The International Day of Positive Thinking this year falls on Thursday the 13th of September, so tomorrow! Although it is nice to always try to think positive, tomorrow we pay some extra attention to this. How do you optimally use that day? We will tell you now!
How to do it
There are several areas in life in which you can practice positivity. Perhaps you have to work tomorrow, or you have plans with your partner, kids or friends, or you have a day for yourself. Below we give a couple of tips for each of these areas of life, to make the best of your day tomorrow!
At work
- Agree with your coworkers not to complain tomorrow but only say positive words about and to each other.
- Play a compliment game at lunch, where everybody writes down a compliment for a coworker at the lunch table.
In your social life
- Send a handwritten postcard today to someone close to you who brings you positivity. Write a personal message in which you tell him or her how important he/she is for you. In this way, you give that someone a special feeling. And by giving compliments, you get a special feeling yourself as well!
- Give a sincere compliment to someone you know (or don’t know) in your surroundings.
- Do you have kids? Tell them today about The Day of Positive Thinking and let them say something sweet about each other and about themselves. If you start, they will follow!
For yourself
- Start a positive journal today! What that is and how you do that, you can find here!
- Before going to bed tonight, write down what you are grateful for and read this again tomorrow morning. In this way, you will start your day full of gratitude!
- Good morning Tiger! Give yourself at least one compliment when you look in the mirror tomorrow morning.
- Be kind to yourself, love yourself. How do you do that? Easy! Just say to yourself you love yourself! You can find some tips here.
- Allow yourself an optimal rested feeling tomorrow by going to bed half an hour early.
- What is your favorite food? Buy/make that for yourself so you can enjoy it tomorrow.
- Take a moment just for yourself. Some ideas are; take a bath, read a book, do some yoga or a meditation exercise.
- It also seems to be international day of chocolate tomorrow. Just saying… 😉
With these tips you will probably have a major positive day tomorrow! Are you up for the challenge to make this a habit? NiceDay can help you with that by planning a positive activity in your daily planner every day! In this way, you will never forget!
Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.
NiceDay actions
- Keep a positive journal in NiceDay by registering the positive things about the day in your Feelings Registration before going to bed. Notice how you feel after writing down these positive things.
- Use the Daily Planner in NiceDay as a reminder to do of say something positive every day.
You can get so many compliments, but you will not easily forget a negative comment. It gives you a bad feeling and makes you less productive. In the long term it can seriously affect your mental health. However, getting these thoughts out of your mind is easier said than done. We will help you.
Negative thoughts
Negative thoughts are human, you do not have to ignore them. On the contrary, actively ignoring negative thoughts could backfire, since it will give extra focus to the problem. However, constantly recalling negative thoughts is not healthy and will eventually make you unhappy. Accept the negative thoughts, but do not ignore them.
“We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Rethink your thoughts
We unnecessary worry about a lot of stuff, however we can deal with different situations much better then we expected. So be conscious of your thought pattern: Write down your feelings and criticize from a different perspectives. How rational are your thoughts? What would you advise a friend?? Will the harm be permanent and can you do anything to prevent or reduce the harm?
Do not think of negative experiences as personal failure. Try to look at it from the bright sight, or think about how it could have been worse. And even if it could not have been worse, then keep in mind that worrying about is not going to solve it. Try to accept what happened, but do not let it determine what is going to happen in the future.
Active repeating
Repeating negative thoughts to reduce them, whut?! It does not sound very appealing, but by repeating the thought actively, it will lose meaning (Ohio State University, 2012). Hereby your thoughts will distance from your feelings. Say your thoughts out loud or write them down. This method is frequently used in psychology and is called cognitive defusion.
Rinse your thoughts
Literary. Take a hot shower, science shows that it will make you feel better (University of California, 2013). This is because physical warmth and social warmth are triggered in the same part of the brains. Not feeling like having a shower? Throwing your thoughts away also helps! Write them down and tear or burn the paper you wrote on. Research of the Ohio State University (2012) shows that students who wrote down their insecurities, tore it and threw it away, have a better body image than the students who did not.
Visualize
You probably already tried to distract yourself, but did you know that the way you distract yourself can affect the result? Distraction only works when it requires your full attention. Like this you will be able to train your brain. You can achieve this by visualizing (Winch, 2014). For example, visualize yourself in the supermarket and picture all the products. Or visualize the outfits your colleagues were wearing yesterday. This does not have to take a long time, but try to do this every time negative thoughts pop up.
NiceDay: Do you often suffer from negative thoughts? Plan for yourself an activity on your Daily Planner where you write down your thoughts and pronounce this a few times out loud. Are you feeling better?
