Valentine’s Day is coming up again and so is the focus on finding love. However, we pay less attention to self-love. But why? You are the only person you have to spend the rest of your life with! In this post we explain why you should love yourself before you can love another.
Love yourself first
Everybody needs love, but how you experience love depends on your beliefs. The rules you set for yourself decide the way you give and receive. When you lose control over your beliefs, it will cause tension. That is why it is so important to love yourself first and to justify the right beliefs.
A new love can have the deepest effect on you, but he or she does not have super powers. The only person who is able to make you happy is you. A new love can give you the feeling that everything is alright, but does not solve any problems. However, this does not mean your life has to be 100% on track before you start dating. But you should be able to love yourself, your shortcomings included.
You must be your own, before you can be anyone else’s.
Feelings and being vulnerable
Having a relationship with someone other than yourself means sharing your feelings with someone other than yourself. Talking about your feelings is the foundation of a relationship: being open and honest. But before that you have to be open and honest to yourself, let emotions in and accept your feelings. Do not be scared to be vulnerable and do not worry about what other people might think of you: how you feel matters.
Being sensitive is natural, you do not have to fix or hide it. You are not broken.”
Unrest
No relationship is perfect. Love is not going to give you rest, the opposite is true. You are not alone in a relationship; you do not only have to deal with your own emotions and expectations, but also the emotions and expectations of your significant other. Relationships can be hard and ask a lot from you. Fights, conflicts and disagreements are part of every relationship. Of course, this can be worth it, but when you are not ready for it, it can become too much. A relationship should make you happy.
Giving love
A relationship is about giving and taking. But how can you love someone, if you do not even love yourself? When you love yourself and when you know you are on the right track, it is more likely that you are genuinely happy for someone else. No jealousy, no comparing and no suspicion: loving someone right from the heart. These positive feelings promote gratitude and will help you to be open up.
February 14, Valentine’s Day. A day in which loved ones give each other extra attention with gifts, flowers cards and love. In addition to loving someone, it is even more important to love yourself. However, many people seem to forget this. For that reason we will discuss what self-love is, how to love yourself and what loving yourself can do for you.
What is self-love?
Self-love is simply accepting and appreciating yourself for who you are, what you do and what you stand for. Looking at both the positive aspects that contain your physical, mental and psychological growth, as well as the negative aspects such as our shortcomings and the mistakes we make. Because even by giving the negative aspects in life a place, your grow as an individual. Three key aspects of self-love are:
- Self-kindness: be kind to yourself instead of judgmental and negative. ”Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend or loved one”.
- Common humanity: this means to accept the fact that you are a real human being. People are not perfect and will make mistakes, together with you, there are 7 billion others who do this. Making mistakes might be not quite as bad as you make yourself believe sometimes.
- Mindfulness: takean open, non-judgmental look at yourself, your thoughts and your feelings and accept this as how they are.
With these aspects in mind, you can start working on loving yourself. This can be done in many different ways. This are a few examples:
- Stop with criticizing yourself: this is an example related to the aspect of common humanity. We are not perfect. Let thoughts as ”I am ugly or I am stupid be for what they are.
- Give positive reinforcement to yourself: examples are ” I do not have to be afraid, I accept how I am” or “I have unconditional love for myself”.
- Be your own friend: Experiencing negative feelings? Place yourself into the role of a good friend or loved one. How would you react if a good friend or loved one was experiencing negative emotions? You would probably show that person love and compassion to make them feel better. Why would you not do the same for yourself?
- Nothing wrong with failing: Again, you are human so it is OK to fail. It is an experience that you learn from and it helps you grow as an individual.
