Fear

Question
Vraag

I’m afraid to let go of control and to be alone at night. I’m afraid that there will happen something and that I cannot take care of my two children (6 and 9 years old). Now there is always someone with me; or my parents (who are elderly), or my husband.

I would like to get through this, but how….

Answered by NiceDay Psychologist Wouter Schippers
Answer
Antwoord

Hey,

It's great of you that you ring the bell to learn to deal with this differently. I will try to advice you.

  • Fear is a basis emotion that you and your close ones help to stay safe; it makes you careful. Fear feels very bad and it causes that you'll want to get those situations out of the way, or you'll try to avoid them. When you feel anxious, it can be learned by two things: you have experienced the one thing before or you have convinced yourself that the probability of it happening is very high. Read some more about it here.
  • With feelings of anxiety there are also thought patterns. That is very normal and helping in dangerous situations, but it can also work counterproductive when fear in a situation maybe isn't realistic. Read some more about it here.
  • To break fear, you will have to confront it. There is only one way to find out if the thing you fear, will really come true. That is difficult but necessary to come out of. Of course you don't have to throw yourself directly in the deep and go on holiday alone, but you can also do small exercises to be alone or to let go of control. For example, start with half an hour and build it up slowly. Though, the trick is to take on the greatest possible challenge to get rid of your fear.
  • Ask your environment for support. This can mean that you ask them with certain exercises, but it can also mean that you ask them not to engage in unnecessary fearful behavior. In the end you decide what is good for you!

I hope this helps you out a bit. It is a challenge to master your fear, but remember that it is always worth it to get reassurance out of yourself. And if you find something unpleasant after the confrontation, you can always go back to your familiar way. So you don't give anything up on when trying new things!

Kind regards

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