I love to dance. Dancing is scientifically proven very good for you: it lowers the stress level. The hormone cortisol rises when you experience stress. That is annoying because cortisol gives complaints such as fatigue, craving sugar, negative mood or gastrointestinal complaints. By dancing you literally move the stress out of your body and with it the negative effects of stress. Yoga also helps to lower your stress level, for example in this dancer’s pose. But how do you do this pose with more ease when balancing on one leg? These 5 tips will help!
What is a dancer’s pose?
It is a standing balance pose with a backward bend. In yogi jargon this asana is called Natarajasana; king of the dancers. Nata means dancer and raja means king. This pose demands a lot of your arm, back and leg muscles, especially your hamstrings. And also the joints in your shoulder blades, spine and hips are challenged. Officially you hold one foot with two hands and stretch your leg as far as possible, so that you can bring your foot towards your head. As you can see in the photo, I can’t do that.
Where is the difficulty?
The biggest challenge in this asana is not so much the flexibility of your joints and muscles or finding (and holding) your balance. No, the biggest challenge is breathing. The freedom of movement in the diaphragm is reduced in this asana by the combination of a hollow back and the strength of your buttocks and leg muscles. These work against each other which makes it difficult to breathe deeply and with ease. The necessary muscle power to do this asana is greater than the ability of the body to supply muscle with oxygen. The longer you are in this pose, the deeper the body has to breathe and the more the abdominal muscles and the diaphragm have to give up their stabilizing. In short, there is a good chance that you will fall over. When I first did this asana, I regularly fell over. That was very frustrating, so I went looking for alternatives to keep doing this asana with more ease and fun.
Alternatives
I can’t grab my one foot with both hands. What I can do is hold it with one hand and this became my new starting point. These alternatives have helped me to not fall over in the dancer pose. I hope they help you too. Do not forget: do what feels right for you. Experience where your boundaries are and do not go over them (too much). When you listen to your body, it will be able to work with you.
- A good warm up is half the work. Make sure the body is well warmed and keep that heat with you by wearing extra clothing. I like to wear an extra fleece sweater and leg warmers over my leggings. The warmer you are, the smoother the muscles and joints are.
- Start with two feet on the floor, close the eyes and then breathe in and out gently. Hold with the right hand, the right foot by the ankle or the foot itself. If it feels better, you can grab the shin.
- Bring the knees together and find your balance by breathing gently.
- At the next inhalation, extend the left arm, and at the exhale, bend forward. If you can, bend forward so that the left arm is a straight line above the ground. If not, just hold wherever it is comfortable for you.
- Breathe in and out a few times to stay in balance. When you feel able to stand stable, you can push the right leg up a little further. Stay in this asana for four breaths.
Are you going to try this? Let us know how it went. Good luck!
Last year I was part of an event called Last Man Standing. An initiative of the nonprofit organization MIND. Together with 100 other participants, I endured 6 hours of standing on a pole of 20 cm by 20 cm, in a lake, with a lot of wind. An endurance challenge to visualize the waiting lists in Mental Health care. I never expected to make it to 6 hours, but I did! Together with more than 80 percent of the participants. And when you step off that pole you realize, that with a good cause, a group of motivated people, music and support from the shoreside, you can achieve great things.
This year I will participate again. This time for a mentally healthy youth (MIND YOUNG). Another great cause. Because, whether or not you struggle with something, it is important to know, when you are young, that you can talk about anything. With someone. Without taboo. Without fear of disapproval. Without being seen as weak.
Puberty and young adulthood are, in itself, already turbulent. There are so many things happening, so much to learn, to see, and to experience. So many things that can influence you and so many things you can be. So much to choose, so much to fit in to, and so much to resist. To become your own person is quite the challenge for our youth and their surroundings. But it is a natural process of becoming an adult. And most of us make it to the other end, with a lot of fun too. But still, a lot of young people also will not make it or will not know fun.
My development into adulthood was roughly disrupted by Borderline. An emotion regulation disorder. I could not cope with all this turbulence. I did not know what to do anymore. My emotions became my enemy.
My puberty and young adulthood were dark and hard. A few times I wanted to give up. I did not believe in life anymore, or in that things could be well or were going to be okay (despite how many times people told me they would be). My emotional pain was so intense that I preferred physical pain as a distraction. My life, and clothing style, was black. I wanted to disappear. I did not understand who I was, where or with whom I wanted to fit in, and how this thing called life should be lived. I was consumed by worry, fear, pain, anger and especially desperation.
