I’ve been in a relationship with someone since the summer of 2019. Lately, I’ve increasingly noticed that I’m finding it harder to tolerate his behavior:

– He is always “busy,” which actually means gaming, so he doesn’t contribute to any chores.
– He never cleans.
– He doesn’t do the dishes.
– He never cooks unless it’s just for himself.
– He doesn’t tidy up.
– He often orders me around rather than asking politely, for instance, “Fetch this,” “Do that,” “You may do this,” etc.
– He constantly criticizes me, making me feel like I can’t do anything right, e.g., “You should vacuum more,” “You should mop more often,” etc. Basically, there’s always something that I should be doing more or better.

As it stands:
I clean the house weekly, which includes dusting, vacuuming, mopping, laundry, and literally everything else. When I ask him to do something, his response is often “not now” or “I can’t do that.” He refuses to listen to my concerns and labels me as bothersome if I express them.

I have a girlfriend (I’m 19 years old). But I don’t dare to ask my parents if I can meet up with her. This applies to any person I know, actually. I don’t dare to ask my parents anything, even though they are not bad people.

Whenever I ask someone something out of curiosity (even my adult sons), and my wife is present, people often look at my wife when responding. This happens with waiters, acquaintances, and even my sons. I’ve even mentioned it before, but it still happens. It feels very uncomfortable for me. What could be the reason for this?

I had a difficult childhood in which I often felt unsafe and vulnerable. Since I entered puberty, I’ve had continuous relationships. Now I suspect that this pattern is a way for me to create a sense of security somewhere. I’ve been in a steady relationship for five years now, which is going very well. However, I notice that I increasingly crave the freedom that I’ve missed all these years.

I’ve been hating my stepdaughter for years. Now she’s allowed to study at her grandmother’s, my mother-in-law’s because a dorm is too expensive. Recently, we found out that my husband doesn’t have to pay for a dorm.

I want her to leave there. After everything she’s done to us, I don’t want her staying, eating, etc., at my mother-in-law’s. She was always allowed to stay because my husband couldn’t afford a dorm. And now that we know he can refuse, nothing has changed, and she’s still there.

Now I even hate my mother-in-law. That stepdaughter filed a complaint against me for sending angry texts. I hate her even more. No one sees my suffering and my depression.

Hello,

I’m really trying to heal from being a people pleaser, but I feel I need help in understanding.

People / therapists always say I cannot really solve people’s problems or change their feelings. But I feel this is wrong. In my teenage years my mum was objectively more happy when I would pretend I’m a child with a disability. Or my grandma would be more happy and have less sadness if I sacrifice my plans for coming over for a week and staying at her place.

I really struggle with the understanding here. I feel that if I do me, if I listen to myself and just take care of myself and my life (while being a good person obviously, I don’t mean here being an egoist), I feel that I actively decide that I don’t lift people’s suffering but I make myself happy. And I just feel that’s wrong. if I could lift someone’s suffering, but I don’t, doesn’t that then mean I say my happiness is more important than other people’s? And this makes me feel like a bad person.

I have been dating someone for 7 months, we have a long distance relationship. We see each other 3 times a month and talk daily for 1-2 hours. We both have a history of dealing with conflict and have emotional trauma from our past relationships. 

5 years ago my partner committed suicide, I still have an unresolved trauma from this. The first two years after my partner committed suicide, I was suicidical. I began using ecstasy 3 to 5 days a week to try and cope with what had happened. 

I haven’t used ecstasy in the last 3 weeks, and I am committed to stop using it by september. But the person who I am dating triggers my unresolved trauma, because I lack emotional coping skills and I need to build myself back up. I support her not using anymore, but she doesn’t support me continuing till September. 

She is unwilling to compromise, but I believe that my plan is the best for me. I don’t want to continue using it until September, I just want the opt. In every area in my life I’m making improvements. I know on the surface it may seem like stopping now is the best, but I know myself and I need time to build back my coping skills.

For about 7 years, I have been dealing with gaslighting/narcissism in my home situation. As a result, I often doubt myself, have a lot of stress and am very insecure. I can never do anything right in their eyes, am ignored, laughed at, scolded and talked down to. I have tried everything and often talk to my friend(s) and in-laws to vent. 

I would like advice on how to deal with a narcissistic person/gaslight situation, partly because sometimes they can act very friendly from one moment to the next. 

What is the reason a gaslight situation happens? Does a narcissistic person specifically choose their victim? Will I experience other symptoms of this later in life? After all, my other family member living at home is incredibly loved while showing the same behaviour as me. 

What should I do, what should I know and how should I deal with it? I am distraught…

I have been together with my partner for 6 years, I have always looked after him and made all of the decisions. For the past 4 months I have not felt comfortable within my relationship. We don’t understand each other, he often clings to me and can be jealous.

I have taken on a new position as a manager in the past year. This has helped me develop a lot on a personal level, communication wise and I can now indicate much better what I need in a relationship. A strong person who knows what he wants, who supports me, can grow with me, who can counteract and with whom I can really talk with.

We have been on a break for the past 2 weeks, we sleep in different beds and we barely have any contact. I realise that I don’t miss him and that I don’t feel the need to contact him. For the first time in six years I can really do what I feel like.

Every part of me says I don’t want this anymore, but I also don’t want to give up too soon. Do you have any tips?

I have very emotional days on a regular basis. Just over a year ago I lost the love of my life due to our divorce. I am still very hurt, and struggle with it on most days. Some people seek company during this period, but I don’t. I still feel that things will work out with my ex-wife but I don’t feel like reaching out to her. What can I do best?