t understand why I was in the same situation for so long. I felt dependent of this man. My mother kept on saying: money can’t and shouldn’t hold you back. Eventually I got a divorce.

This relationship experience is very important to me. I cherish the moments I had with him. I have a lot of nice memories and I became a more worldly woman because of him. Always try to cherish what a relationship gave you the moment the relationship is finished. Don’t regret it and see it as a meaningful experience.

Falling in love, getting engaged and getting married was an obvious relationship form. Nowadays there are a lot of other forms between dating and a relationship. There is a lot of choice and people marry much less. What do you think about this development?

Freedom of choice is a big problem for a lot of people. There is a lot of choice and this causes stress. I think freedom of choice is a good thing! There is a possibility to find out what you want, what you like, what matches your personal needs. Enjoy this freedom of choice!

I think it’s a very positive development. 

I agree, freedom of choice is something special and I think we should consider ourselves lucky to have this kind of freedom.

Do you like to read more about two generations getting personal? Keep updated by checking our Sarah’s profile!

Did you know that most of us get up around 7:30 am and don’t feel fit or rested? This often has to do with a wrong sleep rhythm. Did you know that there are four chronotypes, each with a different sleeping pattern? Knowing what type you are ensures that you sleep better, wake up more energetically and rested. And more important that the entire body can function better; read better metabolism, fewer snack attacks, more energy and clearer thinking. Take the test and learn what type you are!

During your sleep
That the quality of your night’s sleep has a major effect on your day is nothing new. But what happens when you sleep? Our brains are more active when we sleep than when we are awake. At night they process information and memories while other parts of the body relax. Our breathing and heart rate slow down. The liver changes from detoxing to synthesising. The body temperature and blood pressure falls. In addition, growth hormones are released during your sleep, which produce cells that may repair damage in the body. This video shows you what happens inside the body and brain during sleep:

Tired 

If we do not complete our sleep cycle, we can develop chronic fatigue. As a result, our system cannot rest and recharge itself. This makes us more vulnerable to stressful situations and mood changes. Moreover, we get sick faster. Dr. Michael Breus is a specialist in the field of sleep disorders and is called the “Sleep Doctor”. As a clinical psychologist, the Sleep Doctor confirms that we have to cooperate with our body instead of working against it. Not everyone is a morning person and gets up energetically at 07:30 am and that is not necessary. By knowing what your sleep rhythm is, you can connect your daily schedule to this and ensure that you are always energetic and get more out of your day.

Yoga to help you out
Yoga has a positive effect on your body: it improves a better night’s sleep and helps you to maintain energy levels. These two videos will help you out:

1. Get a better nights sleep with this relaxation exercise: https://youtu.be/ndSkRYp00QM
2. Uphold your energy levels with this yoga flow practice: https://youtu.be/a5mMNn8qyNE

Four Sleep types

The Sleep Doctor has translated his discovery about sleep rhythms into four chronotypes, each with a different sleeping pattern and certain behavioural characteristics. He uses animals to describe them:

• Lions: morning people who wake up early around 6 a.m. and are 15 to 20% of the population. They are conscientious, practical and optimistic and do not need an afternoon nap, because they are still clear and energetic in the afternoon.
• Bears: wake up a little later at a time that is geared to the daily schedule of our society. They make up about half the population and are careful, friendly and open-minded. They feel comfortable with familiar things and are particularly clear from mid-morning to mid-afternoon.
• Dolphins: represent about 10% of the population and are quite intelligent but have problems sleeping. They sleep lightly, possibly because they are careful, neurotic and perfectionist.
• Wolves: nocturnal animals, the night is the moment when they are most active. They constitute 15 to 20% of humanity. And they are impulsive, creative, temperamental and can react strongly emotionally. They only have their full powers from seven o’clock in the evening

Sleep Quizzes
Do you already recognise what type you are? Take the test and find out which advice the Sleep Doctor has for you! You can find the test here: https://thesleepdoctor.com/sleep-quizzes/

The best time to do everything

Recent research shows that there is a good time for all of us to do everything from drinking a cocktail to a flu shot. The clue? That ‘right moment’ varies from person to person. Fortunately, like Dr. Michael Breus proves in his book The Power of When, learning to work with your body clock to achieve maximum health and productivity is simple, exciting and fun. When we stop focusing on the ‘how’ and ‘what’ of our lives and focus on the ‘when’, we reveal the natural scheme of our body and unlock our hidden potential. Find out when your moment is via this online test: https://thepowerofwhenquiz.com/

In my last blog I talked about how setting goals and attaching conditions to our state of happiness is only temporary and often unsuccessful. I promised to give you an answer on how I found happiness within me so here we go.

