In this blog I discuss a topic that has been very relevant to me recently: performance pressure. Below you can read more about this pressure, how I deal with it and I will pass on some useful tips that have helped me a lot.
A new job
I have been working a new job since March 2020 and within a short time I was able to find my feet. I work as a service technician in a small family business and have a good relationship with the best employers you can imagine. A total of 15 people work there, the majority of whom are around my age; young people between the ages of 18-25. It is a very nice team and I am having a great time.
Feelings of inferiority
Despite having such a good time, I suffer from performance pressure at work. An important reason for this pressure to perform is my own experience. A number of my colleagues have been in the business for some time. They are the best technicians in the company and I really look up to them. They are all lovely colleagues, but every now and then I notice that I have less knowledge and experience. The fact that they are more experienced gives me a feeling of inferiority and creates a constant urge to prove myself. I often have the feeling that I fall short when helping customers.
Support
The constant comparison and the uncertainty about my own abilities can sometimes be quite difficult. Nonetheless, when I am faced with problems that I cannot yet solve myself, my employer and colleagues are always there to support me. On the one hand, this gives me a very good feeling; I am not alone. On the other hand, this feels like failure; I can’t even fix this problem myself. Fortunately, I am often reminded by my colleagues that it takes time to gain experience. Thanks to this support and the many good conversations I have had with my employer, I am motivated to keep going. This way I can work on getting better at what I do and gain useful experience.
Tips
I don’t think I’m the only 20-something who suffers from performance pressure, so I’ve listed a few tips that might help you cope with this.
- Learn from the mistakes you made. Your employer won’t get angry just because you make a mistake, everyone makes them! A good employer should enter into a constructive conversation in which you discuss what went wrong and especially how you can prevent the mistake from being made again.
- Ask your colleagues questions. No one will blame you for needing an extra explanation about something you are unsure about. Sometimes prevention is better than cure.
- Get up after falling. It can be painful to make a nasty mistake, but it’s important that you always get up and learn from your them. Only then can you grow! Making mistakes is human. As my employer said last week: “I discovered that I made a mistake in the administration. This mistake has had major consequences, but I am also human. ”.
- Dare to admit your mistakes. If you’ve made a mistake and you’re concerned that there could be major repercussions for the business, the best solution is always to admit your mistake honestly. Admitting mistakes is extremely difficult, but your employer will always be happy with your honesty.
- Be proud of yourself if you did something right without the help of a colleague, without it ever being explained to you, or if the problem is unknown to your company in general.
Love,
Bert
Are you dealing with pressure to perform and would you like to talk to somebody about this? Our NiceDay professionals are happy to help.
Life is full of changes and they come in many forms. We can experience changes at our workplace, such as a promotion, in our relationships, such as a breakup or a pregnancy or changes in our mental or physical health. All of which, positive or negative, can be difficult and stressful to process at first. Have you ever noticed how big transitional periods in our life are often associated with anxiety or fear? Think about moving out from your parents for the first time, or starting a new job in a new workplace.
Sometimes we know changes are going to happen and actively work towards them. But, sometimes they may come as a shock or surprise and we may not be able to directly control the consequences. A very real and relevant example of this is the current COVID-19 pandemic. The changes in society we have all had to undertake have come as a shock, with very little time for us to adjust to the new rules. By learning how to better cope and process change, you will reduce your chance of suffering from anxiety or depression.
Below are 4 tips to reduce the stress associated with big changes and advice on how you can better process and adapt to change.
1. Acknowledge your feelings
Often change comes with some form of loss and leaving behind what we are familiar with can be stressful. For example, the COVID-19 pandemic has meant that a lot of people have lost their jobs! Furthermore, a graduation or a divorce may mean that you lose some of your social circle. Acknowledge these feelings and give them space, it is normal to feel sad even if the change is ‘positive’. Take some time to reflect, and allow yourself time to adjust to the changes. It can be helpful to write down your feelings, or ask your friends and family for support and practise some self-care. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
2. Assess the situation
Sometimes we get ‘stuck’ and ruminate on things that we have no control over, wishing that they were different. In the long run this only causes more pain and distress. Instead, try to focus on the things that you can control. Look at what aspects you can change to improve the situation for yourself, and search for the new opportunities that may have arisen. Be proactive in the right areas. Accepting the new situation and its associated stress, and focusing on things we can change, can give us feelings of empowerment.
3. Change your perspective
When undergoing stress or loss, you may have a lot of negative thoughts running through your mind. In moments of uncertainty, our brain usually defaults to a negative perspective. In the past this was probably evolutionary advantageous! Be aware and actively critical of these thoughts, try to challenge them. Often negative thoughts cause more undue stress than is necessary. With a bit of practice you can learn to change these thoughts into more accurate and helpful thoughts. Try to focus not on what you have lost, but on what you have gained. This may take some time so be patient with yourself, remember that processing change is a gradual process!
