Is your head ‘full’, do you have a long to do-list or do you feel that everything is getting too much for you? There is a technique for setting priorities very easily. You only have to ask yourself one simple question: must I do this now?

The key is to no just ask this question in one way but in in five different ways. Every time you put the emphasis on one of the five words. The meaning of the question (and therefore the answer) changes if you emphasize another word:

• MUST  I do this now?
• Must I do this now?
• Must I DO this now?
• Must I do THIS now?
• Must I do this NOW?

Do you already notice a change?

Must I do this now? Is it a must or is it something that you would like to do? Have you imposed this on yourself or have someone else imposed it on you? Or can you skip the task?

Must I do this now? Do you have to do this task? Or could a colleague, family member or partner also do this very well? Can you leave this to someone else? Delegating a task can be better sometimes, because you are not good at it yourself, because you have little time or because you do not enjoy it.

Must I DO this now? Or must you leave this?

Must I do THIS now? What really needs to be done? Would you rather do something else? Is this really the wisest way to spend your time and attention at the moment?

Must I do this NOW? Is it a task that can wait a little longer? Does it really have such a priority? Are there other things that deserve your attention now? Do you come a step closer to your dream life with what you are doing now?

Have you answered all these questions with a “no”? Then worrying is not necessary. You can better delegate it, ignore it or schedule it for a later moment. Give it a try! You will immediately notice that it gives more mental space.

Help needed?

Do you want more help in setting priorities or in making choices? A NiceDay psychologist can help you. You can get started right away.

If you feel less comfortable in your skin or if you feel tired, it is difficult to stay active. The annoying thing is that staying active is the best recipe to make you feel more energetic and cheerful. If you stay on the couch at home, or maybe in your bed, you won’t have any positive experiences. You also have a lot of time to worry. The result: you feel worse and worse. If you succeed in staying active, you will have positive experiences and you will have less time to worry. In turn you will get new energy! This is  how you can motivate yourself to go and stay active.

Negative spiral

Okay, staying active is the solution. This is a typical case of “easier said than done”. After all, you feel tired. Maybe you worry that you are a burden to others. You may think others will find you boring, because you participate less in conversations. The result: you cancel appointments and have more time to worry. You end up in a negative spiral, where you do less and less and you feel less and less futile.

Time to do things differently

Try not to see activities in black and white: to do or not to do. Look for the gray area in between. Do you feel like cancelling an appointment? Try to look at what would be possible and feel good for you. Remember that doing something or not doing it at all will not always help you. Beware of your boundaries. The challenge is to search what lies in between; undertake an activity in which you do not take up all the energy you have but actually also get energy from. 

Three tips to get started

• Is it too much for you to go to a friend  for the whole evening? Adjust the appointment to what you can handle now. Only eat something together or only go for a drink may ask  less of you. You can also take a short walk together. What would it be like if this friend came to you for a cup of tea or a short walk? That is of course also possible! If this is too much for you, call each other and schedule an appointment in the short term that suits your energy level better.
• Is exercising too much at the moment? Do not only think to exercise or not, but look at the gray area. What can you do instead of doing sports? You can also go running for ten minutes instead of following your entire sports lesson. Walking or running outdoors also has a positive effect on your mood
• Not in the mood for a crowded birthday? A short visit is also an option. Of course you can also see if you can celebrate the birthday in a different way. For example, go and visit at a different time.

Last, it is good to know that you do not always feel better immediately after an activity. Give it a moment! After a while you will notice that you will feel better and better, but it is important to keep doing activities.

Practice

Take a look at your agenda for next week. for which activities are you not in the mood? How can you make this activity more “gray”? Can you adjust the activity to what is currently going on? Do you need some help with this? Get started immediately with a professional.

We all know more than enough how to live a valuable life. The difficulty is not ignorance, but often a lack of decisiveness.

In his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living“, tells Dale Carnegie how you can change your life dramatically.

These are the lessons from his book:

Eliminate worries by:

• Ask yourself what the worst thing is that could happen and just accept this. 
• Write down exactly what you are worried about. Then write down what you can do about it.
• Make a decision: “What can I do”?
• Take immediate action.

