My mother suffers from depression and severe panic disorders (since she was 30) and leans heavily on me in her bad moments. I listen, advise, comfort, think along, and worry terribly about her at such moments. She has therapy and medication, so is always in treatment, but it always comes back to me. I can now see the signals of an attack coming miles away. I live abroad, so I’m also far away, I feel guilty about that. My mother is always very busy with herself, always has been. I need a mother, but sometimes I feel that I am her mother. The last attack from her was a few days ago and I find myself angry at her for the first time and wanting to distance myself. I would like some advice on how to proceed with this situation. Mainly because I find it increasingly difficult to let go and it has an effect on my daily life.

 

I am a university student. This is my last year at school and I am under a lot of stress. I had a fight with my closest friends and I no longer talk to them. At the same time, I had a heartbreaking event that upset me. All of this has come together and it’s making me very tired. What would you recommend me to do?

I am having problems at work.

Since March 2021, we have two new colleagues: K. who is 32 years old and C. who is 21 years old. It’s about K. I have noticed that K is a very dominant person and likes to stick to the office chair, she has drawn other colleagues into this. K had two colleagues who do all her chores so she can remain seated. I have reported this to the practice manager and they haven’t done anything about it. I was told not to get involved and to let it go. 

K was frustrated that people in the office moved stuff around instead of cleaning it up. When I heard this I was so angry, I called the practice manager the next day. I have already spoken about this during meetings and via Whatsapp for the past half year. I told K that it was a shame she didn’t come and talk to me, she told me that I also make mistakes and that I knew about this. We work in a veterinary practice that used to be a farm, so it has to be cleaned properly. 

I have been thinking about quitting, but there are rumors going around that K might quit, so I’ll wait and see. I’ve had a difficult year because my father passed away in 2021. Six months after my fathers passing my boss sadly passed away. During the holidays in December, a few acquaintances suddenly passed away, which was also difficult for me. Due to corona I have to work from home, I have noticed that I get sick more often.

I’m a 24-year-old male and I’m having a sexual relationship with my two years younger sister. Recently, our aunt caught us. She gave us the choice to either end it or tell our parents. That’s why we’re trying to quit. But we just can’t do it. I don’t know what to do.

So I guess my question boils down to if this is something I should seek help about, and if so, where?

A little more specific info about my issue: On a daily basis, I keep forgetting minor things, this is normal, I know. However, I tend to spend hours upon hours asking myself: “What was that thing I forgot?”. This feeling could be a result of a conversation I had and forgot, or just a random thought that went by in my head (even if I didn’t fully grasp the thought and had no time to process it), or the feeling of something I need to do, e.g. chores. I try to tell myself that it isn’t important, which it isn’t, in most cases. I try to distract myself by working out or with entertainment. But I keep having the feeling of forgetting something and it is really upsetting, it can actually stop me from focusing on something more important.

This has been happening for quite a while now. Probably started when I was around 19, and I’m 26 now. Some periods are worse than others, and currently, I’m having a really tough time with this. Multiple times a day, approximately up to 10 times a day, something I “forgot” starts bothering me. This piles up, and at the end of the day I’m almost exhausted trying to figure out everything I “forgot”. A good night of sleep usually makes it all go away, but not always. As far as I can tell there is no correlation between the “good” and “bad” periods.

I don’t see my issue as forgetting things, but rather letting go of them. Is this some kind of anxiety? I would argue that my overall mental health is good, apart from this.

Thanks in advance for any help here.

From the age of 6, I was bullied for ten years straight, for no reason whatsoever. After this, I let myself get used, abused, and raped by all kinds of people I trusted or put above myself. Next, I was trapped in narcissistic ‘marriage’. I’ve finally escaped and I’m ‘free’. But I immediately ended up in another toxic relationship. At first, I thought it was all good. However, his true colours are showing now and I’m thrown out in the garbage daily to then be taken out again. I just can’t get rid of it. There are so many things broken about me, about how my system works. Sometimes I am very self-destructive, especially in my head and that also expresses itself physically. I really wish there was someone I could talk to and help me figure out what’s wrong with me.

So when I was pregnant (end of first trimester, start of second), I ended up rescuing a dog. This dog has a ton of personality, funny but a bit mischievous at times. Knows how to sit, lay down and shake a paw. Wasn’t the best at coming back but knew where his home was. When he was a puppy he was afraid of cats, I didn’t think much of it at the time. Later on he started barking, chasing them and it progressed into catching them.. (this started after our baby was born and about 2 months old). Needless to say I had my hands full. It’s been a few months since but the town is now debating on putting him down.. I have possibly found someone multiple hours away to take the dog. But the dog has finally grown out of being a mischievous puppy and has become more of a family dog. What should/could I do about the situation at hand?

I have been though a lot in the past: traumas, abuse, unsafe attachment addiction, personality problems, and depression. At the moment I suffer the most from depression. I worry about the past and I miss contact with myself and the people around me. When it gets too hot under my feet I tend to walk away and close and isolate myself. This feels like a relief for a while but then I feel lonely and depressed again.

The relationship with myself is therefore very annoying because I try to keep everything going, but actually lie to myself about what I need. I feel like I don’t know what to choose: the right choice, the best choice or the safest choice! Then I get lost in my head again worrying and then I think: “Never mind, I’m going to watch TV for hours as a distraction”. My ideal situation is to be able to participate, matter, build a good life, know what I want, and know who I am. Occasionally, that has been the case when I went out with someone, a relationship gives me a strong feeling. Being single, I now feel like I’m searching again and I’m thinking: “help!”. I never really built a life of my own, because I was always and still am with another person.

Finally, I would like to relax. The depression makes me so tense that my muscles are all tight and tingling. I am also ashamed of my behaviour and internal mess.

I have been “treated”, but my complaints are now very present again. I’ve had about 30 years of therapy and yet another burnout. I’m very disappointed in the latest support from the practitioner and don’t want any more therapy. Is there any advice?

I am at home because of a conflict about communication with my manager. I feel stuck and stressed. I can’t sleep well, experience feelings of anxiety and suffer from a negative self-image. I doubt myself and feel insecure.