Life is one big struggle, and sometimes it is a puzzle. There are problems that, after enough effort and figuring out, are solvable; and there are problems that, no matter how hard you try, are insolvable.
Belief in solvability
Our culture has a immutable belief that every problem has a solution. We have an infinite trust in technology and our capacity to reason, to tackle every problem and bring it to a solution. Indeed, we are capable of many things! There are innumerable techniques and treatments that rid the world off problems. The thought that there are also unsolvable problems in life, is unpalatable for most of us. We just cannot accept that.
Psychic trouble
If you have a physical ailment, you visit a doctor. Similarly for ones mind. If you have a psychological problem, you visit a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Together you solve your problems with the right medicine, techniques and therapy – that is the common opinion. There are after all many successful treatments for the most of us, but maybe not for all?
Sometimes you, unfortunately, keep wrestling for the rest off your life. You go in and out of therapy without any solution in sight. That does not have to be a terrible thing. It does ask for a change of attitude towards ailment, problems and solubility. By adopting a different attitude to life, it is possible to learn to live with inevitable problems. Self knowledge, ownership, curiosity and acceptance are some of the healing aspects of that attitude.
My life philosophy
Learning to live with an unsolvable problem in your life is not an easy thing to do. It demands not for a different treatment, but for a change in perspective and attitude. We can get inspired by the myriad of self-help books and by many of the ‘new’ spiritualities like buddhistic acceptance, taoistic surrender or religious deliverance. In my opinion, everybody needs to investigate and determine for themselves which of the wisdoms are of any meaning in order to realize a healing attitude to life.
The attitude that I try to reach is one of a ‘tragic wrestler’. Out of my philosophical insights I try to live with the idea that life is as it is, as is my psychic condition, without falling in the demeanor of a victim. It is as it is, and with that I have to work it out. It is not, therefore, a form of passive acceptance – that would be a drama, not a tragedy. A victim is opposed to a tragic hero: instead of externalising cause and guilt, the hero takes himself seriously and takes ownership of his whole life – he says ‘Yes’ to his life wholeheartedly with al its trouble and misfortune. A victim would say ‘No’ and give up irrevocably. The hero chooses and tries again.
My endeavour
I aim to keep trying again and again, but not against better judgement. I know that I cannot compare myself to ‘normal’ people. I know I cannot run a marathon with one leg. I am appreciating my limits. Through this philosophical attitude I learn to know how high I can and want to put the bar. Time and again I ask myself: is this really what I want? By thinking about the value of things, I have a better understanding of what I do and do not want to aim at. More than often I will let myself be guided by what I find important, by what is meaningful for me and not by what society demands of me.
This attitude implies that I love myself, even when I hate myself. I try to stay fascinated by myself and keep asking about myself, about how my mind works, how my life has come to be like this. I find that interesting and worthy of studying. It is my life, anyway.
But, alas, more often than not do I falter. Regularly I am in err and take a nosedive. Then I hate myself and curse this life. But then, then I take a pause, suck it all in, think about it and try again to live with myself. Tragic wrestling is a continuous falling, thinking and getting up on my feet again.
Upcoming Sunday a new adventure will begin and I am starting to get so nervous! I wrote about trying new things in this blog post, and after 8 months of dreaming about it, it is finally time for a beautiful, challenging but tough week.
Not just a vacation
It is not just a vacation. It will be a week with so many new experiences and places. To a country I have wanted to visit for years: Norway, finally I can come and see you in real life!
Together with my partner we will drive a beautiful 1979 Ford Capri through Norway (and perhaps a bit of Sweden). Only the two of us in the car, with coffee and a beautiful view.
What it means
Sunday morning we have a meeting in Drenthe with all the teams. From here we will all go to Kiel, where we will board on the boat to Norway. The four days that follow are exciting, because only in the morning we will get the plan for that day. The only thing we know in advance are the hotels where we will stay. We also get to do assignments, for example: make a snow angel and take a picture of it as proof.
On Friday we take the boat back from Norway to be home on Saturday, to jump on the couch and recover from a beautiful week.