Stop worrying by:

• Stay active.
• Do not stare blind on the little things.
• Ask yourself: how big is the chance that the event will happen?
• Try to accept the inevitable.
• Ask yourself how much it’s worth worrying.

Think in peace and joy by:

• Think happy thoughts 
• Never try to pay back others.
• To learn to be thankful.
• Not be disturbed by ingratitude.
• Give because of the joy that giving offers.
• Counting your blessings, instead of your disappointments.
• Learning to be yourself.
• If life “scoops you up” with a lemon, turn it into lemonade.
• Forgetting yourself by developing interest in others.

Accept criticism without worrying by:

• Thinking that unjustified criticism is often a camouflaged compliment. The other is often just jealous.
• Remember that you do what is in your power.
• Make reminders of all the foolish things you have done and to realize that none of us is perfect.
• Ask for unbiased, useful and constructive criticism.

Prevent exhaustion by:

• Rest before you get tired.
• Not to worry about insomnia, because the worry causes more damage than the insomnia itself.
• Perform work in a relaxed manner.
• Handle things in order of importance.
• Don’t forget to relax at home.

Do you succeed in giving a positive twist to your life? Which tip will help you? What are you going to do now?

Maybe you’ve noticed that everything seems more negative when you’re feeling down. How does this happen? How we feel influences our perception of the world. When there are multiple negative events happening, it confirms the negative view we hold and everything seems to become more miserable. You can be aware of your negative ‘glasses’, but when someone tells you to “be more positive!”, you only feel worse. You want to, but it’s just not that easy!

What is positive psychology?

Positive psychology is an approach that focuses on thoughts, feelings and behaviour to improve strengths and increase positive elements in your life. Instead of ‘fixing’ problems, the goal is to improve general well-being and expanding happiness. Its main focus lies more on the present and the future instead of the past. Its biggest and most important effect is being taught the power of shifting one’s perspective. By applying positive psychology, you will discover that both the negative and the positive world can coexist!

Important aspects of positivity

Martin Seligman is a famous psychologist and supporter of positive psychology. He developed a model which contains 5 important elements for well-being.

• Positive emotions.  Searching for positive emotions only is not enough. It’s also important to be able to create positive experiences. Keep some space to feel okay sometimes!
• Engagement. Another important aspect of positivity is being able to become completely absorbed in something you enjoy and you excel at. It’s difficult to improve your well-being when there’s nothing you want to invest your soul into.
• Relationships. Because the human being is a social animal, it’s important to feel supported by others. A deep meaningful connection with someone else can contribute a lot to your well-being.
• Meaning. When you can commit yourself to a greater good, you will give more meaning to your life. Giving meaning to your life contributes to your well-being!
• Performance. It seems obvious, but performing, reaching personal goals and improving yourself, are important for your well-being. Striving towards performances creates more pleasure in living and gives you energy.

What can you do?

So far the positive health model. But how do you put this into practice?

• It’s important to do something that you enjoy every day. Make it routine and plan something fun every day. It can be something small! For example, read a book, enjoy your dinner or play a game on your phone.
• Do you do many things you do not enjoy? It is important to do things that support  your interests and passions and where you can develop your skills.
• How are your relationship with friends and family? Put effort in relationships with people that are worthy, so that you build meaningful and deep bonds with them.
• What gives you a sense of satisfaction? Find meaning in work, a personal hobby or your free time. Maybe volunteering is something for you?
• What are your goals? In addition to your daily activities, focus on your personal ambitions and successes. Learn Spanish or dream of writing a book. Go for it!

Take time to see what is going well in your life and try to make time for these things: friendship, a hobby, a sport, it can be anything! Write about it in your journal in the NiceDay App.

We have a very busy life. Rest and balance is difficult to maintain. By using your inner resources more often, you will experience more resilience and balance. How? You can read it in this blog.

In the book “Resilience: how to grow a unshakable core of calm, strength and happiness” (2018) Published by Harmony, Rick and Forrest Hanson offer tools to find more balance and harmony in your life, your work, and in relationships with others.

