It’s the little things …

The nerves are running through my body. The music starts and I run to the dance floor. I breathe in and the moment I exhale, I start dancing. The violinists are making long strokes on their violins. The melody lines are graceful and stylish. I follow the music with my body and feel one with the music. The nerves seem to have disappeared like snow before the sun. With my arms I make graceful lines and my attitude exudes self-assurance. I do not have to force the smile on my face. When I dance I forget all my worries. I would prefer to dance the whole day so that the mill in my head has no chance to get started. In the end I make a bow and I see proud faces laughing at me. I am getting warm inside. Warm from this little happiness.

It’s the little things …

From the piano, four chords sound before I start singing. The only thing I hear is the guidance and the only thing I see is the text. The song is about a relationship that has failed and which  frustrates both parties. I feel the emotions. While I am singing I feel completely sucked into the text. I feel the pain they have. They would have preferred it if the relationship had worked. It just did not work through the completely different worlds in which they live. After the final chord has sounded, I become aware of the environment again. I look at my teacher: he has a smile on his face. He says that the emotions came in and that I have sung on point. I take that compliment with me I am proud. Proud of this little happiness.

It’s the little things …

I sit in my room and think about the summer. In August I will move to another city. It is time for something new, but I find it hard to leave this place and especially the people in it. I think of the beautiful moments. From dinners to parties till deep in the night. And from special personal conversations to watching a horror movie with five in one bed at five o’clock in the morning. When I think of these moments, I can only smile. Although I write this down with a lump in my throat, I can say that I am grateful. I am grateful that I have met all these special people. Each and every one of them has a place in my heart: the one maybe a bit more than the other. I’m going to miss them, but when I think of these little things, missing is probably a little less painful.

It’s the little things …

 The Little things? The little moments? They aren’t little. – Jon Kabat-Zinn

Love, Ghyta

Do you recognize this? On the freeway somebody is driving bloody slow on the fast lane. Always a nuisance. But now you are freaking out behind the wheel. Or maybe somebody suddenly says something sweet and offers you help, and you burst out in tears. Just some examples of emotions that seems to appear out of nowhere and with high intensity. Why? Because you are tired. I think we can all relate and all have experienced situations like these. Your physical and mental health are undeniably connected. Very useful to know and to use as a signal and compass.

To me, and to a lot of others, this connection between physical and mental health, is very strong. Because our heads already have the tendency to blame ourselves and not the situation. To see black rather than white. To glorify perfectionism and doing the best we can, always. When I’m tired, the self-destructive voices in my head get room to maneuver. They create anxiety and stress. And when I’m not able to rationalize these voices and feelings,  I block (giving up, fleeing, being passive) and I start to misuse food and sports (too much, too little).

I just returned to the Netherlands, after three years of  traveling, and started work again. It’s very physical work. Needless to say, I’m very tired. But, in the evenings I want my social life and sports, which again, needless to say, does not work out. On top of this I do all kinds of volunteering work, to which I committed when I did not have a job yet. Way too much. And a magical mix for stress, disappointment and feeling down.

So, time to turn these signals into a compass for direction and action. What can I do to create rest and balance again?

Ever been on a plane and listened to the emergency instruction? You get instructed to, when an emergency occurs, put your own oxygen mask on first. Help others comes second. So, I should focus on myself first, thinking small, before helping and living big again.

When you are going through some big changes in your life, you spent more energy. And it takes time to internalize the change and make it work. But time and energy are valuable and limited. So, when you need a lot on a certain level, you need to save resources on another level. That sounds very logical, but still a lot of us aren’t very good in practicing this theory. We want to keep all our balls in the air. But, actually, this is a very short term strategy. It will work for a while, but in the long run, you will get exhausted and the chance of all balls ending up upon the floor will grow. And probably is inevitable.