Tension
All those new things that are coming cause chaos inside my mind. On the one hand, I am really looking forward to it, but on the other hand, I am really upset about it. New people, a new environment, a different bed. It helps that I made lists with things that I have to take with me, I notice that I am calmer because of that. Packing my bags on time also helps.
I have already checked the hotels we booked, every night we will sleep in a different hotel. However, this is the only thing I can “get to know” before we are there. My partner has not checked them yet, he is too busy with the car. But I really need to know what the hotels look like and what to expect.
Good match
This is our first holiday together. Exciting! But I am absolutely not afraid about how it will be between us. I am looking forward to spend this week with him. I know how he is, he knows how I am. And also, he knows how to deal with my insecurities and stress. Because of that I have been able to enjoy the things that I do in my life so much more recently.
I expect that this will be one of my most beautiful holidays. And I hope that I can be proud of myself afterwards. Another big step, but a beautiful one!
This week’s song is ‘Take me home’ from Jess Glynne. She has a beautiful voice, it even gives me goose bumps sometimes. I chose this song because the song summarizes how my relationship feels to me. And because I feel at home with him, no matter where we are. And because he will bring me home safely after our beautiful week!
Love, Renée x
How I feel is different every day. I feel less sad than before, in addition I cry less in public. Many people around me think that things are going well again. But how am I actually doing?
Lately I have found more strength, I am getting stronger and I get out more often. Despite the fact that this makes me very happy, it also scares me. It is good that I am going out more often and it is good that I look stronger. However, I do not feel that strong, I often think of myself as weak. I say to myself on a regular basis “come on Shar, do not put it that way. Everyone sees that you are doing better, be happy.” No matter how hard I try to be happy, I can not do much about it. You feel what you feel.
You never know what someone is going through. Be kind, always.
Working out is going quite well. Unfortunately, I have been feeling ill. I feel that I get ill more often than other people. Research shows that there is a disruption in the balance of neurotransmitters in the brain when you have a depression. Also, the cortisol in your body is often increased in these situations. An increase itself is not very bad: Cortisol is a stress hormone, in stressful situations your cortisol level increases so that you can respond adequately. A consequence of a prolonged overproduction of cortisol is that it suppresses the activity of the immune system. This makes you more sensitive to all sorts of physical ailments. And I suffer from those physical ailments. Unfortunately, but there is nothing I can do about it.
In a week I will fly to the wonderful Lanzarote. I am going to train for 14 days, hopefully, in the pleasure of a lovely sun. I would not have done it a year ago. I was too scared to leave the house, let alone that I would be leaving my safe home for several days after four hours of flying. Sports is a major outlet for me. Since the weather is a bit better and my energy level increased, I try to train more often. Although it makes me tired physically, it gives me a lot of energy. I feel fitter, I feel better and enjoy the outdoors when running and cycling.
I have made huge leaps. I sometimes find it difficult to talk about my depression, especially when I am doing better. At those moments I feel ashamed of myself. And let that be one of the reasons why I started writing. It is ridiculous to be ashamed of something that you have no control over, something that you cannot do anything about. I do not want to feel that way. I would like people to learn from my story. I would like when people read this, they feel understood and strong enough to call for help. You are not crazy, you do not have to be ashamed. Someone with a depression must be heard by the people around them, feeling comfortable talking about it.
I do not want to be afraid anymore and I do not want to be ashamed anymore. So for me, the status for now is that I am doing much better. Let that training in Lanzarote begin, I am more than ready!
Love, Sharon
It means a lot just saying this. Introducing myself to you. Because I am able to really be me now. I can say it with more love and presence for the whole person I am.
Life has been a rough journey for me, and it still is at times. I have high functioning Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and High Sensitive Personality (HSP). That’s a whole mouth full, but what it comes down to is, that my feelings, thoughts and emotions are very intense and in crisis, very black and white. I have high levels of stress, fear of abandonment, fear of failing, not being good enough and of being a burden. I can go from feeling ok, to feeling terrified, to feeling depressed, to feeling high in one day.
