Task after task, at work and at home. Your head starts to spin when you think of everything you want to do and it is hard to remember where you have written everything down and what has priority over what? Your head feels messy and you need more headspace.
What can you do?
Ryder Carroll, known from the Bullet Journal, believes that writing down everything that goes on in your head, including your to-do lists, your worries, and your ideas will create room in your mind. You outsource your thoughts, your head feels cleaner and you are more productive. Clutter in your mind can cause you to be overwhelmed and limited in what you can achieve in a day. So, let’s write stuff down!
- Make an inventory: What do you have to do? What do you want to do? And what should you pick up first?
- Consider the ‘why’: Why do you do what you do? And, why do you want to pick up these things? “We burden ourselves with unnecessary responsibilities,” says Carroll. “We are so distracted by all the things that we should and can do, but we forget to ask ourselves: Do I want to do those things?”
- Ask two questions: Is it essential? Is this important for me or for someone I love? If the answer is no to these two questions, it is a distraction and you can therefore remove it from your list! This way you get your focus back.
- Take what remains and cut it up: If all goes well you now have an overview of all your important to-do’s, projects and wishes. If there is something new on your list, such as learning a language or starting a project, split it up into smaller tasks. This way it remains well-arranged and achievable. This also helps with keeping you motivated.
- Take time every day to go through your inventory: Even if it is only for 5 minutes. Carroll says: “We must devote ourselves to keeping that map updated with all the new things we discover. If we don’t do that, our map will become inaccurate and we will wander. If it turns out that something that was important to you, is no longer important, cross it out and let it go. “
By keeping your journal up to date, you can literally see what you are doing well, what’s not going to great, what you have already learned and what is really important to you. These self-insights help you to get to know yourself better and ensure that you are less easily distracted!
In addition to keeping track of all your tasks and your wishes for new projects and fun ideas, it is also good to keep track of what you are grateful for. This increases your sense of happiness and also promotes peace and space in your head. There you go, some extra headspace for you.
Ryder Carroll in his TedTalk:
You know those moments where you keep telling yourself that after this exam, this deadline, this job or even this moment I will finally be happy? Well I know that moment too well and I have been using that phrase ‘’after this…..after that ’’ so much in my life. Until I realised I was striving so hard to find happiness that I lost it on the way. Most of our lives we try to work toward this moment that we think will be our final happy destination. We don’t realise that happiness is actually already here.
Life goals linked to happiness
From the moment that we become aware that we can do things in life or achieve things in live we attach our happiness to it. When you are a child it is more subtle and unconscious because you get happy about the simple things. You are less aware that your happiness comes from those things.
However, as soon as we hit puberty or go to school we become more self-aware. We realise and we get taught that our own happiness is in our own hands. But at the same time we do not learn that we are allowed to be happy regardless of what we have, do, are, own.
As soon as we become more self-aware we realise or conditioned that when we behave in a good way we are allowed to be happy. Or when we get a high grade on a test, we are allowed to be happy. But if you get a bad grade or don’t behave in a good way, you are not worthy to feel happy.
We start attaching conditions to our state of happiness. As soon as those conditions are not met, we take that out on ourselves by depriving ourselves from feeling or experiencing happiness. This process makes us always be on the lookout for another ‘’thing’’ to achieve to become happy. Do you recognise a pattern here?
I do.
Goals don’t work
The cycle goes a bit like this: I have a purpose or goal in mind, I work so hard to achieve it so I can feel happy. Once I get to my destination, I enjoy it for maybe a few days or hours and feel ‘’happy’’. The feeling of happiness wears off and it isn’t too long before I feel ‘’unhappy’’ again. And soon I find another purpose to achieve and find happiness again.
The feeling of happiness wears off and it isn’t too long before I feel ‘’unhappy’’ again
Find happiness from within
So what is the lesson in this that I learned after having have repeated this cycle endlessly in my life? I realised that as long as I try to find happiness in external things, people, achievements, materialistic stuff or anything that does not involve myself, I would remain on this endless journey of finding happiness. In the next blog post I will discuss ways that you can find happiness within.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I wish you a lovely day!
With love,
Sabrina
It is Thursday afternoon and the sun is shining. I’m cycling back from therapy. Suddenly, all of the incentives are too much. The cars that drive past me drive me crazy. And all those people on their electric bicycles whizzing past me…. After having cycled the long road with farms, I decide to cross the street. Once crossed, the green trees and the silence hit me. Lovely. Finally some peace.