Back in the plane. Emergency. The only thing that counts right now is the oxygen mask. Perfect. Seems doable. So, right now, in my world: What is my oxygen mask? What is my priority? Work. Work has priority right now. Work will get me an income, will make sure I regain structure and will help me settle in the Netherlands again. Perfect again. I already have put on that mask. Now I need to see this as a step in the right direction and take the time for the oxygen to revitalize me. I have to give myself time and allow myself to be tired. I have a goal. When I regain strength again, I can expand my world again. I cannot punish myself for talking to my friends a little less, that I struggle with other balls, that my world is a little small right now. It has a reason, a goal. And actually, when I think about it, I am doing a great job with that! Something I do not give myself credit for. I have been focusing on the things that I need to let go for now. But I’m just focusing.

Now that I know that, temporarily, my world will be a little smaller, there are a few practical tips which I can use.

• Communication. I prioritized certain things in my life and they will take time. I can share that with my friends and family, and with everybody with whom I have commitments. Maybe I can relief myself from some obligations or social gatherings.
• I remind myself of my goal every day by sticking a post it not on my mirror which tells me I’m doing great. I see it every morning and evening.
• I keep my life simple and small for a while. Do I still have the feeling that I need to do more than I can handle? Maybe I can get help. I could make a list of things that need to be done and let people help me finish them. Either way, making a to-do list is always useful to empty your head. I often notice that it feels bigger and more in your head than on paper. So, it’s a great way to organize, rationalize, and to create space in your head.
• I try to see going to bed early, taking rest and doing nothing as a reward for working hard and making a change. I try to avoid the thought of wasting time when I take rest.
• I try to be kind to myself. I am doing the best I can, right now. I will give myself time. And I will surround myself with love from my family and friends
• I will keep my oxygen mask on. For a safe landing.

We have them all, guilty pleasures. I repeat: we have them all! I repeat again: All of us! One person is ashamed of them , the other is proud of them. This is how I think about ‘guilty pleasures’.

Why are they guilty pleasures?

I listen a lot to music, mainly via Spotify and there are several playlists called: Guilty Pleasure. I once played a list and  I started thinking. There are amazing songs in this list, yet it is called a ‘GP list’. ‘Summer of ’69’, ‘Nothing compares to you’ and ‘Kiss from a rose’. As far as I’m concerned, beautiful songs. But also Wannabe, MMMBop and Barbie Girl in the same list, which are songs that make me almost ashamed of being able to sing them word for word. Actually pretty weird, why are you ashamed of something you enjoy? I’ll come back to this.

Ask around

I started by asking people around me. do you have any t GP’s? My best friend told me that he loves crazy horror films like Evil Dead from 1981 and he loves green olives so much, you can even wake him up at night. The music can not be left behind: Tenacious D. I also received: Swirls of Ola, pasta, sex, chocolate, Temptation Island and once in a while watch the Disney film Mulan.

I was curious if people dared to really share their GP’s. But to be honest, most of the answers I’ve heard are abit common , unfortunately.

Is it your guilty pleasure or …?

Do you have a guilty pleasure because you think so? Or is it something that is imposed on you by the rest of the world because they labelled it guilty pleasure? Because what is wrong with the occasional munching of a bag of chips?

Or rock hard with “bad” music in the car with the window open? And what is it about sex? Sex is extremely normal! But if something is not a GP then it is sex, in my opinion.

It is also noticeable that food appears in many answers. As if that is so bad? In my opinion the  bars of chocolate, cookies, pastries and chips that were given as an answer to ‘what is your guilty pleasure’, don’t really count.

My GP’S

Now, let me introduce you to mine:

• I love  ice lollies in different flavors. Give me 4 of this and I will eat them all, without difficulty.
• Another one: Sushi, you can wake me up for this! I stuff myself completely full when we go to Shabu Shabu and I am ashamed when I step outside again, with my size 6 cm bigger.
• In summer  I go for a Martini Bianco with iced tea and ice cubes. Very sweet, alcohol and you drink it like lemonade.
• And Marco Borsato and Britney Spears also belong in this list.

