Emotional days

Question
Vraag

I have very emotional days on a regular basis. Just over a year ago I lost the love of my life due to our divorce. I am still very hurt, and struggle with it on most days. Some people seek company during this period, but I don’t. I still feel that things will work out with my ex-wife but I don’t feel like reaching out to her. What can I do best?

Answered by NiceDay Psychologist Wouter Schippers
Answer
Antwoord

Looking at your situation, it seems that you have gone through a considerable loss experience. This can cause symptoms that are similar to grief. We mourn the death of a loved one, but we often don't realise that you can also mourn other losses such as losing your home, losing your job or losing your partner. Grief is about acknowledging the reality of the loss, making space for emotional responses and building a life that is healthy and adapted to the loss. And that takes time, effort and investment. It is not always easy:

  • Many people struggle to acknowledge that something is over and cling to the idea that things can still be okay. An example is someone who doesn't want to believe that a loved one has died. We call this denial. Denial can be a way of not having to feel the reality and deal with the accompanying emotions.
  • Emotions can be overwhelming, but it also takes a certain amount of effort to surrender to emotions and adjust to a new 'life'. You have to realise that you don't have to do this alone. Try to contact friends or family with whom you can talk to about this loss, try to express what your needs are. For example, some people only need a listening ear and not a well-meaning advice.
  • Adjusting also means letting go of old habits and starting new ones. It can help to think about what you find difficult to let go of. You don't have to let go immediately, but try to think of yourself what it would bring you.

If you find that you continue to struggle with this, if you notice that you symptoms are getting worse or if you have no one to talk to, I would strongly advise you to contact your GP. Your GP can then direct you towards the right support. For example, consider talking to a psychologist.

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