Basic needs: safety, fulfillment and connectedness

Every person has three basic needs: safety, fulfillment and connectedness. These basic needs are anchored in our ancient evolutionary past. Our brain provided our ancestors with their need for safety through finding shelter, for fulfillment through finding food, and for connectedness through ties with each other. Our circumstances have changed enormously in the last two hundred thousand years, but our brains have remained the same. Safety, fulfillment and connectedness are therefore still our basic needs.

According to Hanson, there are four important ways in which we try to meet our basic needs:

1. Recognize reality

We can better recognize reality by developing compassion, by being mindful and by learning.

1. Compassion: by accepting ourselves and others as we are, we can perceive more and better.
2. Mindful: by being mindful, what we experience it deeper and we can let it go again.
3. Learn: every lasting change in our mood, our view of the world of our behavior, requires learning. Healing, recovery and development are also forms of learning.

2. Focus on what is possible

Only a single experience of being locked up, powerlessness and defeat can lead to a feeling of “learned helplessness.” This determines how you handle the problem. It is therefore important to look at what you can do.

You can develop your ability by learning to hold on, by being thankful for what is, and by trusting more about yourself and others.

3. Think, feel and coordinate

Everyone experiences physical and emotional pain in their lives. Many people are constantly affected by this. In addition, to the real pain, the threat of pain comes from all sides; a truck that rushes past, the irritation on the face of a loved one. Even seizing opportunities can cause a threat of pain.

You can relieve the pain by taking time to rest, by investigating what motivates you, and by focusing on your own responsibilities and behavior regardless of what others do.

4. Live consciously

Look for what you like, where your talents are and what is dear to you. Give what you have to offer and know that you no longer have control. The days may seem long, but the years are short. Live consciously in the time you have.

You can promote your resilience by further developing your inner resources. This allows you to meet your needs and you will me meaningful to others.

 Which inner resources can you further develop?

Did you know that eating and drinking can help support your mental health? A lot of research has been done about the relationship between nutrition and psychological symptoms. Recent research has stated that, in addition to physical well-being, healthy food can help improve your mental health and reduce depressive feelings.

No supplements needed

The good news is that you do not have to take special supplements or expensive pills for this. Research shows that dietary supplements and loose nutrients do not reduce the chance of getting a depression. There is no miracle food or miracle drink that can prevent depression. The most important thing is that you have a healthy and balanced diet.

Tips for a healthy diet

You can improve your mental health through healthier and balanced dietary choices. How? These tips will help you to take your first steps:

1. Eat more vegetables, fruits, fish, and legumes (such as peas, beans, and lentils). They are important components for a healthy and balanced diet.
2. Make healthier choices and choose whole-grain foods and vegetable oils more often. Whole-grain products provide fibers, which ensure that you feel full and energized throughout the day. Choose whole-grain bread instead of white bread and whole grain pasta and brown rice instead of white pasta and rice.
3. Enjoy in moderation! Foods such as nuts, dairy products and alcohol can be part of a healthy and balanced diet, if you eat them in the right amounts. For example, nuts contain a lot of good nutrients, as well as a lot of fat. And the less alcohol you drink, the better it is for your health.. In short, it is all about the right balance!
4. Eat less red meat and avoid processed meats (salami, bacon, pastrami and sausages). Less red meat consumption is an important part of a healthy and balanced diet that can improve mental health. You also reduce the risk of various diseases.
5. Make small healthy steps every day by focusing on the positive. For example, add more fruits and vegetables to your diet instead of limiting yourself.

Keep a food diary in the NiceDay app where you describe your food and mood. This way you gain insight into how your diet can influence  your mood.

And remember: were you not able to maintain a healthy diet today? No problem, just try again tomorrow!

Thoughts come and go. At stressful moments, many thoughts will float around in your head. These are usually thoughts with the doom scenarios and most of the time they will give you more stress. At pleasant moments, positive thoughts will pass. For example, you look forward to an event and only thinking about it makes you smile. At sad moments the thoughts will be negative. But is this thought really true?