Feeling happiness
A while ago I had a conversation with my haptotherapist. We talked about how you can feel moments of happiness again from the inside. She asked me: when was the last time you felt happy inside? After a few minutes of silence I could not give her an answer. I don’t know how it feels anymore? She told me that perhaps I can feel the happiness again by starting to become aware of the little things in my environment. For example, cycling and consciously feeling the sun on your face. Or cycling in the forest and enjoying the peace and the birds chirping around you. Meditation is also possible if you are open to it. In any case, it’s about looking for that feeling of joy. Once you recognize it, it’s easier to recognize that feeling when greater moments of happiness take place in your life.
Patience
I can sometimes be impatient and easily get frustrated if something fails. After the conversation with my haptotherapist I returned home in good spirits. It was sunny that day, but cold. I tried to feel the sun on my face and open myself up. But of course this didn’t work out well the first time. I felt frustrated. Then I thought about what my haptotherapist said. It takes practice. After that thought, I could let go of my frustration. That evening I had ballet lessons. My pirouettes did not go perfectly in the last few weeks, but during that lesson it went well. And what did I feel inside? Happiness! It was only a small event, but I felt proud from the inside. This was the first step to feeling happiness again.
It is a process
And so I have felt some small moments of happiness in the last weeks. A few examples are: being together with friends, cuddling with animals, cycling in the forest, sitting in the sun, singing and doing ballet. I have the feeling that I can already experience more moments of happiness than two months ago. The blockages in my body and head are slowly being resolved. It feels nice to feel that I am heading in the right direction.
Love,
Ghyta
If you can find happiness within yourself, you can enjoy life much more. Everyone is able to find happiness in themselves. Only most people don’t know how to do this. Happiness has nothing to do with external circumstances. You cannot control external circumstances. What you can change is the way you look at things. To feel happy you must find happiness within yourself.
What makes you happy?
You decide what makes you happy and happiness can look different for everyone. In addition, pursuing happiness all the time is impossible. Seeking happiness outside of yourself almost always leads to disappointment. Finding your dream job and meeting your dream man/ woman gives you a temporary feeling of happiness, but that feeling also disappears. Everything in life is perishable and temporary. Therefore, do not let your happiness depend on external factors, but do something about it yourself. How? Through acceptance and awareness. By accepting your external circumstances and disconnecting your emotions from it, you can really experience happiness.
Unhealthy habits standing in the way of your happiness
Sometimes certain thinking styles or habits hinder our inner happiness. Below we name a few thinking styles and habits and explain how you can adjust these to find inner happiness.
- Waiting for something to happen. “If I have my dream job / bought that house in that city/ found the love of my life / traveled half the world, then I am happy.” Do you sometimes have such thoughts? Then you probably know that ‘happiness goals’ don’t work because you can come up with a different goal after every goal. If there are always new conditions for happiness you will never be ‘really happy’. If you wait for something to happen that should make you happy, you automatically give less pleasant events the chance to make you unhappy. Life is not always a party. Up and downs are also part of it unfortunately. By taking the bumpy roads every now and then you will experience more joy and satisfaction. It is about the journey, not the destination.
- Worrying. Countless thoughts are floating in our heads. If we are dealing with something, we tend to worry. However, worrying has never solved any problems. To limit excessive worrying, scheduling a moment to worry can help. This moment is a fixed moment during the day where you allow yourself to worry about everything. Afterwards, try to accept the situation as it is. Accept and let go.
- Living in the past. You don’t have to forget your past. The choices you have made in the past made you the person you are today. Therefore, be thankful for what the past has brought you and what the future holds for you. Let it be, because it is once again all about acceptance.
Listen to yourself
Do you still have trouble experiencing happiness, despite these tips? Then listen to your feelings, intuition and needs. These will tell you which path you must take to become happy.
The pursuit of happiness is a well known term. Pursuing happiness is also being called the ultimate life goal of a human being. Everyone wants to be happy, but how do you get a happy life?
The Pleasant, the Good and the Meaningful
Happiness is different for everyone. Martin Seligman, a renowned psychologist who has done research on happiness, describes happiness as life satisfaction. According to Seligman, there are three kinds of lives that determine life satisfaction:
- The Pleasant Life
- The Good Life
- The Meaningful Life
The Pleasant Life is about being able to enjoy and value basic pleasures like friendship, the environment and bodily needs. Positively experiencing the present is a central element, while the past is a period to learn from and the future is something to be viewed as optimistic. You should live from day to day and consciously enjoy every experience. Even the little things!