Focus on possibilities instead of limitations

We have all done this, I won’t go out and try to make new friends because I already have friends or I do not fit in with other people. If you cling on the notion that something is not possible you are arguing in favour for your limitations. By doing this you are keeping the limitations in your life. If you would argue in favour of your possibilities, you can turn those possibilities into a reality. I think it’s better to prove that we CAN do something instead of reinforce that we can’t do something. It does not matter if we feed our possibilities or our limitations. The one we feed is the one that wins. 

Always ask why!

You know how children are always so curious and always keep asking “why” to understand  the world around them. I think when we mature, asking the why question remains just as important but more in the sense of understanding the world inside of us. What is your why power? Why is it that you want to study this degree? Move to that city? Buy that new thing? I believe that when you do not have a strong why for what you do we tend to be more sensitive for influences of someone else’s why. When you start to question the reason why you are doing the things you are doing in your life, you might notice that some of them are only because of what others might expect from you or what the media and society perpetuates as something that you must be doing.  Asking yourself the why more regularly, makes us understand and set our values. This will make us happy and reassured when making life decisions. 

Prioritize play 

We were all kids once who were giving pens and paint and we expressed ourselves completely freely. But as we grow older we try to conform and fit in. So I took this whole play part a chance by just letting go sometimes of the idea of being good or great at something. We sometimes just need to do something creative and just do it. Creativity goes well beyond play, it helps us think differently, problem solve differently and helps us build confidence. It can come in so many different forms, singing, dancing, cooking, playing sports. Anything that feels like a unique form of self-expression. Anything that helps us reconnect with our inner child! 

Small steps lead to big changes

We live in a society that focuses on crash diets and getting rich quick, so we tend to want big results and we want them fast. But we also know that those quick and fast strategies bring us back to where we started or even worse of then where we were. We can never change our life until we start to change something we do daily. When we put expectations on ourselves such as “I will start working out every day” we tend to not be able to keep it up and quit completely. It is the go big or go home mindset we need to stop having. It are the small things that we do often that makes the changes. Instead of working out every day, start with working out once every week and build it up. 

Thank you again for taking the time to read this month’s blog.

Love, 

Sabrina

A lot of people have insecurities. This can be about your work, your school work, what you look like, how you come across to other people or how your future will be. You can’t help to get insecure. However, the art of feeling better about yourself is not to be guided by your insecurities. We share 6 tips with you to help you out.

Tips to overcome insecurity

Typical insecurities are being afraid of making mistakes, being led by what other people think of you, believing others are better than you or assuming that nobody likes you. Insecurity is not congenital. It’s getting anxious about yourself or a certain situation, which affects your self esteem. These 6 tips help you deal with insecurity:

1. Don’t try to ‘read’ other people’s thoughts

Be aware of the fact that you can’t know what other people think of you. Try not to fill in their thoughts, everybody thinks in a different way. On top of that, a lot of people are too focused on themselves to even think about you in that sense.

2. Exclude these words

Don’t think in negative words. Examples of these words are: always, never and not at all. Try to avoid these words and try be milder to yourself.

3. Set achievable goals

A lot of people are insecure because they want to achieve a goal that is out of reach. This is painful and can make you feel insecure. Before setting a goal, consider whether it’s achievable or not. If the goal is too big, divide it into smaller goals. Also keep in mind that it’s OK to make mistakes and to take a step back.

4. Write down positive things about yourself

Write all the positive things about yourself down on a piece of paper. Everything! So your qualities, the skills that you believe are good in and what good you’ve done today. If you can’t come up with something, write down the successes you’ve achieved already. For example, getting a graduate degree! Look back on how far you’ve got already.

5. Knowledge is self confidence

Learning will help you grow confidence. For example a training will increase your knowledge about certain areas. Having a presentation coming up? Visit a training to improve your presentation skills!

6. The right attitude does wonders

Walking, sitting and standing straight can provide more self-confidence. Furthermore, it can help to look people in the eye while you are talking. But do this with a smile and not insistently.

NiceDay app

Discuss your insecurities with your professional and how to overcome them. Write them down in you NiceDay-diary to get insight in your thoughts and emotions.