You have about 40,000 thoughts every day. Most of your thoughts are unconscious, don’t remember, or quickly dissipate. It is difficult to structure all these thoughts, even when you think about them consciously. One of the ways to slow down this flow of thoughts to create some structure is to write. But why is writing good for you? In this blog I’ll explain it further.

The use of writing

• Writing works well because it gives you a grip on your thoughts, they become “real” and you add structure to them.
• Suppose you want to plan something such as a behavioural change, for example: exercising more often. Just thinking about it is not enough. You will notice that such a plan only works effectively if you put your thoughts on paper, and you literally see your goals in front of you (Pilarczyk, 2017).
• A study by the University of Twente shows that writing about yourself is effective in depression because it reduces the complaints.
• Writing also helps to process (traumatic) memories, according to research from the University of Texas.
• Writing provides reflection, self-insight and personal development. You take the time to process information and think about it carefully.
• By writing you memorize information better, and you can read it again if you have forgotten something.
• By noting down information, you have a visual reminder for yourself. You can hang this up somewhere or set it up as a reminder on your phone so that you are regularly reminded yourself if necessary.
• Do you prefer writing on paper over writing digitally? This can contribute to the development of your brain and motor skills because writing with pen and paper is a complex action that involves muscles from all over your body.

How do you start writing?

Find a quiet place to sit down and take the time to write down your thoughts, whether it is on a laptop, smartphone or on a piece of paper. Let your thoughts run free and write down what’s relevant to you. When you write things down, it’s good to realise that there is no right or wrong! These are your own personal notes and thoughts, and there is no judgement attached to them. Find it difficult to write? You can also visualize your thoughts through drawings, diagrams or illustrations.

When can you write things down?

Writing things down is useful in different situations. For example, consider the following

• Keeping a diary: In a diary you reflect on the day by writing about it. You could choose a specific theme for your diary, for example a gratitude journal or a positivity journal.

• To-do list: When you write down the things you have to do, there is a lower chance of you forgetting them and more space for other things. You can read more about the advantages of a to-do list here. 

• Setting goals: Write down your goals as clear, specific and detailed as possible. By writing down all the details, you visualize them and the goals are registered in your brains, or even your subconsciousness (Pilarczyk, 2017).

• Making plans: This is where the agenda or Daily Planner in the NiceDay app comes in handy. Write down your plans in specific terms and set a reminder that will help you remember your plans. You don’t have to remember everything by yourself!

• After a session: are you seeing a therapist or receiving coaching? By making notes after finishing a session you consciously reflect on what has been discussed by writing it down in your own words. This allows you to better understand and remember the information. It also improves your own influence, helps to reflect and contributes to your process.
• After a good conversation with a loved one: When you have had a good conversation with a loved one, such as a friend, family member or colleague, it can help to write down the most valuable information you discussed. You can then read this information again when it is relevant. Especially when it was a long conversation or when a lot of emotions were involved, it can be hard to remember information. You can use a journal or  the NiceDay app to write it down.

Tip! Set a diary reminder in the NiceDay app, that helps remind you to write down something every day. No matter how big or small!

Are you interested in inspiring others with your written stories? Share your story on our blog! Contact us for more information.

In a earlier blog I told you that I have a “self-care day” to meditate and reflect. A while ago I read the book Happy Life 365 by Kelly Weekers. I use this book as a guide to evaluate my life. In her book, Kelly explains a method for evaluating different parts of your life: yourself, vitality, work & career and love & relationships. You grade  these parts and you decide what grade you would want it to have. In this blog you can read how I reflect on my life

Yourself

I ask myself the questions: how happy am I? How do I feel? I give this feeling a grade by looking at my feelings from the past week. I track these feelings in the NiceDay App. Then I switch to my activities: how often have I been exercising? When did I meditate? Did I have time planned for relaxation? I make a list of things that made me feel good and things that gave me tension. What can I do to feel better about myself? What made me feel bad? What adjustments can I make to improve these negative factors in my life?

Vitality

Do I feel fit? restlessness, tired or active? I give my vitality a rating. And I explore where this feeling comes from. Have I been outside enough this past week? Have I played enough? Did I sleep enough? Or did I work too much, ate healthy or did I drank too much alcohol? Of course I look again at how I can make adjustments to improve the level of vitality.

Work & career

This section is about my job and how I felt at work last week. I also give this a grade and I look at various factors: how many hours did  I work, what was the atmosphere in the workplace or did I experience stress? 

Love & relationships

For this subject I make a list of people who have influenced me positively or negatively during the past week. I also give this a grade. When evaluating relationships, I find it important to reflect on my own feelings: “Why did person X make me feel that way?” And “What is my influence on this relationship?”