The Good Life is about discovering your strengths and creatively employing them to enhance your life. Are you social, creative or decisive? Do something with it! According to Seligman, there are 24 strengths. If you actively develop them they can evolve to one of the six virtues. These virtues are strongly associated with life satisfaction. So you should improve the things you are good at and in that way you could become happier!
The Meaningful Life is about the search for the deep sense of fulfilment by using your strength for a greater good. It is about sacrificing yourself to be of help for others. Doing something for someone else can give you a strong sense of happiness!
How do I become happy?
Take a second to think about your own values. Are you someone that enjoys life from day to day? Or do you want to utilise your strength to the max? Are you someone that wants to mean something to others? Or maybe you are all three of those! The three kinds of life can exist next to each other and do not exclude each other, but you do not necessarily have to become happy by all three of them.
Take a second to think about what makes you feel good and what you can do to improve it. Do not force yourself to become happy by looking at others! Maybe others become happy by going on a spiritual journey through the jungle to discover themselves, but you will maybe become happy by surrounding yourself with the people you love. Research has shown that people will only become happy living a meaningful life when they were actually searching for it. It is different for everyone!
NiceDay
Take a few minutes to think about which aspects in life you value the most. What can you improve? Pay more attention to becoming aware of positive experiences. Set a goal to develop your strength into a virtue and start taking steps to reach it. Or do something for others by for example volunteering. Or all three of those! In the NiceDay app, register which steps you are taking and how they make you feel.
What is happiness at work?
The definition of happiness at work is that you enjoy working and that you do what’s important to you. It is quite understandable happiness at work is very important. It goes beyond having drinks with co-workers or having an organised lunch. There are many aspects that contribute to happiness at work. Something that employers need to be aware of. Employers get more insight in the benefits of happiness at work and invest more. “Work-related happy” employees are more creative and more productive. It also causes less absence and it triggers more cooperation and the need to innovate.
There are five factors that contribute to happiness at work:
- autonomy: am I doing what I want/ like to do?
- personal growth: am I doing something I am learning from and isn’t it too difficult or too easy?
- meaning: am I doing something with a purpose and do I find this important
- relationships: are there people around me that support me?
- vitality: do I have a healthy lifestyle?
Everyone has another perspective on happiness at work. One needs an challenging job with a lot of variety and responsibility. Another needs routine, less variety and a relatively easy job. Nothing is good or bad. It’s important to find the match between you and the goals of a company and its related tasks.
Happy personnel
Employees of Google have the opportunity to exercise during working hours. Climbing wall or volleyball field, there is a possibility to do all kinds of sports. Free food and drinks during lunch is also part of the contract. Do you have a musical idea? You could also dive into the studio with your co-workers. A power nap is also something to put on the list because Google stimulates you to do one when feeling sleepy! Not every company has a budget to focus on these kinds of extraordinary things. On top of that, happiness at work is something you will also find in the “little” things. What is important for employers to focus on?
- Performance evaluations are normally used to discuss what an employee should do better. The advice is to focus on one’s qualities and contribution to the company. Of course it is necessary to review what needs to be improved. As long as the employer is constructive and the employee feels motivated to get back to work.
- The best way to create productivity and job satisfaction is to let employees perform tasks their good at. A good team exists of different kinds of people with different kinds of qualities.
- Make sure the work environment is green: plants give oxygen and give some piece of mind. If there is no time for an stroll during work, it is also possible for an employee to daydream and to gaze into the plants.
- Give employees room and think in possibilities: what does my employee need and what feasible?
An employer has a lot of influence on happiness at work. It is also something an employee can be aware of. Personal traits like living a healthful life, self-confidence and flexibility will make you happier at work.
We have all heard it before when you think positively and act on that, more positivity will be in your life: who does well, meets well. But how does that work exactly? What is positive energy and how can you attract and use it to achieve your goals? In this blog more about how you can use the tool called energy to making positive changes.
What is energy?
There are many descriptions of the word “energy”. Physically it is described as the mechanical reaction between the law of conservation of impulse with the law of conservation of energy. The dictionary gives a more simple description: “The possibility to bring about a change.” Although the energy itself is not tangible, everyone knows what energy is. And as the dictionary indicates, it is a tool that you can use to implement positive changes.