And with this list I mean: a list drawn up because others put these things in the box of ‘guilty pleasures’. I personally do not see them as GPs, but because the large majority think so, you almost believe it yourself! Ok, occasionally I am ashamed of the amount of sushi I can eat, but well. That is part of eating sushi (in my opinion).

Now my real list, about things I really think of: keep the door locked and curtains closed!

• That wine on a Tuesday night after a long day at school. Together with mom on the couch in front of the TV. Delicious, but given the problems I’ve had with alcohol, it really has become something I keep behind closed doors.
• My visits to the bathroom as my boyfriend is taking a shower. Occasionally secretly checking my buttocks. Unfortunately now he knows about it!
• And my worst, most shameful guilty pleasure: a sandwich with Calvé peanut butter light and marshmallow fluff. I feel terribly guilty after eating such a thing, but I like it so much! (And I take the light one because I just like it a lot better and not because it should be better than the non-light version!)

Conclusion

Do not see your enjoy moments as a guilty pleasure because the rest of the world tries to make you believe they are gp’s. Of course, if you have such a sandwich on your list like me, I can imagine you really think you have a GP! But,  as long as you enjoy it, you should not care what others might think.! So close the curtains and enjoy your pajama day, take that chocolate bar and eat it with pride and watch that awfully bad movie with your whole group of friends. Who cares!

The songs of this week will also be “wrong”: Stacy Orrico with Stuck and Kevin Lyttle with Turn me on.

Love, Renée

Last year I was part of an event called Last Man Standing. An initiative of the nonprofit organization MIND. Together with 100 other participants, I endured 6 hours of standing on a pole of 20 cm by 20 cm, in a lake, with a lot of wind. An endurance challenge to visualize the waiting lists in Mental Health care. I never expected to make it to 6 hours, but I did! Together with more than 80 percent of the participants. And when you step off that pole you realize, that with a good cause, a group of motivated people, music and support from the shoreside, you can achieve great things.

This year I will participate again. This time for a mentally healthy youth (MIND YOUNG). Another great cause. Because, whether or not you struggle with something, it is important to know, when you are young, that you can talk about anything. With someone. Without taboo. Without fear of disapproval. Without being seen as weak.

Puberty and young adulthood are, in itself, already turbulent. There are so many things happening, so much to learn, to see, and to experience. So many things that can influence you and so many things you can be. So much to choose, so much to fit in to, and so much to resist. To become your own person is quite the challenge for our youth and their surroundings. But it is a natural process of becoming an adult. And most of us make it to the other end, with a lot of fun too. But still, a lot of young people also will not make it or will not know fun.

My development into adulthood was roughly disrupted by Borderline. An emotion regulation disorder. I could not cope with all this turbulence. I did not know what to do anymore. My emotions became my enemy.

My puberty and young adulthood were dark and hard. A few times I wanted to give up. I did not believe in life anymore, or in that things could be well or were going to be okay (despite how many times people told me they would be). My emotional pain was so intense that I preferred physical pain as a distraction. My life, and clothing style, was black. I wanted to disappear. I did not understand who I was, where or with whom I wanted to fit in, and how this thing called life should be lived. I was consumed by worry, fear, pain, anger and especially desperation.

But that did not show. I finished my gymnasium and 3 college degrees, and started a successful management career. I had friends and played sports. But it often felt empty inside, as if I was not totally there, as myself, living life. And I was tired, so very tired. I did not dare to share this with anybody. Just carry on, I thought. Carry on. Survive.

I still have Borderline. But I am way more than that now. I know who I am. What I am good at, what I like, what I need. And it is so much more than the disorder. You know  what is beautiful too? When you start being aware and taking care of the whole person you are, you see that small part of you that once defined you and your life, become smaller and smaller, and manageable. I created space for myself and in this way created more peace and overview. I can be myself now. Now that I am somewhat older (36), I have a lot more overview, I understand better how life works and how I can relate to life in a more peaceful way.