There are a lot of stimuli and stressors all day long. From inside myself, but also from other people and the world. It’s like I am porous, and others and anything can just flow in.
High functioning means that I can still function. I finished 3 university degrees (overcompensation ;-)) and my management career moved upward fast. I have friends and I am active. High functioning also means that you can pretend for a very long time. I can find creative ways and solutions to pretend or to still manage. And I did. But, up till three years ago, I was killing myself.
As you can imagine always fighting yourself, borderline and life, and always pretending you are ok and still doing everything your life demands from you is exhausting. I had experienced 2 burnouts already in my short 5-year career. I had to do something big. I felt I could sleep for three years. I was tired and done. I decided to go for it. Therapy; No excuses. No fleeing. I was afraid to lose my job and everything I worked my ass off for. But it had to happen.18 months; 2 group mornings and two other counseling sessions every week.
My fear became reality, I could not hold my job and had to report ill. Six months before the end of therapy, I experienced the worst depression I ever had. Exhausted and not wanting to go on anymore. I got medicine and when depression was clearing a little I decided to reward myself upon finishing therapy. That reward was travel.
I finished! I bought myself a one-way ticket to South America, and arrived in Sao Paulo on January the 27th, 2016. My journey began.
I fell into all the travel traps and old behaviors head first. After 6 weeks I was overstimulated, stressed, emotional and exhausted. I rented a room and stayed indoors in the dark for 7 days, with only Netflix. What an eye-opener! The first big one. I had to take into account the whole me. I had to take care of her and make good caring decisions. Many eye-openers, beautiful landscapes and experiences followed. Travel was the best follow up on therapy for me. I created space to process my emotions and experiences. It was the quickest and best way to learn about myself, others, and my place in this world. I literally paused my rollercoaster life and hit the reset button.
What did I learn about myself? I need space and time. Flexibility and slowing down. I am allowed to say no and I can give up on things and people if they are not for me. People and things come and go. I am creative and love nature. I want to trade money for peace of mind. Earning less is a compromise for living more calmly, with more headspace. This leads to the blossoming of me as a whole person. Stress is a part of me and I should be aware of that. The littlest things or thoughts can set me off and, if not taken care of, can add up to depression and crisis. I have to keep my balance. That does not mean I can’t do things that put me off balance, it only means that I have to calculate in rest. To accept rest.
And why do I want to tell this story? One: to show that you can do anything you want. Even when you have a chronic (mental) illness. Even when others tell you that you can’t, for all kinds of reasons. You are the captain of your ship. Sail the ocean of life. Two: I want you to know that you do not have to travel far, or travel at all. Travel is a metaphor. Life is travel. And so you need to constantly check your heading and location. Am I still going where I want to go? Am I still happy where I am? Ground yourself and listen. Reflect. And adjust accordingly. Treat life in this way and you will have your journey. Your life journey. And finally, you are beautiful. You are part of this world, part of the universe. We all are. That is a gift. That is hope. Do not try to understand everything. See, feel, listen and touch. Find your balance and your place. You have one. You are already here.
I am so happy to work with and write for Goalie (now NiceDay) and share my journey and lessons learned with you. I hope they help, inspire or touch you in some way. You can expect articles about personal growth and -leadership from me. But also articles about my daily life and feelings and background information about mental illnesses and mental health.
If you recognize yourself in things I describe or you have questions, feel free to contact me. You can also find me on the I am one Movement. With this Instagram blog I hope to create more openness about mental health. I share my personal thoughts and feelings on there. If you’d like to see more of my travels; you can on backpackingbouwke.
We think about it a lot, some people more than other people: the past and the future. Little things like looking back on your weekend and considering what to eat tonight. And big things, like plans for the future with your boyfriend.
It differs per person how they handle these thoughts. I used to run away from my past, but that also meant I rushed through life. Everything had to happen like yesterday, life went too slow for me. I wanted to get everything together as soon as possible, just ‘like it should be’. The white picket fence. Guess what happened… I failed. And not once, no, I kept trying and failing.
