Hi,
I’ve been in a relationship with a great woman for 2.5 years now. She was previously married, but it was a bad marriage. She told me that her ex-husband was abusive and she described him as a narcissist. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but the longer the relationship has lasted, the more I’ve thought about narcissism. She also has some odd behaviors, like unexplained outbursts of anger over something very small. I started researching it, and it seems like she might be a covert narcissist. I took an online test, and it indicated a high likelihood of dealing with a narcissist. However, I would like to have more certainty. Confronting her about it seems pointless. Can you offer me any help?
Hey,
I'll try to provide you with some information to answer your question.
Firstly, it's important to understand what narcissism actually means. Narcissism refers to the amount of self-esteem or self-love one possesses. This is often confused with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is a mental disorder characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a strong need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.
Online tests often attempt to diagnose someone with this personality disorder, but it's important to understand that only trained professionals can do so. An online test may give you an indication, but nothing more than that. Additionally, anger can also indicate other things such as ADHD, high sensitivity, chronic stress or other mental issues. It's important to have this investigated by a professional before drawing conclusions.
Looking at your personal situation, it sounds like it would be valuable for you to better understand your partner. That is always a good thing, and it seems important to have a conversation about it. Confronting someone with narcissistic behavior may not be the right approach. Engaging in a discussion about how you feel when your partner gets angry may be more valuable. Assuming your partner doesn't consciously choose to react that way, it may be appropriate to approach the conversation with curiosity and better understand why your partner gets so upset. It's possible that your partner finds it just as unpleasant to get angry. By fostering mutual understanding, you may be able to help each other and strengthen your relationship.
If both of you realize that more is needed than just one or a few good conversations, it may be worthwhile to seek help. This could involve seeing a couples therapist or psychologist. I hope this advice gives you some guidance!
Best regards,
Wouter
support@niceday.app
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