Having certain expectations can lead to painful situations, situations for example which do not reflect reality. These two elements are closely linked together because if you expect something, you also want it to happen in real life. If everything works out exactly as you expected, you will not be disappointed. But sometimes things do not work out as you thought they would. Sometimes even the opposites happens. As a result, depending on how big your expectations were, your world collapses. Good luck dealing with that.

Setting the bar high

Expectations are, in my eyes, related to demands. If you are someone who does not expect much of yourself, you probably also do not expect much of someone else. This makes you less likely to be disappointed by someone else if, for example, he or she cancels an appointment last minute. But if you are someone who expects a lot from yourself, you probably also expect a lot from other people. This means that if somebody cancels an appointment last minute, you may feel hurt and you may even have the feeling that you trust the person less the before. I am that person who sets the bar high for herself, meaning that I also expect a lot from other people. But recently I have found out that I have to lower my expectations a little in order to be a little bit more happy.

Boundaries

But how do I do that? First of all I think it’s a good thing to set boundaries. If someone crosses my boundaries, I have to inform them that I don’t like that and how I’m feeling when someone does that. To use the former example again, if someone cancels last minute I can respond in two ways:

1. Okay, it’s allright
2. It’s a bummer that you cancel last minute and I feel hurt

I would initially opt for option one because I do not want to cause a scene but if I do that option two will haunt me for days. Option two will give me more relief because I’m actually telling the other person how I’m feeling because of what they have ‘done’. I’m showing my boundaries. Win-win situation right?

Secondly, it is important to realise that not everyone thinks the same as me. Some people do not have problems with cancelling last moment. Maybe they think the other person will not mind and feel the same as them. They maybe expect less from other people because they have low expectations of themselves.

So what I’m going to try from this day on is: 1. Setting boundaries and 2. Having less expectations. Are you joining me?

Love,

Ghyta