Traumatic experiences
Traumatic experiences affected my view on the future. People told me more than once: ‘it happened, forget about it. Do not dwell on it.’ But these experiences scar you. You cannot forget about them. And if you can, it is temporary: it always comes back to you.
These experiences made me feel insecure about myself. I gained weight, developed performance anxiety and stopped doing things people could judge me for: like school and hobbies. I told people I felt great and acted nonchalant. I acted like nothing could hurt me, even though I got bullied in high school and had fights with my mom. But deep inside me I felt hurt, it certainly touched me.
Acting like nothing touched me was so much easier than showing I could not get my life back on track. People told me that I was not worthy of love and that I would never succeed in life. If you hear that often enough, you will start to believe it.
Giving my past a place
When I started working on myself, my attitude towards the outside world changed. I lost weight and got perfectionistic. But I stayed insecure and had difficulty handling newness. So I got quiet and nothing was good enough for me anymore. I was not acting nonchalant anymore but showed that I worked hard to take care of myself.
That was when I got a burnout. Obviously. I worked so hard to make myself worthy. I would always blame myself. My contract not extended? My fault. Toxic relationship? My fault. Feelings of failure? My fault. I tried to get this punitive voice out of of my mind but I could not, not alone.
Therapy sessions taught me I was worth it: I learned to love myself even though I did not have an education or promising bank account. The punitive voices reduced, they are still there but I do not let them have control over me. However, slowing down is still hard for me. The people around me help me and keep an eye on me. They want to prevent me rushing into things again, and so do I.
Sometimes I can actually be proud of myself. Other times, I look at my partner and think: I do not deserve you. But then he hugs me tightly and tells me he loves me, which makes me get rid of the negative thoughts and helps me enjoy the moment.
In conclusion
So, my past is really important to me. It is part of me. I never want to forget about my experiences, positive and negative. But what is important is not to get stuck in those memories. Therefore I needed therapy, and that brought me so much positivity. I still learn, every day. My partner teaches me not to worry about little things. He helps me to enjoy life. What more could I ask for?
It hurts,
but not enough.
I stall no longer,
the world is waiting for me.
I am free,
there is enough to do.
The song of this week is Jamai – Genoeg te doen. Not because my partner left me, but because I feel this way about my past. I let go of what happened and and enjoy the future.
Love, Renée x
Routine: A lot of people hold on to it. Work days, planned nights to the gym, social activities and the household in the weekends. Is there something wrong with this? No! Is it boring? Well, it could be.
When was the last time you did something for the first time? Can you even remember? You probably have to dig deep. Challenge yourself and go crazy!
Bucket list
Now that I feel better, energised and have a lot of awesome people around me, I dare to live again. So it is time for a bucket list!
And not only for big things, but also the little things. The little things might even be more special.
A small summary of what I am trying to do now:
-Try new recipes. For Christmas I made a caramel sauce which turned out pretty nice!
-Try different sports. My partner introduced me to cycling. So I got my own bike! And yes, I will continue doing it.
-Yesterday I cut a glass with my hands for the first time, since the machine did not work.
-During my last dance show, I did the perfect turn on one leg, without jumping. I was so proud!
-I realized I reacted wrong on something, from which I thought it was my partner’s fault. I apologized within 5 minutes and realized it was because of my own insecurities. It was good to finally realize that.
-I wrote a blog post for the first time and see where that led to!
Some things I still want to do:
-Travel to Norway. I have been wanting to go there for such a long time and in 5 weeks I will finally go. With the Ford Capri of 1979. New things are scary for me, but I look forward to it and try not to make myself crazy.
-I will start a conversation at work, about getting more hours in my contract.
-I want to change tires of my motorbike myself, with a little help of course.
-Try even more new recipes.
-Get my MBO degree, and I will!
-Skydiving! Creepy, but I have to do it!
Incentives
The things that you do for the first time mostly stay in your memory. They are either very awkward or they give you self confidence. Either way; you will learn. I hear a lot of people about how they got a boost of doing things more often for the first time! So go pick apples on a sunny day, go picnicking in the park with your friends, brew beer, celebrate your birthday with a big party. And enjoy!