Actions points 

From the evaluation of these four parts, I make a small list of a maximum of ten “action points”, which I will work on in the following week. Last week, for example, that list looked like this:

• Prepare well for an upcoming lesson
• Make time for reading my book
• Exercise a minimum of three times this week
• Maintain the pleasant atmosphere at work by planning well and blocking parts of the day in my agenda
• Forgive person X 
• Maintaining the happy feeling in my relationship by continuing to plan fun evenings together

So should you ever feel the need to take a good look at your life? Here you have my tips! And do you want to know more about the lifescan and inspiration to make yourself feel happier on a daily basis? Read the book “Happy Life 365” by Kelly Weekers!

Love,

Mara

Go, go, go…
Make way, make way, make way…
We are in an incredible rush…
(translated from Dutch: Opzij – Herman van Veen, 1979)

This is society in 2018 in my eyes. A society in which I took part in a self destructive way, until April.

Something clicked in my head

At that moment something clicked in my head…literally. I had a bike accident which gave me a serious concussion. Dizziness, nausea, a huge never-ending headache, pressure on the chest, not able to drive a car, I even continued cycling after the accident, in a very busy city centre, unaware of the traffic.

It was time to ease off this frantic pace and slow down a little

Literally. This was it. Mental complications combined with physical weakness forced me to stay at home and a break from my busy life. Different specialists and also my private environment told me to stop, to pause.

And suddenly I noticed something shocking. My complaints were not only the result of my concussion, but I realised that they were already there even before the accident.

Overbooked

A lot of stimuli, panic, anxiety, too many people, too much planned, including activities planned back-to-back (doing many activities in a row without a breath in between). I knew how to pad out my agenda. My typical work days included an average of 10 hours per day, 5 days per week and had a high stress factor. On Monday evenings I went jogging, Tuesday was volleyball training, Wednesday dinner with friends, Thursday dinner with my flatmates, Friday it was party-time as it’s the start of the weekend. I started drinking with colleagues in the office and continued in town. Then Saturday morning was jogging-time again, the afternoon would include a volleyball game and at night I had a birthday party or festival. You might think that I would need a rest on Sunday? Great idea! Didn’t happen though. Cleaning, groceries, laundry and even a little take away dinner with a friend or flatmate was on my schedule. Oh yes, let’s not forget about the city trips in the weekends, going to the sauna and of course mum’s 60th birthday.

Ignoring setbacks

I get stuffy while writing it down, but this really was my life. Not to mention me ignoring setbacks. Difficult situations which made me worry day and night, situations from some months ago but also situations from my younger years that I never really processed. Instead of processing these setbacks I ignored them. Nope, that doesn’t work. And of course, it seems so logical to take a break. But hey, knowing when to stop yourself in this routine is difficult. Pleasing other people too much, having no time to think about what feels good or wrong, just go go go…

No second to waste

Standing still felt like taking a step backwards and a waste of my time. But it’s not that at all! Rush is taking a step backwards, that sounds so much more natural now. Standing still is an exquisite moment of reflection and consolidation.

From the moment I got sick, I slept around 10 to 11 hours per night, plus 1 to 2 hours during the afternoon. Week after week. Total loss. I had difficulties breathing, pressure on the chest and a persistent headache. I saw the family doctor multiple times and she even sent me to the hospital for blood samples and a heart scan, to exclude some serious dangerous issues. Result: all fine. The medicine: taking rest and staying home. It felt like I was cutting off all lines in my life. I was in a sort of quarantine. A feeling of failure, or had I truly passed my physical and mental limit?

Ambition or perfectionism?

‘Perfectionists are concerned, show initiative, they look around really carefully. They stow themselves on surprising altitudes and are able to inspire others. It never is enough. You don’t know how to give up. You aren’t a pussy, right? Others are also able to reach certain goals, so why wouldn’t you? It all has to work out some way. You expect a lot from yourself. Ambition is great. Having the desire to do things right is good. But perfectionism, that’s bad. Striving to perfection is ruining two things: the way towards the result (you will gabble) and the result itself (because that will be disappointing anyway).’’ (Jan Wolter Bijleveld & Ingebord Deana, Loslaten, 2014)

Striving to perfection

Striving to perfection is something that quite matches my behaviour. I would rather not do a job at all, than doing it imperfectly. I put the bar high and that worked against me. Scared of the idea something could go wrong. If I didn’t do good enough, then would people still like me? Would they think I am less sympathetic or not good at my job? Was I disappointing people or just disappointing myself?

Day by day

Now I am well aware: fewer things are as necessary as I thought. Living ‘day by day’ is healthier than overbooking my agenda for the upcoming 3 months. I feel like I can make choices myself now. Nobody can oblige me to do things, apart from my employer (as he pays my salary). But without harming my wellbeing! I do have the choice to work harder, the choice to rush, the choice to worry, the choice to take responsibility and to gabble instead of asking for help, the choice to take my time, the choice to cancel an appointment and to do something a little less perfect than planned. How more I need to do (like a must), the worse I feel. This causes a stressful life. From appointment to appointment, always rushing and no time to enjoy or process.

