Print Compassion is an emotional response of feeling deep empathy, and care for the suffering and misfortune of someone else. It involves recognizing the pain or difficulties of another person, feeling moved by their experience, and taking steps to help, support, or provide comfort. Self-compassion means to extend this to your own experiences of suffering or when you feel like you’ve failed. For many of us, offering support to a friend or family member comes naturally—we are kind, supportive, and comforting. The idea of self-compassion is to create an internal voice that is encouraging like a friend.
Why is self-compassion a challenge (the inner critic)?
Everyone has that part of themselves that continuously observes, monitors, and comments on their actions and the world around them. Humans tend to think negatively. This can result in a harsh critical inner voice that affects how you feel and see the world. Some self-criticism is very normal and healthy. It helps to reflect, avoid mistakes and stay motivated. Too much self-criticism, however, can cause more negative emotions, or even lead to depressive complaints, anxiety, shame, guilt or strong dissatisfaction with your work or relationship.
When your inner voice is constantly harsh, it can make you feel worthless, like a failure, and keep you feeling stressed.
What is self compassion?
It can be tough to completely get rid of the harsh inner voice. However, it can be helpful to practise self-compassion to create a healthier balance. When you are soothed and comforted by self-compassion, it becomes easier to relate to painful feelings in a healthy way. Research shows that using self-compassion, you develop greater resilience and emotional balance, you manage challenges better and lower your stress. When your inner voice becomes more like a supportive friend, you’ll feel safer and more accepted. This will make it easier to face reality and make the changes needed to be healthier and happier.
Researcher Neff says there are 3 important components to learn self compassion and help you combat self criticism:
- Self-Kindness. Self-kindness means treating yourself with care and understanding rather than harsh judgement. It’s acceptance of yourself while in pain. It involves taking actions to soothe and comfort yourself. This helps create a nurturing internal environment, where you are able to support yourself through difficult times.
- Common humanity. Recognising that your experiences including pain and failure are part of being a human. Part of this also means to accept that life is imperfect and us as individuals too! By acknowledging that your suffering is not abnormal and you are not alone can help you feel connected to others and provide you comfort.
- Mindfulness. Mindfulness involves being aware of and acknowledging your emotions without exaggerating or ignoring them. It means that you create space for your feelings, allowing yourself to experience them fully without judgement, even if they are painful.
By practising self-compassion you can learn to become your own best friend!
Sources:
- Thakur, N., & Baumann, N. (2022). Breaking the anxious cycle of self-criticism: Action orientation buffers the detrimental effects of a self-critical personality style. Journal of Affective Disorders, 301, 30-35.
- Neff, K. D. (2012). The science of self-compassion. In C. Germer & R. Siegel (Eds.), Compassion and Wisdom in Psychotherapy (pp. 79-92). New York: Guilford Press.
- Loew, C. A., Schauenburg, H., & Dinger, U. (2020). Self-criticism and psychotherapy outcome: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical psychology review, 75, 101808.
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-mental-health/202310/is-compassion-the-secret-to-well-being
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-power-self-compassion/201103/let-go-self-criticism-and-discover-self-compassion
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11U0h0DPu7k
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/human-inner-dynamics/202402/the-challenge-with-self
- compassion#:~:text=Self%2Dcompassion%20involves%20treating%20oneself,relationships%20with%20ourselves%20and%20others.
- https://esmarildadankaert.com/2021/06/04/how-your-self-criticism-is-harming-you/