New thing might be scary, but you will always learn something. You will make mistakes, ruin a recipe or get terribly drunk on your own birthday party. But who cares?
The song of this week is Eminem, Walk on water.
Love, Renée x
2017 is behind us and the winter is coming to an end. Finally, the time to be up and running again! Or at least that is what we think.
We hear it everywhere: good resolutions, bad resolutions, whether you should have resolutions – advices and lifestyle wisdom are univitable at this time of the year. I read about how to set goals, how to stay true to yourself, how you should have high standards but not put the bar too high for yourself. How you should give it a 100 percent, how you should not let other people tell you what to do and how you should be proactive. What a cacophonous compulsion!
I experience so many incentives. I do not know where I stand right now, what I want to do and what I want to enjoy. And only when I know the answers to these questions, I know what I want to think about, where I want to go, what I can find there and what I can do with it. I need rest, reflection and coaching in my journey.
I feel much better since I started recovering from my depression. However I still feel conflicted. When I feel good, I start wanting stuff, get back on lost time and start building on my life again. I want to explore my teacher position, study and customize courses. I feel the need to put myself out there socially too, meet new people, speak to more people. I dream about starting my own firm. Fully alive and developing myself.
But all those desires, wishes and resolutions give me so much stress that I feel like getting dragged back in depression again. It pressures me: I feel the need to perform, I fear failure and feel all the energy leaving my body. The people around me think of me as powerful, they think it is so great I am starting to build a life again. They are a big support to me and motivate to fight for it. What is there to lose? But that is the problem. There is a lot to lose: I can lose my good mood, I can lose not having a depression, my stability and the pleasure in life I finally got back!
I have a proactive side, but also a conservative side. I never want to go back to my depressive period again: staring into the bottomless pit of despair. Endless tears and toxic thoughts. No, I have to be careful not to fall back in this pattern. I should not try to recover too fast. My depression is my limitation, I should not cross my boundaries. I need to enjoy the process and be proud of where I stand. I should be happy that I can smile again and that I can love again. I can achieve goals and build a life again, but does it matter if it will make me break down again?
May I take it easy? No busy schedules, not willing to do too much, just relax. Will it also be fine if I do things just for me? I should let go of all those wishes and pretensions. Life is not a race. But will they appreciate it if I take it slow, will they still respect me? Or will they think I am lazy, a welfare recipient? How will I experience it myself? Can I get enough satisfaction, will I still be going in the right direction of my life?
This is a conflict I have for a couple of years already. Two extremes send me in two different directions. On the one hand I feel like I have to run, work and achieve – participate in adulthood. With exhaustion, stress and sadness as a result. On the other hand I want to let go of everything, take care of myself and enjoy the little things in life. I had a messed up life for forty years, can I at least enjoy the next forty?
Or is there another way I have not found yet? A way where I do not have to be ashamed of myself. A way where I can work towards my goals without crossing my own boundaries? I am looking for a way that can lead to a valuable life. This is what I want to read about on all those lifestyle blogs, these are the advices I need, I want to get deeper into that!
At the time a lot of people had no idea. People who I was closer with and saw me more often noticed there was ‘something’. But most of the time it was just me, alone on bad days, in my bed or with a blanket on the couch. If I had to go out, I put myself together and put on a fake smile.
When I tell people about my depression they mostly respond with: ‘You? But you are always so happy’. How you look apparently has nothing to do with how you feel. It is easy to act like nothing is wrong, because telling the truth is scary. There is still a taboo: it is not cool to have a depression. Next to that, I was afraid people would think of me differently. If you tell them, you put yourself in such a vulnerable position, I did not feel like doing that. This gave me a secret I had to carry with me.
When people asked me how I felt, I made up excuses. If someone wanted to hang out, I told them that I was tired, that I was not in the mood or had other plans. It felt like a relieve when I got out of it and could stay in bed or on the couch.
However, sometimes I had obligations I could not skip and I had to leave the house. I was happy, but too happy. It felt like I had to exaggerate my happiness, because I wanted to suppress my real feelings. It happened automatically, as a system to survive. But who did I lie to the most? To the people around me who had no idea what was going on? Or to myself because I acted like nothing was wrong? Pretending like it was not there and just smile.