In the United States of America and Canada there is a day reserved for it, gratitude. Gratitude has a lot of positive side effects, so just one day is not enough! However, we are not that great in expressing our gratitude yet. Women do it better, 52 percent express gratitude daily, versus 44 percent of men (John Templeton Foundation, 2013). But why is it so important? And how do you increase gratitude? We will explain.
Gratitude and your health
Research on characteristic traits shows that gratitude is the best predictor for mental health (Journal of Personality, 2005). People who show gratitude and feel grateful are happier! It promotes positivity and overall satisfaction. It reduces the risk on a depression and increases the feeling of self control (Harvard Medical School, n.d.). It also affects physical health, it shows that people who suffer from cardiac diseases improve just by being more grateful (American Psychological Association, 2015).
The secret to having it all, is knowing you already do.
Become grateful
Gratitude is a character thing, some people are just naturally more grateful than others. That is OK: You can become grateful by practise too. Meditate and count your blessings! Follow these tips as a guideline:
#1 Show pictures and memories
Place a picture of your lover, sister or maybe even your dog at your desk. Decorate your fridge with beautiful memories and change the background of your phone. Visuals will affect your feelings better than memories will! Multiple reminders a day of a special person in your life or of a beautiful moment will give you that instant feeling of gratitude.
#2 Write a letter
Are you not a good writer? That is no excuse. You do not have to write a novel, you do not even have to click send! Just start. Research has shown that writing a letter, sent or not, can positively affect your feelings. Writing gets you thinking, what do you want to write and why do you want to write it? Who do you want to write to? Does nobody come to mind? Write a letter to yourself!
#3 Make a list
Take five minutes of your time before going to sleep to write down three things you are grateful for. This does not only enhance gratitude, it also has a positive effect on your sleep. Do you want to take it a step further? Then also make lists in the morning. What are you planning to do today that will make you feel grateful at night?
#4 Take care of yourself
You cannot be grateful for your blessings if you are not happy with yourself. Plan in me-time and be grateful for yourself first and foremost. Give yourself space to feel what you feel and to think what you think. You are the most beautiful thing you can become.
Goals: How grateful are you? Activate the ‘Feel Goal’ and write down three persons, moments or things you are grateful for and explain why.
Almost everyone is familiar with it: you are being carried away in your negative thoughts. Where is this negativity coming from and how did you get into it? But more importantly: how do you get out of it?!
How does negative thinking arise?
A lot of situations in life are exciting, we could look forward to it and have thoughts about it. Positive thoughts can help us, but if we are worrying these thoughts are usually negative which can obstruct us. While having negative thoughts, it is difficult to see possibilities.We usually just think of everything that can go wrong.
When you focus on your negative thoughts and feelings, you automatically filter your experiences through a negative filter. Because of this, positive events are hardly visible, or you even make them negative. Negative thinking causes a negative feeling, which creates more negative experiences, which causes more negative thoughts: the negative spiral!
Influence of negative thinking
Negative thinking can have an enormous impact on your state of mind, your relationship, your job, your health, your self-image and your image of others. Besides that, you can create negative expectations about the future because you only look at what you do not want to happen. Negative thinking is hard to prevent, but not impossible. A first essential step is identifying your negative thoughts. Only then you can do something about it.
How do you get rid of your negative thoughts
Because negative thoughts can lead to a negative self-image and even depression, it is advisable to act on it. You can do this independently or with the help of a coach or therapist. In this article we give a few tips on how you can handle your negative thoughts in a positive way. When you notice that you are not able to get rid of your negative thoughts by yourself, we advise you to get in touch with one of our coaches. They can help you get a grip of your situation. Or they can discuss with you if it might be better to schedule an appointment with your general practitioner.
Tips
Here are a few tips on how you can handle your negative thoughts:
- When you are spiraling, try to recognise this. Remember yourself that it is better to focus on something else, like your favorite music or to think about a fun memory.
- Challenge yourself by putting a positive thought against every negative thought. In this way you will learn to look and react more positive to situations, instead of mainly negative.
- Try to plan a certain moment during the day that you only want to spend on positive thoughts, for example right before going to bed. Try to write these down: this could be a moment of positivity, gratitude or satisfaction.
- You can break out of a negative spiral by focussing on your breath, your mind is automatically paused at that time. Try doing this for a couple of minutes or try a relaxation exercise.
- Find the beauty in everything, especially in the things that you usually find normal or boring. For example the smell of coffee in the morning, the background music in a store or the blossoming flowers while traveling or being outside. Everything has beauty in it, when you find this it is easier to stop your negative thoughts because your mind is more positive.
- Do not get angry with yourself when you notice a negative thought, but praise yourself that you noticed this thought! You are learning, noticing this thought is an essential step in the process.
- Try counting till 5 in our head before you react to something negative. Instead, try to give a more positive reaction. On the long term you might use positivity as a primary reaction.