At age 32, I started 18 months of Mentalization Based Therapy. A therapy especially for Borderline. It benefited me greatly. I am lucky that I could and was able to work so much on my struggles, eventually also with help. And this is when I also realized what I had missed when I was younger: support, love and professional help. The period that you need it the most. Especially when you struggle with your mental or physical health. And that is why I recon Last Man Standing and their cause to be so important. The more information is shared and the more we talk about it, the sooner our youth will dare to talk about their struggles too, and the sooner they can get help. I want this out of the taboo and stigmatization. I want more understanding, knowledge and openness. And I want more tools for recognizing mental health problems; for families, at schools, and in groups of friends. And for ourselves. The sooner we know something is not right, the more opportunities we get to create better quality of life and lights at the end of the tunnel.

Last Man Standing will take place on June 23rd at the Markermeer. I will try to stand for 6 hours again. And you can also participate! You can register at www.doemeemetmind.nl (click on ‘ik wil meedoen’). You can participate with my team or start your own team. My team is registered under ‘Team Bouwke’. You are very welcome to join!

Or not? It used to be self-evident. I visited my grandfathers and grandmothers house very regularly. On Wednesday, my mother’s’ parents always came to pick me up and they brought kibbling with them. In the weekends I saw the parents of my father. Especially during the holiday season I saw them very often.

I saw the rest of the family during our visits to my grandparents or on birthdays. I used to look  forward to see them. The conviviality, everyone together and playing games with my cousins.

The divorce

When my parents separated, the family got a lot bigger. The partners of my parents both had a fairly large family and I also liked to come there. I thought of everyone as family, even though I was not related to them. Unfortunately, I was often fighting with my mother’s partner. Quarreling about the smallest things, slamming doors and a self-willed me. But with my step-sister, I got a nice, good relationship. We became real sisters. I thought of her as my little sister, even though she is only one year younger, and I was proud every time she had achieved something. Like finishing  primary school or winning a gym competition. We sometimes had fights, but that is part of it.

Moving  out

When I left the house at the age 18, it became a lot quieter at my mother’s house. I could suddenly get along very well with her partner. I started to consider him as part of the family.

I saw my step sister less often. We went our own way, but I never forgot about her. I stopped going along with my parents to all birthday parties, so I saw the rest of the family less often. Nevertheless, the relationship with my grandparents kept on very strong. Except from the time I was in a very bad relationship, which ended in domestic violence. This year I had (almost) no contact with my family. The only person I still saw was my mother.

I missed my father very much that year. Especially during his 50th birthday, I could not be there. If I got the chance to do it all again, I would have done it very differently, but because this is not the case, I had to forgive myself hoping that my father could do this too. Fortunately that relationship has been restored and our relationship is better than it ever was.

Nowadays

Nowadays I think differently towards the concept of family. And especially the unconditional love that is attached to this concept. There are a number of people in my family, blood relatives, for whom I would walk through fire. I had a number of collisions with my father’s parents. With regard to myself (they did not want me to break up a relationship, because they believed I should fight for it) but also with regard to my father. They do not even know about my father’s sickness! Unconditional love does not apply for these people. We are almost strangers now. And no matter how much pain it causes, it is better this way. I talked with them about it and this made it easier for me to accept. If they die now it will still be difficult but, I will not think “what if …” anymore. We think differently about relationships and they do not accept that I do not visit them every week. Fortunately, I built up a rich life for myself, with good people. They could have been a part of it, but it did not turn out well so now it is time to move on.

Outside the blood relatives

I also have family, who deserve unconditional love. For example my stepparents. They are always there for me, just like my parents. My partner, his parents, brothers and sister are also part of it. Every Thursday we eat at my in laws’ house with the whole club and it really feels like home. No obligations, just cozyness. And the best part of it is that we do not have to cook ourselves!

But also some friends feel like family. Family that I chose myself. How nice is that? I know that I can always count on them. That they are there for me if I need them and they know that I will be there for them too. Now I know that family does not mean unconditional love at all costs. Sometimes it is better to let go, even though it might be difficult. I am much more peace with myself and got more love for others, who certainly deserve it twice as much.

The song of the week: Cannonball song by Lea Michele. A beautiful song that describes the relationship between me and my father’s parents.