There have been several moments I could not take it anymore, but I did not show that. I would go to the toilet and locked myself up. On those moments the tears ran down my cheeks. I saw someone I was not when I looked in the mirror: I saw an unhappy girl who needed help. But also a girl who did not dear to ask for help and kept her chin up. I saw a girl with tears running down her cheeks, but dried them up as soon as she left the toilet. After slapping my cheeks softly, a deep breathe and waving some air in my face you could not see the sadness anymore. I blended in again and put on a smile.
But the question stayed, ‘who am I lying to?’ Now I have the answer. Friends, family and even the people you will not expect it from, they do not blame you. They are there when you need them. I did not lie to them, I just kept it from them. And even though it was scary, I am happy I told them. There are always people who do not understand it and it is hard to explain. But people just want to be there for you in their own way. All they want is just to see you happy.
I lied to myself. I acted like nothing was wrong, while at home I broke down. I passed my own boundaries and thought I could handle it. I did not want to breg and did not want to feel this way. I wanted to be healthy and happy, I just wanted to be me. But I lied, I lied to myself. Everybody has their right not to feel OK. You cannot help it, it just happens.
The sooner you are true to yourself, the more people can be there for you. Even though you prefer being alone, you need your loved ones around you. Lying to yourself is a battle you will never win. It is a fight you want to lose, but do not dare to give up. Be true to yourself, everyone deserves that. You should not feel shame for a depression. A depression is an illness and can happen to anyone. Please stop lying to yourself, only then you can recover!
Love, Sharon
The feeling of not wanting to be around anymore, the feeling that you have to walk on eggshells continuously, you feel unhappy but still, you go on. The feeling of severe fatigue and failure. This is how I felt without even mentioning everything. A depression changes you. My depression made me someone who I am not and someone I did not want to be.
For outsiders, it is difficult to imagine how I felt, for me it was difficult to explain. I started to write to share my story and I noticed that this was a true outlet for me too. I started to feel better, so now I would like to take you back to how it was and how I got where I am today.
Negative thoughts win the fight
It is 7.00 am and the alarm goes off. I have to leave my bed to go to work, but instead of starting my day I put the alarm clock on snooze. I snooze once, I snooze twice, and then 45 minutes later, I am still in my bed. These are mornings that are anything but exceptional. I do not want to leave my bed, and even if I wanted too I just could not. I am tired and my negative thoughts win, time after time. My goal to start at 9.00 has already failed completely, I might make it at 10.00 am. On my way to work the tears roll down my cheeks. I cry all the way until I’m almost at work. I quickly dry my tears before walking inside, I start my workday as if nothing was wrong.
When I am free from work I am at home, I do nothing all day. Friends regularly ask me to do something fun, but I keep that at bay as much as possible. Although, I’ve always been crazy about them, I do not feel like going out and seeing them at all. Housekeeping is at an all time low and the kitchen cabinets are more often empty than filled.
The little angel on my shoulder wants it to be like before; I want to get my energy back, meet up with friends and exercise as I used to do my whole life. The little devil on my shoulder, however, tells me every day how tired I am, that I do not feel like going out the door, that I do not want to see people, that I have no energy to exercise and that I have to feel bad. The little angel is unfortunately not strong enough, so the little devil wins time and again.
It is difficult to show who you are and how you feel. In today’s society, you are seen as strong if you continue despite everything. Sadness is seen as a weakness. I felt weak. Nobody wants to feel weak and nobody wants to be found weak. I put on a mask for self-protection, without even consciously choosing to do so. At home I can be who I am, outside I am safely hiding under my shield. It is tiring to wear a mask all day long, it is tiring to be influenced all day by all kinds of stimuli.
Yet, I cannot change that, not at once at least; it’s a matter of time. I have been walking on eggshells for so long, I think that I can hold on a little while longer.
Someday it gets better, someday the sun will shine again for me. Although I did not believe that at first, I now know that it is true. I will prove that it is so. It will get better.