4. Find a routine
It can be helpful to keep to a routine. A routine can reduce uncertainty and increase feelings of familiarity, helping you to feel more comfortable and relaxed. For example, going for a run every evening can give you an ‘anchor’. It will give your brain an opportunity to rest and recuperate. Finding something that you are familiar with and made you feel good in the past, can be a good way to deal with negative feelings associated with change.
NiceDay
Big changes in life often come with stress and anxiety, this is normal. But, they can also be a great opportunity for self-growth, learning and experience. If you need help processing a big change don’t hesitate to contact the NiceDay team, we will gladly support you with this process!
Many people, sooner or later, have to deal with major life events and everyone processes these events differently. Often you will be able to cope with major events independently, but sometimes you can experience something that is so shocking that it is difficult to give it a place. For example, witnessing or experiencing a robbery, an accident, abuse, a nasty divorce, harassment, dismissal or the death of a loved one
When you experience one or more shocking events and / or if you have witnessed such an event, trauma can arise. If a trauma is not processed properly, it can cause issues dealing with yourself and others. But how do you process a trauma?
Physical and psychological complaints
There are a number of physical and psychological complaints that can arise as a result of a trauma. You may notice that you are having trouble sleeping, that you are suffering from nightmares or that you are ‘reliving’ your trauma. You may become scared and withdrawn, or aggressive and angry. In addition, you can feel guilty, be constantly tense and no longer enjoy the things you previously liked. The trauma imposes itself on you, and you begin to notice that it affects your functioning in daily life. If you identify with any of the above characteristics, it is important to read more about trauma processing.
Trauma processing
Everyone copes with trauma in their own way. How the trauma is processed also depends on the severity of your trauma and your individual characteristics. Below I will discuss a number of ways of processing a trauma.
1. Psychoeducation
In short, psychoeducation is information about the complaints that you experience. Reading trauma-related psychoeducation will give you a better idea of what is going on. For example, you will learn about how a trauma can be expressed. Further reading may help you understand your behaviors and thoughts better. Reading experience stories can also be valuable. You can feel understood and follow the advice given by others.
2. Visual therapy
Talking about trauma is incredibly difficult. Some succeed, but some don’t. If talking about trauma is too big a step for you, you could give visual therapy a chance. Through visual therapy you can give form to and visualize your experiences. With different materials such as paint, clay, textiles or pencils, work can be created. Through visual therapy you can gain insight, process the trauma and, moreover, it can improve cognitive and / or physical functioning.
3. Psychotherapy
You can follow psychotherapy in group form or one-on-one. In a safe environment you will talk about the trauma with your professional. It is important to know that you decide on how much you want to share about your experience. You can indicate your limits at any time.
4. EMDR
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a therapy that has been proven to be effective in the processing of traumatic experiences. This type of therapy ensures that the intensity and emotional charge of a bad experience and memory decreases.
Seek support
We as humans are social animals, and we need each other. This is especially true after experiencing trauma. You may not feel like it, but try to reach out to your loved ones anyway. Indicate what you expect from them. Is it a listening ear? Is it a hug? You deserve to be supported and heard. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Are you or someone close to you dealing with an (unresolved) trauma and do you need personal help or advice? Don’t hesitate to get in touch with a NiceDay professional.
Sometimes finding your own way in your life or career comes naturally. One thing leads to another, and when you look back you know why you’ve made certain choices. Sometimes, the next step needs a little bit more attention. For example when you unexpectedly lose your job. Or you get stuck because you have learned to do what others thought was good for you, but you don’t know what you actually want. You can also lose your way because you’re no longer passionate about what you do.
Where does your path start?
In the beginning of your life, what you do or don’t do, is mostly determined by your parents or your caretakers. You’re dependent on where you grow up and what resources are available there. As you get older, you gradually gain more control over your own life. You decide what you like, who you like or what you would like to do. Step by step you will find your own way.
When do you choose a different direction?
Sometimes it turns out that the path you chose, or that was chosen for you, no longer matches what you want or who you are. This doesn’t have to happen overnight, but can happen gradually. If what you do no longer suits you, it is time to go your own way and to reinvent yourself. Investing in yourself and your talent can help you with this.
How do you find your own way?
But how do you do that, finding your own way? The next seven tips will help you:
1. Understand how your brain works
Your brain is a thought machine. Thoughts pop up all the time, they come and go. If you pay attention to your thoughts they grow. When you let go of them, they disappear into the background. Your freedom is in the space between what you think and feel, and how you choose to act on that.
