Sexual problem


I’m a 24-year-old male and I’m having a sexual relationship with my two years younger sister. Recently, our aunt caught us. She gave us the choice to either end it or tell our parents. That’s why we’re trying to quit. But we just can’t do it. I don’t know what to do.

Answered by NiceDay Psychologist Wouter Schippers

Thank you for your question. I will try to give some advice. What you often see in situations that are more likely to be socially and morally rejected is that shame arises. When choices are less accepted by others, it creates the feeling that we don't belong, we’re rejected or have to adapt. Also in situations that fall within the legal boundaries, such as certain fetishes, relationships with a large age gap or voluntary incest. What you can do is the following:

  • Check carefully for you or yourself where the needs lie. Shame is a taught feeling, but when you’re convinced of your choice there is nothing to be ashamed of. However, a situation like this can also cause friction, for example within the family. Therefore, it’s important to realize that you may have to sacrifice something to be happy. That can mean that you choose your family, but it can also mean that you choose the relationship.
  • Talk to a professional. It can be helpful, for example, to talk to a psychologist about the problems you encounter, but it can also be good to reflect on yourself and your choices. Voluntary incest can also sometimes be a sign of emotional neglect during your childhood or certain traumatic experiences. By figuring this out, you can get closer to yourself and therefore stay close to yourself when it comes to making choices or following your needs. 

This doesn’t make the situation any easier or less upsetting, but I hope I can help you a bit with this!

Kind regards,


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