Does everything have to be done to your best? Do you feel like you’ve never done anything to a good enough standard? Do you avoid things, just because you think you will not be able to do them according to your own high demands? Does this make you unhappy? Does perfectionism bother you, and could you take it down a notch? Then this article might be interesting for you!
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is wanting to deliver a quality, solid piece of work. In itself, there is nothing wrong with that. But, just like with many other qualities you can push perfectionism too far. If you feel that your best is never enough, and that you should try even harder making you unhappy, then your perfectionism will cause you more disadvantages than advantages. This often happens to people with low self-esteem. Those who have learned to use their perfectionism to avoid failure, mistakes and feelings of “not being good enough”. Unfortunately, this usually backfires. They feel constantly inadequate, unhappy and start to make more mistakes, because they can no longer live up to their own high standard.
But, how do you recognize a perfectionist, what goes wrong and what can you do to change this? I will discuss this further below.
3 aspects of perfectionism
- A perfectionist has extremely high standards for themselves and / or others. This can be limited to one or more areas.
- They base their self-esteem on the pursuit and achievement of these requirements.
- A perfectionist experiences negative consequences from constantly having to pursue these extremely high standards, but nevertheless fails to stop pursuing perfection.
Possible causes of perfectionism
- Parents that set high standards (in terms of school or sport performance)
- Parents severely punishing mistakes: name calling, ridiculing, ignoring the child or even physically punishing the child
- Receiving a lot of appreciation/recognition for achievements
- Having a negative self-image or never considering yourself good enough
- Believing that success determines your worth as a person
- Black and white thinking
- Wanting to be in control of everything
- Education and culture (possible having perfectionist parents)
Am I a perfectionist?
Do you identify with any of the following characteristics?
- You always want to be perfect
- You always want to prove yourself and are constantly looking for confirmation
- You have a negative self-image and often criticize yourself
- You find it difficult to talk about your emotions and show your true self
- You find uncertainty unpleasant
- You suffer from performance anxiety
- You always want to be the best and you expect the same from others
- To-do lists are sacred and you always want to be in control
- You have an exaggerated sense of responsibility
- You are a real thinker and worrier
- You procrastinate
- Making decisions is difficult to you
Where does it go wrong?
Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting everything to be perfect, but also about avoiding mistakes or failure. This causes a perfectionist to constantly feel inadequate and thus, unhappy. When a perfectionist does succeed to do something according to his / her own high standards, he / she doesn’t feel satisfaction or pride. Perfectionists always feel things could and should be better.
In conclusion, constant high demands in combination with never being able to feel satisfied or proud, creates an unhappy feeling.
What can you do?
What can you do to work on your perfectionism? Below you will find 5 tips that could help you:
- Focus on the process instead of the goal: Do you want to lose weight? Don’t just focus on the scale, but be proud of yourself every time you make the right choice at meal time.. Progress will gradually follow!
- Become aware of your critical thoughts, the underlying reason why you’re such a perfectionist. You can do this by keeping a diary of your critical thoughts. This will help you create more distance between yourself and your thoughts. You can use the NiceDay app for this.
- Replace MUST with WANT. Then see how much you really have to do …
- Work on self-acceptance. You are amazing just as you are. You matter!
- Focus on the things that are going well: don’t think about what you still have to do, but think about what you have already done. Because even the smallest step in the right direction is a step forward.