Love, Renee

Yeah, I’d rather be a lover than a fighter
‘Cause all my life, I’ve been fighting
Never felt a feeling of comfort
All this time, I’ve been hiding….

…I’m in need of a savior, but I’m not asking for favors
My whole life, I’ve felt like a burden
I think too much and I hate it…..

….I’ve been quiet for too long
Can’t tell me there’s no point in trying
I’m at one, and I’ve been quiet for so long                                                  

(Marshmello ft. Khalid – Silence)

This song hits so many sore spots on the skin of my life. The fighting, the hiding, the absence of love and the feeling of being a burden.

When I was younger there only was silence for my true and complete self. Because I was fighting a loud and violent war. At first you think you are fighting the world and everything in it, but slowly you discover that the main fight is raging inside of yourself. You have a silent killer in you: your own brain and chemistry. It is fighting everything you are or want to become. Slowly spreading darkness.

I used to have so much anger, pain and fear. Fighting seemed the only thing to keep me alive. But it is not. It had nothing to do with living or being alive. It is survival. So many people fight their way through life. It seems something we are programmed to do. To fight adversity and pain. And, honestly, I don’t know if I made it up to here if I had not fought. It was the only way I knew. But you cannot fight forever. It wears you out and exhausts you. Till there is nothing but a hollow shell.  

I was in need of a savior. And there was only one. Me.

The moment I realized this, I stopped to just assess the situation (I had too, because I could literally sleep for 3 years), I started my transformation from fighter to lover. That was three years ago.

Looking back on this period, I can distinguish 4 important phases.

1. Diagnosis and acceptance
   I went to a psychologist of my choosing and was as open as I could be. I got my diagnosis and the process of acceptance of being ill started.
2. Action and commitment – therapy and medication
   Together we chose an 18 months’ treatment to start a healing and coping process. I also got medication to stabilize my moods and thoughts a little. It took commitment to finish what I started. Commitment to myself. I floated somewhere in between fighting and loving.
3. The whole picture – seeing myself and loving her
   After therapy I traveled the world, alone. To get to know myself better. The whole me. Not only the fighter of a disease, but also the other silent one. The process of love started. I gave myself a chance to start over.
4. Changing my life
   During my travels I learned so much about myself. Who I was, but also what I needed. I am trying to organize and life my life in a way that fits me. That is the most loving thing you can give yourself. And eventually others. Because when the fighting stops or lessens, you have a lot of true loving energy left-over.

Having named these four phases, I want you to know that transformation and change are not easy, as love and life are not. Not now and, even, not ever. And that transformation and life are circles. You will encounter situations or events that will force you to make a transformation, again, and again. Just aging alone will trigger those. There will always be bumps, large and small. We need to see and live these ‘ugly’ and painful sides of life too. But that does not mean that you can’t love life. It’s the whole experience that will hopefully end up to be beautiful.

For me, right now, life is difficult. I can say I feel lost in phase 4. I have gained knowledge, but to organize this knowledge into a new state of being is proving to be very hard.
All I can do, I think, is try to see the good in this too. To look back and see that chaos always gave me a new balance, eventually. I should have faith in that.
If you want to transform, promise yourself work and commitment. Look at yourself and others with love, forgiveness and kindness. And please give yourself time. Your feelings, pace, and journey are valid and only yours to discover. Do not compare yourself to others to fight yourself, compare to love or learn from the differences.

If you are currently fighting something or everything, try to transform fighting into loving. I know it will give you your life back and help you get through everything life will throw at you.
Like Mahatma Ghandi said, “where there is love, there is life”. And I belief it to be true. You will always find more strength in love than in fight.
Have a loving journey!

We all have an ideal image in our mind of what our life should look like. Maybe not in detail, but we all have some idea of our ideal partner, the beautiful trips we still want to make and the house that we want to buy (later). To some extent, we can also make this ideal image come true. But sometimes, it just does not work…

Breaking up
We all have had someone in our lives, who is no longer here today. Maybe because he or she died, but there is also a big chance that you see someone less or no longer because of other circumstances. People, both love relationships and friendships, go ‘different ways’ for all sorts of reasons. And although this is usually not fun or even hurts, we can do nothing but accept and continue.

