The libido, the drive for sexuality, is an interesting phenomenon. Many couples experience sexual problems because libidos can vary considerably. This is not strange, because everyone differs in the extent to which he/she needs sex. For example, one wants to have sex every day and the other wants to have sex once every three months. Of course, it is not as black and white, because there are different libido types, says the Australian sexologist Sandra Pertrot. In this blog, you will read about the different libido types and the corresponding advice. In which libido type(s) do you recognize yourself?  

Sensual libido type

Sex is what connects you emotionally to your partner. You can feel rejected once your partner tells you that he/she is not in the mood.
What can you do? Tell your partner that you take it personally sometimes when he/she doesn’t feel like having sex. Often the interpretation is wrong, like: “he doesn’t want me anymore” or “Is she cheating on me?” These kinds of negative thoughts are often wrong assumptions. Talk about it with your partner. After the conversation, you may find out that your partner is experiencing a lot of stress and is therefore not in the mood for sex.

Dependent libido type

You need sex to feel loved and by having sex you can relieve stress.
What can you do? Try to look for other ways to deal with negative feelings in a non-sexual way. For example, go running, hiking, biking, skating or write down your feelings. 

Stressed libido type

You need sexual satisfaction, but you are insecure about your performance in bed. You fear not being able to satisfy your partner good enough.
What can you do? It can be very scary, but talking about it with your partner will help. Discuss what is bothering you and discuss each other’s expectations about sex.

Detached libido type

You do not feel the urge to have sex, you prefer to satisfy yourself rather than having sex and this is often because you are too busy doing other things.
What can you do? Discuss together how you can make more time for each other. Look for ways to better organize your time.

Erotic libido type

You only feel an emotional bond when someone is sexually passionate. Sex is the most important thing for you and you want to be loved dearly.
What can you do? Keep having fun, but try to reflect more on your partner’s needs.

Addicted libido type 

You find it difficult to resist sex from others, even while being in a committed relationship. You often use sex to increase your self-confidence or to keep your self-confidence high.
What can you do? This libido type can have many negative consequences. Consider talking to a professional.

Reactive libido type

You only experience pleasure when you satisfy your partner. You are satisfied with your libido, but it is mainly about your partner’s pleasure.
What can you do? You are also allowed to experience pleasure. Tell your partner that you also enjoy sexual satisfaction.

Compulsive libido type

You can hardly get excited unless a certain item is involved or when it happens during an unusual situation.
What can you do? If your actions have negative consequences for your own mental and/or physical health and/or the mental and/or physical health of your partner, seek help from a professional.

Elevated libido type

You think you should get the sex life you deserve, it is mostly about your own pleasure and happiness.
What can you do? Films, Netflix and especially porn paint a distorted picture of how sex works in daily life. So try to adjust your expectation and pay some more attention to your sex partner

Uninterested libido type

You would not mind if you never had sex again. This libido may have originated from past experiences, the stressed libido type or you may never experience the desire for having sex.
What can you do? It is easy to state reasons why you should not have sex. To increase your desire you can look at one good reason to have sex.

You should never feel forced to have sex. Saying no to sex is not the same as saying no to everything. You could perhaps feel like hugging or kissing. Be clear and state your needs.

When there is a difference in libido, and this is causing hurt for at least one person, it is important to talk about it. Talk about your wishes and needs and see how you can deal with the libido difference. Do you need help with how to talk to your partner? NiceDay coaches can help you.