‘The lack of quality, dissatisfaction, indifference. Do less, live more, be more attentive, well-informed, more matured, more intense, lighter, nicer.’ (Jan Wolter Bijleveld & Ingebord Deana, Loslaten, 2014)

Quotes

I would like to share some quotes which I hold on to when I need to get back to myself…

‘Let’s plan to plan nothing.’

‘It’s time to make time.’

‘Would my work worry about me?’

‘Give yourself a day off.’

‘What are you mindful of today?’

‘Tomorrow is great too.’

‘Yes. I do say no.’

‘I already have an appointment. With myself.’

‘I recently bumped into myself. She said hi.’

‘Do less. Live more.’

(Jan Wolter Bijleveld & Ingebord Deana, Loslaten, 2014)

Pushed down and getting back up again.  I am not there yet, but I am a work in process. I am taking my time and will continue living my perfect life. No, better than that: my great life. How? By doing less and living more!

It’s December. That means 2018 is almost over. When this blog post is online, there are only 20 days left from 2018. Personally, I think that 2018 flew by. Which is a good thing, but also a pity. I met new people, worked hard, cried a lot, but I also laughed. It was an exciting year. Time for some reflection!

Beautiful people

2018 was a year in which I met new people. Each of these people taught me something. From one I have learned to see life as rain and sunshine. There is sun behind every dark cloud, you can always rely on that. I have learned from others that the length of a friendship does not necessarily equal the quality of the friendship. If it feels right, it feels right. No matter how long you know each other. I have also learned to have trust in the opposite sex. He taught me that men also have another side; a supportive and non-judgmental side. Each and every one of these people got a place in my heart.

Setbacks

2018 was not really my year. It was another year in which I suffered from depression and PTSD. Some days were fine, but also a lot of days were hard. In one way or another, I always managed to get myself out of it. Otherwise it would not have been possible for me to write this blog post right now! My mental health problems will not suddenly disappear, but I really hope that in 2019 I’m able to let go of my demons. Another setback was not getting my diploma this year. I really wanted to close this chapter. It was difficult to accept this, but in the end you can do nothing but accept and go on.

Self-development

2018 was also a year of self-development, despite all the setbacks. I have learned that I have to put myself first, instead of other people or studying. If I don’t work, the rest will not work either. It is difficult to do this, since I often want to do everything at once. However, every now and then I’m able to give myself a dose of self love. This is something I will continue to work on in 2019. In addition, I have learned to give a little less. In certain friendships for example. If I give too much and get just little in return, it will cost me too much energy. In a friendship or in any other relationship, it’s a matter of giving and taking. Otherwise the relationship is not in balance. This led me to disconnect with a good friend. This was very difficult at first, but after a while it felt like the right choice. In 2019 I hope to develop myself a bit more.

And 2019?

2019 is a year in which I have a lot of time to work on myself and on my depression and PTSD. It’s scary. But I should not run away from it. It is time to trust myself, to trust that I can handle the fight. I am no longer that girl from the past who always pushed all of her emotions away because she could not handle it at that moment. Now I am the grown-up Ghyta who is, with some help, strong enough to face the demons of the past.

Quote with this story: I’m in repair, I’m not together but I am getting there – John Mayer (in repair)

Love,

Ghyta

A lot of stress is caused by not having enough structure in your life. Structure can be found in different things, from making your bed to writing down what to do today. Often you are too busy to think about self care and how to get structure in your day. Because of this you become stressed and frustrated. Creating rest and regulation is the right thing to do, but it requires discipline. We will help you! 

Activities
Most people get down on the couch after a long workday and only get off when they are going to bed. Of course, it can be relaxing, but doing fun activities will decrease your stress-level in the long term. Also taking the time to organize can be good. For example cleaning up your house, after this you will feel satisfied and more relaxed!

Rituals for regulation
Rituals are important. However, people tempt to forget this or do not want to spend time on it, they believe it is too time consuming. Rituals can be different for every person. An example of a ritual can be drinking a cup of coffee to start the day. Other rituals are; taking a hot shower before you are going to sleep or pampering your body with bodylotion. Also exercising can be a ritual, it provides a clear mind and boosts your energy level. By performing these rituals you create structure in your life, this causes you to feel more relaxed.

Plan your day
All these rituals sound nice, but how can you make sure you actually have time for it? Planning ahead helps you to organize your day. Stress is caused by not being able to finish your to do’s and this can be caused by a lack of planning. The best way to make a planning is to write down the important things you need to finish and schedule time blocks. Be realistic, ask yourself: ‘is this doable?’ By doing so, you prevent unnecessary stress and disappointments.

Still some unfinished tasks at the end of the day? Try to think positive; tomorrow is a new day. Start the new day with a new planning. Reflect on your day, how did you experience it and did you finish everything you wanted?