Your mind is a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts your life will start to change.
On april 19th 2018 it’s the Annual Day against bullying: On this day we pay extra attention to the topic with the aim to stop bullying once and for all. In September, there is also a Week against Bullying, and this annual attention against bullying is indispensable! In 2016 10% of primary school students said to have been the victim of bullying. Within high school this entails about 8% of the students. Although there has been a slight descend the past years, it remains necessary to give attention to the topic of bullying (HBSC-research from 2009 and 2013).
Consequences of bullying
Bullying has a lot of consequences, not only for the victims, but also for the bullies, the followers and the spectators. For victims of bullying, the repeated bully-experiences can be traumatic: they can have social and emotional problems. It enlarges feelings of loneliness and the chance for a depression. Besides this, also physical complaints can occur, such as headache, sleeping problems, stomach problems and tiredness. For the bullies there are not a lot of consequences on the short term, but on the long term they are more likely to get into social problems. Bullies have learned as a kid that they can achieve goals without communication in a socially adjusted way. Later in life, bullies are more likely to face prosecution for small offences, they drink more alcohol and are more often involved in fights. The followers and spectators find school less fun and they take home several messages; that spectators do not intervene, that apparently the victims get what they deserve and that power is more important than justice.
Experiences of a bullied young adult
We can conclude that bullying has severe and far reaching consequences, even later in life. That is why we started a conversation with the 23 year old Sophie* (*not her real name), who was severely bullied during primary and secondary school. She tells us what she went through and which influence this still has on her now.
Interview
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us on the National Day against Bullying. Would you tell us in short something about yourself?
“I am Sophie. I live together with my boyfriend and I have a nice group of family and friends. I concluded my Masters Child and Adolescent Psychology and I am working as a psychologist for a year now. I can fully commit to my job because I am now able to help kids with the thing I have never been helped with as a kid.”
You were formerly bullied, can you tell us what you experienced?
“The bullying started in grade 7. I was ahead in physical development and my clothes looked a bit different. I got a lot of attention from boys, but that was not appreciated by the girls. I consciously went to a different high school than my bullies, but there it started again because I got attention from the wrong guy. Within two months everybody was against me and the rest of that school year was hell. Kids threw stuff at me, pulled the chair underneath me when I tried to sit down, they yelled ‘ugly vixen’ at me, and also worse thing like this guy showing me his knife to let me know he could do worse things.The principle and teacher did little to help me, what may have been to worst thing.”
Where people in your surrounding aware of the bullying?
“I did not say anything to my parents because I had the feeling that nobody understood me. But when I wanted to stay home sick that often, I had to tell it. Luckily my parents understood. One of the bullies came by our house together with her mom to talk about it, but because of this the bullying got worse, only this girl was a bit more in the background. I did not want to go to school anymore and skipped classes, but outside of school I was also bullied. They even came to my house, which made me feel unsafe. I felt really down.”
What got you through this time?
“At a certain moment I met my current boyfriend. He gave me support and courage, which led to me standing up for myself. No matter how tall someone was, I started to defend myself. The bullying became a bit less severe, but still I decided to change schools. I immediately met new friends with whom I got very close. At my new school I was still being chased with classmates from my old school, but because I got stronger and more confident because of my relationship and my friends, I was able to resist it more and more. Until the moment I faced them and they did not do anything anymore.”
Which effects had the bullying on you?
“I was really down, was suffering stomach aches, felt sick and did not want to go to school anymore. My self esteem was very low, I started doubting myself and had thoughts like: “Am I a good person?”, “Am I weird/ugly?”, “Did I do something wrong?” I suffered from severe performance anxiety and it is still there a little. I still value greatly what others think of me. When speaking in front of large groups, I always think: “What will they think of me when I say something wrong”. This gives me stress.”
Are there also positive consequences rising from your bullying experiences?
“Yes definitely! It made me a stronger person. I can defend myself and others. Because of the bullying I found the ambition to study psychology and help others. I can really sympathize in what kids are going through because I experienced it myself. I am really caring and think about the feelings of others. I would not want to do it differently, because I do not know if I would be on this point in my life if it I had not experienced it. Perhaps I would have less ambition, or gained less satisfaction from my work.”
Did you face your bullies after the bullying?
“Yes, I faced them quite often in the street. And even now, after 10 years, when I face them, my heart still skips a beat. But it seems like they do not recognize me. I once worked with a girl who was a follower in the bullying, but then I found out she had a lot of problems herself back then: she suffered from acné and because she bullied, she was not being bullied herself. Because of her I look differently at followers now.”
What do you want to say to them now?
“I would like to say: “Thank you, you made me the person that I am today. Because of you I am a super ambitious psychologist.”
What is your message to children who bully?