But that did not show. I finished my gymnasium and 3 college degrees, and started a successful management career. I had friends and played sports. But it often felt empty inside, as if I was not totally there, as myself, living life. And I was tired, so very tired. I did not dare to share this with anybody. Just carry on, I thought. Carry on. Survive.
I still have Borderline. But I am way more than that now. I know who I am. What I am good at, what I like, what I need. And it is so much more than the disorder. You know what is beautiful too? When you start being aware and taking care of the whole person you are, you see that small part of you that once defined you and your life, become smaller and smaller, and manageable. I created space for myself and in this way created more peace and overview. I can be myself now. Now that I am somewhat older (36), I have a lot more overview, I understand better how life works and how I can relate to life in a more peaceful way.
At age 32, I started 18 months of Mentalization Based Therapy. A therapy especially for Borderline. It benefited me greatly. I am lucky that I could and was able to work so much on my struggles, eventually also with help. And this is when I also realized what I had missed when I was younger: support, love and professional help. The period that you need it the most. Especially when you struggle with your mental or physical health. And that is why I recon Last Man Standing and their cause to be so important. The more information is shared and the more we talk about it, the sooner our youth will dare to talk about their struggles too, and the sooner they can get help. I want this out of the taboo and stigmatization. I want more understanding, knowledge and openness. And I want more tools for recognizing mental health problems; for families, at schools, and in groups of friends. And for ourselves. The sooner we know something is not right, the more opportunities we get to create better quality of life and lights at the end of the tunnel.
Last Man Standing will take place on June 23rd at the Markermeer. I will try to stand for 6 hours again. And you can also participate! You can register at www.doemeemetmind.nl (click on ‘ik wil meedoen’). You can participate with my team or start your own team. My team is registered under ‘Team Bouwke’. You are very welcome to join!
Yeah, I’d rather be a lover than a fighter
‘Cause all my life, I’ve been fighting
Never felt a feeling of comfort
All this time, I’ve been hiding….
…I’m in need of a savior, but I’m not asking for favors
My whole life, I’ve felt like a burden
I think too much and I hate it…..
….I’ve been quiet for too long
Can’t tell me there’s no point in trying
I’m at one, and I’ve been quiet for so long
(Marshmello ft. Khalid – Silence)
This song hits so many sore spots on the skin of my life. The fighting, the hiding, the absence of love and the feeling of being a burden.
When I was younger there only was silence for my true and complete self. Because I was fighting a loud and violent war. At first you think you are fighting the world and everything in it, but slowly you discover that the main fight is raging inside of yourself. You have a silent killer in you: your own brain and chemistry. It is fighting everything you are or want to become. Slowly spreading darkness.
I used to have so much anger, pain and fear. Fighting seemed the only thing to keep me alive. But it is not. It had nothing to do with living or being alive. It is survival. So many people fight their way through life. It seems something we are programmed to do. To fight adversity and pain. And, honestly, I don’t know if I made it up to here if I had not fought. It was the only way I knew. But you cannot fight forever. It wears you out and exhausts you. Till there is nothing but a hollow shell.
I was in need of a savior. And there was only one. Me.
The moment I realized this, I stopped to just assess the situation (I had too, because I could literally sleep for 3 years), I started my transformation from fighter to lover. That was three years ago.
Looking back on this period, I can distinguish 4 important phases.
- Diagnosis and acceptance
I went to a psychologist of my choosing and was as open as I could be. I got my diagnosis and the process of acceptance of being ill started. - Action and commitment – therapy and medication
Together we chose an 18 months’ treatment to start a healing and coping process. I also got medication to stabilize my moods and thoughts a little. It took commitment to finish what I started. Commitment to myself. I floated somewhere in between fighting and loving. - The whole picture – seeing myself and loving her
After therapy I traveled the world, alone. To get to know myself better. The whole me. Not only the fighter of a disease, but also the other silent one. The process of love started. I gave myself a chance to start over. - Changing my life
During my travels I learned so much about myself. Who I was, but also what I needed. I am trying to organize and life my life in a way that fits me. That is the most loving thing you can give yourself. And eventually others. Because when the fighting stops or lessens, you have a lot of true loving energy left-over.
