It always seemed so easy: I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want in life, up until two weeks ago. My body was shivering, I was breathing heavily and I wanted to hide for the “big grown up world”. From one day to the next, I was extremely afraid of making the wrong life choices.

Mapped out

Ever since I was a little girl I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. A lot of kids want to be a princess or a superhero when they’re little. I didn’t. I have always wanted to be a lawyer or a judge. Later in life this was specified to a children’s judge. The latter is still what I aspire to be in the long term. Having finished a Bachelor and Master study, my goal of becoming a children’s judge still hasn’t changed. The question that now arises is: what am I going to do in the meantime? With this question, a thousand worrying thoughts overcome me, and make my body and brains feel incredibly anxious.

Hiding

While I’m experiencing these uncomfortable feelings, I want to hide in my bed. I want to turn off my phone and calm myself down. When I start hiding and shutting off from the world, it’s a sign that I need to give myself some space. Otherwise, I could end up in a negative spiral again. Another sign is when I start worrying a lot, and with ‘a lot’ I mean every free moment I have. These worries are mostly about the recent choices I’ve made concerning my first “real” job, moving out of my student home and the future. These are all themes I have no control over. I notice that I’m struggling with this lack of control, which causes my anxiety to worsen. What helps in these moments are breathing exercises and comforting myself with the idea that there are no wrong choices. If I listen to my own intuition, everything will be okay.

Boundaries

During these moments I’m also confronted with my own boundaries. Do I choose to move on without listening to my own body? Or do I stick up for myself and give in to the rest that I need? Making these decisions is difficult, and sometimes it takes me a little bit longer to realise that I can’t just move on. Eventually, there will be a time that all anxiety’s emotions and physical discomfort will come out. Because of these emotional outbursts, I am reminded that I’m not a superhero. Sometimes I have to take time to rest, to remain mentally sane. 

Love,

Ghyta

Ghyta regularly shares parts of her life in moving stories. Want to read more? You can find all her blogs here.

Some people call your student days the beginning of the rest of your life. The whole world is at your feet, you’re supposed to start being independent and suddenly you have tons of new responsibilities. This can all be quite challenging!

Balance

This independence gives you freedom. You can make your own decisions about what to eat, when to clean and what time to go to bed . It makes life seem like a party and a lot of people will love this type of freedom, but there is a downside to it All this freedom could be at the expense of your health. The continuous load of vegetables your parents made you eat, going to bed on time and keeping your room clean had a purpose, one you only discover when you’re on your own: having a routine. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is just as important as enjoying life. Eating pizza every day sounds nice, but it’s not that healthy (besides, you’ll get bored of it!).

To find your own way, it’s essential to find the right balance. The fun part isn’t that difficult, but maintaining structure and taking responsibility can take some time to get used to. Here are some tips that can help you get started:

• Hang up a weekly calendar and plan your daily meals. This makes it easier to stick to your planning.
• Try eating healthy, but also give yourself some space to eat less healthy every once in a while. For example, having pizza every last Saturday of the month is totally fine!
• Cook large meals for multiple days. Cooking for 2 is easier than cooking for one and you can easily use the products you buy for multiple meals. You will spend less time in the kitchen and prevent unnecessary waste if you prepare your meals for a few days ahead.
• Write down all your appointments on your weekly calendar too. This way you won’t be surprised by your grandma visiting when you’re hungover on a Sunday.
• Routine makes boring chores easier. If you do your laundry and groceries on the same day every week, you will notice that at some point you don’t even have to think about it anymore.
• Set reminders on your phone for important events like buying a gift, a dentist appointment or filing your tax return. It’s impossible to remember everything in your head.
• Responsibility requires self-discipline and self-discipline is something you need to learn throughout time. Make agreements with yourself when it comes to the time you spent on studying, the time you go to bed or the things you do during the weekend, for example. You don’t have to punish yourself each time you fail to stick to it, but you will discover you can achieve a lot with some simple pre-set agreements.
• Ask for help. Nobody expects you to be able to do everything on your own right away, so don’t expect this from yourself either. For example, you can ask for easy recipes, financial advise or a helping hand figuring out your complicated microwave.