Where is energy?
Energy is literally in everything; all solids, liquid and gas forms. Albert Einstein said: “Everything is energy and that is all there is. Match the frequency of reality because you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy, this is physics!” Because energy is ever where, it is also in your own thoughts, beliefs and feelings. That also means that you can use the energy of your own thoughts, beliefs and feelings for what you want. In addition, if you also see what you want (visualize), the universe reacts very strongly to it. This is also called the Law of Attraction. Attracting likeminded means that life responds to the energy you send out. “Life is not happening to you. Life is responding to you.”
How do you convert energy to what you want?
Attracting more positive energy to reach your goals starts with yourself. When you have positive thoughts, beliefs and feelings, this is automatically picked up by your environment. If you constantly think of the worst, if you do not believe that you can ever achieve something, if you do not believe that someone can be good, if you constantly complain, if you always see the negativity in situations, if you regularly put others down, if you are a negative person, you will develop negative energy and in the end you will only attract more negative situations in your life. The way you see things and start by eliminating negative thoughts and negative beliefs will help you change your energy so that you start to attract what you want. This means that you focus on positive situations, understand that things will work, are looking for solutions instead of complaining, have more understanding instead of getting angry, try to look at things from a different perspective, embrace change, seek out to opportunities instead of problems and no longer believe that the worst will happen. In the beginning this will not be easy, but because you constantly change the way you think and see things, you will naturally attract more positive situations in your life.
Is it really that simple?
Yes, the power of energy is strong and when you use it correctly it can make an absolute contribution to your goals. What’s not easy is to always stay positive. To always see the-glass-half-full. To hold on the belief that you can even when things don’t work out. That is simply hard work in the beginning, but there is a turning point. Then positive thinking goes automatically and you do not get irritated by a situation, but you see the extra possibilities it gives. Then you do not feel like standing with your back against the wall, but you see the space that still is there. The more often you think positively, the more clearly you visualise your goals, the more positive the path towards them.
Full steam ahead!
I have been using the power of positive energy for years. It has not only helped me to set up two successful companies, to find my big love, but also to have more fun in the everyday things of life. And sometimes it happens to me that a lot goes on and a negative thought happens or for I feel irritated. Sometimes complaining feels like a wonderful way of relief. In the beginning I found it difficult to approach everything positively. These are my personal three tips that have helped me to discover and retain my positive mindset:
- Take distance, let go
Sometimes there is so much around you or going on in your head that it is difficult to get an overview. That stress gives a negative flow. To get out of it, it can help to let things go and do something else: walk, listen to music, play sports or go to the cinema spontaneously. - Keep repeating
When it feel like everything is against you, not working out and you’re wonder why, focus on the ultimate goal and why you want to achieve it. Forget about the rest, forget about the setbacks, they do not matter. You visualize your goal and visualize you will achieve it. - Have fun
Nothing is easy to hold on to when there is no fun involved. Enjoy visualizing your goals, throw in some humor, blow up some balloons, laugh at yourself: just have fun with it.
Yoga For (More) Motivation
Every Wednesday I share a yoga video with a special theme. This week exercises that will boost your motivation: https://youtu.be/jN0-H7dKUPI
When are you happy? If you are in a relationship, or when you have a lot of money available? Or are you happy if you have everything you need?
Pitfall
The biggest pitfall for happiness, in my opinion, is social media. On social media everything seems to be fun, perfect and problem free. Or, on the other hand, you will read about the ultimate opposite: the terribly negative stories on how bad and unfair life is. As if there is nothing in between and you have to choose a side. And guess which side you will choose if you are not feeling good about yourself? Exactly, the negative one. Don’t let all the perfection on the world wide web influence you. You never know what is going on behind that beautiful picture or sweet Facebook post.
Friends
Maybe you talk about personal stuff with your dearest friends, but many people around you will not hang their dirty laundry outside. Nobody is perfect. You don’t know what happens behind the door. There are quarrels, there are tears, there can be money problems or infertility.
Sometimes it seems like everybody else is doing well, but try to forget about that. The point is to be happy, not perfect. Live your life the way you want it, including your ups and downs!
Do not fool yourself
When I was younger I wanted a perfect life. Find love, be successful and own a house. But during my burnout, I realized that I wanted my life to seem perfect but not necessarily to be perfect. Everyone thought I was happy, but I wasn’t. It was time to find out what actually made me happy.
