I am in doubt I will be of value to any employer. I just graduated this August and never had a failing grade but I don’t feel confident at all about my skills. What can I do to appreciate myself?

I have a question about me as a person. I experience stress complaints in contact with others. It takes me a lot of time to respond to others. This might have something to do with something that happened in the past. I once peeked under a shower cubicle and was rejected because of it. I feel ashamed of this. I’m afraid someone will backtrack on it. This is a subconscious thought. Do you have any tips to deal with this?

 

My husband experiences a lot of stress in life, not only at work but also privately.
He experiences that the world is moving faster and faster, the digitization that continues, and he feels a great lag in this. On the one hand because novelties do not interest him, but also because he does not understand them. If someone were to explain everything to him (eg a new computer program at work, installing an app on the mobile phone, a recipe for cooking,…. ) this would help, according to him, but it would still require an enormous effort from him.
He has no hobbies and doesn’t really know what he likes. In your list of 141 fun activities, only one he ticked, and this is 88. take a walk (and then just the walk around the pond he takes every day, definitely not a new environment).
He has now been home for 2 weeks on a doctor’s prescription but since he doesn’t know what he likes, he’s starting to feel worse and he thinks he is worth even less….
How can I help him?

After doing some self-reflection, this is what I came up with:

I was so afraid that people would leave. This makes sense because I was never very good at communicating. Or as they used to say: PPD-NOS Behavioral and Communication Disorder. So people, no matter how hard I tried, often left and I became more and more distant from them. Why bother knowing how it’s going to end, why not hurt them before they hurt you? Be in control. Alone you are safe because no one can hurt you anymore, but that was just talking about fear. Power does not control her audacity to be open and vulnerable to people. That to me is real power because it takes power to give people something that you know they can use against you. I think I’ve come a long way from that now, but in many ways that fear still controls me.

I deleted my post because I think I’m typing something wrong. I’m still looking for that confirmation. Afraid of rejection
I find myself comparing myself to others. To see if I’m important enough to them. I try to find every hint of things that disapprove of our approval, even if it’s not really there

I run away and leave the server because it’s scary to be close to people and being alone is also what I’m used to. It’s safe and comfortable. I’m ruining the relationship and getting toxic because in a way, thinking people hate you is so much easier than thinking they might like and care about you. I give myself every excuse to stay away.

So my question is: how can I change this behaviour? So that I stop trying to validate people and stop thinking when they say something that sounds like rejection?

I am asking this question for a friend of mine. I have benefited from CBT myself and she has not always received good help from the psychologists she has seen for treatment, but I hope it could help her too. However, she finds it very difficult to ask this question herself, but she likes it when I do it for her, which is why I am now contacting her. Let’s call the friend Anna 🙂

Anna is a 27-year-old woman. She lost her father to cancer 2 years ago. Despite that, she has 3 university master’s degrees and she is now doing an intensive traineeship with the government. The rest of the world thinks she’s super beautiful (she really is), but she doesn’t see that herself. She is quite unhappy because of this insecurity, she thinks she is ugly and fears that she will never find a partner. This is of course due to various factors: she has had bad luck with boys and has, among other things, heard from a psychologist, where she was being treated at the time, that she pretended to be because everything in her life was going well (her father was dying at the time, but the psychologist felt that she had no right to be insecure and have problems). She also told me that earlier than she started taking pictures of everything and measuring everything to find out what she really looked like, but that didn’t help and she can’t do that to herself anymore.

I find it very hard to see how genuinely unhappy she is with the way she looks when I would almost kill myself to look like her. I have also had therapy myself and can now honestly say that I love myself, and I wish her that feeling. Her insecurity may not help her looking for a relationship either, she’s really scared about it, she’s so scared that if she’s not looking for a while, she might miss the one, while at the same time she doesn’t even feel like herself holds. The most recent psychologist told her she doesn’t need CBT because it’s not about behaviour, but I wondered if it might not help her after all, because I’ve seen it with myself and other friends how it has helped. And if you also think that CBT is not the solution, or maybe you have another solution in mind. It won’t be solved overnight, of course, but it would be so nice if she could see herself the way her friends see her, and not be so terrified that she never finds someone. Because, of course, even if she never finds someone, it’s not worth letting it ruin her life.

If you do think that CBT could help, could you please send an example G-Schema? Because we have found schemes and used my old ones, they are all about actions in response to thoughts, not just the thoughts themselves. How can she fill out such a schedule when it comes to “I’m ugly”?

I very much hope that you can do something with this, if necessary I can always give extra information and maybe once the story is “out in the open”, she dares to take over the contact herself. And if she might benefit from treatment in real life, do you have any tips for her to open up? I really told my psychologist everything, so that we could achieve a lot, but with me, it came naturally. How can someone who finds that difficult, and has bad experiences with it, manage to do that?

From the age of 6, I was bullied for ten years straight, for no reason whatsoever. After this, I let myself get used, abused, and raped by all kinds of people I trusted or put above myself. Next, I was trapped in narcissistic ‘marriage’. I’ve finally escaped and I’m ‘free’. But I immediately ended up in another toxic relationship. At first, I thought it was all good. However, his true colours are showing now and I’m thrown out in the garbage daily to then be taken out again. I just can’t get rid of it. There are so many things broken about me, about how my system works. Sometimes I am very self-destructive, especially in my head and that also expresses itself physically. I really wish there was someone I could talk to and help me figure out what’s wrong with me.