“I understand it, there is probably some insecurity why you do this. But there are so many people who are suffering, so think twice before you bully. It could cost someone’s life. Be aware of the changes in yourself when you stop bullying. What does that give you?”
Do you have a message to bullied children?
“At the moment you are being bullied it is really terrible, but I realized it brought me so much in how I developed. It made me stronger. This realization came pretty soon when I met my new friends in the second class of high school. I thought: “Now I can conquer the world, bring it on!”. The best change for me was when I started to stand up for myself and not act like the victim anymore. Besides this it is also good to have a supportive network, so tell people around you you are being bullied. There will be someone who listens and takes you seriously! From unexpected corners there can be help where you can pull a lot of strength from. Bullying is really terrible, but focus on the plus sides so they can grow above the negative sides.”
Thank you for your openness Sophie, we wish you good luck with your work as a psychologist!
Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.
The past year has been eventful. From feeling down to feeling happy and showing my true self. In this blog post I want to share my positive moments in 2017 with you.
Of course, negative things happened, but I think it is also important to share the good stories! Unfortunately, we often forget positive experiences, since negative experiences have a bigger impact on your memory.
An invisible girl
Conquering my insecurities has been a big eye-opener for me. I used to be the girl in the back, now I am a woman who dares to show who she is. This made it possible for me to dare to make choices for myself.
For example choosing a study in a direction which makes me happy and being bold enough to contact an employer I wanted to work for. And both succeeded! It has been such a great learning experience!
I also began to write blog posts for NiceDay this year. Another step in the right direction and I never thought it would feel so natural. This is already blog post number 20!
Therapy
Ending group therapy after 9 months. Every thursday morning I used to be in a room of women who are trying to help themselves and each other. Leaving that behind feels great, I feel strong. Next to group therapy, I also started trauma therapy in January. It has been difficult, but I found the woman I was looking for: Renée. It is me and no one else!
I also fought (and more or less conquered) anorexia and PTSD. The support of my loved ones helped me a lot. If I look back, I can be very proud of myself because on what I have achieved this year.
Private life
The relationship with my parents grew stronger after I started to tell them what was going on in my mind. They got an idea of my battle and saw it growing inside me. It felt so great to finally share my thoughts! I never want to stop talking about my issues anymore. I also dealt with the conflicts I had with persons who mean something to me. This has been so important for me, I am so happy I dared to confront myself.
Health
I knew my health was not completely fine. This year I finally dared to look for the cause of the problems, to find out what I need to make it better. It gives rest to work on my health, both my physical and mental well-being. I can see it matters.
Enjoying life
I can enjoy life again! A motor ride, a good book or a glass of wine on the couch. A spontaneous dance in the living room when a good song plays, four episodes of my favorite series… Great, right?! Or a burst of laughter with my love, tears of laughter even, I missed that so much! But it is back!
Grateful
I will use this moment to express gratitude to all of my loved ones. They never gave up on me, even when I was having a hard time. I think I do not express it much enough, so:
Dear parents and their partners: thank you for all the hours on the couch, a shoulder to cry on and for all the support! I cannot say it often enough, thank you for being there for me. During good and bad times.
Dear R.K. We are friends for 4 years now and you are one of the most loyal followers of my blog posts. Thank you for hearing my stories, drinking glasses of wine with me, being crazy together and for the book. Cheers on many more years together!
J.T. Another loyal follower of the blog posts! Thank you for the support and sweet words last year. I know you are going through a rough time right now. But you will get through it too! Together with you loving partner, you can do it!
I vd S. We are reunited! Thank you for listening to me. I do not want to lose you as a friend, you are so important for me. Cheers to a lot of motor rides and glasses of wines in 2018, but without combining those activities!
My sweet mother in law, turning her laptop on every wednesday to read my blog post, to talk about it next day during dinner. Thanks for the trust and openness. I hope we can keep on laughing together!
M.G., thank you for the hugs, support and dances! It is one hour in the week which is very important to me. Upcoming year we will rock the dancefloor, I look forward to it!
Sweethearts: C&L, B.J., P. de L, M&N and L den B. You also have a place in my heart. It is so great that your door is always open for me, also when I am not doing well. But also when I do feel well! I am very happy to have you!
And lost but not least… My partner, my best friend, my buddy. Thank you for being there. We can laugh, but also talk. You do not blame me for making mistakes. You try to understand me and love me for who I am. I can be myself, I can also show my not-so-good qualities. I can sing completely off key next to you in the car without any shame, and you embrace my clumsiness. I love you, cheers to the New Year!
Cheers to having all of you in my life in 2018!
This weeks song is a song which is very close to my heart. Teach me how to be loved by Rebecca Ferguson. A powerful woman, with a beautiful voice and a lot of emotion in her music.
See you next year! Love, Renée x