Negative thoughts

For me, It is the negative thoughts that demand the most energy. Once they are present, they dominate all other thoughts. It is therefore a difficult task to counteract the negative thoughts. What I do when this happens I write down the negative thoughts on paper. This can be es very confronting, because these thoughts can  contain the ugliest things. Something is emotionally, because of the confrontation. It may be that you are very angry for a moment, or cry for a few minutes. Another way to deal with negative thoughts is to let them “float” through your head and do with them. You sit on a chair, as it were, and look at a screen on which the thoughts can be seen. You don’t have to do anything else with them.

To challenge

In therapy I learned to challenge thoughts. You write down the negative thought and look for evidence for and against the thought. You usually find that the arguments prove the thoughts are not realistic. After you have listed the arguments, you form a new realistic thought about yourself based on the arguments. Then you can write the correct thought on a post-it note and stick it to  your mirror. In this way you can remind yourself every day that you are a valuable person.

Positive thoughts

Negative thoughts are snowed under by the negative thoughts in my head. The positive thoughts can actually make you feel better. But then how do you let the positive thoughts prevail over the negative ones? First of all, you could challenge or write down your thoughts. If you notice a positive thought about yourself as a result of an event, you can “store” that feeling in your head. If there is another moment when you can only think negatively, then you can bring out the event, the feeling and thought that you had with it.

You are in charge of your thoughts. Don’t let them be in charge of you!

Love,

Ghyta

We can’t imagine life without a smartphone. Just look around and see that everyone, young and old, is devoted to their smartphone. Unfortunately, the use of the smartphone has adverse consequences, like stress, sleeping problems, “whatsapp finger” and traffic accidents. Therefore it is smart to decrease your smartphone use. In this blog I will give you useful tips to spend less time on your phone.

Without is not possible

There are people who choose to not use a smartphone at all. But that is not feasible for most of us. We use our phones for “fun” but also for functional tasks. Think about it: when was the last time you found your way to a new destination purely by your sense of direction and by reading the signs?

Tips

A more feasible solution is to reduce the use of your smartphone. You will succeed with these tips:

1. Measure it! It is useful to find out how much time you actually spend on your smartphone. There are apps that can help you. Examples are: QualityTime, BreakFree, Screen Time, YourHour, My Phone Time and StayFree.
2. Once you have an idea of ​​how much time you really spend on your smartphone, it is smart to decide if you want to reduce this time. 9 out of 10 times the answer is “Yes” and you can proceed to the next tip.
3. Consider what a feasible goal is for you. If you have many relatives living abroad and you use Whatsapp to stay in touch with them, I can imagine that you “have to” spend more time on your phone than someone whose entire family lives in the same village.
4. Think about how you will fill in the time that has become available. When I started to spend less time on my phone, I noticed that I often had moments when I had nothing to do. At those moments I quickly grabbed my phone again. I noticed that I started scrolling on Instagram out of boredom and not so much because I enjoyed what I saw. I choose to read a book at those moments.

You can fill in you time as you wish. Do you want to use that time to do nothing? Do you want to spend more time with family? Do you want to pick up a hobby? It is useful to think in advance here, because that is motivating.

1. Do not forget to talk about your new plans with your environment. Sometimes we are so enthusiastic about something that we want to dive into it right away, but most of us do not live in social isolation. Your decision to “disconnect” more often will affect your loved ones. It is wise to manage expectations about your availability from the start.
2. There are useful apps that help limit your screen time, such as Moment (iOS) from AppDetox (Android). For example, you will receive a notification if you have been on your phone for too long.
3. Put your phone out of sight and in a place where you can not reach it easily. If you are reading a book on the couch, put your phone on the other side of the room and not in front of you on the coffee table.
4. Limit the amount of social media apps you are active on. For example, do you have Instagram and Youtube and Snapchat and Twitter and Facebook and WhatsApp and Pinterest and Reddit? Check if you really enjoy using these apps. Which tip will you use to reduce your smartphone use? Share it with your coach in the NiceDay app.

Especially when you experience mental complaints or are in therapy, it is good to focus and reflect on your hard work. By rewarding yourself, you can encourage yourself, motivate and stimulate yourself to keep your process going! It ensures that you get new energy and do not give up. But how do you reward yourself? In this blog I will tell you how to approach this best.

