I have been together with my partner for 6 years, I have always looked after him and made all of the decisions. For the past 4 months I have not felt comfortable within my relationship. We don’t understand each other, he often clings to me and can be jealous.
I have taken on a new position as a manager in the past year. This has helped me develop a lot on a personal level, communication wise and I can now indicate much better what I need in a relationship. A strong person who knows what he wants, who supports me, can grow with me, who can counteract and with whom I can really talk with.
We have been on a break for the past 2 weeks, we sleep in different beds and we barely have any contact. I realise that I don’t miss him and that I don’t feel the need to contact him. For the first time in six years I can really do what I feel like.
Every part of me says I don’t want this anymore, but I also don’t want to give up too soon. Do you have any tips?
Thanks for your question. You talk about how you have developed as a person and you now realise that you are unhappy in your relationship. You feel like you want to break up but you don’t want to make a rushed decision. You indicate that there are some communication issues and you have taken a break.
Well done for seeking out some support! It is always important to look for help when we are struggling with something. It is good to hear that you are now more aware of what you need in a relationship and what your limits are. You realise you’re unhappy and you have identified what is going wrong for you.
It is important for you to consider whether the relationship is worth fighting for or not. What is holding you back from ending the relationship? Are there positive aspects to your relationship? Is there room for change and growth in your relationship? If the dynamics were to change, would you be happy in your relationship? Writing exercises can help with this. Try writing down all the things you value in the relationship and the things that are bothering you or make you unhappy. Putting it on paper can help to make things clearer.
If you decide that you would like to try and improve your relationship. It is important to communicate this and your needs clearly to your partner and also give room for your partner to express himself and be hard. If this is difficult it can be worth considering visiting an emotionally focused couples therapist. They can help you to work through these issues together. https://www.eft.nl/therapeuten
I hope this gives you some guidance!
support@niceday.app
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