Chronic fatigue

Thank you for your question! How frustrating that you have been dealing with fatigue complaints for 4 years and that you often feel gloomy, alone and anxious lately.

You say that you have received psychological help before, but that the conversations with the psychologists did not seem to help. A question for you: what made it that talking to both psychologists didn't seem to help? Do you have an idea of this?

You indicate that you have CFS and you experience complaints such as sadness, loneliness and anxiety. There is a lot going on with you right now. I don't know what your need is right now, but I can imagine that there is a need for help. I can also well imagine that you are hesitant about psychological help because of your previous experiences. However, I would like to tell you that it is very important to find help since there is a great risk that the severity of your complaints will increase if you don't.

I will now assume that the need for help is there, but that the threshold to seek help is too high (correct me if I'm wrong). Perhaps the information below can allay your concerns about re-enlisting psychological staff.

• Perhaps it is first of all good to map things out for yourself. Write down the complaints that you have. Also, try to give examples. Are the complaints focused on one area in your life or on multiple areas? How are you hindered by this in your daily life? In addition, you can ask yourself how long these complaints have been present in your life. Then you can start thinking about the support you would most like to receive. Do you want someone to think along with you, do you need practical support or do you want to reflect on certain situations from the past? Try to clearly map out exactly what you want and where your needs lie.
• In general, it can take some time before progress is made in therapy. So give yourself time. You have been walking around with complaints for years, so do not expect that the complaints will disappear within a short period of time. It is often the case that you will feel worse at the beginning because all the emotions/complaints you experience are discussed in detail.
  • A few years ago, Jan Derksen, clinical psychologist and professor, wrote a great book about it. In it, he said: "Psychiatric problems are frustrating and psychotherapeutic treatment can be too, at least during certain phases or at certain times. (…) There is pressure, pain, impotence, getting stuck, bothersome symptoms, no be able to go." Therapy is hard work for everyone. So know that it's okay to feel stuck and not to move forward. Sometimes you have to take a step back to eventually move forward.
• Give the therapist time. It takes time to build a therapeutic relationship. A good relationship doesn't mean that someone never says something wrong, or something you find difficult to hear. It has to do with clicking, with feeling that you can tell your story. Like any relationship, the therapeutic relationship takes time to grow.
• Try to find out why the previous therapy didn't help you so much. Know that this is not uncommon and that you are certainly not alone. Sometimes therapy does not work because there is no click or because there were too high/wrong expectations in the beginning. It takes time to adjust those expectations.

Ultimately, the expectations of clients and their therapists often converge and clients experience a stronger bond with their therapist, and more support and benefit from the sessions. The feeling that it is not working can therefore be a phase that you have to go through.

If you don't experience a bond, it doesn't mean it will never come, but in some cases, it actually doesn't. And this is okay too. Know that this doesn't mean it's your fault. You can think about an alternative together with your GP and/or psychologist.

Let the above information sink in and research where your needs lie. Thank you again for submitting your question and if there are any questions/ambiguities, please let me know.