Having named these four phases, I want you to know that transformation and change are not easy, as love and life are not. Not now and, even, not ever. And that transformation and life are circles. You will encounter situations or events that will force you to make a transformation, again, and again. Just aging alone will trigger those. There will always be bumps, large and small. We need to see and live these ‘ugly’ and painful sides of life too. But that does not mean that you can’t love life. It’s the whole experience that will hopefully end up to be beautiful.
For me, right now, life is difficult. I can say I feel lost in phase 4. I have gained knowledge, but to organize this knowledge into a new state of being is proving to be very hard.
All I can do, I think, is try to see the good in this too. To look back and see that chaos always gave me a new balance, eventually. I should have faith in that.
If you want to transform, promise yourself work and commitment. Look at yourself and others with love, forgiveness and kindness. And please give yourself time. Your feelings, pace, and journey are valid and only yours to discover. Do not compare yourself to others to fight yourself, compare to love or learn from the differences.
If you are currently fighting something or everything, try to transform fighting into loving. I know it will give you your life back and help you get through everything life will throw at you.
Like Mahatma Ghandi said, “where there is love, there is life”. And I belief it to be true. You will always find more strength in love than in fight.
Have a loving journey!
Being happy can be learned. For example, taking a walk or having a good conversation with a person. What might help as well to cheer yourself up is listening to music. You hear music everyday and it stimulates your good luck hormone.
Can I live without music?
I can not imagine a life without music. Listening and playing music during cooking, learning and traveling is something that I enjoy. It gives me a feeling of rest and I can concentrate better on the tasks that I am doing. Also I find it less inconvenient to do these tasks if I listen to music. I think it creates ambiance. Furthermore, I grew up with music: I started with playing the violin when I was six and continued until I was twelve years old. I stopped and I began with playing the piano.
Where is music good for?
Music works therapeutic, in different forms of therapy they use music to decrease complaints. Research shows that listening to music makes sure you do not focus on the negative stimuli but you are focussing more on the positive. Furthermore, music can relieve pain, can positively affect your concentration and your brain will produce the feel-good drug dopamin. Dopamin makes sure that you will feel good again.
Health
Listening to music makes you move faster. Also listening to music while you are exercising makes sure that you stay motivated and keep on moving. Moreover, music can work as meditation: Music intricate your brainwaves, so it looks like you are in meditation. This is because your brain waves create a rhythm that looks like meditation.
How can you listen to music?
Nowadays you can listen to music everywhere. You can put music on your phone, listen to it through your pc or you can listen to music while you are driving the car. There is prove that when you listen everyday for one hour, you can get the feeling of more strength and decrease the feelings of pain and your depressive feelings.
NiceDay: listen to some music and describe its effects in your NiceDay diary.
The definition of happiness, according to the dictionary, is: ‘favorable course of circumstances’. This means that, in order to be happy, you have to experience a favorable course of circumstances. Sounds doable. But when are you able to consider yourself a happy person? Are you happy when you experience happiness?
There are a variety of tests that determine whether you are happy or not. There are also several psychological articles describing the circumstances and events you must experience in order to be happy. Yet this kind of happiness is not explicit enough, for example being able to enjoy the little things in life is not included in this theory. If I think about it now, I can consider myself a happy person. I have a nice family, nice friends, I have a job and a house. I have many hobbies that I can enjoy and soon I will go on holiday. But do these things make me a happy person? Happiness is in my point of view a very difficult concept and not so easy to describe.
A lot has happened and changed for me in 2017. Although it is difficult to let go control and break routines, I knew that I needed to do that in order to be happy again. My relationship ended, I moved and started to live alone. In addition, I left my current employer and started to exercise again. Although some of these points may have been hard at the start, eventually I started to see them more positively. I had underestimated the power of exercise for a long time. I often felt too tired, did not want to leave the house and thought I did not have the strength to train. I slowly started to pick up working out in October 2017, I started running again. As a kid I used to do a lot of sports, I really liked triathlon training. A sport where you swim, cycle and run and all of that in a row. Now that I was picking up working out again, I realized how much I missed it.
Working out is addictive. I used to train a lot in the regional selection and I really enjoyed it. I was never not in the mood to train! Also, I do not feel well physically when I cannot exercise. I do not feel fit and I feel disappointed when I look in the mirror and see my fit body slowly disappearing. I miss the feeling of satisfaction and enjoying the nature. So last October, it was time to choose for myself and I started to work out again. And you know what!? It worked. Slowly I started to feel better and fitter. I started to love myself again!