2. Pick the right mindset
The way you look at the world is very important: your mindset determines whether you see possibilities and which ones you see. There are different types of mindsets.
People with a fixed mindset believe that capacities are fixed: you can either do something or you can’t. Believing in such a mindset gives you the feeling that you do not have control over your own development.
Other people have a growth mindset. They are convinced that you can develop capacities. Believing in a growth mindset makes you trust in the positive influence you have on your own development.
Where a fixed mindset stands in the way of growth, a growth mindset offers a good basis for continuous learning and development. So it’s a much more flexible and positive mindset!
3. Think about what you’re already doing
Quite often there is a gap between what you think you do and what you actually do. It is good to think about what you are actually doing. What agreements do you make and with whom? What are the activities you plan? How much time do you spend on this and what does it do to you? In order to change, it is important to first become aware of what you are already doing. Are these the things you would like to keep on doing? What do you want to do more of?
4. Find and keep your course
Where do you want to be, what are your talents and what are you going to work on? How do you know you’re going in the right direction? Is it necessary to make adjustments? These are the questions that will help you find and maintain your course. You know you’re on the right track when the things you do energize you, and when time seems to fly by.
5. Ensure a good match with your environment
Finding your way is about who you are, what you want, what you can do and the environment in which you find yourself. Do you have a good match with your environment? For example, if you need a lot of variety and like to be on the move, it is not good to be locked up in an office every day. What really suits you? And can you actually do the things that suit you?
6. Research what is needed for your development
Do you know what you need for your further development? What brings you closer to what you want? What knowledge and skills do you need for that? How can you acquire this knowledge and these skills?
7. Keep on going!
Finding your own way is a process of trial and error. It won’t always be easy, but try to remember that this is part of the journey. It is a process and eventually you will be closer to where you want to be.
Find this article interesting? Here you can find more blogs written by Ard van Oosten.
Everyone has had a nightmare at least once in their life. An bad dream from which you suddenly wake up. Your heart is beating fast, your sweating and you feel anxious. Sometimes it takes a while before you realise where you are and that the dream wasn’t reality. But what do you do when the same dream keeps on occurring? In this article I’ll explain a certain technique that can help you release yourself from the nightmare. This technique is frequently used with people that deal with a posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but is also very effective with recurring nightmares.
What does your nightmare mean?
Scientists, philosophers and psychologists have been examining dreams for centuries. We now believe that during your sleep, you process the things that happened during the day. When you are triggered during the day on past negative events, or when you experience uncomfortable things during the day, you might get a bad dream during your sleep. But because the dreams feel so lifelike, they ignite a lot of fear and stop you from processing. On the contrary, your fears can increase and you can end up in a vicious circle with many sleepless and restless night as a result. Reason enough to try and get rid of your nightmares!
Write down your nightmares
The technique I’d like to discuss is called Nightmare Rescripting, or rewriting your nightmare. It works like this:
Step 1: a good start is half the battle
Pick out a quiet moment, take something to write on or open a document on your laptop or pc. Think about how your nightmare usually begins. Write down this first part, but stop writing when it becomes uncomfortable. So, only write down the first part of your nightmare. For example: “I am entering my living room, it is dark and cold. When I walk towards the lamp I feel a cold breath in my neck.”
The first part is now noted, good job! This was the most difficult part of the exercise.
Step 2: you are the director
Now imagine you are the director of your own movie and that you can totally rewrite the old and scary script to something completely different. A story in which you remain unharmed, in which help is on its way, in which you can fly away or in which you can shrink or freeze your attacker. In short, a story in which you survive. A story in which you are no longer the victim but the survivor, a hero or heroine. Use your imagination, you can even use violence. And if it scares you to be on your own, ask for help from others.
Think about your continuation. Look for something that suits you, something you can imagine.
Some people find it hard and indicate that it doesn’t seem to be right, that it was entirely different and that it’s too far from reality. Try to calm yourself, nightmares aren’t reality either. They are reflections of emotions or thoughts that can’t go anywhere, but you are free to rewrite your nightmare into something else. This time you are in control!
Step 3: read your own story
Reread your story after you finish it. Insure yourself that this feels right. That you feel powerful and safe when you image being in this story.
Each night, try to read the story a few hours before you go to bed and put a print of the story on your bedside table. People who have tried this method state that it seems like the brain recognises the beginning of a nightmare, and connects it to the new story.
Keep trying
No succes yet? Try to adjust the story a little bit and see whether you can read it right before bedtime.
Did you still have a nightmare? When you’re capable, try to read the new story again. People who try this notice that they can fall back to sleep a little faster.
Were the tips mentioned above unsuccesful? Discuss this with your practitioner. He or she may be able to further support the treatment, or medication can be considered.
Sweat dreams…
