They probably give us the most stress, but also the most satisfaction: expectations. We are driven to meet expectations and strive for our ambitions. But how come they cause stress for some and not for others?
What is it?
An expectation is nothing more than a goal of or for someone in a particular situation. For example, your employer can expect you to always be on time. Within expectations, you see various types. You can have hope that your crush likes you too, you can have the ambition to get a promotion, you can have the demand that you are treated with respect, you can have the life rule that everything must be perfect, it is the norm not to kill anyone and is it a value to be kind to children.
What are expectations based on?
The feasibility of an expectation is based on two elements: the individual and the state of being. For the individual, you can think of your personality, genes, upbringing, memories and experiences. This together makes you unique as a person and cannot be changed. This is immediately followed by the state you are in. This concerns emotions, physical sensations (e.g. pain or illness), skills, knowledge and external pressures (e.g. working night shifts). These can vary per situation and are therefore changeable.
Pitfalls
When you notice that expectations of others or yourself cause a lot of stress, it’s possible that there are a number of pitfalls present:
- You want or have to meet all expectations.
- You assume that you should live by expectations instead of expectations being based on you.
- You think of not achieving a goal or expectation as a personal ‘shortcoming’ or failure.
- You get stressed by possible ‘shortcomings’, making expectations unnecessarily extra difficult.
- You find it more important to change yourself than to adjust your goals.
- Others don’t take the individual or the state into account enough.
What can you do?
If you recognize yourself in one or more pitfalls, that is already the first step toward change. And the solution is actually very simple; because you as an individual cannot be changed, only the state and the expectation itself are left to change. Is the state in order but are you still having trouble meeting expectations? Then the expectation is too big and you’ll have to talk to yourself or someone else to reduce it. Is the state not in order and are you, for example, overtired, and emotional, do you lack skills or knowledge, or are you experiencing drastic private situations? Then you have two options: either you adjust the expectation to your current state (e.g. I have a cold, so I may be 10% less productive today), or you take action to change the state (e.g. I’ll call in sick today so I can be a 100% productive again next week).
Of course, an expectation doesn’t always have to be completely achievable. The goal is to stay both motivated enough as well as not too stressed. It’s okay to want to do everything perfectly, but it’s also okay to do only some things perfectly. Stay ambitious, but realistic. And remember, not meeting an expectation can never say anything about you as an individual!
We all have moments that we look up to: giving a presentation, visiting the dentist, conducting a (job) interview, the deadline for handing in your reports, etc. There are times when the pressure can be too overwhelming and your heart is beating quickly, we have sweaty hands and the panic attacks. In this blog I discuss seven tips to help you remain calm during stressful moments.
What is stress?
The original meaning of the word stress refers to the external pressure that is performed on a person. This pressure results in tension. The body responds to stressful events with increased physiological activity in order to respond as adequately as possible. We therefore need stress to be able to perform. Stress becomes unhealthy when the duration of the external pressure takes too long. The body is unable to respond permanently to stress-inducing situations. The energy and reserves of the body become exhausted. As a result, (permanent) damage can be caused in the form of physical and psychological complaints or illnesses. That brings us to the question: “When do you experience stress for too long that is becomes unhealthy?’
Unhealthy stress
The level of stress and how long you can handle it is different for everyone. One person has no problem at all with giving presentations. Another person finds this overwhelming. You can best determine what level of stress is healthy for you because only you experience exactly what it does to you. Recognising and accepting stress is the first step towards dealing with stressful situations with greater ease. The following tips will help you further:
- Defeat moments of panic
When we are in danger or face a difficult situation, our mind and body go into “fight or flight” mode. Neither is really suitable when we are about to give a presentation or have a job interview. The best way to beat panic moments is to use a relaxation reaction. - Breathe slowly
It makes so much sense, but breathing slowly is one of the most effective ways of creating a relaxation reaction. During the day we sometimes forget to breathe deeply because of stressful situations. The higher the breath (at the chest), the more stress the body has. The secret to good breathing is breathing deeply in the direction of the abdomen. By putting your hands on the stomach just before or during a stressful situation and breathing deeply and slowly in and out through the nose, immediately leads to stress reduction. - Just move
Another effective way to create a relaxation reaction is to move. That can be a short walk or do some simple stretching exercises. The body makes endorphins during exercise. These “happiness chemicals” ensure that you feel more relaxed and comfortable in your skin which then contributes to more energy and being less stress. - Use the panic signals
Having sweaty hands or a beating heart are no signs that you are going to fail! It is simply an indication that you are going to do something that you find exciting. When you realize this and see the side effects as someone who is ready to do something epic, you suddenly look at the situation differently. Telling yourself in the moment that this challenge is no big deal, makes the stress decrease to a healthy proportion. - Pay no attention to negativity
When you are preparing for a stressful event, it is crucial to focus on the positive things of this situation, such as the people, the environment, etc. Fearful, negative and cynical ‘vibes’ ensure that you do not experience a sense of control and that contributes to more instead of less stress. - Practice makes perfect
Regularly practicing your presentations or a conversation helps to reduce the stress level. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes which also means that you gain confidence. Through practicing regularly you know what your strengths are and how to use it during stressful moments. On the other hand, practicing for a dentist appointment is more difficult. In such situations visualising that the appointment goes well, will reduce stress complaints. Put your focus on the positive things! - Take good care of yourself
Some of us can’t eat when experiencing stress, others easily eat away bars of chocolate. Stressful situations are part of life and regularly occur out of the blue. The better you take care of your body, the easier you can deal with stressful situations. That means taking care of and paying attention to all the essential things such as good nutrition, sufficient sleep, exercising and enough relaxation.
“Quiet mind brings inner strength and confidence, that’s very important for good health.” -Dalai Lama
Yoga for stress relief
There are specific yoga exercises that reduce stress. Watch the video Yoga For Stress Relief and experience it yourself!