Of course, happiness is more than just that. And if you have a depression, it is very difficult to enjoy the little things. It is very difficult to see the positive, if you only experience negative things. Nevertheless, happiness can be found in the little things. Since I started to exercise again, I experience more positivity. And that is not surprising at all, during sports, you activate different neurotransmitters, some of which contribute to your happiness level. Research has shown that running can have a positive effect on your mental health, so it is ideal for people who suffer from depression. I also have experienced that running, or exercising in general, helps.
Next to starting to work out again, I also have new work, my fitness level increased and I will leave for a training internship in Lanzarote in a few days. Of course, exercising is not a magic pill, but it certainly contributes to your happiness. I also have off days and sometimes I feel like I am losing it. But then I try to teach myself to look for positive things. I think of the things that I do have and how grateful I am that I can, for example, exercise and that I have learned so much in recent times. And do not forget, even people who do not suffer from depression have their down moments. Every person has setbacks, but that is not bad at all. Setbacks make you stronger!
Love, Sharon
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Maybe there is no special person in your life right now and you felt a little (extra) lonely yesterday. But you are not alone! About 45% percent of Dutch households in 2017 were single (AD, 2017) and that amount will even increase in the upcoming year. Is it really that bad to be single?
Solitude
Somehow we believe that we are ‘alone’ when we are not in a romantic relationship. Science disproves it; singles tend to have closer relationships with other people (like parents, siblings, friends and neighbours) than people who are in a relationship. Singles do not necessary have more friends, but the friendships they have are stronger. On top of that, singles also seem to be more helpful than people who are in a relationship (Kreschner, 2015)!
Not everyone who is single is lonely; not everyone who is taken is in love.
Rather single?
Being single does not seem like a problem to most of us anymore. British research (Mintel, 2017) shows that 61% of women prefers to be single, compared to 49% of men. Only a quarter of single women is looking for a relationship; men are more eager to find their significant other, 65% of men is looking for a partner. Looks like we got better at being ‘alone’!
Dream big, work hard
Did you know that singles are more satisfied with their job than married people are? Job satisfaction reduces after a big event, like marriage or getting a baby. Love is not our main goal in life anymore, according to professor Emily Grundy; we seem to value career and happiness more!
Lifestyle
Several researches have shown that most people gain weight in a relationship (Vrouw, 2017). You relax together on the couch with a bag of chips more often and pay the gym fewer visits. When you are single you might eat alone more often, but this leaves you in total control of your dinner choices. You never have to eat something you do not like! Also, you do not suffer from someone snoring next to you in bed, or stealing the blankets.
No fights!
Two people, two opinions, so many expectations. You have to make a lot of compromises in a relationship and give in on some things. And who says you want to? Is it not great to do it all your own way? Next to that, a relationship can be stressful. If you already experience a lot of stress, this can get too much for you.
A big part of psychology focuses on the negative sides of behavior. Psychologists Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalhy wanted to change that, they raised the philosophy of positive psychology. Positive psychology concentrates on the positive side of the brain, focusing on positive experiences, positive characteristics and positive intuitions. All scientifically supported!
What is happiness
Happiness is a combination of overall satisfaction and feeling good on a daily basis. Even though most of us believe that happiness depends on circumstances, it only determines 10 percent of our happiness. Genetics are the most important factor, it determines your happiness for even 50 percent. However, that does not mean you have no influence in it, 40 percent of happiness is dependent of your thoughts, actions and behavior! Read more about it in this blog post.
What happiness is not
Being happy is more than just ‘feeling good’. You can be sad, and still be happy. And you can feel cheerful, without being happy. It is nice to feel good, but it will not give you enough satisfaction. You want to reach your goals and give meaning to your life too. Also, being happy does not mean that you should forget or ignore negative experiences, it means you realize that these experiences are there and give them a place in your heart too.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Happy and healthy
Happiness is not only good for your mental health, it also works for your physical health. Research has shown that happy people suffer less from cardiovascular diseases (Applied Psychology: Health and Wellbeing, 2011). They also live longer, heal faster, have a better working immune system and a healthier diet. In addition it is healthier to be constantly happy on a moderate level than experiencing happy peaks (Emotion, 2012).
How happy are we?
