Asexuality is a sexual orientation that people see as part of your identity. Like homosexuality, asexuality it’s not a sexual preference, but a specific attraction. Or in this case, no attraction at all. Do you sometimes wonder: am I asexual? In this blog I will explain asexuality and provide a list of useful tips.

Misconceptions about asexuality

There are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality. For example, that it means having a low libido or being celibate (no sex before marriage). However, asexuality refers to the absence of lust or desire when being exposed to sexual stimuli. Someone that is asexual can become sexually aroused, but doesn’t necessarily feel the need to perform a sexual act because of it.

A relationship without sex

A life without sex doesn’t have to mean that someone will have a lonely existence. Like many of us, a part of asexual people do feel the need to form a deep emotional bond with someone. It’s certainly possible to have a long term relationship without sex! However, within the relationship it’s important to do what feels comfortable to you. If you are sexually aroused, but you don’t want to share this arousal with your partner, masturbation can be a good solution. You can also discuss the needs of your partner and make specific rules with each other. Being intimate doesn’t only mean having sex, but can also mean cuddling or kissing!

Talk about it

Talking about asexuality can be quite the challenge. Asexuality is not very common, which can make it difficult for people to understand how they can deal with it. Below I will share a few tips:

• Try to determine what asexuality means to you. It may help to make a clear distinction between romantic and sexual attraction.
• Give others some space. Just like it took you some time to discover you’re asexual, it will take others some time to understand it.
• Try to be open about it. A closed book is difficult to read. Someone that’s not familiar with asexuality will have a lot of questions.
• Communication is key. Try to express your needs clearly. What do you want? Under which circumstances? What don’t you want? What do you expect from the other? And what can the other expect from you?
• Don’t do things you really don’t want to do. If your needs differ too much from the needs of your partner, you’re not forced to make concessions!
• Do you still wish to play a role in the (sexual) needs of your partner? Try to make very clear agreements and keep on communicating, so it won’t be at the expense of your mental health.

Do you want to read more about the importance of talking about sex? Take a look at this blog!