Choose your own happiness
I had to be happy with myself and work on that. And I did! After 8 months of therapy I was finally content with myself. I was clearly on the right track, experiencing happiness.
Also in my current relationship I get to feel happiness. For the first time, I can honestly say that I am happy, despite the ups and downs. Yes, I still see all the perfect pictures pass by on social media. But I do it too! As long as you keep in mind that it’s just the positive things that you see online.
What makes me extra happy?
- A firm hug after a hard day at school or work from my love
- Motorcycling, for transport or just for fun
- A good book
- A cup of coffee in bed on a Sunday morning
- Coming home after a wonderful ride on the road bike
- Crossing on my bike
And there are many more things that give me a boost. Happiness does not depend on that one setback or windfall. Life is not always good. If you accept that, life will be so much more fun!
The song of this week is Just the way you are from Bruno Mars. The number speaks for itself. You are perfect the way you are. Don’t change, only if you want to!
Love, Renée x
Time, we think we do not have enough. No time for a workout, not enough time for that assignment, no time to eat healthy. We do not give ourselves enough time. That nice shirt needs to be bought now, that decision needs to be made now and we need to know what we will be doing tomorrow, now. But we live for about 82 years, that means 29.980 days. How is it possible we do not have enough time?!
Get rid of the ‘must’
We know you have that important exam, but would it be a disaster to retake it? Yeah, you have that assignment for your work, but will it be so horrible when it takes some more time? Take the ‘must’ out of your system and look for opportunities. What do you want? What can you do?
Priorities
So when you do not have to do everything, you have to establish priorities. What do you need today? Make a list of what you think is important. Think big: what is more important, your health or that assignment from your work?
Time to think
We are so afraid to make important decisions, that we rush into one. We are afraid to make the wrong decision or for judgements of other people. Regrettably, because that often leads to the wrong decision. Give yourself the time to think about it. You can not control what you do if you can not control your thoughts.
Chances
Do you take the first chance coming your way? Too bad! Don’t be OK with that what is sufficient, but go for what feels right. A difficult relationship, a job you do not like or an education which does not fit you. Stop it! You will find the man or woman of your dreams eventually, you will find a job which fits you and there are so many more educations you will like. Take time, there is enough time!
Control
Everybody wants a certain level of control, one person more than the other. Having control gives a pleasant and safe feeling. But you can not control everything. Only worry about the things that you can control and let the rest go. You will get yourself crazy when you want to control everything!
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” – Kahlil Gibran
NiceDay: Describe what you feel and think today in your diary. Look back on this a week later. Do you feel and think the same?
It’s the little things …
The nerves are running through my body. The music starts and I run to the dance floor. I breathe in and the moment I exhale, I start dancing. The violinists are making long strokes on their violins. The melody lines are graceful and stylish. I follow the music with my body and feel one with the music. The nerves seem to have disappeared like snow before the sun. With my arms I make graceful lines and my attitude exudes self-assurance. I do not have to force the smile on my face. When I dance I forget all my worries. I would prefer to dance the whole day so that the mill in my head has no chance to get started. In the end I make a bow and I see proud faces laughing at me. I am getting warm inside. Warm from this little happiness.
It’s the little things …
From the piano, four chords sound before I start singing. The only thing I hear is the guidance and the only thing I see is the text. The song is about a relationship that has failed and which frustrates both parties. I feel the emotions. While I am singing I feel completely sucked into the text. I feel the pain they have. They would have preferred it if the relationship had worked. It just did not work through the completely different worlds in which they live. After the final chord has sounded, I become aware of the environment again. I look at my teacher: he has a smile on his face. He says that the emotions came in and that I have sung on point. I take that compliment with me I am proud. Proud of this little happiness.
It’s the little things …
I sit in my room and think about the summer. In August I will move to another city. It is time for something new, but I find it hard to leave this place and especially the people in it. I think of the beautiful moments. From dinners to parties till deep in the night. And from special personal conversations to watching a horror movie with five in one bed at five o’clock in the morning. When I think of these moments, I can only smile. Although I write this down with a lump in my throat, I can say that I am grateful. I am grateful that I have met all these special people. Each and every one of them has a place in my heart: the one maybe a bit more than the other. I’m going to miss them, but when I think of these little things, missing is probably a little less painful.
It’s the little things …
The Little things? The little moments? They aren’t little. – Jon Kabat-Zinn
Love, Ghyta