Accept, but do not suppress
I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine, who told me about an article he had read. This article mentions that we do not allow ourselves the time to get over a broken relationship. And on top of that, we often have the tendency to downgrade our previous relationship. We quickly choose someone new and he or she does everything better than your previous relationship. Right?

I think it’s important to realize you can miss something, but not want it back. – Paulo Coelho

No, not necessarily. Sure, you broke up for a reason, whether it was your own choice or not. But, it seems almost normal to hate your ex (ex best friend, ex-boyfriend). And I do not want that. For example, after 5,5 years, my ex and I have split up. We decided that it did not work anymore. My mother said: “At a certain moment the cake is finished.” And that is possible, and that is not nice, but it is not bad either.

I can still see my ex and I often think about all the beautiful and fun moments that we have shared together, the things I learned from and with him. And also about the less beautiful things and how we supported each other (or not).

Listen to yourself
What I mainly want to say is that we all think we know how everything ”should be ”. But sometimes your feelings really tell you something different. And that is not bad. Take your time, there is no handbook ‘dealing with broken relationships’ (although there are many books that try to be) and that is a good thing too. So you have the freedom to fill in how you want to deal with it!

How do you deal with a broken relationship? Share your tips below.

Life is all about ups and downs: For everybody, it just varies how we deal with it. Do not forget that apart from the good things, also not so good things happen behind every front door. Divorce, family trouble, death and sickness.

Life is not perfect and it does not have to be. In an average household both partners work for 4 to 5 days a week. So why should you overbook your weekend too? Is it really that bad if your colleagues ask you: ‘What did you do this weekend’, and you have to answer: ‘Not that much.’ That is no problem! However, they often ask: ‘Why not?’ Well sometimes I just do not want to do anything! Life is stressful enough. Everybody needs rest sometimes. After a stressful period I want to take the afternoon and evening off, to lay down on the couch together with a bottle of wine and a movie.

Apart from the fact that everybody seems to go out and do stuff, there are also some things we do not like to talk about. One of these things is sickness: whether it is cancer or any other disease. We do not usually discuss this. But why? Why should life be good all the time? ‘I am sick, but everything is alright!’ But in the meanwhile you are in the hospital on a weekly basis. I believe we can talk about this subject more often.

With the focus on ‘can’. And that is what I am going to do now. Nine years ago I had surgery because of a presumption of Endometriosis (Endometriosis is a disease whereby tissues that looks like mucus membrane of the uterus (endometrium) exists outside of the uterus. These tissues then exists on your peritoneum and on other organs of your abdomen. It grows, and can grow into your organs which can cause chronic infections and a variety of complaints. Pain in the abdomen is very common and fertility reduces as the adhesions grow.)

Nine years ago they saw a little anomaly, but nothing special. Last friday I have been informed that I have to test it again. I do not know how it will go, but the insecurity is terrible. You can only establish the disease after a while, since it is only visible after a while. So for now I just need to wait.

I want to make it clear that I am very happy with my life right now: I look forward to the future with the people around me, I am proud of the boring days on the couch and I enjoy school. I think my life is perfect for not being perfect. However, it hurts that this happens. But just like my dad, who is doing well right now, I want to stay positive! Without lows there will be no highs. I keep enjoying everything, maybe even a little more.

The song of this week is: Racoon – Oceaan. It does not need any further explanation when you hear it. Nobody, absolutely nobody is perfect. Embrace your weaknesses. Be happy. You will have setbacks, but you will overcome them eventually!  

Love, Renée

If you are on the right track again and you really start to believe that you are heading in the right direction, you dare to take more risks. You will meet more friends, you may start working again and you get the idea that your diet is becoming more stable. And then it happens, a relapse. What now?