Choose the right reward

Do not reward yourself with something that interferes with your goal. For example, if you want to lose weight, do not treat yourself with food. Do you want to spend less money? Do not reward yourself with a new expensive gadget you don’t need.

Right format

Make sure the reward is on the same level as your goal. Do not exaggerate, but it definitely should get you motivated! 

Schedule

Plan your rewards! Planning rewards gives more satisfaction than deciding in hindsight if something was worth a reward. It also gives you something to look forward to. Use the Daily Planner in NiceDay to plan your rewards.

Link to a specific goal

Do you plan rewards attached to certain goals? Make your goals very specific and concrete. So not “I am going to think about myself more often”, but “every day, I plan 10 minutes where I just sit still and reflect”. What reward do you give yourself if you last for a week? What reward do you give yourself if you continue for a month? Consider this in advance.

Types of rewards

There are different ways to reward yourself:

• Plan fun activity together or alone
• Food as a reward
• Free rewards
• Self-care rewards
• A nice purchase as rewards
• Outdoor activities as a reward

What rewards can you come up with that fit these categories? 

NiceDay actions

Plan the moments you want to treat yourself in NiceDay. This may be connected to a certain goal, but it can also be tied to a specific moment or just random. Check off when you received your reward and reflect on how this made you feel. 

You will probably remember this. On vacation with your family and you are very excited about reading your new book in the back seat. When the highway makes way for hairpin bends, your eyes stay focused on the letters in front of you. After a full 30 seconds of slalom, you realize: “Mom, Dad, I’m sick!” “Then put that book away!” your parent says. You let the exciting story for what it is and soon nausea disappears; your body is in balance again.

Your body reacts with an imbalance

Taking action when you are physically out of balance is logical. The senses – eyes, ears, muscles – communicate with the brain when something is wrong and when corrections are needed in order not to fall, feel sick or perform an exercise properly. The brain processes all input and coordinates the body to regain balance. Why is finding the physical balance so much easier than finding mental balance?

Why do we want to be busy?

We get upset when we have a lot on our to-do list and only a limited time for implementation. Yet it happens to all of us. Sarah Cameron, life coach, shares her theory: “being busy” makes us feel important, it is a means to escape. This can be an escape from a fear of doing nothing, being alone, or not being appreciated. In many cases, it has to do with learning to set boundaries and making choices. Danielle Orner, writer, actress and yoga practitioner says it more nuanced ” Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender. “

You can train balance

Given that “making an effort” for something that does not sound nice and is certainly not so obvious, we will discuss this in more detail. You will have to work for balance. Think of someone who does yoga: he has practiced for hours before the scorpion handstand can be performed. This also works in your own life: continuous training ultimately leads to results.

What helps me, is putting things I find important into perspective. If I would send a letter to my older self in about 20 years, I would not have to mention that I should have spent more time with my family and less at my desk. Balancing your daily life is a conscious choice that you make every day.

When I was immersed in urgent tasks, a supervisor once told me: “pick your battles”. He repeated this every time I was standing at his desk with an overheated and stressed face. Choose very consciously what you give your energy to, and whether this gives a positive return on investment. If you choose to do more things that cost you energy than provide you energy, there is a negative number at the end of the line; you are out of balance.

Keep it simple

These do not necessarily have to be drastic choices or a dramatic adjustment in your life. Always start small to keep it clear: the small steps ultimately bring you further. Consider a conscious choice to leave work every day at 5.30 p.m. instead of 6.00 p.m. Or decide to start every day in silence with yourself and not with Instagram, Facebook and other social media. You can read more tips in my blog about a busy life.

You are the designer of your life

If you feel that your life is out of balance, your brain requires training. Forget the company or boss you work for, the people who ask for attention in your private life, or other things that prevent you from finding your balance: you are the designer of your life. There are always circumstances that influence certain choices, but ultimately the responsibility for making a final choice lies with you.

As Edward Norton said in the movie Fight Club: “We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.”

Don’t let that happen to you and start training for mental balance. Good luck!