The Netherlands does well in the international ranking of happiness! We are in sixth place of happiest countries of the world. No less than 88 percent of Dutch adults report to be happy. Health, work and relationships seem to be the determining factors (Volkskrant, 2017). Money and income seem less important. Norway can call themselves the happiest country in the world, in the past years Denmark used to be the happiest.
Niceday app
Describe your feelings and thoughts in the app. Analyze it after a week, to what extent does your thinking pattern influence your happiness?
For a big part it is up to you whether you are happy or not. You are the boss of your own thoughts: you decide how you respond on different situations in your life. Of course, there are (a lot of) external events influencing your happiness, like stress at work, conflicts, death or other traumatic experiences. Sometimes it is not possible to experience ultimate happiness, but staying positive will contribute to a feeling of happiness. And you can learn how to think positive!
The placebo effect
To convince you of the power of positive thinking we discuss the placebo effect. You have probably heard of it: When you believe the placebo pill is actually a ‘real’ pill, it might actually heal you. It also works the other way around (nocebo effect): if you do not believe in the pill, then its effect reduces. Our mind is super powerful! If your thoughts can affect your body, then you can probably imagine that negative thinking can affect your mood too.
Discover your negative beliefs
First, it is important to discover what your negative thoughts and beliefs are. This can be difficult! But try to explore how you, in your mind, respond to different situations. For example, when you enter school or work, you kindly say goodmorning but your classmates or colleagues do not answer you back. Are you assuming it is because of you or do you think to yourself: “well, they are probably working very hard”. Notice your negative thoughts and try to find a positive alternative.
Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.”
Eckhart Tolle
Positive affirmations
Affirmations can help you in training yourself to find positive alternatives. Affirmations are short statements you can say (out loud) to yourself on a daily basis. For example ‘I am good enough’ or ‘I am strong enough to keep going’. It can be everything! Maybe this feels a little weird in the beginning, but when you repeat it more often you will start to believe it (and it becomes a little less awkward).
Allow feelings
Next to that, accept that you have certain feelings. An off day or a moment you feel down, it is OK. Ignoring it does not make the feelings disappear, in fact: they might get worse. Give yourself space and time to deal with it. After that it will probably be easier to stay positive!
How do you practice positive thinking?
Everybody wants to be happy. However, happiness is an abstract concept that can be defined differently per person. Someone can be happy by having lots of friends and family while others are happy by getting that dream job or by making lots of money. Despite these differences, researchers found some general similarities in achieving happiness. This can be translated into keys. So, what are these keys that lead to happiness?
You control your happiness
The first key is to realize that you are in control of your happiness because happiness is a feeling that comes from within. It’s important to take responsibility for your happiness and to work on it. Ask yourself what makes you happy or what you want to achieve. Write down concrete ways on how to achieve this. Some goals aren’t instantly achievable, but can be achieved through different steps. Make sure that you use the time you have efficiently because good time management can, according to research, helps with lowering stress and can add to a better quality of life (Misra,2000; Wang, 2011). This is important because we have the tendency to procrastinate or to waste time: Binge watching Netflix series or putting off assignments are classic examples. Losing time is not always bad, but it can interfere with attaining our (long term) goals which causes stress, anxiety and worries. Having goals will help you with challenging yourself and will result in learning new things.
Be kind
A kind and compassionate act is often its own reward. Research shows that being kind is good not only for others, but also for yourself. Brain parts associated with pleasure light up when executing altruistic behavior. According to research, kindness helps to make connections between people, raising your sense of meaning and decreasing stress (Tkach, 2006; Post,2005). This in turn, all contributes to your happiness.
Be grateful
Gratitude helps people focus on the positive emotions they experience. Something a lot of us do not focus on enough, because we have the tendency to take the good things for granted and focus on the things that go wrong in our daily lives. This partially makes sense, because this automatic response helps to prevent future mistakes. However, a consequence of this is that it can lead to good things passing you by without you noticing them.
In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful but the gratefulness that makes us happy.
Take care of your body
Body and mind are interconnected. Research shows that it is beneficial for the mind when you take care of the body, even when you experience negative emotions or stress. For example, a meta-study of Martinsen (2005) suggests that the effects of movement therapy are equivalent to those of antidepressants for the treatment of light and mild forms of depression. In addition, it is important to eat healthy, to go outside and to get a sufficient amount sleep. When you take this into account, the result will be a better state of mind.