Events that happen to you such as, someone who dies, illness in the family, stress at work or a quarrel with a loved one can be the trigger for a relapse. However, do not give in immediately when this happens. Here are some tips:

• The most important thing is that you acknowledge what is happening! You recognize the signals, one more clearly than the other. Other people can see it, but this means nothing if you keep denying it yourself. I am having problems with ‘normal’ food again. After the argument, my feeling went all over the place and I did not eat for 4 days. I lost 2 kg. Slight panic, because before this, it all went so well!
• Do not force yourself immediately to be at the point where you were before the relapse. I wanted to eat what I ate before those 4 days. But I was starting at that plate and I felt awful. With great difficulty, I finished the whole plate but then I was sick for 2 days. So, from my own experience I can now say that this might not be the right solution.
• Talk! Yes, again: talk to the people around you. I told my partner that I had a lot of trouble with eating again. He immediately said: “Take it easy and do not force yourself. Then it only gets harder! “And he was right!
• Accept that things are going slightly less well than before. It’s okay! And in addition, it is part of life. It cannot always go well. Sometimes you have to take a step back and then continue from there.
• Trust yourself. You can do this! You came here earlier and now you have tools to get started again. Step by step you will move back in the right direction.

I am now back to the point where I start to get hungry in the evening, so I take small portions until I am full. This amounts to about half to three quarters of what I would normally eat. From the weekend onwards, I will try to take a cup of yogurt with cereal during the day. Step-by-step.

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We’re headed for a cliff

It certainly helps me to have a big eater next to me. He does not care whether I eat half a pizza or two whole pizzas. This makes me feel much comfortable to do what feels right and not what is ‘normal’. And when I’m full, I move the rest of my plate to him. He’s happy with a little extra and I’m still not forcing myself.

I hope it helps you a little too. And not only with regard to food. Also with fatigue or if you feel down: take a step back, give yourself some est. It’s really good!

This week I’m going for 2 songs! Both are from Paramore. First I choose Turn it off. The text of this song refers to everything above. I also go for Brick by boring brick. This song I turn to full volume if I am not comfortable with myself. Good combination for this week!

Love, Renée x

About the book

The Alchemist is my favorite book and is the first book I recommend when someone asks “what book should I read?”. The book is about a young shepherd named Santiago, who is looking for his own legend, the purpose of his life. The boy decides to make a long journey, far away from home and during this trip he learns to listen to his heart and speak the language of the world. An enchanting story, but also a story that teaches some lessons. This is what I learnt:

#1 Have faith

You may not know what your “legend” is. I also do not know yet, but what I do know is that you make it a little easier for yourself by trusting yourself and your wishes and dreams. When you make sure you are doing your best every day and enjoy the steps (and mistakes!) that you make, you will find something that suits you. Whether it’s about your education, job or maybe friendship / relationship: have faith. Ultimately, everything will fall into place.

#2 Anxiety is a bigger obstacle than the obstacle itself

In the book, Santiago constantly dives into challenges. Although he is afraid of the unknown, he still makes the choice to continue: regardless of his uncertainties and fears. How often have you been afraid / nervous about something and in the end it went well/ wasn’t scary at all? I can make an endless list of moments like that which I had myself. Do not let your fear stop you from making that choice, you’ll see that afterwards it’s almost always less scary than you thought beforehand.

#3 Be grateful for your ‘normal’ life

To know what I mean by this, I recommend reading the book yourself ;).

“When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he has never dreamed of when he first made the decision.”

#4 Focus on yourself

Make choices for yourself regardless of what others think. The right people will stay with you, in any case. It may seem scary to wave away the opinions and comments of others. But if I’ve learnt something from ‘The Alchemist’, it’s that only you can determine your path.

#5 Do not compensate on your dreams and wishes

And last but not least, do not compensate on your dreams and wishes! Others may say it is unreachable, or maybe that is what your inner critic is saying to yourself. Do not listen to those critical voices: go for what you want! And if you need a reminder or a back in the back, pick up the “The Alchemist” again.

What book do you recommend to anyone?