Lots of love, Sharon
INTERVIEW – Marc Blom, psychiatrist and member of the board of directors of the Parnassia Groep (mental health care provider), discusses the subject of burnout. The statistics do not lie, 1 out of 7 Dutch workers experience burnout complaints. He discussed the definition and cause of a burn-out in part 1. In part two he will describe how to prevent a burn-out.
People ignore signals for too long, but why is it important to react rapidly?
“It is important to react rapidly to reduce the impact of the complaints and to prevent a burnout. If you notice that you sleep poorly and you work on that, there is a big chance that your sleep improves. If you notice that your work is starting to resent you, then is it your job to figure out what it is that causes this. Why do you get so tired, how do you get energised and how does your energy level change over the week? Every job has it cons, no job is perfect and that is OK. But there should be a balance! If it only takes energy instead of providing energy, you should figure out whether you could work on that: do you have to vary more, do you have too many to do’s, et cetera. Career planning is gaining more attention, which is a good thing. We work longer and keep the same job for longer. Thinking and planning a career switch should be part of our life.”
How do you cope with this theme as an employer? How do you do it at Parnassia?
“I am afraid that we are just as good or bad as everybody… It is a difficult subject. But a couple of things you can do is: notice frequent absence. When someone is shortly absent, frequently, it is an alarm signal. Also, talk with your employers often and ask how they feel and whether they still like their job. The atmosphere at work should be open, people should feel like they can tell if they are not feeling well. A lot of organisations think of absence as a first signal. I think that at the point of frequent absence you are already too late. Starting a conversation in time with your employers and notice how they are feeling every once in awhile is important. Are they still challenged and does their job energise them? Next to that it is a job for colleagues, they notice it first when things get bad.”
What could, next to monitoring frequent absence, contribute to preventing a burnout?
“Sometimes the employer can change the character of work, but that is not always possible. What you could do is provide the tools to tackle other difficulties. Simple things, such as sleep hygiene, do you prepare for sleep? Do you exercise enough? A lifestyle coach is important. We have to focus on prevention: if we want to be healthy and happy with our job, then we should work for it. Exercise enough, eat healthy, stop smoking and vary your work. Also we should feel like we can influence the content of our job. That we contribute to the organization.”
And what is the role for modern technologies?
“There are tools that can help you signalling a burnout, giving you early insight that you are not doing too well. People often realise it when it is too late. You go on and on, up until you get sick. Afterwards, people admit they saw it coming. Also the people in our environment: ‘The way you worked, it is not weird you got sick.’ You want to prevent that, for example a monitoring app can help you do that. Registrate your mood and get objective feedback. Apps can also help you live a healthier life.”
Sense Health’s NiceDay (where you can monitor sleep-, movement- and eating pattern, note emotions and contact a personal coach) is provided for clients of Parnassia. How could NiceDay help to prevent a burnout?
“Monitoring helps: how many hours do you actually sleep each night, statistics about your sleep and notifications telling you that you did not have enough sleep last week. This means you need to focus on your sleep in the upcoming week. Go to bed early, relax before sleeping, read a boring book, no television and no other screens before sleeping. NiceDay helps you set goals for a healthier lifestyle and monitors it.”
In NiceDay you can connect with a caregiver, how can the combination of technology and a human coach help to reduce complaints and prevent a burn-out?
“A strong point of NiceDay is that it sets personal goals. Together with a coach you can monitor your goals and get a clear insight, which helps you to reach your goals. A change in behavior is only effective when you stick with it. Next to that, is unhealthy behavior mostly habitual behavior, you do not even realize you are doing it. People do not know how poor their sleeping is, or if they know, how that can affect your energy level and mood. We do not know the patterns over the week. You may feel energized at mondays, but it may reduce from wednesday’s onward. Even more important is you see whether you can influence your complaint. A coach can give you insight: monitor for two weeks and look for patterns and things standing out. Together you see more than one. The coaches are like mountain guides: you have to walk yourself, but they have been there before and will help you find the way. To make things clearer for you and plan the next steps.”
