To find a serious relationship is quite a challenge. For straight people, but certainly also for gay people. My personal experience is that it is not easy to find one at all. Because, how do you meet someone? How do you ensure that you are not being catfished? How do you approach safe dating?

Dating apps

Sometimes you just bump into someone, it clicks and everything seems to happen naturally. But this does not happen often, especially if you live in a small village like me. No, we use apps more often. That’s how I met my previous relationship, via the Tinder app. I think this app is one of the better apps to meet someone seriously. It goes without saying that dating via an app is not without danger, which is why I also have a number of tips for dealing safely with the first encounter.

The first meeting

Some people may find it very long-winded, but I personally feel safer to stay in contact for a longer period of time. After a few weeks you can ask your crush to have a video call. If your crush turns out to be completely fake, it’s evident immediately, without you being in immediate danger and without being boldly disappointed if his appearance does not match his photos!

 If it’s a successful video call, it’s time for that first real date! It’s always wise to tell someone, your best friend, brother or sister, where you are going to have the date. It is also good to ask them to be available, just in case.

I like to do something different on a first date than eating out or going to the movies. Having a drink together is often much more fun and convenient: if your date is disappointing you can easily get away ;).

The start of something beautiful

If your dates are going well, it may just be that it becomes a relationship. I know from experience that it is easy to rush in at the start, my advice is to really take it easy! Many gays are after a relationship that is only based on sex and want to start with that very quickly. Certainly if you have never had sex, it is not wise to have sex after a few dates. If you take these kinds of big steps too quickly, chances are that your relationship will strand later because you went too fast in the beginning and did not take enough time to get to know each other. Ultimately, knowing each other through and through and seeing and loving each other is the most important thing in a relationship. 

Sexual contact

As I wrote before, many gays are after a relationship that only revolves around sex or are looking for loose sexual contacts. If you are not ready for a relationship yourself, a one-night stand is of course no problem at all. Only it is very important to handle it safely and hygienically:

• Use a condom and also use water-based lubricant. Certainly the first times you can experience pain as a receiver, this is normal. The only thing you can do is build up calmly and don’t expect too much at once.
• Some boys use poppers to relax their muscles, I personally do not recommend this because it is still an illegal drug, it involves risks.
• Even if you have a permanent relationship, sexual contact is of course important and good for your relationship, but no matter how long you are together, keep thinking about each other’s hygiene.

Finally, I want to let you know that the GGD offers free STD HIV testing for gays. This can be done completely anonymously, especially if you have had sex with a number of different men, it is never bad to have yourself tested!

Hug,

Bert